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favorite dumbass sayings....

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  1. #1
    triumphant cracker's Avatar
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    Default favorite dumbass sayings....

    post your own as well.



    Half a bubble off plumb.

    Not the brightest crayon in the box.

    Couldn't hit water if he fell out a boat!

    If I said the moon is made of cheese you would be heading for the cabinet for some crackers.

    Cheese done slid off of his cracker.

    Not the sharpest tool in the shed.

    Dumb as a box of rocks.

    The lights are on but no-ones home.

    All foam, no beer.

    Doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.

    He's a few french fries short of a happy meal.

    Couldn't Pour Piss Out of a Boot if the Instructions Were Written on the Heel.






  2. #2
    you do x (insert activity here) like i play the french horn
  3. #3
    also when its raining my dad (southerner) always says "its raining like a cow pissing on a flat river rock" w/e that means
  4. #4
    BankItDrew's Avatar
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    A few classic quotes from my parents that are used all too often in our household:

    Me: "Did you miss me?"
    Mom: "Only with bullets."

    --

    Me: "What time is it?"
    Dad: "Time to get a watch!"

    --

    Me: "Is it Tuesday today?"
    Dad: "All day!"

    --

    Me: "I want xxxxxx for Christmas this year."
    Mom: "You don't want that."
  5. #5
    "You post like triumphant cracker."
  6. #6
    You do (insert job here) like old people fuck... slow and sloppy.
  7. #7
    rong's Avatar
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  8. #8
    build a bridge....GET OVER IT
  9. #9
    a500lbgorilla's Avatar
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    I'm from Philadelphia.
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  10. #10
    Ragnar4's Avatar
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    --Sometimes, when you talk, I want to shoot myself in the head and run around screaming "Why won't I die?! I should be dead right now! Please kill me!"

    --Do simple colors and shapes confuse you?

    -- You could shake a box of rocks and get more electricity than what goes through that guys mind in a day. (dad's favorite)

    --That guy is dumber than 2 retards trying to fuck a doorknob.

    --Someone needs to follow that guy around with a cartoon soundtrack. (one of my faves)
    The Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which unskilled individuals suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly rating their ability much higher than average. This bias is attributed to a metacognitive inability of the unskilled to recognize their mistakes
  11. #11
    flomo's Avatar
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  12. #12
    flomo's Avatar
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  13. #13
    tighter than a nuns cunt!
    Last edited by HarleyGuy13; 01-13-2011 at 10:58 PM.
    "You start the game with a full pot o’ luck and an empty pot o’ experience...
    The object is to fill the pot of experience before you empty the pot of luck."

    Quote Originally Posted by XxStacksxX View Post
    Do you have testicles? If so, learn to bet like it
  14. #14
    (after curse word) pardon my french
    do the right thing.
  15. #15
    Fuck that's harder than a wedding dick!
    Last edited by HarleyGuy13; 01-13-2011 at 10:57 PM.
    "You start the game with a full pot o’ luck and an empty pot o’ experience...
    The object is to fill the pot of experience before you empty the pot of luck."

    Quote Originally Posted by XxStacksxX View Post
    Do you have testicles? If so, learn to bet like it
  16. #16
    "Hell son you'd rather scratch a grizzle bears ass with a huckle berry bush than piss this man off!"
    "You start the game with a full pot o’ luck and an empty pot o’ experience...
    The object is to fill the pot of experience before you empty the pot of luck."

    Quote Originally Posted by XxStacksxX View Post
    Do you have testicles? If so, learn to bet like it
  17. #17
    "Well fuck me running"
    "You start the game with a full pot o’ luck and an empty pot o’ experience...
    The object is to fill the pot of experience before you empty the pot of luck."

    Quote Originally Posted by XxStacksxX View Post
    Do you have testicles? If so, learn to bet like it
  18. #18
    I DON'T UNDERSTAND IF THIS IS SAYINGS THAT PEOPLE SAY THAT ANNOY ME 'CAUSE THEY'RE DUMB, OR IF IT'S SAYINGS THAT I LIKE AND USE ALL THE TIME BUT ARE STILL KINDA DUMB
  19. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by kiwiMark View Post
    I DON'T UNDERSTAND IF THIS IS SAYINGS THAT PEOPLE SAY THAT ANNOY ME 'CAUSE THEY'RE DUMB, OR IF IT'S SAYINGS THAT I LIKE AND USE ALL THE TIME BUT ARE STILL KINDA DUMB
    i thought the second , but post either
  20. #20
    supa's Avatar
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    I love my fucking job and my job loves fucking me.
    “Right thoughts produce right actions and right actions produce work which will be a material reflection for others to see of the serenity at the center of it all”

    Put hero on a goddamn range part II- The 6max years

    Quote Originally Posted by d0zer View Post
    start using your brain more and vagina less

    Quote Originally Posted by kingnat View Post
    Members who's signature is a humorous quote about his/herself made by someone who is considered a notable member of the FTR community to give themselves a sense of belonging.
  21. #21
    supa's Avatar
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    My dad's favorite-

    I'm gonna cloud up and rain all over you.
    “Right thoughts produce right actions and right actions produce work which will be a material reflection for others to see of the serenity at the center of it all”

    Put hero on a goddamn range part II- The 6max years

    Quote Originally Posted by d0zer View Post
    start using your brain more and vagina less

    Quote Originally Posted by kingnat View Post
    Members who's signature is a humorous quote about his/herself made by someone who is considered a notable member of the FTR community to give themselves a sense of belonging.
  22. #22
    supa's Avatar
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    Give him an inch and he thinks he's the ruler.
    “Right thoughts produce right actions and right actions produce work which will be a material reflection for others to see of the serenity at the center of it all”

    Put hero on a goddamn range part II- The 6max years

    Quote Originally Posted by d0zer View Post
    start using your brain more and vagina less

    Quote Originally Posted by kingnat View Post
    Members who's signature is a humorous quote about his/herself made by someone who is considered a notable member of the FTR community to give themselves a sense of belonging.
  23. #23
    supa's Avatar
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    If you don't get drunk on saturday what are you gonna have to talk to Jesus about on sunday?
    “Right thoughts produce right actions and right actions produce work which will be a material reflection for others to see of the serenity at the center of it all”

    Put hero on a goddamn range part II- The 6max years

    Quote Originally Posted by d0zer View Post
    start using your brain more and vagina less

    Quote Originally Posted by kingnat View Post
    Members who's signature is a humorous quote about his/herself made by someone who is considered a notable member of the FTR community to give themselves a sense of belonging.
  24. #24
    Ragnar4's Avatar
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    --You boys are dumber than a bag of hammers!

    --You're the kind of asshat that would fall for a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool!

    --No shit captain obvious! Where's your sidekick, Duh?

    --Is there a good reason you're not wearing your drool cup and your helmet? (Someone took a swing at me for that one.)

    --There's one gal on my team where I work, that every time she says something I go "Bah dum dum, tshhh". It was funny at first, then I got talked to about it by management, now everyone does it. Turns out, I won.

    --There's another gal that works in the building, she's responsible for the schedule. Every time she walks bye I hum the Barnum and Baileys circus theme song.

    --One of my better friends would just hold his head and scream the word "OWWWWWWWWWWWW" when someone would say something stupid. You could hear this guy in the mall from 5 stores away. "Owwwwww!" Oh, someone must have said something stupid to Greg again.

    --I was once told "you know, you're the reason parents eat their young in the wild" My manager. She wasn't kidding.

    --It only takes one clown to turn the work place into a circus. Say that next time someone walks in a meeting room.
    The Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which unskilled individuals suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly rating their ability much higher than average. This bias is attributed to a metacognitive inability of the unskilled to recognize their mistakes
  25. #25
    Ragnar4's Avatar
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    --forgot the whole reason I came back. The bestest backhanded compliment ever.
    "Now, Doug, you're way to smart to be saying shit like that".
    The Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which unskilled individuals suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly rating their ability much higher than average. This bias is attributed to a metacognitive inability of the unskilled to recognize their mistakes
  26. #26
    Nothing beats a good farewell pun if it's sayings that are dumb but that we rock all the time.


    I'm off like a bride's nightie.

    I'm out of here like a bald man.

    I'm gonna make like a tree and leave.

    I'm gonna make like a loose condom and shoot off.

    I'm gonna make like a tampon and get out of this bloody hole.


    If it's ones that fuck me off because they're god damn retarded, "rules were made to be broken" takes the cake.
  27. #27
    he played you like a fiddle
  28. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by BankItDrew View Post
    A few classic quotes from my parents that are used all too often in our household:

    Me: "Did you miss me?"
    Mom: "Only with bullets."

    --

    Me: "I want xxxxxx for Christmas this year."
    Mom: "You don't want that."
    Your mum sounds awesome.
    Quote Originally Posted by Carroters
    Take it Doyle, take it!
  29. #29
    "cool"

    "haha"
  30. #30
    bigred's Avatar
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  31. #31
    That's thinking with your dipstick!
  32. #32
    If my auntie had bollocks she'd be my uncle
  33. #33
    stick a fork it in your done.
  34. #34
    fulksy's Avatar
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    lets make like a horses cock, and hit the road

    lets make like a baby and head out

    i hate:

    hey you get a hair cut? No i got them all cut.

    or

    you get a hair cut... hey who's the new guy.

    i say no to drugs, they just don't listen
  35. #35
    my fav haircut one is "oh I see you got your ears lowered"
  36. #36
    supa's Avatar
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    Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra.
    “Right thoughts produce right actions and right actions produce work which will be a material reflection for others to see of the serenity at the center of it all”

    Put hero on a goddamn range part II- The 6max years

    Quote Originally Posted by d0zer View Post
    start using your brain more and vagina less

    Quote Originally Posted by kingnat View Post
    Members who's signature is a humorous quote about his/herself made by someone who is considered a notable member of the FTR community to give themselves a sense of belonging.
  37. #37
    when describing hotel rooms or really any rooms at all my dad always manages to get in "enough space to swing a cat in there"
  38. #38
    supa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kiwiMark View Post
    my fav haircut one is "oh I see you got your ears lowered"
    got in a fight with a lawn mower.
    “Right thoughts produce right actions and right actions produce work which will be a material reflection for others to see of the serenity at the center of it all”

    Put hero on a goddamn range part II- The 6max years

    Quote Originally Posted by d0zer View Post
    start using your brain more and vagina less

    Quote Originally Posted by kingnat View Post
    Members who's signature is a humorous quote about his/herself made by someone who is considered a notable member of the FTR community to give themselves a sense of belonging.
  39. #39
    Quote Originally Posted by Ragnar4 View Post
    --One of my better friends would just hold his head and scream the word "OWWWWWWWWWWWW" when someone would say something stupid. You could hear this guy in the mall from 5 stores away. "Owwwwww!" Oh, someone must have said something stupid to Greg again.

    this is pretty awesome.
  40. #40
    a500lbgorilla's Avatar
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    "I'm bigred's mom circa 1985 and I'm going to keep the baby."
    Last edited by a500lbgorilla; 01-15-2011 at 09:39 AM.
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  41. #41
    What's the password
  42. #42
    Vinland's Avatar
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  43. #43
    bigred's Avatar
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    "This joke about Bigred's mom is going to be witty and clever and they'll finally respect me!"
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  44. #44
    polish my balls and give me a goddamn milkshake
  45. #45
    oskar's Avatar
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    It's a double edged sword.

    It really should be single edged sword cos that's the one that is sharp on one end and dull on the other. Unless you have no motor skills so you're twice as likely to cut yourself - but then you shouldn't really be handling single edged swords either.
    Last edited by oskar; 01-15-2011 at 06:38 PM.
    The strengh of a hero is defined by the weakness of his villains.
  46. #46
    oh yea, one that i hate is "have your cake and eat it too"
  47. #47
    Galapogos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by oskar View Post
    It's a double edged sword.

    It really should be single edged sword cos that's the one that is sharp on one end and dull on the other. Unless you have no motor skills so you're twice as likely to cut yourself - but then you shouldn't really be handling single edged swords either.
    I thought the purpose of that expression was meant for something that can be damaging one way or the other. Hence double edged sword, either choice can get you cut.

    /ruining spirit of the thread


    Quote Originally Posted by sauce123
    I don't get why you insist on stacking off with like jack high all the time.
  48. #48
    oskar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by filthy and the panic-attacks View Post
    oh yea, one that i hate is "have your cake and eat it too"
    That one makes me cringe. Also:

    That's the way the coockie crumbles.

    Galappagos.
    YouTube - Buzz Killington
    The strengh of a hero is defined by the weakness of his villains.
  49. #49
    Quote Originally Posted by filthy and the panic-attacks View Post
    oh yea, one that i hate is "have your cake and eat it too"
    the idea here being that once you've eaten your cake you no longer have it. so either you choose to retain possession of the cake and be happy in the knowledge you have sweet sweet cake, or you can enjoy eating it, but both are not possible.

    Mister Galapogos did it so it must be cool!
  50. #50
    I'd say you still possess and therefore still "have" the cake when it's in little bits inside you. Not until you shit it out and flush the toilet do you no longer have it.
  51. #51
    carrots dropping knowledge bombs itt
  52. #52
    a500lbgorilla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bigred View Post
    "This joke about Bigred's mom is going to be witty and clever and they'll finally respect me!"
    hahaha well played
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  53. #53
    doing the dang thang
  54. #54
    bigred's Avatar
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  55. #55
    Roid_Rage's Avatar
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    He just wins, mmkay?
    Feels like I've been shot at and missed, shit at and hit.
  56. #56
    more cushion for the pushin
  57. #57
    'At the end of the day' has always grinded my gears.

    Also, 'it's always in the last place you look'. Of course it is, because once you've found it you STOP FUCKING LOOKING
    Congratulations, you've won your dick's weight in sweets! Decode the message in the above post to find out how to claim your tic-tac
  58. #58
    mrhappy333's Avatar
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    It is what it is

    cautiously optomistic

    Praise Jesus

    Thanks to God
    3 3 3 I'm only half evil.
  59. #59
    gotta get in where you fit in.
  60. #60
    rong's Avatar
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    Fuck your Honda Civic, I've a horse outside.
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  61. #61
    I like "It is what it is"

    People get way too worked up about shit they can't change and they need to learn to focus on the things they can do something about.
  62. #62
    rong's Avatar
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    Yeah, learning to accept that which I can't control was one of the hardest yet best things I've ever had to learn
    I'm the king of bongo, baby I'm the king of bongo bong.
  63. #63
    Quote Originally Posted by DanAronG View Post
    Yeah, learning to accept that which I can't control was one of the hardest yet best things I've ever had to learn
    god give me the serenity to accept that which cannot be changed, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to always know the difference.
  64. #64
    Ragnar4's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by philly and the phanatics View Post
    Bubba! Give me the stupidity to accept that which cannot be changed, the outrage to change what I can, and the audacity to always know the difference.
    A lesser known, much stupider, and funnier version.
    The Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which unskilled individuals suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly rating their ability much higher than average. This bias is attributed to a metacognitive inability of the unskilled to recognize their mistakes
  65. #65
    a500lbgorilla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hawk View Post
    I like "It is what it is"

    People get way too worked up about shit they can't change and they need to learn to focus on the things they can do something about.
    Agreed, Go Steelers!
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  66. #66
    a500lbgorilla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by philly and the phanatics View Post
    god give me the serenity to accept that which cannot be changed, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to always know the difference.
    Quote Originally Posted by DanAronG View Post
    Yeah, learning to accept that which I can't control was one of the hardest yet best things I've ever had to learn
    Seriously, though. I definitely agree that it's one of the better things to keep in the front of your mind because it's just so easy to get wound up about things beyond your control.
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  67. #67
    Quote Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla View Post
    Agreed, Go to hell stealers!
    Now we are in agreement.
  68. #68
    I strongly feel anyone who says "Been there, done that." Should be drawn and quartered.

    Most of my favorite dumbass sayings are movie and TV quotes... and are too numerous to mention here.
    So you click their picture and then you get their money?
  69. #69
    Quote Originally Posted by kingnat View Post
    I strongly feel anyone who says "Been there, done that." Should be drawn and quartered.
    This. Especially if they add ", bought the T-Shirt"
  70. #70
    oskar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingnat View Post
    I strongly feel anyone who says "Been there, done that." Should be drawn and quartered.
    I agree with that... NOT!
    You go, girl!
    Talk to the hand.
    The strengh of a hero is defined by the weakness of his villains.
  71. #71
    Quote Originally Posted by kingnat View Post
    I strongly feel anyone who says "Been there, done that." Should be drawn and quartered.

    Most of my favorite dumbass sayings are movie and TV quotes... and are too numerous to mention here.
    What do you call a guy who's from Pakistani who's seen everything and done everything?

    Bindair Dondat

    -Fubar
  72. #72
    Galapogos's Avatar
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    "As it stands Plan B is to just keep on Given'r."

    Not an annoying saying, I just like JL's idea of quoting Fubar.


    Quote Originally Posted by sauce123
    I don't get why you insist on stacking off with like jack high all the time.
  73. #73
    oskar's Avatar
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    There are many ways to skin a cat.

    tragically underused. What most people do not know is that there are exactly fourty-six ways to skin a cat on historical record. Many of them still in use today.
  74. #74
    "You know what the say about ________________ weather... wait 10 minutes and it'll change."

    I've heard people say this about 6 different states... always mentioned as if it makes themselves "survivors or, minimally, more badass" due to the, at times, fluctuating weather patterns in the state in which they live. Since everyone believes this about their own state... it's as profound as saying "you know what they say about the color blue... it's pretty blue..."
    So you click their picture and then you get their money?
  75. #75
    K, enough with the hate...

    A couple of things I say that I like...
    "We'll see you on the other side man."

    "Stay gold"
    So you click their picture and then you get their money?

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