You need advice? The Doctor is in (5 cent charge applies)

[celtic123]

Hi, Ive recently had 2 wisdom tooths removed. Will this affect my sperm count ?

[BennyLaRue]

Hi, Ive recently had 2 wisdom tooths removed. Will this affect my sperm count ?

Dear celtic123,

It's true that physical trauma can have at least a temporary impact on sperm count. But let's be honest; a man of your age and complexion produces about 7 sperm at a time so we might be talking about a decrease to 3 or 4 per ejaculation.

Also, the plural of tooth is teeth. You guys might have invented the language but you've certainly fucked it up since then.

Warmest Regards,
Benny

[bigred]

Dear celtic123,

.

Also, the plural of tooth is teeth. You guys might have invented the language but you've certainly fucked it up since then.

Ha! That's what I'm talking about!

[kiwiMark]

Also, the plural of tooth is teeth. You guys might have invented the language but you've certainly fucked it up since then.

Warmest Regards,
Benny

Have you seen what he's supposedly banging? It's understandable that "tooths" is at the forefront of his brain.

[celtic123]

Dear celtic123,



Also, the plural of tooth is teeth.

Warmest Regards,
Benny

Dear BennyLaRue


Sperm count advice appreciated . Considering my age and complexion.

I beg to differ on the use of plurals , put simply, which i excel at , many sheep are sheeps , roof is rooves so by my logic tooth are teeves or teeths.


Warmest regards
Celtic123 b 1964~present

[Luco]

Dear benny

This holiday season I have been overcome with my usual xmas depression and I would like to kill myself. Which method will provide minimum pain for me but maximum emotional impact for the persons who find my corpse?

Regards

LTF

[BennyLaRue]

Dear benny

This holiday season I have been overcome with my usual xmas depression and I would like to kill myself. Which method will provide minimum pain for me but maximum emotional impact for the persons who find my corpse?

Regards

LTF

Dear Lucothefish,

Yes, the holidays do seem to find a way to get to the best of us, don't they? I recommend an overdose of Vitamins C & D. About 60 mg of Vitamin C and 1000 IU of Vitamin D daily should do the trick. It will take a while but should satisfy the requirements you're looking for so keep at it! Feel free to indulge in food, drink and hopeful thoughts while you're at it because that will really help the vitamins along in their job. Good luck with your slow death.

Warmest Regards,
Benny

[Luco]

Thank you kind sir

My next question - one of my work colleague's eyes go in two very different directions. Which eye should I look at when I'm talking to them? Should I avoid eye contact altogether?

[BennyLaRue]

Thank you kind sir

My next question - one of my work colleague's eyes go in two very different directions. Which eye should I look at when I'm talking to them? Should I avoid eye contact altogether?

Dear Lucothefish,

Lazy eye, or Amblyopia, can be extremely frustrating for those around the affected individual. Why should any one person be allowed to let any part of themselves do less work than his or her coworkers? The lazy must be forced out of the individual and, assuming they have one industrious eye, there are three effective methods for doing so:

- First, attempt to forcibly patch the individual's good eye. Adhesive eye patchs suitable for this use are available at most pharmacies. This treatment forces the lazy eye to finally do some work for once.
- Second, making direct eye contact and staring intently at the individual should eventually straighten everything out as the lazy eye will begin to understand its role. No matter what the affected individual does, don't stop staring. You never know when the lazy eye will pop back into place but you'll hear it when it does.
- Third, a closed fist punch right on the bridge of the nose will disorient the eyes and recalibrate everything in there. The eye will "forget" to be lazy. To protect your hand, wrap it in duct tape.

In the event that both eyes are as lazy as my father, jump right to Option 3. In extreme cases, you might find that the individual may need 3 to 5 rounds of treatment.

As a last resort, stick a bottle of cheap liquor in his or her desk drawer, spilling some on the desktop. Leave the drawer slightly ajar, enough so that when a supervisor or executive walks by it will be visible. This won't correct the deadbeat eye but should rid you of the problem of looking at it.

Warmest Regards,
Benny