I chat to my mates in the pub. Been doing it for years - I'm a happy, confident person, who always knows when to get a round in, tells great jokes and pulls the hottest chicks.

But I'm sick to the back teeth with these so-called "internet forums", where retards and stoners chat to each other like they have some kind of skill at social intercourse.

Wtf? Put any of these dudes in a live environment, surrounded by me and my buds, and we'd eat them for breakfats - except... they keep making these donk moves, like interrupting my sentences, refusing to buy drinks and talking about their collection of die-cast model soldiers, and I'm like flustered - how the hell do I know how to react to these idiots!? So I end up staring blackly at these pricks and leaving early, while they monopolise conversation with their Star Wars impressions and shit. Who the hell do they think they are???