well, i was fuckin wasted...

[ATOTHEC101]

this is a thread to appreeciate all the awesoe things ftw members have done whikst wasted, im ridiculously gone riight noe so ill start... well toniht i got smashed chatted up and got with this hot blond barmaid after her shift, i was then called a prick in the toilets by these guys who couldnt understand why id robbed these strawws which were actually glow stiks, but as it was light they couldnt tell. I did not enjoy bein insulted so i ended up threatendin them with death. anywho this ended up in a brawl betweeen me and the 1 guy, we both got good shots in and my eye now hurts considerably, but i cauht him with a sweet right hook so its all good... i then ot a taxi within a mile or two my house, i wudda got closer but i ran outta money, im now goin to go to sleep as im feelin fucked, shall update with awesome drunk stoies in the mornin, feel free to add awesome drunk stories in the mean time,peace out and saffeeee

[silu73]

Cer a ca arall bîr. Blymi fel caech a 'n fawr nos.

[bigred]

most of this story is false, d u c y?

[thizzSantaCruz]

guess it could be true if he hooked up with the barmaid at the bar.

[ATOTHEC101]

wow, im not sure why i wrote this, anywho in relation to the story its all true as with the barmaid thing i waited till her shift was over, had been chattin wid her alot during the night, we basically stayed in this 1 club as it was some sort of special offer cheap drinks night or sumthing. I then did get in a fight in the toilets over glowsticks :/, but he was bein a dick so whatever, it happens. And to top it all off i did run out of money before I could get home and walked the rest of the way as per usual. overall a preety good night.

Anywho i sorta like the premise of this thread and think it would be a decent idea to just post all your crazy dunken experiences or stories in it, ive got a ton but ill let someone else start first.

[bigred]

how do you get...drunk?

[smithy2234]

i have list $100 in one night when i was pissed playing poker it felt ok at the time until i woke up the next morning with a rotten headache and to top it off i checked my poker account and then had a luk at how i played. i bet the other players at that table were very happy while i was looking over it it did actually look as if i tilted because i lost $6 in one hand and then i started crying and ran through my local town naked............... the last bit isnt true for all you takeapissaholics out there.
lmao DO NOT PLAY POKER WHILE YOU ARE PISSED

[bigred]

i see he speaks english but what is he saying

[ATOTHEC101]

This story is from the other week when i went to ibizia with my mates. It all started off innocently enough as we all got solidly pissed up at our all inclusive hotel, we then headed for some clubs at about 10.30. After further drinking i had my eye on this 1 hot girl, but to my dismay my friend made it his mission to cockblock me as he also liked this girl, even though hes got a fuckin girlfriend, i did not take kindly to this and got in a massive arguement with him. uno how you can go from super happy drunk to fuck this world drunk, well thats what happened to me.

I stormed off, kickin and punchin things as i went. I then kicked this parked scooter, knockin it over, what i failed to notice was the two guys literally feet away from me who the scooter belonged to, safe to say they were not best pleased. I was so smashed i knew if i got into a fight with these guys id get battered so i legged it, very fast...with them in pursuit i ran down this alley and into this courtyard hoping to lose them. Thankfully i managed that but unfortunately id basically strolled into the seedy underworld personified.

I was on the outskirts of the built up part of ibizia by now and it definitely wasnt as friendly as id hoped. There were cheap hookers everywhere, several guys who looked alot like pimps as well as quite a few used syringes and other crap on the floor. It took like 5 seconds before i was propositioned by one of these hookers and as i felt like a pick me up due to my depressed mood, aided by my drunken state i duly obliged. First time ive ever done this and i regretted it the next day but meh. Anywho we get down to it and half way through suckin me off i realise i have little to no money... 'o fuck' was my immediate thoughts. But i was quite enjoying it so i let her carry on regardless. Yet i didnt enjoy it for long as all of a sudden a torch was shon into my eyes, i look up startled to see 3 spanish police staring at me, 'o fuck' was once again my immediate thoughts followed by 'meh atleast i wont have to pay'. One things for certain though, i was not spending the night in a spanish prison, images of the film midnight expess came to mind rather rapidly. So once again, i found myself runnin like fuck away from people wishing me harm. Thankfully im quite a fast runner, especially in these sort of circumstances so before i knew it id arrived on the beach, i was completely exhausted by now and promptly stripped down to my shorts and fell asleep.

I awoke maybe an hour later still really quite drunk, i decided to walk to my hotel and call it a night as it was about 6a.m by this point. After walkin for fucking ages not knowing where the hell i was going i finally arived at my hotel, i was boiling so decided it would be a good idea to jump into the closed pool,it was at this point that i realised id walked home in just my shorts, leaving my shoes, t shirt, socks as well as my wallet back at the beach (thankfully wallet only had a bankcard in and like 3 euros). I decided to take a dip anyway. This did not go down well with the security guard. I was confronted by a barage of angry sounding spanish and was quickly marched to the hotel lobby and to the hotel manager, seems as if the spanish dont especially like tourists such as myself. Thankfully it was the same manager who had responded to me bein draged home shitfaced the night before by 2 of my friends with the A team theme tune and a salute, thus i wasnt to worried. But as id also lost my room key they had to give me another, so once again i was marched by the security card, this time to my room, i stumbled through the door and collapsed on my bed, tryin to get atleast a few hours sleep as i was gonna be repeatin this drunken process the next night as well, good times.

[givememyleg]

I did not enjoy bein insulted so i ended up threatendin them with death.

see your problem is you probably used like level 4 death when he was 25 years old or something. you need to ask their age prior from now on.

Those crazy Welshmen.

[sil693]

i got thrown out of a nightclub after being in there for less than 2 minutes. I paid the entrance fee, took 2 steps into the club and then decided i needed a piss, right where i was standing.

theres nothing like unleashing the member in front of bouncers and pissing all over the floor.

lessons learnt?? - dont drink copious amounts of absinthe
- use teh toilets for teh piss

tyty.

[bode]

i see he speaks english but what is he saying

he put all the periods in a row instead of spreading them throughout the paragraph.

[bigred]

This isn't my story but I think it's great - it's a friend of my roommate's

So my roomate and his college friends were drinking all day and are completely smashed. They're at this bar by a beach which has a patio with a band on it. One of his friends shoves a kid named "john" and john begins to do one of those Mike Tyson knockout falls where he just kind of keeps falling back for 3 minutes while staying on his feet. He proceeds to fall back into the band's piano player who he completely takes out and finally collapses on the floor. After laying there for a minute a bouncer comes and picks him up off the floor and says "The band has requested that you leave." John looks up at the bouncer half being held half falling over and goes "WHY?!?!!?!" He was then thrown out.

[Galapogos]

Speaking of bands at bars, after hockey one night we went to some local pub totally wasted and there was some shitty small time alt rock band playing. And I see they have this rack full of their band t-shirts for sale. So I stumble over there and decide I'm gonna steal one all "icognito". So even though what I'm doing is super obvious I'm too drunk to think anyone can tell as I was being slow and careful about it.

Then my one buddy comes up and super loud goes, "What the fuck are you trying to steal their shirts? AWESOME!" Then he literally grabs like half of them and walks away with an armload. Then literally 2 seconds later their weak-ass groupies come up and go, "We've been watching you we know you're trying to steal these!" And they continues to bitch me out. And I'm like wtf? How did they not see Ryan take an armload??

But anyway minutes later the band says something like, "We dedicate this next song to that motherfucker over there that tried to steal from us!" And of course they point at me and a bunch of people boo me, whatever. So I walk up to the stage to apologize or something. Then I stop and think why am I apologizing to these losers? So I just quickly grabbed as many shirts were left and bolted out the door.

The weird thing is I don't think anyone chased me. I can't say for sure because I didn't look back, but I don't think stumbling drunk running would do the trick to make for a swift getaway.

[badgers]

my friend managed to get headbutted in the rangers riot in manchester for going into a pub filled with rangers fans who'd just been rioting and supporting the russians.

funny how the welshmen always attract trouble, I always try to avoid it if possible myself...

[ATOTHEC101]

my friend managed to get headbutted in the rangers riot in manchester for going into a pub filled with rangers fans who'd just been rioting and supporting the russians.

funny how the welshmen always attract trouble, I always try to avoid it if possible myself...

lol, and to think im a welshmen who sounds like an englishman, undercover obv

[thizzSantaCruz]

Not sure to put this in the totally living thread or this one but I'll submit it here because its newer. I apologize in advance for fucked up linguistics because I am thorougly trashed.

I'm on maui right now where I spend my summers every year. Its my friend Kristen's brithday who visits at the same time as me every year and we always throw a party for her. We all are drinking aggressively the entire nite and consume copius amounts of booze. The nite winds down and the girls leave. All the gnarly dudes are left and we are attacking the remaining handles like it was the last virgin on planet earth.

We are thoroghly smashed and someone has the bright idea of jumping off the backside of blackrock at nite.

Blackrock is a 50 foot jump that includes a gnarly climb up lava rock to get back up. You have to jump out about 10 feet to clear the ledge and plunge into the deep ocean. Simple right?

While going out on the balcony to get my swim trunks that are drying I smash my leg on my surf board opening up a gash on my leg. I'm bleeding profusely and since I am drunk it won't stop. Fuck it a little blood will never hurt.

Since tiger sharks are very common out in the channel we decide I should jump last because then it will only be me vs the sharks. If people jumped after me they would be at a disadvantage and the sharks would have the heads up. All 7 of us bomb off the cliff and I make the plunge immediatly afterwards. As soon as I hit the water I start swimming like the dominant olympic swimmer whatever the fuck his name is. I've never paddled this hard in my life. Its choppy as hell and every paddle I'm hit with a chop wave of water screaming up my nose. I finally get to the group at the cliff and we climb one by one up.

One of my buddies winds up slipping and falling on the lava rock but luckily im on a flat section and can catch him without hurting myself. He cut his side up pretty good on the fall down but at least hes alive.

I now think we are prehaps some of the gnarliest dudes on maui, gnarly then the kamanai probably.

LOL I use the word gnarly way too much.

[ATOTHEC101]

[quote="thizzSantaCruz"]Not sure to put this in the totally living thread or this one but I'll submit it here because its newer.

wise choice, wise choice, and cool story

[Galapogos]

This explains your odd facebook status. I thought it was some kind of reference to a joke, apparently you were speaking quite literally.

[ATOTHEC101]

well i went out clubbing last night and got ridiculously drunk off absynth and various other obscene drinks. The night was going preety well untill we changed clubs and for some reason i was running and fulout bailed ending up smacking my head on a curb and leavin a decent sized cut above my right eye as well as hammering my leg and back at the same time, the spot where i hit my head quickly swelled up to the size of a golf ball. That unfortunately led to the lot of us going home as i was bleeding everywhere, on that basis and the fact now ive sobered up i feel fucking terrible, the night was quite the epic fail.