Resumed my play after a fattening holiday weekend, and nothing but frustration. My roll is back down to $33.10 and it's more of the same. I decided to re-read the advice from the bc and started buyin in for max ($5) but my fears come true. I CAN'T WIN BIG POTS!!! I have built my roll by playing small pot poker. Turning my $1.50 buy-in into $2.50 or $3, then leaving. Just like in tournanments I can't win races and my big hands keep going down!!! Whatever my opponent needs they catch. Whatever my opponent needs, they catch. Gutshots, runner-runners, whatever. I literally have to grind out small pots. If it's a heavily contested pot, I will be the loser. This hand I am posting, when opponent pushed all in I absolutely knew I was going to lose the pot. When other players when scream "YES", I got a knot in my stomach. That's how bad it is, I actually EXPECT to lose in these situations.

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $0.02 BB (9 handed) - Poker-Stars Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

MP3 ($4.77)
CO ($4.71)
Button ($6.23)
SB ($3.50)
BB ($8.86)
UTG ($2.85)
UTG+1 ($3.56)
Hero (MP1) ($5.03)
MP2 ($8.87)

Preflop: Hero is MP1 with 6, 5
UTG raises to $0.04, 1 fold, Hero calls $0.04, 2 folds, CO calls $0.04, 1 fold, SB calls $0.03, 1 fold

Flop: ($0.18) 7, 8, Q (4 players)
SB checks, UTG bets $0.08, Hero calls $0.08, 2 folds

Turn: ($0.34) 4 (2 players)
UTG bets $0.12, Hero raises to $0.36, UTG raises to $2.73 (All-In), Hero calls $2.37

River: ($5.80) 8 (2 players, 1 all-in)

Total pot: $5.80 | Rake: $0.25

Opponent had Q8

The bigger my buy in the more I stand to lose not win. I read the stats about how "you" will hit the flop 1/4 of the time, and "you" will flop a set 1/8 of the time, make "your" flush draw 1/3 ot the time, and blah, blah, blah. But that's not the truth. It has absolutely nothing to do with "you". These stats don't apply on a personal level. These stats are for every hand dealt in every game in the world for eternity. "You" might flop your set 1/12 of the time, and catch "your" flush draw 1/10 times (like me). And Lord knows my hands don't hold up nearly as much as they are supposed to. But that's why they call it gambling, because it doesn't even out. Some people are lucky and some ain't. LAGGs are loose because they hit alot of flops, not because they like giving away chips (some do). I'm not because I don't hit flops frequently. I'm almost certain everyone has tried the LAGG style more than once, but missing flop after flop tends to tighten you up. I have a friend who hits the flop damn near half the time. I don't mean tptk or even big hands, but he pairs a hole card almost every other hand. That's just his luck.

Thing is, it doesn't really matter. I still enjoy playing and will continue to play. I still am a winning player long term, and short term I've grinded $5 into $30+. I realize now that I should tailor my game to my luck factor. I guess that's what is meant by "finding your style". I don't know. Maybe I'm just a donkey. Maybe you guys are just trying to keep the sea of poker filled with fish. Just venting I guess. Bad beats are getting to me. I know I'd feel better if I handed a bad beat out every now and then. I do, but never for a big pot. That is my real gripe. I can't take down the big pots. Destined to grind. Oh well. Till tomorrow.

Glutton for punishment.