So it’s very unlikely you going to get deep analytical poker sh!t from me. Part the reason is I’m just not that deep. The other is I’m not that good. But I do like to sit back and think at a metaphorical level – learn some lessons in the broader contextual positioning.

And this post is gonna be one of those. I’ll leave the mad maths to Spoon or the lightening fast assessments to Spenda, the “keep-your-ass-grounded-in-solid ABC” to Jyms, the thoughtful and complete (not to mention grammatically impeccable…) helpfulness from Staxx, the soul reads to Fnord and all those other dudes in the limits that’s way above my pay grade, and of course, both the tranny pix and the ever-present willingness to contribute helpfulness to IOPQ (wtf is an IOPQ anyhow?... I do not know…)

I can bring some broader lessons. Shit that reminds of the basics that will prolly only have value to first-visit newbies. But sh!t I remind myself of daily.

Sh!t that I learned from insults in the chat box.

Everybody’s different. And I’ve come to conclusion that these gems are just other players trying to help me. Remind me of what I should be thinking of. Wishing me to be better.

So I’m not going to bogart all this generosity. I’m gonna share it with you so you too can benefit from these peoples copious beneficence.

1. “Asshat”
I just got this one. And I thank stumpbucket for helping me think about two pair. Thinking about the ass and the hat is a powerful combination. A ying and yang of anatomical geography. But it’s vulnerable – especially when someone kick you in the nuts.

I mentioned in another BC post that I’d torn my two pair hands apart. Two pair sounds super dope, and I was stacking off 6 ways to Tuesday, virtually on auto-pilot. What I discovered however is that, even disregarding boards, they fall into 3 categories – a) Top Two… which I win most big pots and pretty consistently, b) Top / Bottom… the true “asshat” of the two pair family, and definitely more vulnerable, and c) Bottom two… more vulnerable in big pot situations than I would’ve thought, and over the sample (500k hands…) break-even or running at a loss.

“Asshat” is his way of telling me to be strategic about my two pair hands.

2. “You’re gay”
This seems like a simple statement. It also means his assumption is incorrect. He’s looked at my play, evaluated my stats, reviewed my hand histories and drawn the conclusion that I’m gay. Prolly even put it in one of those note thingies in Full Tilt. And now he’s gonna look at every line I take through the filter of gayness.

But I’m not gay. Maybe when I took my wife to “Stomp” that sh!t seemed gay. But his conclusion is off. Problem is, now he’s labeled me, he may not be paying as close attention to specific actions… to the sh!t I do now… my adjustments. He just goes straight on with his anti-gay lines and wonders why he spewing chips.

“You’re gay” is his way of telling me to remember that generalizations are only that, and are no excuse for not paying close attention to the here and now.

3. “OK WHY DON’T I JUST GIVE YOU MOBNIES FOR YOUR MORTAGE AND PRESPTION DRUGS TOO”
Okay… I don’t know wtf this dude was saying, but I’m pretty convinced there’s no lesson here.

4. “donkey ass b!tch”
I’m pretty sure words one and two are redundant. But this dude’s telling me about the dangers of putting my think on your action. He’s saying “I see what you did and if I did that I would consider myself a donkey ass b!tch so you must be if you did that.”

I imprint my lines on other people’s actions all the time. His range is xxx… Why the f-ck his range gotta be xxx? Maybe he coming from a whole different perspective. Maybe he reading 2+2 and sh!t. Maybe he sucks. Or I suck. Maybe he’s gay.

Either way I gotta make the constant effort to look at villains play through their eyes, not mine. Otherwise, all I figure out is what I would have done if I had they cards. Which I don’t.

“donkey ass b!tch” is his way of reminding me to think about his line through his way of thinking.

5. “suck a bag of dicks”
This was a tough one at first. I mean, dicks don’t come in a bag. And if they did, is he telling me to suck them all at once, or like one at a time, or what?

Then it hit me. This dudes reminding me of ranges. There ain’t just one dick in the bag. So I can’t say he’s got x, or even he’s got x or y or z. In actual fact, there’s prolly more dicks in the bag than you think, cause there’s always some limp sh!t hiding down at the bottom.

This plays off the “donkey ass b!tch” theorem nicely… and I think both of them actually came from the same dude. I has to remind myself to not put people on hands, to remember it’s a whole bag or a range, and that it’s not about my range, but their range.

“suck a bag of dicks” is his way of reminding to never put people on hands and always think about ranges.

So that’s all I got right now. I’m sure you all got some other great lessons people be schooling you about through the chat. So go to options and make sure your “player chat” turned on. Then take some notes ‘cause people dropping some straight up golden knowledge.