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Ok, so yeah, "February was weird". It goes far beyond the poker table. I feel as if my whole life has changed in a way. Basically, I have found myself running poorly at poker and in general.
First, let's talk about poker. I immediately went on a big downswing losing a lot, yet showing up with positive EV results which mean very little when all I want is for my BR to go up. I was completely discouraged and had some good talks with a lot of good people but the results kept happening. No matter how much of a favorite I was, I was going to lose. I talked to griffey a lot as well as Ben/bjsaust and this whole prop bet seemed like it was going to screw extra hard with my head because now all this losing was going to result in me losing even more money. This lead to a random late night talk with none other than Sauce. I told him what was going on and he listened and gave me advice like I have always been fortunate to get from him. He started mentioning how I wasn't thinking of the more important concepts in poker, only the smaller details that are needed once the important ones are conquered. Mainly, he wanted me to reshape and think of my starting hand standards. Sounds pretty lame/beginnerish amirite? Well, on my graph you will see exactly when I started talking to him (at 2k hands). I decided to show the EV in my graph just to show that regardless of my tilt, even after my talk to Sauce, my game was changing for the better. It's a tad bit nittier for now but should show an instant profit and I can adjust as I improve. Anyways, here are some key things I liked/disliked about my poker playing this month:
The good:
- I learned a lot about c-betting. I learned that c-betting is a bet just like any other and we should only do so if we'll show a profit. This either means an immediate profit by having the other person fold often enough depending on the board/their tendencies. If this does not exists, we should only c-bet if we still have SOME FE but also a decent amount of equity ourselves. For example, a lot of times we should just c/f a small PP on flops because we only have 2 outs if we are bluffing. With a nittier opening range, especially one that throws out smaller PP in early positions, we can c-bet a lot more.
- I learned that all my raises in all positions should be +EV. This sounds ridiculous but a lot of times, for example, I would just try to steal blinds vs. people that weren't having it and I'd have a horrible hand to fall back on against their range. No more.
- I learned a couple of breathing exercises and at some points during this month I became numb to losing when my money went in good because I didn't care/expected it.
- There are a lot of good friends/poker minds around me and I should talk to them a lot more. Thank you guys.
The bad:
- I stopped putting people on the precise ranges every time that I did back in January. This leads to all sorts of problems. I obviously felt lost calling bets/raising blindly which is just not playing poker at all. This then lead to no more double barrelling and other spots in which I could have profited money as opposed to just c/f the turn.
- I played when I wasn't under the right conditions. I was sick for 2 weeks and a lot of the time I was on nyquil with my eyelids feeling deeply heavy yet I "had" to play since it was nighttime and that's where the fish are. I also tilted a few buyins including shoving Q9o preflop which comes to mind.
- I didn't get a whole lot of time to study/talk to people about poker. I'm not on my computer a whole lot so most of the time was spent actually playing. I hope to be able to talk to my friends a lot more as well as fully watch key videos I neglect time and time again.
There's probably a ton more which I will to later.
As far as life stuff is concerned, February sucked. I found myself sick for 2 weeks, not really attending classes, failed a test, completely lost in every single class, feeling lonely (mainly just about girls, I have really good friends), not making a move on a girl I am 95% sure I could have at least kissed, felt depressed and drank for the first time and most likely because of me feeling down lately. Drinking for the first time is kind of big because I have always been to parties and stuff but never did it because I have a few personal reasons (if you drink it's not like I dislike you at all, trust me, all my friends party nightly about). One person said he was disappointed in me, as he drank with me, which made me sad as my mom always said how proud she was that I never drank and I'm afraid others will say something.
That said, I believe I grew up a lot this month and really do not care what other people say, besides those truly close to me. I feel like the health part of the prop bet enforced me to strive for what I want to be. I have always enjoyed a quote from a song explaining how we should be focusing on the present to get to where we want to be in the future, if that makes sense. Well, this helped because I have always wanted to lose about 15 pounds or so and feel a tad bit more confident. Anyways, the girl I was talking about that I missed my chance with has been talking with me this past week and it really seems like she is interested, yet she lives about 4 hours away. I used to want to wait until I was like over 30 to get married because I was "done with relationships". I found out that I am yearning for one right now. So we'll see how this ends up.
I think the biggest thing I learned this month is that poker is starting to mean less and less to me. Never would I have ever thought I could say this in the longest time, but if it wasn't for the fact that this game makes me more money than any job I could get right now, there's a good chance I'd cash out and quit. I still enjoy it heavily, don't get me wrong, but I am finding friends and family to be time spent much better than at the tables. Maybe it's because my best friend/roommate and I are going to officially live separately after this year, which we haven't really done in a long time. I guess I kind of feel like all this poker playing, and most importantly studying, is just not the way I want to live. Thinking and worrying about poker has finally taken its toll. I'm sure I'll continue to think and worry a ton about it but hopefully not nearly as much.
As for March, I just want to make enough to keep me living. I would like to be at least $1.5k somehow and not really sure what stakes. I definitely have a ton for 100NL but I keep playing a tad differently there, especially 3betting, and I'm down probably $700 or so in EV there this year, most being at FR though. I will probably take on more prop bets, mainly just me thinking of stuff that will better my life so the other person won't even have do anything really, I'll just pay them if I don't complete my list. I enjoy the chips/soda thing as well as adding more pushups/situps a week and then probably adding no more cookies or fries or something. I also want to add more stuff to make me go after things more, as in go after girls, instead of copping out. I'm also trying not to cuss nearly as much, I don't know why. I need to start posting HH with all my thoughts which will be a complete must if I actually stay motivated.[/img]
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