So there are these three midgeds. One goes: Hey guys check out my feet, aren't those the smalles feet you have ever seen. I think I might have the smalles feet in the world! There is much agreement. The second one says: You know, now that you say it, I think I might have the smallest hands in the world! Look at that! it's like warts on a stump, I can't even grip anything with this shit!
So the third one goes: You guys. There is no way I don't have the smallest penis in the world. My parents thought I was a girl for twenty years. During the winter it retracts into my body. It's like a pimple cradled between two raisin ballsacks. My wife has a bigger clit than that!
So the bartender goes (there's a fucking bartender, deal with it): You guys should go see the Guinnes book of records! - so they do.
After the first one gets tested he comes out all happy waving a plaque around saying "Hey guys check it out! Smallest feet! That will keep me from ending my miserable existance for another year!" And there is much rejoicing
The second one comes out and sais: "Smallest hands! That will land me that gig on the View!"
So the third goes in and after a long time he comes back. Forlorn and crestfallen he stands there as they look at him in anguish. He says: "Who the fuck is that Monty three zero three eight guy?"
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