It's kind of weird you posted that because in my last post in this thread I actually typed a question along the lines of:

"What part(s) of your style of play or personality might lend themselves to the swongs you go through?"

But I deleted it before posting because it seemed a little personal.

I understand what you mean about your ego feeling it hasn't been rewarded with what it feels it's entitled to, cuz that's pretty much how I tend to feel. I can't reason or accept that bad people, or stupid people, succeed. I don't understand how people don't want to be better, or won't try if they do. I don't understand how people fail upwards when I am capable, confident enough to be decisive and act, but the only breaks I catch are temporary lulls in a frustrating monotony. Life is so much easier when I stop for a moment, assert control and switch those thoughts off. I take a knock, they come back and everything gets harder again. It's weird, but if the alternative to thinking too much is thinking less, then the solution is to think, be aware and focus on thinking less. It sounds counter-intuitive to a degree, but for myself at least, it takes conscious effort to let things slide and stop thinking too much. I have to catch myself or the default reaction is the part of me that benefits me least. I would hope that over time, prolonged conscious effort will give way to a natural much calmer, contented reaction.

If you're anything like me, the goals you've set out will give you focus and by extension the work to achieve them will give you the results you need, including the natural automation of better reactions through repetition if nothing else. I appreciate that you have extensive experience of playing poker, but there's logging hands and then there's playing within a purpose and rules that you consciously adhere to. We don't stand to learn in the former what we would in the latter, even if technically we would have wanted the same result all along.

You alluded to it but there's a great quote that says the distance between genius and insanity is measured only by success. Well it's application and effort that's going to put mileage between them. If you know what you want, keep going.

Ramble ramble ramble, but as much as I often want to be distanced from people the depth in variety of the human condition is fascinating. I hope if nothing else you find some positive reinforcement in what I've said.

Also try to stop getting 2-outered. Poker is a skill game, work on your not getting lucksacked skill.