i hate the morning deuce

[will641]

without fail, every time i try to play a morning session when after i wake up and have my coffee i have to time out of all my tables within 15 minutes because i have to take a shit. its so annoying!!! especially when you pick up kings otb and some douche bag takes his sweet ass time when i 3 bet them.

[kingnat]

i say... poop in pants... take down the pot.

[ProZachNation]

poop in pot take down pot

[givememyleg]

i hardly, if ever, deuce in the morning

[will641]

i rarely, if ever, deuce in the morning

[bode]

i always duece in the morning before i take a shower.

[givememyleg]

ya that's what i said, rarely

[BigBadBull]

That's why I play on the laptop in the mornings...

[WildBobAA]

How many times do you guys go per day? I'd say the vast majority of the time, I only go once. Very rarely do I go twice in a day, I think there's something wrong with me.

[vqc]

How many times do you guys go per day? I'd say the vast majority of the time, I only go once. Very rarely do I go twice in a day, I think there's something wrong with me.

i think healthy is around twice a day. Food is supposed to pass through you in about 12 hours.

[shazbox]

How many times do you guys go per day? I'd say the vast majority of the time, I only go once. Very rarely do I go twice in a day, I think there's something wrong with me.

1 time a day is fine. 1 time a day every few days is fine really. Apparently as long you are do it regularly (either every day, 2 times a day, whatever, as long as it's consistent). Thats what I was told by a doctor anyway. At that time...I was going about 30+ times a day, and I wasn't even eating anything. Bad news.

[will641]

How many times do you guys go per day? I'd say the vast majority of the time, I only go once. Very rarely do I go twice in a day, I think there's something wrong with me.

i probably average about 2-2.5/day. i have no idea if this is true, but i remember someone telling me once that how many times you shit is a reflection of your diet, so i think if you dont shit very often that means you are a bad diet. again, i dont believe this or disbelieve it. i lean towards disbelieving it though.

[givememyleg]

ummm, there are times when i don't go for 2-3 days, usually once every couple days or once per day

[Ash256]

I love the morning deuce; there's nothing worse than going for a shit at work.

[kingnat]

Has anyone here actually pooped while drunk?... I realized some time ago that I have never taking a deuce while really drunk (despite being REALLY drunk for large portions of many days. thoughts?

[boost]

I remember hearing (not from a doc) that twice a day to once every few days is normal. Im a one a dayer normally. I too hate the morning shit. I always feel rushed because it will make me late to class. So I try to get on schedule to ride the brown star express in the evenings.

[givememyleg]

Has anyone here actually pooped while drunk?... I realized some time ago that I have never taking a deuce while really drunk (despite being REALLY drunk for large portions of many days. thoughts?

you should try taking a poop on acid

[euphoricism]

I'm a 2/weeker...

Is that bad?

[kingnat]

Eat a salad man.

[mrhappy333]

Play on your Lap top with WiFi, then u can s(h)it and play

[Galapogos]

I do it once a day. And I have it timed so it's in the morning and I'm damn happy about. I hate the mid-day or late day shit. I just browse through the sites until it hits me, then I open up my tables.

Weird thing about the once a day shit thing. When I went to Europe for a month, I only shit like once every 3-4 days. And they weren't even big ones when I did. I wonder were all that food went? Or is ours just that unhealthy out here?

[ProZachNation]

I'm a once a day

Went ten days in the hospital w/o pooping

Longest before that was like 6 days at camp or something.

[Ash256]

I love the morning deuce; there's nothing worse than going for a shit at work.

Although leaving a giant one that totally refuses to flush after several attempts is really wrong but fucking hilarious.

[will641]

i remember on our 9th grade canoe trip we had to dig a hole to shit as there were no toilets. ISF decides he isnt going to shit for 3 days, and when one of the chaperons heard this he made him take a shit. it was so funny,

[spoonitnow]

in the hospital I went like a week without taking a shit once but eventually started shtiting normally. i don't know where all the extra shit went

[mixchange]

How many times do you guys go per day? I'd say the vast majority of the time, I only go once. Very rarely do I go twice in a day, I think there's something wrong with me.

1 time a day is fine. 1 time a day every few days is fine really. Apparently as long you are do it regularly (either every day, 2 times a day, whatever, as long as it's consistent). Thats what I was told by a doctor anyway. At that time... I was going about 30+ times a day, and I wasn't even eating anything. Bad news.

lol post of the year

[flomo]

i like home field advantage for my shitting
my pot, my paper, my poop

sitting ftw

[pankfish]

Once in the morning, once in the evening, sometimes an extra one thrown in.

I don't spend much time in the restroom though. Maybe if I took my time I would go less. I remember when I had a live in gf I used to spend about an hour in the restroom in the evenings to just be alone for a while. I don't think I went as often back then.

[wufwugy]

Consistency (texture, etc) is more important than frequency.

I eat lots of veggies and supplement psyllium because I like to shit nice, full, and smooth.

[mrickett]

haha, I don't shit every day but when I do there are times when I go like 3x a day. Especially* after coffee.

But yeah, I can't tell you how many times I've played in the crapper.

Oh and about not going for long periods of time; I read that if you're in an environment that you're not used to it can be hard to get yourself to go. No matter how bad you need to, it just won't come. I guess it's an actual condition.

[givememyleg]

haha, I don't shit every day but when I do there are times when I go like 3x a day.

especially if you eat 10 lbs of food the night before, eh?

[mrickett]

haha... yea that probably has a bit to do with it.

[will641]

im about ready to take my morning deuce

[IowaSkinsFan]

i remember on our 9th grade canoe trip we had to dig a hole to shit as there were no toilets. ISF decides he isnt going to shit for 3 days, and when one of the chaperons heard this he made him take a shit. it was so funny,

Hmmm thats funny, I kind of remember you telling the chaperon that I hadn't taken a shit, so he'd make me do it, you sadist piece of shit.

[will641]

i remember on our 9th grade canoe trip we had to dig a hole to shit as there were no toilets. ISF decides he isnt going to shit for 3 days, and when one of the chaperons heard this he made him take a shit. it was so funny,

Hmmm thats funny, I kind of remember you telling the chaperon that I hadn't taken a shit, so he'd make me do it, you sadist piece of shit.

you are just making shit up for the sake of discussion and you know it.

[Warpe]

Every day @8:45 a.m., right after my first cup of coffe at the office, like clockwork.

[will641]

just to clarify my position on the morning deuce, i only hate it when i just get onto my tables and then it hits me. otherwise its niiiccceee!

[bode]

Has anyone here actually pooped while drunk?... I realized some time ago that I have never taking a deuce while really drunk (despite being REALLY drunk for large portions of many days. thoughts?

sophomore year at homecoming i drank from 6 am to 4 pm and then took a shit when i got back to the dorm. I passed out on the shitter until 6:30 when my friends finally came looking for me. I never did figure out if i had finished by the time i fell asleep of if i kept shitting while i was asleep.

[BankItDrew]

I think some of you should be submitted to a gambling rehab center. Your hygiene should be priority over gambling.... degenerates....

[Galapogos]

Someone give BankItDrew a virus.

[will641]

I think some of you should be submitted to a gambling rehab center. Your hygiene should be priority over gambling.... degenerates....

you are just saying this because robots dont have hygiene

[Silly String]

Every day @8:45 a.m., right after my first cup of coffe at the office, like clockwork.

QFT

[euphoricism]

I have read you can train your body to poop every day at the same time. This is probably what happened to warpe/silly without their intention.

[Silly String]

Mine is in direct relation to the morning cup of joe. Matter of fact, I just dropped the morning deuce a couple minutes ago. A little early for me, but I did had to get to work a little earlier than normal today.
Without caffine, I'm all mixed up. Vacations also do it to me. I might even miss a whole day on vacation.

[Galapogos]

For some reason, whenever I go browsing in a video store for a movie to rent I suddenly have to drop a deuce. It never fails. So I never really get a good movie if I don't have one in mind when I go in there because it always ends up being a rush.

[will641]

i think drinking coffee causes a similar reaction to when you smoke a cig. has anyone ever noticed that when you smoke a cig when you need to shit, your shit becomes way worse and you need to go right away? its like a laxitive, and i think coffee is too.

[will641]

but what is worse...morning deuce or morning wood? i really hate morning wood.

[euphoricism]

agreed

[flomo]

i fear not having morning wood

[Hawk]

i think drinking coffee causes a similar reaction to when you smoke a cig. has anyone ever noticed that when you smoke a cig when you need to shit, your shit becomes way worse and you need to go right away? its like a laxitive, and i think coffee is too.

Weed has the same effect on some people. No need to go, get a couple hits in and its a race to the toilet.

[FyrFytr998]

without fail, every time i try to play a morning session when after i wake up and have my coffee i have to time out of all my tables within 15 minutes because i have to take a shit. its so annoying!!! especially when you pick up kings otb and some douche bag takes his sweet ass time when i 3 bet them.

It's the coffee dude. By the way. Why worry about your sessions when you can have one of these solve all your problems?

[will641]

BUMP!

after years of rigorous research, i have reached a conclusion with the morning deuce. it is best to just sit out of your tables, at least until you reach the button, but probably best regardless if you're in the blinds or not. even though you're losing a small amount of money by not blinding out, i think you're saving money by not playing when you have to drop a massive deuce. when said deuce is trying to come out, i've realized that all your attention is going to holding it in and very little to the poker. it forces you to make hasty decisions that are often bad, thus losing money. not to mention the fact that it's really uncomfortable.

[daven]

without fail, every time i try to play a morning session when after i wake up and have my coffee i have to time out of all my tables within 15 minutes because i have to take a shit. its so annoying!!! especially when you pick up kings otb and some douche bag takes his sweet ass time when i 3 bet them.

postpone the coffee until after the session

[Penneywize]

I'm astounded at the popularity of this thread

sadly I'm also a morning office-shitter, and the receptionist is wise to the whole thing

I should find a way to get her fired

[bode]

i've never understood why the morning office shitters didn't just drop it at home before leaving for work.

[Penneywize]

i've never understood why the morning office shitters didn't just drop it at home before leaving for work.

A: Don't have the urge before leaving.
B: No time before leaving. I literally wake up 35 mins before I start at work, lol. 15 min commute.
C: Don't drink coffee till I get to the office.
D: It's nice to be paid to poop.

[dranger7070]

I'm a once a day to once every other day kinda guy. How you guys take 2+ shits a day is beyond me. While I was at boot camp, I was shitting maybe once ever 3-5 days. When we were out in the field for a week I didn't shit the entire time until the Sunday after we got back. (Total of 7 days between the last one) Fucking MREs.

[Warpe]

Hi. My name is Warpe and I'm an office shitter.

Oh, and remember: next Friday... is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.

[bigspenda73]

I cant poop when I'm on vacation

[will641]

without fail, every time i try to play a morning session when after i wake up and have my coffee i have to time out of all my tables within 15 minutes because i have to take a shit. its so annoying!!! especially when you pick up kings otb and some douche bag takes his sweet ass time when i 3 bet them.

postpone the coffee until after the session

that defeats the whole purpose. i like to be awake when im playing.

[wufwugy]

caffeine pills ftw. super cheap and way easier than coffee. caffeine powder is much much cheaper than even pills. 10$ for like a year supply

also take psyllium pills hour or so before bed. system cleans itself virtually after getting out of bed plus theyre good for u. same with caffeine

[rong]

you should try taking a poop on acid

Thats horrible. I once had some really mean assed mushrooms in Amsterdam and whilst wandering around the streets tripping and dodging bicycles & trams I really had to go. Ended up going in a dodgy bar somewhere, but I was wary of going in some dodgy bar in the middle of amsterdam whilst wrecked and I think I parra'd myself out and the whole experirence has kinda put me off public dumps for life. It was dark in there and as I was tripping I couldn't tell if I had wiped properly, so I wiped for what felt like ages & then thought fuck this, I must be tripping, and got up and left, and then spent hours paranoid that I hadn't wiped my ass thoroughly. That dump put me in a bad place for quite a few hours.

[dranger7070]

lol god dammit i havent done shrooms in forever.

[a500lbgorilla]

whatever has happened in this thread, I support it. Please continue.

[OhioRounder]

First time in the commune and this is thread that catches my eye... and I proceeded to read every post in it.

[UG]

how in the fuck did I miss this thread the first time around?

I shit once a day if not twice, and if I don't at least once it scares me.

I don't understand how people poop in the morning. Like, I just don't get it at all. I've done it a few times, but we're talking like I'm sick or something diarrhea cha-cha-cha.

Like bigspenda, I don't poop well on vacations. Really, I don't poop well when I'm out of my element. Maybe it's a comfort thing because right when I get home you better watch the fuck out.

I'm a routine guy, too. Been that way since middle school at least. Come home from school, take a shit, watch Saved By The Bell. Now that I teach, it's the same, come home from school, take a dump, watch PTI or surf the intertron. Now that I'm coaching a sport I have my body trained to take a shit around 6pm and it's great.

[Luco]

I poop about 30 minutes after dinner in the evenings. Much simpler.

[ATOTHEC101]

I go 2-3 times a day every day, I can also shit unashamedly wherever I am when I need to go. I've taken a dump in so many horrendous bar/club toilets with the door kicked in and racial slur/penises drawn all over the cubicle walls. The worst I can remember being in the middle of the day when I was walking through a rough part of the city but the brown urge was to much so I walk into this horrible dingy looking pub full of alcoholic tramps, the entire pub seemingly goes quiet and they all eye me suspiciously, I awkwardly edge my way through and head for the bathroom. I can safely say after entering I now know what the inside of a colon smells like, but I soldier on none the less. Inside the cubicle things are not alot better, locked kicked in, shit smeared on the wall in some form of pattern, brown murkey water all over the floor, racial slur/penises all over the walls. Now what I've said before this probably doesn't paint my shitting standards in an especially good light but one thing i can't do is sit on a filthy toilet seat and thankfully this one wasn't, atleast after a good wipe. I wipe myself with what can only be described as sand paper and quietly exit.

I'd also go as far to say that taking a shit when you really need one and you can just relax with a book etc is 2nd only to sex in the awesome physical feelings chart.

[zook]

will: I had this exact same problem when I was playing full-time and I ended up waiting the 10-15 minutes post-coffee so I could drop the kids off at the pool before starting my session. sooo much better than interrupting a session.

Now I'm an office shitter for all of the reasons penneywize said. I don't love it, mainly b/c occasionally another office shitter will occupy the stall next to me but I have no choice unless I want to wake up an hour earlier.

Shitting on hallucinogens is the worst. I still have nightmares about clogging the toilet at my friends parents house with them asleep down the hall while tripping my face off. If the bathroom had a window I honestly would have climbed out of it and run away.

[dranger7070]

I used to get all self conscious when there would be someone in a stall right next to me when I was shitting, but after boot camp and not having a door on a stall for 6 months straight and often having someone sitting across from you taking a deuce kinda gets you off it.