beginning to feel better. played a bit, mix of stuff. HU, 6max, different stakes. Up a bit.

I thought it might be important to write this down...

I was forced to take some time away from poker to deal with some business recently then immediately fell ill. I was surprised how much I enjoyed not playing. Some things that have been on my mind...

- in over two years only the last 2 or 3 months have been "winning" months although my career earnings are barely in the green.
- I'm witness to the roller coaster careers of close poker friend which has left me feeling vicariously discouraged and perhaps disenchanted.
- 90% of posts/blogs, etc. are about people's frustrations and losses in face of poker. I don't like those odds.
- I'm not dependent on poker to make money. I have several avenues I could explore. I contemplate them often. Defying the odds and making money by this means strikes me as more gratifying for some reason. Problem is I'm under increasing pressure to make money which has been hugely counter-productive.
- I think often about how my time could be better spent in regards to the amount of hours I log playing poker.
- The thing that attracts me the most about poker is the distance from others it offers by design. Its convenience and flexibility also make for a great form of self-employment.
- I think my enjoyment of poker for the sake of poker is capped. I still haven't experienced the fun of making real money.
- I'm worried that if I'm not more passionate about poker that I may not succeed. Poker is not always on my mind but does excite me when it is.

Not sure where this is going but I definitely feel like a reevaluation or search for something has begun brewing inside me. Opportunity for growth imo.