Oh shit Zombies!

[JKDS]

Well, the Zombie Apocalypse happened, unfortunately you were in the middle of a super awesome poker session and didn't notice. A zombie barges into your room, and you're caught with your pants down (possibly both literally, and figuratively).

Your only hope is to grab the item directly to your left and try and fight off this single zombie until

a) help arrives
b) you can shift into your zombie survival strategy
c) the zombies suddenly die (ya right)



JKDS grabs the most deadly weapon he can directly to his left, and lunges at the zombie with his



Unfortunately, the ps3 controller was too light weight to do any serious damage. The zombie opens up his skull and slowly eats his brains while he screams in pain.

Do you survive? (We're talking zombieland zombies fwiw)

[a500lbgorilla]

A cup of warm coffee right in his zombie face and the running begins. FUCK YOURSELF FOOL!

Also, of course I survive. I haven't died in a zombie swarm yet, why would this time be any different?

[rong]

My laptop, my phone or some bog roll.

No way I'm risking the laptop. HTC desire lives to fight another day. Toilet roll it is.

Plan, pull up pants, use lighter in pocket to set fire to bog roll, burn zombie, burn!

[a500lbgorilla]

lol at pull up pants

[WillburForce]

I've got a choice of rucksack, empty coffee cup, empty wicker fruit basket or my mobile.

Plan of a action: Rucksack on zombies head so he can't see, kick to zombie balls, quick pic taken on phone, jump out window, run like fuck.

[Monty3038]

Hmm... item directly to my left is any number of books from my shelf, or the antique knife on the middle shelf... I'd hope I'm smart enough to use the knife... then it's out the door and 'cardio'. Remember the rules...

[bigred]

iPhone...I have an app for that

[Illfavor]

iPhone...I have an app for that

This.

[Donachello]

Chug whiskey, fly into drunken rage, break bottle, do work.

[bode]

i gather from the context what bog roll is, but wtf is rucksack? for a minute i thought he was asian and couldn't type an L either. Now i see hes a brit, and still wonder why you guys cant speak engrish?

[WillburForce]

rucksack????? Whats wrong with you guys? Thank god we threw you out of the Empire cause you were bringing us down.

I have no idea what else you call it. A bumbag? a fanny sack? gahhhhh!


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[kingnat]

SUICIDE BOOMBBBERRRRR!!!!!!!!! KAKAKBBALALAAMAAAMMMMMOOOOOO!O!!O!!!!!1

[Warpe]

iPhone...I have an app for that

damn

[philly and the phanatics]

I have no idea what else you call it. A bumbag? a fanny sack? gahhhhh!

backpack?

@op- i would begin by hurling a thunderstorm of glasses/cups/plates/bowls from around my computer desk, then if that didnt work id promptly youtube some justin beiber, the undead HATE justin beiber. So then not only would the zombie be pretty much defeated but id be super stoked because i love the beib.

[XTR1000]

rucksack is German for backpack. another evident for my "hitler lives on in an geostationary orbit, controlling justin bieber, the ceo of toyota and is responsible for the yogi-bear movie ruining my childhood memories"-theory.

to my left is my badass 6kg chain bike lock with which i´ll easily smash the zombies head. if it´s a female zombie the killing might be followed by something internet video-worthy. pants are down already anyway.

[bikes]

swiss army knife ftw. i'll distract them with it's many gadgets and knick knacks as well as pretty colors while i make my track star-esque escape

[bigred]

swiss army knife ftw. i'll distract them with it's many gadgets and knick knacks as well as pretty colors while i make my track star-esque escape

Azns will be too absorbed with starcraft 2 to notice they're being eaten

[bikes]

i hates how u own me everytime i posts =(

[flomo]

i beat the thing to death with my tissue box

[bigred]

i beat the thing to death with my tissue box

fap fap fap

how's married life?

[boost]

My knife bag is to my left. Pretty sure my 9.5in misono would work quite well for a frontal labotomy..

[bigred]

i hates how u own me everytime i posts =(

<3

I'll buy you a coffee when we shop at Nordstrom

[wufwugy]

thats funny because my chainsaw just happens to be sitting to my left

[WillburForce]

backpack?

Literal Americans. the whole point of the English language is to name things so that it makes no sense and know one understands.

[Penneywize]

so yeah everyone in this thread's a moron

1) knives? Are you fucking serious? Stabbing zombies does fuck all. You need distance, and you need to crush its brain, mother fucker.

2) A rucksack is called by the same name in north america you tards. It's not a backpack. Fuck!

3) Escape? Onto the streets? It's the zombie apocalypse. BAD FUCKING IDEA

RAAAAAAGGGGEEEE!!!!!!!

Now to answer JKDS:

I have a wall to my left. I'd pick up the chair I'm sitting on and try to fend off the bastard with that. If I'm lucky, I make it over to a heavy lamp I have sitting in the corner in my room and use that shit to smash its head in.

Though I'd probably die before getting a chance to do any of that, since the entrance to my apt is directly behind where I'm sitting...

[Penneywize]

Oh yeah and you guys def need to read this book:

The Zombie Survival Guide - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[WillburForce]

watch Shaun of the Dead and just get your 80's records out.


Frisbee them fuckers with Dire Straits.

[boost]

youre crazy. Obv stabbing a zombie in the chest or whatever does nothing. But if you stab it in the fucking temple twice (double tap), its going down for good. Obv melee weapons are not ideal, but despite what the rest of the world thinks, not all americans have a gun on them at all times.

[Galapogos]

Damn, all I have is my hat.

Wear it real low and hope he mistakes me for a fellow zombie since he can't see my face?

[BooG690]

So I've decided to have an ESL class on surviving a zombie apocalypse. However, I'm probably fucked when it comes to this department as I don't watch the Walking Dead. I DID see Zombieland but those rules are eh. Any rules my kids should definitely know? Keep in mind there are no guns in Korea except for the police (whom we can jack but yeah, that'd be hard).

[bigred]

So I've decided to have an ESL class on surviving a zombie apocalypse. However, I'm probably fucked when it comes to this department as I don't watch the Walking Dead. I DID see Zombieland but those rules are eh. Any rules my kids should definitely know? Keep in mind there are no guns in Korea except for the police (whom we can jack but yeah, that'd be hard).

Guns are a bad move anyway. Too much noise. You need a long range weapon like a crossbow and a close range weapon like a shovel or an axe.

The most important thing for survival is learning how to filter water, find food, and find a safe place to sleep at night.

[bigred]

Also, 2010 Bigred is fucking hilarious. You still have that sweater, Bikes?

[bigred]

Honestly, if you want to learn a lot about zombie Survival, check out the Day-z computer game mod. Supposed to be super realistic and awesome!

[bigred]

Omg, Boog, make it a test! Make them play the game. If they die, FAIL!

[Luco]

Watch Shaun of the Dead for some good tips as Willbur said two years ago.

Bigred also nails it without being too specific - food, water, shelter. Gotta board up the windows, lock the doors, keep the noise to a minimum and above all (this is important), if one of the children you teach gets bitten, the other kids must kill him/her as quickly and brutally as possible.

When you write that last bit on the board, underline it twice.

[Stacks]

Also, 2010 Bigred is fucking hilarious. You still have that sweater, Bikes?

2010 BR was much better than this watered down 2012 version we have to put up with now, that's for sure.

[Stacks]

God damnit Carl. Stay in the fucking house!

[bigred]

If you base your teaching on The Walking Dead, then inform your class that every female will act emotional and irrational at the worst times and get you all into a shit load of trouble.

[rong]

During a zombie apocalypse, women are nothing more than status symbols.

[BooG690]

and above all (this is important), if one of the children you teach gets bitten, the other kids must kill him/her as quickly and brutally as possible.

When you write that last bit on the board, underline it twice.

I explained this bit. I told them that they had to avoid becoming emotionally attached to others in case somebody gets bitten. I told them we'd have to kill the one who was bitten. I understand the haste but why the brutality?

[supa]

If you base your teaching on real life, then inform your class that every female will act emotional and irrational at the worst times and get you all into a shit load of trouble.

Fixed.

[bigspenda73]

ice pack, I'm dead

[kingnat]

Grabs 5 y.o. and apparently gives zombie something to eat, while i search for something with which to bash brains.

[eugmac]

I have a rock, it's pretty big but is small enough to handle one-handed. Melee definitely feels risky, though, but what choice do I have?

[Luco]

I explained this bit. I told them that they had to avoid becoming emotionally attached to others in case somebody gets bitten. I told them we'd have to kill the one who was bitten. I understand the haste but why the brutality?

Be ruthless or be dead. The time for 'I LOVE PUSSY' pencil cases is gone, that's not the zombie world we live in anymore...

[bigred]

I explained this bit. I told them that they had to avoid becoming emotionally attached to others in case somebody gets bitten. I told them we'd have to kill the one who was bitten. I understand the haste but why the brutality?

How on earth have the parents not stormed your school and deported you yet?

[Pascal]

Shaun of the Dead is amazing, watch it! Not for zombie research just cos its so good