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[Luco]

Thank you kind sir

My next question - one of my work colleague's eyes go in two very different directions. Which eye should I look at when I'm talking to them? Should I avoid eye contact altogether?

[BennyLaRue]

Thank you kind sir

My next question - one of my work colleague's eyes go in two very different directions. Which eye should I look at when I'm talking to them? Should I avoid eye contact altogether?

Dear Lucothefish,

Lazy eye, or Amblyopia, can be extremely frustrating for those around the affected individual. Why should any one person be allowed to let any part of themselves do less work than his or her coworkers? The lazy must be forced out of the individual and, assuming they have one industrious eye, there are three effective methods for doing so:

- First, attempt to forcibly patch the individual's good eye. Adhesive eye patchs suitable for this use are available at most pharmacies. This treatment forces the lazy eye to finally do some work for once.
- Second, making direct eye contact and staring intently at the individual should eventually straighten everything out as the lazy eye will begin to understand its role. No matter what the affected individual does, don't stop staring. You never know when the lazy eye will pop back into place but you'll hear it when it does.
- Third, a closed fist punch right on the bridge of the nose will disorient the eyes and recalibrate everything in there. The eye will "forget" to be lazy. To protect your hand, wrap it in duct tape.

In the event that both eyes are as lazy as my father, jump right to Option 3. In extreme cases, you might find that the individual may need 3 to 5 rounds of treatment.

As a last resort, stick a bottle of cheap liquor in his or her desk drawer, spilling some on the desktop. Leave the drawer slightly ajar, enough so that when a supervisor or executive walks by it will be visible. This won't correct the deadbeat eye but should rid you of the problem of looking at it.

Warmest Regards,
Benny