I think this is a common theme - people playing 5nl but all the while dreaming desperately of making a living etc from playing poker. Imo this is the way to guarantee you won't ever achieve that, you're putting enormous pressure on yourself which you're ill equipped to deal with.

Look at anyone who is highly successful in their field - sportsmen, actors, journalists, great politicians, scientists etc. A lot of them will be earning huge sums of money for doing what they do. But do you think that was their obsession when they were training for their sport or studying for their PhD? No, their obsession was the thing itself, not the financial rewards that will come of it.

We've all seen those 4 or 5 year old posts by Spoon, ISF etc when they were starting out like the rest of us. Few of them say "hai der I wanna make $100k+ making poker plzthxbye". Instead they all demonstrate a fascination and love of the game.

At the end of the day, nothing in life is worth doing if you don't enjoy it.

Just my 2c.