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I'll get this out of the way quickly, but I just thought you should know that I think your blog is great. It is well written and I enjoy reading it.
Anyway, that's not why I came to this thread....I came here to talk about your "problem" that you discussed in your latest blog post. Youre "problem" that you have? You're a Bankroll Baby.
Courtie, welcome to my world.
I'm not sure if you've gone back and read many of my blog posts, but I've discussed being a Bankroll Baby a time or two. I've talked about how I played NL25 until I had a BR of over 3k....and about how I didn't make the jump to NL100, full-time, until I had about 6k behind me (I skipped NL50 almost entirely for various reasons). I just recently switched to NL100 6-max, but as of right now I'm still sitting here with over 100 buy-ins behind me at this level. Just one month ago I was playing NL100 (6-max and full-ring) with 130+ buy-ins behind me (I just dipped into the BR to buy two dope-ass monitors and paid of some other bills).
Insane? Some think so. (EDIT: I plan on making a jump up to NL200 soon, though, my excuse now is that I'm learning a new game, 6-max, which is a valid excuse I think)
Anyway, I've talked about my "problem" at great length...but the more I think about it, the more I am starting to believe that it actually isn't a problem at all. It's one of those "it is.....but it isn't" sort of things.
Poker attracts many different types of players. The extremes are those people that play with a reckless abandon, those that pay no attention to bankroll management.....and then you have people like us, those that play with, what some would consider, too much "cushion." The rest, or the majority, fall somewhere in between.
I used to kick myself all the time, much like you are doing, because I wasn't moving up levels fast enough. I thought, and others told me (correctly, as it turns out), that I was missing out on making more money by playing lower stakes. Even with knowing this, and hearing it from others, I still couldn't change the way I felt about my situation.
Why did I feel this way? Why did I move up levels so slowly? Well, for the longest time I couldn't handle "the swings of poker." I couldn't handle losing a few buy-ins at NL25. Each and every time I did I thought it was the end of the world, that my game was going in the shitter, that if I couldn't beat this game 100% of the time then really, how good was I? If I wasn't able to handle losing a buy-in at that level, and realize "that's just poker," then I knew I wasn't ready to move up to NL100.
I was also at a nice comfort level. The money still mattered, the money I was making was great, and really meant something.....to me. I remember hopping into bed after a late-night session and telling my (now) fiance, "I made $60 tonight!" Who woulda thunk it that you could make that type of money doing something you love so much. I almost laugh at that comment now, but jeeze, $50-60 in a night used to be such a HUGE deal...
Over time, with the help of others and by myself, I started to see "the big picture," if you want to call it that. I started to understand that in order to make more money I had to put more on the table. Would I lose more if I lost a buy-in? Of course, but I would also MAKE more money if I could keep a consistent win-rate going too. Getting to this point has increased my profits a LOT.
Slowly, but surely, my thought process has changed...I'm still a Bankroll Baby, don't get me wrong....but I'm getting close to losing that tag for good. I now have goals for when I want to be playing at certain levels which is something I *never* used to do. I used to always say, "I'll move up when I'm ready." Now I *know* I'm ready for NL200, so I'm going...and my game is ready for NL400 and I will be there just as soon as I conquor NL200 for a while.
So, back to my original point. Do I think being a Bankroll Baby is bad? It is.....and it isn't. It is because you're not going to, at least theoretically, maximize your profits by playing over-rolled. Being a BR Baby is a good thing, though, because you're still *learning the game.* You're a newbie at this (much like I was). In the beginning, I was constantly learning, constantly watching all of my tables that are open, constantly processing information that was going to help me 10, 20, 50, 2349, 11,239 hands from then. I knew that at *some point* I was going to move up in levels when I was *ready*.
Poker, to me, is a marathon, and should be treated as such...Go at your own pace. Sooner or later, you'll get used to the money, you'll get used to the swings....and you won't be as much of a BR Baby. Then you'll jump up levels and find out it's not so hard.....and then you'll jump up levels again, and maybe find out the same thing.....You'll be playing higher and higher.
It's not how you get there.....it's just that you get there. I hope to be playing 5/10 or 10/20 some day. Maybe even higher. If it takes me a few years to learn and build a roll, I'm cool with that.
I know I rambled there towards the end....but seriously, don't kick yourself for being a Bankroll Baby. It's natural for people like us, and it's okay. All of those numbers for moving up levels, all those stats that explain how many buy-ins you need for each step....it's all bullshit. They're just numbers. What's good (and safe feeling) for one will not be good (and safe feeling) for another. Some people can't play unless they have their entire BR on the line because it's not a rush for them....others need to play with huge cushions, because the money matters to them at all times.
So my advice? Move up when you're ready, move up when it feels right. You'll know when. You'll love it when you do with the amount of money you'll start raking in...
Good luck,
UG
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