A pirate walks into a bar...

[Robert Tiltin']

...Bartender says "Mr. Pirate, You have a steering wheel attached to your testicles. Doesn't that HURT???"








Pirate replies:

























"ARRRR! IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!!!"



I say that joke at all of my final tables.





I got another one, too:



What do you get when you ask a dog to multiply 88 times 7???






























THE WRONG ANSWER!!!!


/ I'm here all week.. thankyouthankyou!

[DWDuck]

Hardy har har....

So a man walks into a bar (ouch), and says to the bartender "if I can absolutely astound and amaze you, will you give me drinks for free tonight?". The bartender says to the man "I've been around a while, and seen so many crazy things that there is no way you can astound and amaze me. You're on.".

The man proceeds to put his bag on the counter, open it up... when a man about a foot tall jumps out with a mini piano, and starts playing some funky blues. The bartender is astounded. "Well sir.... I suppose I owe you some drinks. But please tell me, how did you do it?".

The man pulls a lamp out of the bag. There's a genie in this lamp... if you rub it, it will grant you a single wish. The man rubs it, and out pops the genie. "Ok dude, what's your wish?" the genie asks. The man thinks, and makes his wish. Suddenly the bar is filled with ducks. Thousands... nay hundreds of thousands of ducks fill the bar. "What the hell is this?!?!?" the bartender screams. "I asked for a million bucks!"

"What did you think I asked for," the man said "A 12 inch pianist?".

I'm out.

Darkwing

[Theeggman]

Hardy har har....

So a man walks into a bar (ouch), and says to the bartender "if I can absolutely astound and amaze you, will you give me drinks for free tonight?". The bartender says to the man "I've been around a while, and seen so many crazy things that there is no way you can astound and amaze me. You're on.".

The man proceeds to put his bag on the counter, open it up... when a man about a foot tall jumps out with a mini piano, and starts playing some funky blues. The bartender is astounded. "Well sir.... I suppose I owe you some drinks. But please tell me, how did you do it?".

The man pulls a lamp out of the bag. There's a genie in this lamp... if you rub it, it will grant you a single wish. The man rubs it, and out pops the genie. "Ok dude, what's your wish?" the genie asks. The man thinks, and makes his wish. Suddenly the bar is filled with ducks. Thousands... nay hundreds of thousands of ducks fill the bar. "What the hell is this?!?!?" the bartender screams. "I asked for a million bucks!"

"What did you think I asked for," the man said "A 12 inch pianist?".

I'm out.

Darkwing

ROFL - This is one I'd remember if I only could.

Why are you a pirate?

Because you arrrrrrrr.

This is the best joke I've heard in a while.

So there were two people who had recently died, and their souls were floating up to the heaven.

As they were floating up into the sky, a huge bald eagle flew right past them, it was an amazing spectacle.

So one of the souls says to the other one 'Ahhhh, eagle!'.

But the eagle was too polite to reply.

[koolmoe]

But the eagle was too polite to reply.

I don't get it.

But the eagle was too polite to reply.

I don't get it.

Think about it!

[a500lbgorilla]

It must be some high class British humor.

-'rilla

[storm75m]

But the eagle was too polite to reply.

I don't get it.

Think about it!

Any joke i have to think about for more than 5 minutes...

Wait I think I got it...

Nope, sorry dude.

'Rilla, I am disappointed in you.

[Sed]

you asshole... that sucked

you asshole... that sucked

FINALLY.

[a500lbgorilla]

I still don't get it.

-'rilla

[Estrop]

you asshole... that sucked

FINALLY.

I don't even want to get it.

[ville18]

ahhh dman..

[DBL0SVN]

This is the best joke I've heard in a while.

So there were two people who had recently died, and their souls were floating up to the heaven.

As they were floating up into the sky, a huge bald eagle flew right past them, it was an amazing spectacle.

So one of the souls says to the other one 'Ahhhh, eagle!'.

But the eagle was too polite to reply.

Love it dwarfman

In a similar vein:

A termite walks into bar and asks "Excuse me, but where is the bartender?"

[Element187]

sorry dwarfman, you lose the pot with that joke.

[Toasty]

ok this isn't a british thing, cause I havn't got a clue about that joke. Maybe it's a nerd joke or somthing

Nerd Joke!!!

There are 10 types of people in this world, those that understand binary . . and those that do not!

[gutshot]

A termite walks into bar and asks "Excuse me, but where is the bartender?"

This one I get. Dwarfman's is still beyond me.


On that note......
A man walks into a bar and has a few drinks. He notices a horse in a corral out back and offers the bartender a wager. "I'll bet you my bar tab that I can make that horse laugh," says the patron. The bartender replies "Yea right, I'll take that bet."

The man walks out the back door, approaches the horse and whispers into his ear. Immediately the horse busts out in a fit of maniacal laughter.

"I don't know how you did it, but your drinks are on the house," said the bar tender.

Several days later, the man comes back into the bar for some more drinks. Again he challenges the bartender to pay his tab if he can this time make the horse cry. "I've seen some crazy shit, but I don't think there is any way you can pull this one off."

The man again goes outside, grabs the horse by the rope, pulls him to the side of the bar, and leads him back to the corral. The horse is balling like a baby.

"OK, you win" says the bartender. "I gotta ask though, how did you do it?"

The man replied, "The first time I told him my dick was bigger than his. The second time I proved it!"