So I googled "Soccer Fucking Sucks" and this is what I came up with:

Why Soccer Sucks: The Antidote To World Cup Idiocy - By Genghis Goldberg - The eXiled

An article from '98, sure, but it still rings true.

A highlight:

"None of us here at the eXile can figure out why the World Cup can’t be played without ties. Soccer people generally talk about the game being too physically stressful to play sudden-death overtimes, which would force players to stay on the field for an indefinite amount of time after regulation. If that’s true, how do professional hockey players manage during the NHL playoffs? It’s just as tough to score in hockey, and physically about ten thousand times tougher to play. The abovementioned Roberto Baggio would probably have to be hospitalized if he were forced to so much as watch one major-league hockey check, much less actually experience one. And yet: there are no ties in playoff hockey."

Heh. Contrast the following video to any of the soccer gifs above, where the players literally act as though they've been shot in the face in reaction to virtually no contact:

YouTube - Matt Cooke Cheapshot on Marc Savard