Bill: How many smokers do we have in the audience tonight?
(some applause and mild cheering)
Bill: (Imitates the smokers, coughing and wheezing.) Thanks for the effort smokers. Next time don't tax your feeble lung capacity, just go ahead a cough up a phlegm-gem right on the stage here. Ok, get ready for this... how many NON-SMOKERS do we have in the audience tonight?
(lots of applause, hootin' and hollerin')
Bill: (Waits for the applause to die down, lights a cigarette and takes a long drag.) Bunch of whining, self-righteous, pathetic little maggots. I'd quit smoking if I didn't think I'd become one of you.

Anyone else big fans?