Nag, Nag, Nag!!

[MrSlippery]

Wasn't sure where to post this, but I figured Xianti will put it someplace special.

Does anyone have any special tricks for dealing with their wife? I've been spending quite a bit of time playing lately, and I'm pretty sure she's about to snap. I don't want to wake up missing any body parts, but I'm not about to quit playing either. Between the time I've spent on this site and the time I've spent doing the recommended reading (usually at work), I've started to see my game steadily improve, and it's something I enjoy.

My main problem is that I want to play more MTT's but they're either scheduled while I'm at work or after she get's home. And who the hell wants to hear 3 hours of bitching while you're trying to concentrate on what's happening at the table.

I've thought about divorce (too costly), smacking her (I'm too pretty for jail), and just ignoring her (good freakin' luck), but, frankly, none of these seem like viable options. I'm getting a little desperate here.

Help!!!!!

[thnl]

it shouldve been posted in the ftr community, and you might want to check into marriage counselling or gamblers annomous if you thought about divorce or hitting her (i hope that was a joke)

[MrSlippery]

Of course it was a joke! Next time I'll use the emoticons to remove any confusion.

[dar103]

The way I've been doing it for a while now is to play the most after she goes to bed. I start around 10 or 11 and play til 2, 3, 4. Sleep til the kids get up around 7. Works great!

You just have to take a day off every now and then to catch up on sleep.

The only downside to this is how it affects my day at work. Makes it VERY hard to make it through those boring afternoon meetings.

[SteveO]

You have to win money and give it to her bud. That's the only way. OK maybe not the only way but it will get the best results.

My wife has to be at work earlier than I do so she goes to bed at like 10PM. Then I can play for an hour or two while she is sleeping.

MTT's are near impossible to get around unless you have her support because you really need to focus for several hours if you want to make any money.

The BEST advice is to teach her the game. Make it a hobby that you both enjoy. My wife has a friend at work who has a home tourny every month. I taught my wife how to play with play money and she plays in that game. We play heads up for the hell of it.

If there is absolutly no interest on her part in learning the game, then you need to have an adult conversation. Explain how much you enjoy playing, set a budget of time and bankroll for poker. You may only be limited to once or twice a week playing but you both have to compromise.

If you have lack of time (ie. kids) or lack of bankroll maybe you should get a different hobby.

[mike4066]

I'm currently in the same situation as you. My fiance is understanding, but fed up.

Take a few days a week where you don't TOUCH a poker related item.

FTR will still be here tomorrow if you do'nt read today. Internet Poker runs 24 horus a day, the games don't shut down, they will always be there.

You don't have to quit to cut back.

[hig13]

First, be sure to let her know that she is more important than poker. An easy way to do this is to schedule at least one night a week where it's all about her. Second, encourage her to schedule at least one 1 weekend night per month where she just goes out with here girl friends. This gives here a way to express her frustration about you to someone other than you.

I totally agree with the idea of getting her involved. We have 1 to 3 couples over every month and just play a casual tournament. Most important, LET HER WIN. Remember, it needs to be fun for her to play.

Finally, if that doesn't work, STOP PLAYING! You relationship with you wife is more important that any game. Sorry, but I really believe this. Also, once she sees how important she is to you, she might just see that playing is not a bad idea.

[heatman]

Went through the same thing, but it was a little worse for me. Both my wife and I were previously married, and her ex was a committed outdoorsman. He was fishing and/or hunting all the time. A big part of their breakup was his unwillingness to do anything else but hunt/fish.

So when I took up my interest in poker, she sees the same thing coming from a different direction. At first she was glad I had something to do. She's a student finishing her bachelors, and a big reason I started playing online was because she was busy anyway.

Then I got a little obsessive and was playing almost all of the time. She got more and more irritated, and I got pissed that she wanted me to revolve around her school schedule.

We finally sat down and talked about it. I found out she didn't understand why I liked to play so much. She thought it was all about the money. Once she understood that the money is just score keeping and that the real deal is the complexity and challenge of the game, she started to understand.

Then I got her to play in Vegas, and again in a home tournament, and she started to get interested. Now she likes to play herself, but still doesn't like to see me sit in front of the computer for 40 hours a week.

We had another talk and agreed that 1)I'm entitled to spend my free time the way I want 2)family commitments come first and 3)its best if I can get blocks of time to play, rather than sneaking in a half hour here and there. So now I plan on playing every Thursday night, every other Sunday afternoon (we don't have the kids on these days, and one other night a week. She knows I'll be playing those times, and plans around it. I also play most mornings before she gets up, but she doesn't need to know about that

Most importantly, I try not to give the impression that I'm sneaking around playing as much as I possibly can and avoiding my other responsibilities. The biggest problem she had was that it looked like poker was my first priority, and she felt like I was neglecting other things. She was kind of right, but we've got that straightened out now.

[Krapp]

(1) Play when she is sleeping
(2) Say "I Love You" more
(3) Win money. Normally I used to lose at any gambling activity.
(4) Teach her to play.
(5) When she is sleeping, play sublimital tapes on the greatness of poker.
(6) Buy her a diamond or anything else she wants. Maybe a top ten list for her.
(7) MTTs are time intensive, maybe switch to SnGs or ring games.
(8) No divorce. Who would actually cook and wash your clothes while you are playing poker?
(9) If she is religious, tell her its not really poker but an exercise in charachter observation and good for the spirit.
(10) If she is used to you playing other computer games, say would you rather me playing Everquest or Poker?
(11) If you have kids, tell her youll bathe the kids every night and babysit them on the weekend.
(12) If she likes watching TV. Buy a tv tuner on the computer and (big moinitor), have the tv up while you are playing and you both can be entertained.

In all serious though, if the spouse doesnt like poker, maybe try and agree to some allotted hours and play. If that doesnt work, stop playing!

[Legendash]

Hmm, i maybe about to go through this with my girlfriend, i got into internet poker just before uni summer holiday and she was a bit irritated when i couldn't "just pause it" for dinner. Since then i've been on holiday and playing loads and when i go back i'll either be in the lab/lectures or wanting to play poker so we could have to have one of these adult conversations you guys were talking about, Fun!

Well i'm going to Turkey for 2 weeks tomorrow (No FTR for me) with her so i'm going to have to take a break during that and then we'll see how it goes, fortunately she does sort of like poker though i haven't got her to play in a home game yet as they are kind of boys nights in but i'm sure she will eventually.

[krazyace5]

First of all it was obvious you were joking and being sarcastic. Some people are just wound to tight to get it I guess.

Secondly, "In the game of life, woman are the rake" which is very true and the best line out of Rounders Which is coming out with a special edition DVD sept 9.

Ok now to your problem, the best way to get her to shut up is to win.
My girlfriend bitched about poker(not that she does not bitch about everything anyway). Then when I won my first big MTT she changed her tune. Now she likes me to play poker and even encourages it.

[Toasty]

Just explain the earning potential of poker and how you see it as a second job.

My GF was worried at first, but once I explained :

The money in my account was profits only and I couldn't lose any of my own money.

I explained the dynamics of the game, showing how its skill and not jsut luck.

The cheques started to arrive and she realised the extra income was good.

Now she encourages me to play poker and will even sit with me reading a book while I play.

I think she is waiting for me to win a BIG tourney so she can marry me and share a house with me fulltime.

What can I say she digs the Toasty

It's important to keep aside quality time, I'm quite lax with the shopping trips I take her on and the occasionaly treat. I bought her a new dryer with poker money a few weeks back and pick up her grocery bill now and then. I've just bought a brand new bed also with poker money which I thought I had chose but later found out she had picked it weeks before and had pointed me around the store until I chose it hehe.

[FyrFytr998]

The two best pieces of advice that have been posted so far are:

1. Play when she is alseep.
2. Split your winnings with her.

Now alot of people here say they are going through the same thing. But how many can say that their wifes actually divorced them becuase of too much gaming? ME!!

That's right. I used to play Magic sooo much, that my wife got disillusioned to the concept of marriage. And long story short, we got divorced. (There were other factors too, but that didn't help.)

When my wife and I reconciled (Two years later.), I had just started to play online poker. And she voiced her concerns to me. I do have a bit of an obessive compulsive order. So we made a deal. And that deal was that as long as she was okay and her emotional needs were being met. I would play poker. So after trial and error. I found that this worked best after she went to bed. I always have had an average bedtime of about 2am anyways. And secondly, as the chief bread winner in the family. How can I call myself a man if the winnings I make don't go to providing for the ones I love? I'll probably have even less now with a baby on the way. :P, but with my late nights. My wife will be able to sleep while I take care of the baby and play poker.

Remeber that your relationship is a partnership and you both have a responsibility in maintaining it. And as "MEN" , we take a little more responsibility. That's what being the man of the house is all about. Don't find out the hard way like I did my first time out.

[dar103]

I'll probably have even less now with a baby on the way. :P, but with my late nights. My wife will be able to sleep while I take care of the baby and play poker.

Congrats!

This reminds me of a turbo S&G I was playing last week. My wife was asleep and I had made it ITM with big stack. Kid wakes up and I have to attend to him, so I sit out. Come back 3 hands later to be short stack. End up busting out in 3rd. I look at the hand history later and see that I was dealt KK and AQ while I was gone. Oh well!

It works out for our family, she stays happy and I get to play. Sounds like you've got it figured out this time around, but for everyone else, just remember that there'll be times where they HAVE to come first.

[FyrFytr998]

that there'll be times where they HAVE to come first.

Hey now. This is a family forum. Enough with the sexual innuendos. For shame!! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Lol, just kidding.

{This post has been removed}

[FyrFytr998]

My solution is simple

DONT GET MARRIED :P

Why not? Chicks dig ragmasters.

[fishstick]

at my house it's easy - either i wander around the house in my house thong, or stay confined to one room playing poker in my poker thong! which would you prefer!

seriously, explain how important it is and how much you enjoy the mental challenge and competition.

if you can get them involved, all the better.

maybe you can even get to the point where she plays, and you take credit for it. ***cough heatman cough scgolfer cough humphrind cough***

[JJgoneMAD]

You have to win money and give it to her bud. That's the only way. OK maybe not the only way but it will get the best results.

$1000 arrived, $500 coming soon, my fiance still doesn't like me playing poker. I do agree that it'll get most women to be more patient with your hobby, but it don't cut it for some.
MrSlippery, maybe you should be asking yourself what "you" are doing wrong and not try to find a way to make her more agreeable. Oprah anyone? I ain't married yet, but my fiance and i live together, so i think i can relate to your problem. I had a huge fight with my girl few days ago and now i'm sleeping on the couch. Sleeping alone at night gave me plenty of time to reflect back, since the day i started playing poker till today. As it turns out, i spent more time playing poker than i have with my fiance. I always thought my girl was against poker cause she was never introduced to the game properly, no one in her family gambles or anything close to it. Her coming from a very conservative family, it was easy to assume things in my favor. Here's the deal, think of the differences between now and before you started playing. I got my answer and i haven't played for the past two days. I don't plan on playing for at least this week. I will start playing again next week and increase my playing time little by little and decrease it as soon as i see problems in my relationship due to my playing time. Unless i can turn this hobby into a job, a job that pays more than my current, i really don't have any excuse to put so much time in it.

[Toasty]

I ain't married yet, but my fiance and i live together

I think you mean fiancee, unless you're living with a dude

Sorry couldn't resist, I actually made the mistake of buying my X a card saying Finace instead of Fiancee, damn silly french with there masculine / feminine words . . .

[JJgoneMAD]

I didn't remember the correct spelling for fiancee, so i copy it from mike4066's thread... yeah i know, you are damn right i'm dragging him along. How could you do this to me mike4066? Man Toasty hates me...


j/k

[mike4066]

DOH!!!!!

haha

[lonnie]

My wife plays poker herself for about an hour a night. That helps some. She still gets irritated with how much I play.

I've been playing about 200 hours of poker now altogether, and I'm up 150.00, so I don't have the luxury of having 1000 dollar checks coming in. I did win this money while learning, so I feel pretty good about it.

The one thing that really irritates her is when we do sit down and have a chance to talk, I usually want to talk about poker. This drives her crazy, and I know it, but sometimes I can't help myself.

I was halfway through telling her about a hand in which I flopped a straight flush. She stops me in the middle and says "Thats all you ever talk about these days, is poker". I guess I didn't successfully relay the thrill, because she didn't seem to enthusiastic. The same thing happened when I flopped quad Jacks the other day.

I guess I just need to learn to stop talking about poker, at least, when I'm around her. I've always been like that, whether my current obsession was chess, computer games, poker, or other hobbies.

So, poker is one of those things you just shouldn't talk about.

[pokerfanatic]

Does anyone have any special tricks for dealing with their wife?

It's simple stay single... , I'm just joking around... personally I just straight up tell the girls I date (not married only 20 right now) "I play poker... a lot, I hope you can handle that." Sometimes they say cool whatever and other times they don't like it too much, I’m still looking for the chick that encourages me and supports my dictions on any matter for the most part, I know she won’t agree with 100% of things but that expected. I just want one that supports me on a majority of things, poker being one... Other then that being single makes my poker life easy (more of a bank roll), and I have no one to answer to but myself if/when I lose money...

[Krapp]

Hey! I thought you had to be 21 to play online poker?

[FyrFytr998]

I need an I.D. check over here Mr. Savage.

I tell you. Kids are too smart for their own good nowadays.

[Pokerchick]

Wow, you guys have pesky wives! Just kidding.

My beef is, you guessed it, about money. I love poker, but I wouldn't play it online because I'm not that good at it. the fiancé is better. He's been unemployed for a while and when he started winning at online poker, he was hopeful that he wouldn't need to slum in a minimum wage job. (I make good money, but not nearly enough for two).

Problem is, one day I got a call from the bank, saying that my car payment bounced. I was frazzled and went on about money. I asked him if he felt he could get some money out of his poker regurlarly, and apparently that was a bad mistake. Now he says he "can't" win anymore, it's my fault for putting pressure on him, yaddayaddayadda.

I thought it would actually be good for him to set some reasonable short term goals, instead of waiting for a five figure payday. Am I wrong? And, if his losing streak continues, when should he throw in the towel?

[SteveO]

"I thought it would actually be good for him to set some reasonable short term goals, instead of waiting for a five figure payday. Am I wrong? And, if his losing streak continues, when should he throw in the towel?"

NOW. In order to make money at poker you have to have a real job to start your bankroll or you need someone to stake you with a real bankroll. You can't hope to parlay a $100 deposit into a weekly income, unless your expectation is an income of $20/wk and even that is a 20% return on investment.

If he is spending the money you need to pay the bills on poker he simply can't afford to play. Obviously, he does not have his own bankroll and you can't afford to stake him. Frankly, he will be far better off financially with a guaranteed minimum wage job.

IMO, if you are going to use Poker as a source of income, you can't wait for the 5-figure payday but rather you need to start with a 5-figure bankroll and play winning poker at fairly high stakes.

Perhaps, you should encourage him to get a real job and play poker part-time. It takes the "must win" pressure off.

[chopes]

Interesting thread.

One of the players I come across frequently online goes by the name "TheMistress".

While my wife was watching me play she remarked that it is a rather appropriate name...

Most of the men on the site spend more time with her than their own wives.