The basic brain sh!t that I finally figured out

I like chips. Sour cream and onion to be particular. And the flat variety, not any of that ruffled sh!t. I don’t get what’s up with those, ‘cause unless you helmet head retarded you can get dip to stick to a flat chip.

When I got people coming to the crib, I have to buy chips, and I can’t just get the chips what I like. I gotta take a moment. I got some BBQ eaters… I got some who like those douche flavored with the salt and vinegar… wtf is a sun chip? got some people who like those… and then the crazy flaming hot lime cheeto eating m-thaf-ckers. So I gotta think about all that… and then hit Costco with my “yeah I’ll have a cord of wood with that” shopping cart.

So what do this have to do with poker? For me, a lot.

I’m learning to play poker like I buy chips. Old me look at a hand and some ranges and go sh!t… If I played like that, I would have this range and that’s f-d for me with what I actually got, so I gotta fold. Or, “they VPIP is 8, so if my sh!t was 8, I’d have TT+, AT+ and maybe KQ.” You know what I discovered? There some retarded cheeto eating m-f’s out there for whom 8 is some random sh!t squeezed between browsing porn and watching the Giants kick Washington @ss… He don’t care how I’d play a hand. He barely paying much attention to the hand he got, or at least the one that involves his cards…

So again, what do this sh!t mean to me for poker….

1. Don’t get married to too narrow a range. Go wider rather than narrower, and it’s perfectly okay to add things back in that you originally excluded when later streets seem to fit the bill. Just cause he got a PFR of 2 don’t mean he ain’t sitting on 68 when he goes nuts through three streets on a 579 flop. The world is full of cheetos and sun chips, and people actually like that sh!t…

2. Pot control will win you monies. At the limits I play, people will play the dumbest sh!t. But then sometimes they’ll actually have the sh!t. So you gotta roll like it’s your slow third cousin. You know he slow, and you want to stay far enough ahead of him to keep him off the fire escape, but not so far that you like “Damn, you retarded….” Point is, if you sitting on 2nd or 3rd pair and can get to SD cheap through pot control, you gonna be surprised how often you win with people playing busted draws, bottom pair, total bluffs and “oh sh!t, I was reppin 4 Aces and why did you call me down…?” If you got position, don’t bloat the pot if you got a hand that’s got some SD value. Sounds simple, but I used to get blown off of pots ‘cause I bet and raised myself into an unnecessarily difficult decision. Oh… and give your slow cousin a sun chip…

3. If you half decent at your limit, and you are playing $10NL and less, most people won’t play like you would. This ain’t just about range. It’s about looking at they line and going “oh yeah, I would do that with 2 pair or better…” For many, drawing pot odds don’t exist… it’s called “wish-a-flush” and I’m not talking the toilet cleaning variety. Top pair, sh!t kicker is the nuts. Now I’m not saying stack off against any fool that’s willing to put chips in, range and equity be damned. But between pot control, a good sense of their range, and some leverage through understanding SPR and implieds, you’ll take down some tasty pots ‘cause people do dumb f-cking things. Manipulate all of the above to be favorable conditions for you… and that leads to the last #4.

4. Don’t waste my sour cream and onion on the fiery cheeto eating crazy b!tches…. they’re not gonna like them, and after they cleaned them out, you’re going to be stuck with plain tortilla chips and that blue green guacamole in a plastic tub. Point is, adjust to your reads. Blind stealing is good… but don’t try and keep stealing with crap from some fool who 3-bets you half the time, won’t fold ever pre-flop and thinks a c-bet is an invitation to your own private poker party. Aggression is good, unless your multi-way with a drawing hand against people that never fold and you’re gonna be facing a bloated 4-way flopped pot with mediocre holdings. I gotta work on dialing back my cbets to the right situation, being okay with limping behind with a tasty drawing hand to keep the pot manageable, and other similar sh!t.

This is what I got. No maths, just some really basic sh!t that, because I’m not so bright took me a while to get straight in my head. I will tell you, that these fundamental mind framers did make a 50% difference in my micro game win rate… I’ll leave the complex sh!t to dudes what got mad skills and maths like Spoon and Fnord and others. I ain’t got that…

…I got a story about sour cream and onion chips…

and I hope it’s helpful.

this is going to sound really bad but you used way too many words. most of these things are fairly simple.

play your cards face up.
don't build a pot your holdings cant take (note this is different from c-betting a flop with air).
value bet well and thinly.
do not waste your time running elaborate bluffs.
you can easily accelerate through the micros by value betting well and learning to read hands and making appropriate folds.

most of this is fairly logical and should be inherently understood.

Sarbox,
I am exactly like you putting things in a everyday situation makes things easier for me. I followed everything you said and really like the way it was put. Yes it is basic stuff but we always forget the basics or think we are better than that and play with out the basics in minds which is were the acro comes from
Keep
it
symple
stupid

really good post sar,
Don

Sar, you are the Socrates of the working Joe poker player. None of that maths we chip and dip eating mf's can't understand.

good post my man...

it’s called “wish-a-flush”
this made me lol.
This is a good read and what redzilla is saying is the same as what you said, but for some reason I will remember it easier the way you said it.

I was entertained, and even had some fundy eats beat in that much more. thx, nice post

Good points awsome analogy.

(Sour cream and onion is the nuts.)

Nice post. The analogies really help it stick. I do like sun chips tho. :P

Lol, wish-a-flush.

Originally Posted by reDZill4

this is going to sound really bad but you used way too many words. most of these things are fairly simple.

I enjoyed Sarbox's presentation of the simple, stuff I need to relearn weekly. Poker has ups and downs. I've been on a two-week downer, frustrated - spent an hour last night working on ranges and ABC poker, thinking through situations, plugging leaks. I'm up 5 BI today, mostly because I came to the end of a cooler and still had some confidence.

I come to FTR to read posts like this one, to get inspiration, to maintain confidence that I'm playing right, even when results aren't tilting my way. Reviewing the basics is boring if you just read "info posts." I like my posts with Cool Ranch Doritos, thanks.

A post like Sarbox's is great because...
1. it's hilarious
2. it's on target
3. he summarizes the look and feel of microstakes extremely well
4. he's taking a step up from noobie advice-taker to FTR-reg advice giver.

I think #4 is important. We need noobies-who-make-it-good in here posting their toughts. Sarbox recently passed the 1k mark in bankroll, and he has the street cred to help others who aren't winning at 5nl and 10nl yet. I hope more posts like this hit the Beginer's Forum soon.

Sarbox, there may be shorter ways to put this shit but it ain't gonna be as entertaining as the way you put it. I enjoyed your post.

great post sarbox...

the wish-a-flush part also made me LOL