OK so I know they're supposed to suck at this level but this one was astonishing.

"My Ace high just HAS to be good!"

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.02 BB (8 handed) - Poker-Stars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

saw flop | saw showdown

UTG+1 ($1.36)
MP1 ($6.32)
MP2 ($6.12)
CO ($5.19)
Button ($2.36)
SB ($2.89)
Hero (BB) ($2.43)
UTG ($1.88)

Preflop: Hero is BB with ,
2 folds, MP1 calls $0.02, 4 folds, Hero checks

Flop: ($0.05) , , (2 players)
Hero checks, MP1 checks

Turn: ($0.05) (2 players)
Hero bets $0.05, MP1 calls $0.05

River: ($0.15) (2 players)
Hero bets $0.08, MP1 raises to $0.26, Hero raises to $0.66, MP1 raises to $1.06, Hero raises to $2.36 (All-In), MP1 calls $1.30

Total pot: $4.87 | Rake: $0.20

Results in white below:
Hero had 9, 5 (four of a kind, fives).
MP1 mucked A, 9 (three of a kind, fives).
Outcome: Hero won $4.67