ur best drinking strories

[SaulPaul]

inspired by Baileys drinking story i thought id make this thread.

I would start but i dont have any decent ones!

[a500lbgorilla]

drinking stories are an odd monster. They can be great. Though usually seem great to you and suck to others.

[Dislexsik]

drinking stories are an odd monster. They can be great. Though usually seem great to you and suck to others.

Very true.I remember me posting a drunk storie a long time ago,i thought i was funny as hell,but it seemed boring to others.

[Bailey]

Hmm, I have alot lol...

Last week was pretty interesting..
I live in a house with my roommate , and just last week my friend and his gf moved here from BC and moved in.. so we had a bunch of friends over and had a party...

Big fire in the yard... usually drinking + big fire is a bad idea.. but whatever.. we usually run out of wood and by that time we are totally drunk so we start to throw everything we can find in the fire. .. like my roommate brought out all our garbage, some xmas wrapping paper, our phone books, a printer, recycle bin, list goes on lol..

Around 3am... one of our drunk asses decide to play golf.. we started to drive balls from our yard (which has no fence cause we burnt it last time we got drunk.. no joke).. so the balls were flying across the street.. not sure how many we hit.. good news is no one came over and told us we broke their windows.. heard a few bangs, no smashes tho.. so its all good haha.. I wasnt too worried we were really drunk so I doubt anyone was even hitting the balls right... next morning I checked the lawn and could see all these holes in the grass lol.

After that someone threw a beer in the fire.. so we all started to throw our empty bottles in the fire and eventually someone missed so bad it went over our garage into our neighbours yard.. so then we got this awesome idea to start throwing them as far as possible.. lol @ a house 4 houses down probably has a dozen empty beer bottles intheir yard.

Eventually we decided to play golf again.. altho this time someonewas sober/smart enough to decide we should walk a few blocks to the school field and golf there.. so the 5 of us walk there and carry 6 golf clubs and a bag full of 200 golf balls. lol at this point I was totally out of it.. by the time I got to the field I fell asleep.. and so did another guy.. apparently he fell asleep with his head resting on me... LOL @ how gay that would look...

My 2 other friends golfed for a bit.. ya TWO.. I realize I said 5 of us went golfing.. we dont know what happened to the 5th guy at the time.. he got lost on the way and no one noticed.. fell behind lol.

Eventually when they finished golfiing the 2 people that were golfing partically had to carry me and my friend back.. when we got home I was walked to my room and dropped on my bed.. but my head missed my bed and hit the wall.. lol woke up inthe morning with a huge lump on my head and a hole in the wall..

In the morning my roommate told me that after I went to bed he went outside to find Kevin (the guy that went missing when we went golfing).. and he found him a bout a block away sleeping with his pants down leaning against a pole.. he had to lend a girl his belt earlier int he night because when we left to go golfing someone got a bucket of water to put out the fire but ended up pouring it on some chick.. so she had to change her clothes.. and borrow his belt. So ya.. he brought him home.. and apparently as soon as he walked in.. he opend a box of my new roommates stuff (since he just moved in).. and puked in it.. LOL it was actually his gf stuff.. so the next morning she found it and freaaaaaaaaked out.. ya it was very funny.. he had to pay for that shit tho.. came back the next day not remembering anything, but everyone told him it was him.. so he was like "So I heard I puked in your shit.. heres 40 dollars"

Oh.. and the golf clubs all belonged to kevin... when he came back the next day he picked them up.. and he was like

"Oh sweet.. 4 out of 6 golf clubs.. not bad for drunken golfing" lol.. we have no idea what happened to the other 2.. Im guessing he had them when he got lost with his pants down.. who knows...

I think thats about everything that happened that night.. that was remotely interesting.. i remember minor things like someone hitting beer bottles with golf clubs... end result is i hit my head really hard and had to clean up like 200 broken beer bottles in our yard the next morning

[SuperDave9x19]

ok here's one

I was 19 at Penn State Hazelton Campus. That's NE PA. Former coal country. lotta hills. lotta very thin reclaimed forest...

We were not allowed to have alcohol in Dorms (circa 1984ish) but we could have mild drinking in house. But in college, who wants mild drinking.

We had 15-20 people at this outdoorsy area called "The Powder Hole". apparently it was near the site of a blown out 1800s gunpowder factory. But that is irrelevant.

We had a half keg, a few bottles of whiskey and a lot of smokables.

It turned out to be like 20 guys and 2 girls, so it got down to boys playing drunk in a nice big backyard...

We had the sweetest spot. Right at bottom of a mild waterfall over 30 ft of water in a pool like 60 ft diameter. Well we were boys and we were climbing.

We were on a pretty good trail like 40-50 feet above the pool. We were moving to a nice forest glen where the pine needles made a good place to hang out and smoke a coupla fatties... Been on this trail a LOTTA times. But man we were mixing beer n whiskey and wine and herb AND FAST so it was a challenge.

We were on this ledge I navigated with friends like a dozen times before and just joking it up. Man i started laughing and suddenly i was leaning a bit backwards.

Bad deal when 40 ft up over rocks.

My buddy Adam yelled "Push the fuck off or you are dead!!!"

I did.

I swear that fall took like 30 seconds i was so scared.

Landed pretty clean in water. It was Late September in NE PA so I was in Jeans and a Denim Jacket. The fall didn't hurt at all. BUT DAMN DID I SOBER UP!!!

I ended up bumming a sweatshirt from one buddy to use as pants and a flannel shirt from another guy who had a jacket.

We built a fire and my clothes were dried and we drank some more. When my clothes were dry and i went off a dozen yards to change one of the 2 girls there got frisky on me and i got a nice standing blowjob.

Drinking outdoors rocks!!!

[Miffed22001]

new years eve
went out
got wasted
(on jack Ds )
blind man walks into bar
(apparently, because i dont remember)
took his stick, beat him with it. Whipped some fit chicks ass.
left the pub
rolled down the nearest road/hill which was covered in snow.
fell asleep in my friends front garden in -2degrees celcius temps because i was so wasted.
got attacked by a dog
finally got in the house
fell down the stairs
broke my foot.

drunk stories suck ass

[a500lbgorilla]

blind man walks into the bar

hahahahah

[Bailey]

Okay okay I got another.. this time it was just me, my roommate and kevin.. the 3 of us each bought our own 26oz bottle, and my roommate was roasting a chicken in the oven.. he started to cook.. then we started to drink.. by the time we were pretty much all done our bottles we forgot about the chicken.. someone mentioned it, and he was like OH SHIT .. runs tothe kitchen and opens the oven.. nothing to cover his hands, just grabs the roaster LOL.. anyways APPARENTLY the roaster was hot, so he fell backwards and dropped it on himself.. hot boiling chicken greace all over him.. so he starts screaming like a lil bitch LOL (im so mean eh).. and runs into the shower.. jumps in to have a cold shower.. except.. he just turned on the hot water... we could feel the steam coming out of the washroom, so we went in and changed it to cold water.. he was screaming and freaking out.. so I call 911 when hes still in the shower.. by this time i was pretty sober... lol the whole situation scared the drunkness right out of me : ).. he kept screaming/crying "DONT CALL 911".. then like we could hear the sirens coming and hes like "FUCKIN CALL 911".. so the firemen and ambulance come in, and take his drunk ass away.. i remember some chick was like "Whats wrong with you? what are you on?" LOL.. she was asking him if he was doing crack or anything. Ya, so he had 2nd degree burns all over his arms , chest, and side.. was a very interesting night.

[euphoricism]

Alright, here is my hilarious drinking story.

A little backstory: I vomit easily from shots. Very easily. I can drink any mixed drink, but ever since I had a bad love affair with a bottle of cheap vodka, I haven't kept a shot down. Its purely mental, but as soon as that crap hits my stomach it comes right back up.

So I arrive at my buddies party, and the whole group wants to start the party with shots of everclear. There are about 15 people there, and everyone is poured one. My friends are fully aware of my shot-taking affliction, but begin peer pressuring the fuck out of me.

I refuse. No fucking way am I doing this. No fucking way.

So there I am at the counter, in front of a ton of people who are ripping on me incredibly fucking hard with this shot of clear liquid death in front of me.

After a good 10 minutes of ripping on me, one of the guys produces a pen and a piece of paper, and writes out.

"I, John, will give Euphoricism $50 if he does a shot of everclear." and signs it and hands it to me. Its a fucking contract.

You're going to give me $50 to vomit on your rug? Alright man.

So I sign the contract, grab the shot and down it, immediately making "shot face" -- the intense grimace when you know this isn't going to be pretty.

And the pain never comes. No burn. No taste.

Everyone starts laughing. I'm confused. What the hell? THIS is everclear? Give me another shot! I'm in love!

Then, in unison, they all scream, "ITS WATER!"


Fucking pricks.

[a500lbgorilla]

I remember my first shot of everclear was when a buddy handed me a bottle of everclear as we were leaving, told me it was water becuase I said I was gonna go grab a glass before we left. I threw it back (like 1.5~2 shots) and just thought "Why did you do that to me?"

Everclear is in every sense fire-water.

Ran out of beer once when me and a load of friends were drunk. So we went to the nearest shop to try to buy some beer. Even though it was a hairdressers. And it was 1am.

[Rondavu]

Ran out of beer once when me and a load of friends were drunk. So we went to the nearest shop to try to buy some beer. Even though it was a hairdressers. And it was 1am.

This is why you've been a teenager for 20 years.

[bigred]

I'll write a few stories from back when I was in a dorm.

We had this kid, Dan, who lives in the room next to me and was allergic to peanutes. He went out to the bars and after a ton of drinking casually reached into the bowl of mixed nuts that bars have and was too drunk to realize he was eating peanuts. Well, he starts to have reactions and one of his more sober friends realizes what he did. Now this was a bar tab for a frat the kid was trying to join so a few of the brothers decide they're going to give him a ton of Benedryl and then drop him off at his dorm so he can sleep it off. Well, mixing a lot of benedyrl, a lot of beer, and an allergic reaction apparently made this kid start to hallucinate. After walking around the dorm for awhile, he finds is way to my room (I wasn't there but my roomate was passed out with his gf), opens my roomates dress drawer which is right under his bed and begins to piss in it. Byu the time my roomate woke up all his clothes were drenched. I'm told you could hear the screams of his girlfriend and then him yelling on every floor of the dorm.

In a much shorter story (I don't know the background) my friend across the hall walked into his room with his gf to find his roomate completely drunk and pissing on my friend's desk chair while singing I'm a little teapot.

[euphoricism]

We walked in on a really drunk friend pissing on his TV. We ask him what the fuck he's doing, and in beautiful, quotable drunk-speak mid-stream, he replies:

I haff the right!

[Bailey]

euphoricism.. ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFL oh man, thats great.. gave me a good laugh : )

[Warpe]

Xmas party at the bosses house. Guy I work with gets absolutely blotto. Boss lives in an old house with hot water radiant heat, the radiators are all painted white. Boss walks into the bathroom to check on our guy, 'cause he's in rough shape and has been in there a while, finds him pissing on the radiator. He thought it was a urinal. He didn't work for us much longer.

[Bailey]

LOL OH GOD... Warpe.. LOL.. its funny cause the radiator was probably on .. since you live in wpg and its like -30'C around xmas time... was the washroom all steamy from the piss? lol

[sandstorm]

once, me and my friends were drunk, and we did crazy stuff! lol!

[givememyleg]

Everclear is in every sense fire-water.

qft!! That shit is illegal in my state (Michigan).

[givememyleg]

In a much shorter story (I don't know the background) my friend across the hall walked into his room with his gf to find his roomate completely drunk and pissing on my friend's desk chair while singing I'm a little teapot.

roffle!!

[SmackinYaUp]

We were all drunk playing a game and my friend had to chug a beer in 20 seconds.

We set the timer, he began and I said something fucked up (probably something about babies, i dont know) he started laughing while chugging

he vomited all over the table and all over another guy's arm. the other guy was laughing until he looked down and saw puke all over his arm, got grossed out and then started laughing all over again.

we wiped off the table and played quaters where you bounce quarters into a cup and chug it. it didnt work too well because the table was still sticky.

then my cuzn swallowed the quater and went outside for 30 minutes trying to puke it out but never saw it. he never again saw it after that either...

[Warpe]

My stag. It's about 2 in the morning. The guys that haven't passed out yet decide it'll be a good idea to take a sauna. We get nekkid and crank the heat up. Someone wants it steamy and starts pouring water on the rocks. Someone else sees this and says, "Hey! Scotch on the rocks! Scotch on the rocks! Get it?", and starts pouring from a bottle of Pinch. All of a sudden, half a dozen naked and very drunk guys get an awful lot drunker. A couple start to pass out so we have to clumsily abandon ship. Never knew you could get drunk by inhaling alcohol steam before that night. God knows what it does to your lungs.

[givememyleg]

I think this is going to fall under the "won't be funny unless you were there" sort of stories. But, about 10 days ago (I think) me and my friends were drinking and I convinced one of them to let me throw some cards at him. I can throw a card pretty fast (though no Chris Ferguson) and I cut up his back decent. But, while throwing one, I hit my friends glass bottle of Busch Lite out of his hand. Didn't hurt too much at the time, but the next couple days = pain. I eventually had to go in and the doc said "gg, air cast."

Just incase interested here is a link to the video, which should make the story at least a little more interesting: Throwing Cards. (You don't need a myspace account to view it) - Don't even think about it dialup users ~9mb.

[euphoricism]

Also had a buddy piss on a campus cop. Wasn't there, obviously, but he says that the campus cop stopped him on the way back to his dorm, buddy just whipped it out and started pissing in a circle "like a helicopter, screaming 'wheeeeeee' ". Got all over the cop

Cop conked him with his heavy-duty flashlight, putting my friend down and out cold. Cop called for an ambulance, took the friend to a hospital, pumped his stomach. Cop didn't file charges, stating it was the funniest thing that he had seen in weeks.

He did have to go to an alcohol program thingy for school, though.

Weeeeeee!

[a500lbgorilla]

DDing the infamous JJ home:
JJ- "Hey man, do you have cinnamon buns in your car?"
Me-"No JJ, no cinnamon buns in chuck's car."
JJ-"Oh ok, I'll just have apple sauce then"