Should people spank their kids?

[wufwugy]

I heard a story (probably on Reddit) where a traveling Canadian family encountered a French one and the Canadian kids were unruly brats and the French ones weren't and the Canadian parents eventually asked the French parents how they discipline their kids and the French parents replied that they they don't understand the concept of discipline with kids because they "educate" instead.


I once worked with a guy whose kids acted very cordial and controlled in public. I'm not sure if he ever spanked them, but I do know that their behavior was a product of their respect for him, not their fear of him.


A story posted by somebody else on a different forum

My cousin had triplets in her late thirties. The girls were good kids, but the boy ...

Let's just say, he had issues.

I would babysit them from time to time and my cousin told me to "tear their little asses up if they don't mind."

Seemed a little drastic as I didn't beat my own child. but ok.

The girls were fine all day, good as gold; the boy had his "issues"

I took my little mob over to the mother's and after about 15 minutes, she turned to me and said, "What are going to do with that one? And I'll tell you now, they already beat him and it's just making him tough."

I decided to let the kids eat outside for snack time. When the boy came for his snack, I gave it to him and as started for the door I said, "Slow your roll Cochise, you get to have your snack in the living room."

"You can't do that. Kids aren't allowed to sit in the living room."

"We are making an exception especially for you. We even put a special chair right in the middle of the floor, just for you."

I escorted him to my mother's living room and in the middle of the room was a stool from the kitchen counter.

"You sit there. You eat there. And when the other kids finish their snack and are playing, you can watch them from that window."

I left the room. After getting the kids set up on the front porch, I checked back with the boy. He was crying all over his ice cream sandwich.

I had no more problems and he had no more "issues."

I don't have the entirety of a solution, but spanking is a product of adults not understanding children well enough.

[pocketfours]

I don't have the entirety of a solution, but spanking is a product of adults not understanding children well enough.

I don't agree. Spanking can be a good and safe way of creating necessary boundaries for your children. Unfortunately a lot of parents abuse spanking as a way of coping with their own frustration.

"You sit there. You eat there. And when the other kids finish their snack and are playing, you can watch them from that window."

I left the room. After getting the kids set up on the front porch, I checked back with the boy. He was crying all over his ice cream sandwich.

This actually sounds pretty cruel to me. I don't think you should make a child associate certain behavior with the fear of being embarassed and left alone.

The fact that a single punishment (supposedly) corrected the behavior of the child also indicates that the punishment was likely too extreme.

What most people don't consider is that inflicting (very mild) pain is a natural way to teach correct behavior to a child. That's how kids learn how to do things safely. They learn how to cope with hot materials such as food or candles by experiencing the pain caused by it. They learn that you need to be careful when climbing because falling hurts. They learn that hitting your sister isn't smart because she hits back.

[wufwugy]

This actually sounds pretty cruel to me. I don't think you should make a child associate certain behavior with the fear of being embarassed and left alone.

Not sure that's what it is. All she really did was treat him like he is a person. The parents' rules on why he cant eat in the living room are simply confusing him. He thinks he should be able to be a part of the family, to be like his parents; he wants to try to do what he should, but his parents don't realize that when they make a blanket rule that causes more problems than it solves. So when she put him in the room with food, she told him that she cares about HIM, not about dumb rules he doesn't understand that keep him from being what he wants. It also showed him that not only does he not need to make trouble with her, but he actually doesn't want to because he doesn't want to give her a reason to treat him poorly, and he knows she knows he's considered a trouble child because she had him watch the others play for a while.

She basically made him see that she's not going to hurt him and she treats him with care and reason but also demonstrates that he needs to reciprocate

Children are not hard to handle. Irrational and uneducated parents are incorrigible

The fact that a single punishment (supposedly) corrected the behavior of the child also indicates that the punishment was likely too extreme.

The fact that he didn't simply ignore her says it's not too extreme.

It's an example of appealing to the child's mind and emotions, which is good. Children who need discipline develop that need due to other factors like being confused by how they're treated.

My sister and her husband's story about their 11 year old niece is that they have to spank her and it does nothing because it just makes her more angry and fight even more. But the truth is that she's a very emotionally stable kid whose parents confuse her too much with their bad parenting.

Their are only two reasons my 6 year old niece has been unruly: 1) confusion and emotional destruction due to things like her parents fighting and her being yelled at, and 2) being taught that if she protests, she gets her way.

I have no problem whatsoever with my nieces because I treat them fairly, reasonably, with care, and like people who deserve respect but also must earn respect.

What most people don't consider is that inflicting (very mild) pain is a natural way to teach correct behavior to a child. That's how kids learn how to do things safely.

That's not spanking. That could be some kinds of swatting. Emotions reign supreme in humans, and being hurt by another human, especially a close one, is way different than something like a stove. Also, the human brain is wired in such a way that the reasons emotions can provide pleasure or pain is that abstractions are cross-wired with primitive sensations. That's why verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse and why simple ideas can cause the same problems as physical stimuli