Quote Originally Posted by XTR1000
geez, I really fucked things up yesterday. Violating my new rule, I grinded just for the sake of grinding, unfocused/distracted and sloppy. Instead of browsing the web/jacking off/calling girls/getting drunk I decided to burn my hard earned moniez
AND IT FUCKING MAKES ME SICK!!!!!

Walking home from the gym this afternoon I thought about that poker shit and why last night went so wrong and why I can´t beat this fucking limit for more than 2.1BB/100 long term. There are a couple of reasons I destilled from all the thoughts I had. Beside that I´m a bad player it´s simply the lack of discipline and emotional stability. It´s the sessions I play to get my mind clear. Sometimes after a long day when the fucking world fucks me up I set up 14-tables and grind along, only to prevent my mind from thinking about stuff thats fucking annoying me/bothering me.
Yea, why not doing sports instead? Because I already spend 3 days a week at the gym for like 2 - 3 hrs and go out running for 1 - 1.5 hrs the days in between.
Fuck me, I need to stop this. The sloppy play syndrome is probably caused by playing overrolled quite often. I got so used to blowing $100, since I "blew" it a hundred times when I was ahead, that I somewhat lost the feeling for the moniez at the table. Dont get me wrong, I want to win as bad as everybody else (maybe too bad sometimes) and I fucking hate losing, but when I´m in bad mood I kinda think "fuck you, I´ll get it back u´re bad fuck u blah blah" and suddenly lose focus on all that long term thingy.

To fix this I´m gonna use the word "fuck" as often as possible tonight and will jump into 1/2NL now. Lets see if more money at risk will make me a more disciplined player. I´m still healthy rolled for 1/2 but IF I become scared money I´ll drop back, IF I continue to spew money all over the place, I´ll drop back down.

HOLY SHIT I SAW THIS MESSAGE LATE

DO NOT DO THIS DUDE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT DO THIS!

GET YOUR PEACE FIRST! GET YOUR INNER PEACE FIRST!! THEN PLAY AT WHICHEVER LEVEL YOU WANT!