Oh shit Zombies!

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11-15-2010, 05:24 AM
JKDS

Oh shit Zombies!

http://bulk2.destructoid.com/ul/128132-Untitled-1.jpg

Well, the Zombie Apocalypse happened, unfortunately you were in the middle of a super awesome poker session and didn't notice. A zombie barges into your room, and you're caught with your pants down (possibly both literally, and figuratively).

Your only hope is to grab the item directly to your left and try and fight off this single zombie until

a) help arrives
b) you can shift into your zombie survival strategy
c) the zombies suddenly die (ya right)

JKDS grabs the most deadly weapon he can directly to his left, and lunges at the zombie with his

http://www.ionicmall.co.za/images/PS...r2_270x253.bmp

Unfortunately, the ps3 controller was too light weight to do any serious damage. The zombie opens up his skull and slowly eats his brains while he screams in pain.

Do you survive? (We're talking zombieland zombies fwiw)
11-15-2010, 05:35 AM
a500lbgorilla

A cup of warm coffee right in his zombie face and the running begins. FUCK YOURSELF FOOL!

Also, of course I survive. I haven't died in a zombie swarm yet, why would this time be any different?
11-15-2010, 05:39 AM
rong

My laptop, my phone or some bog roll.

No way I'm risking the laptop. HTC desire lives to fight another day. Toilet roll it is.

Plan, pull up pants, use lighter in pocket to set fire to bog roll, burn zombie, burn!
11-15-2010, 05:41 AM
a500lbgorilla

lol at pull up pants
11-15-2010, 07:08 AM
WillburForce

I've got a choice of rucksack, empty coffee cup, empty wicker fruit basket or my mobile.

Plan of a action: Rucksack on zombies head so he can't see, kick to zombie balls, quick pic taken on phone, jump out window, run like fuck.
11-15-2010, 07:18 AM
Monty3038

Hmm... item directly to my left is any number of books from my shelf, or the antique knife on the middle shelf... I'd hope I'm smart enough to use the knife... then it's out the door and 'cardio'. Remember the rules...
11-15-2010, 09:10 AM
bigred

iPhone...I have an app for that
11-15-2010, 09:21 AM
Illfavor

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigred

iPhone...I have an app for that

This.
11-15-2010, 10:02 AM
Donachello

http://0.tqn.com/d/cocktails/1/G/C/E/-/-/red_stag.jpg

Chug whiskey, fly into drunken rage, break bottle, do work.
11-15-2010, 10:33 AM
bode

i gather from the context what bog roll is, but wtf is rucksack? for a minute i thought he was asian and couldn't type an L either. Now i see hes a brit, and still wonder why you guys cant speak engrish?
11-15-2010, 10:39 AM
WillburForce

rucksack????? Whats wrong with you guys? Thank god we threw you out of the Empire cause you were bringing us down.

I have no idea what else you call it. A bumbag? a fanny sack? gahhhhh!

http://img51.imageshack.us/img51/3935/rucksack.jpg
Uploaded with ImageShack.us
11-15-2010, 10:49 AM
kingnat

SUICIDE BOOMBBBERRRRR!!!!!!!!! KAKAKBBALALAAMAAAMMMMMOOOOOO!O!!O!!!!!1
11-15-2010, 11:14 AM
Warpe

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigred

iPhone...I have an app for that

damn
11-15-2010, 12:07 PM
philly and the phanatics

Quote:

Originally Posted by WillburForce

I have no idea what else you call it. A bumbag? a fanny sack? gahhhhh!

backpack?

@op- i would begin by hurling a thunderstorm of glasses/cups/plates/bowls from around my computer desk, then if that didnt work id promptly youtube some justin beiber, the undead HATE justin beiber. So then not only would the zombie be pretty much defeated but id be super stoked because i love the beib.
11-15-2010, 12:19 PM
XTR1000

rucksack is German for backpack. another evident for my "hitler lives on in an geostationary orbit, controlling justin bieber, the ceo of toyota and is responsible for the yogi-bear movie ruining my childhood memories"-theory.

to my left is my badass 6kg chain bike lock with which i´ll easily smash the zombies head. if it´s a female zombie the killing might be followed by something internet video-worthy. pants are down already anyway.
11-15-2010, 01:16 PM
bikes

swiss army knife ftw. i'll distract them with it's many gadgets and knick knacks as well as pretty colors while i make my track star-esque escape
11-15-2010, 01:20 PM
bigred

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bbickes

swiss army knife ftw. i'll distract them with it's many gadgets and knick knacks as well as pretty colors while i make my track star-esque escape

Azns will be too absorbed with starcraft 2 to notice they're being eaten
11-15-2010, 01:33 PM
bikes

i hates how u own me everytime i posts =(
11-15-2010, 01:38 PM
flomo

i beat the thing to death with my tissue box
11-15-2010, 01:44 PM
bigred

Quote:

Originally Posted by flomo

i beat the thing to death with my tissue box

fap fap fap

how's married life?
11-15-2010, 02:22 PM
boost

My knife bag is to my left. Pretty sure my 9.5in misono would work quite well for a frontal labotomy..

http://www.paulsfinest.com/image.php?productid=590
11-15-2010, 03:29 PM
bigred

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bbickes

i hates how u own me everytime i posts =(

<3

I'll buy you a coffee when we shop at Nordstrom
11-15-2010, 04:07 PM
wufwugy

thats funny because my chainsaw just happens to be sitting to my left
11-15-2010, 07:14 PM
WillburForce

Quote:

Originally Posted by philly and the phanatics

backpack?

Literal Americans. the whole point of the English language is to name things so that it makes no sense and know one understands.
11-15-2010, 07:22 PM
Penneywize

so yeah everyone in this thread's a moron

1) knives? Are you fucking serious? Stabbing zombies does fuck all. You need distance, and you need to crush its brain, mother fucker.

2) A rucksack is called by the same name in north america you tards. It's not a backpack. Fuck!

3) Escape? Onto the streets? It's the zombie apocalypse. BAD FUCKING IDEA

RAAAAAAGGGGEEEE!!!!!!!

Now to answer JKDS:

I have a wall to my left. I'd pick up the chair I'm sitting on and try to fend off the bastard with that. If I'm lucky, I make it over to a heavy lamp I have sitting in the corner in my room and use that shit to smash its head in.

Though I'd probably die before getting a chance to do any of that, since the entrance to my apt is directly behind where I'm sitting...
11-15-2010, 07:23 PM
Penneywize

Oh yeah and you guys def need to read this book:

The Zombie Survival Guide - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
11-15-2010, 07:39 PM
WillburForce

watch Shaun of the Dead and just get your 80's records out.

Frisbee them fuckers with Dire Straits.
11-15-2010, 07:40 PM
boost

youre crazy. Obv stabbing a zombie in the chest or whatever does nothing. But if you stab it in the fucking temple twice (double tap), its going down for good. Obv melee weapons are not ideal, but despite what the rest of the world thinks, not all americans have a gun on them at all times.
11-15-2010, 07:43 PM
Galapogos

Damn, all I have is my hat.

Wear it real low and hope he mistakes me for a fellow zombie since he can't see my face?
10-08-2012, 06:41 AM
BooG690

So I've decided to have an ESL class on surviving a zombie apocalypse. However, I'm probably fucked when it comes to this department as I don't watch the Walking Dead. I DID see Zombieland but those rules are eh. Any rules my kids should definitely know? Keep in mind there are no guns in Korea except for the police (whom we can jack but yeah, that'd be hard).
10-08-2012, 10:03 AM
bigred

Quote:

Originally Posted by BooG690

So I've decided to have an ESL class on surviving a zombie apocalypse. However, I'm probably fucked when it comes to this department as I don't watch the Walking Dead. I DID see Zombieland but those rules are eh. Any rules my kids should definitely know? Keep in mind there are no guns in Korea except for the police (whom we can jack but yeah, that'd be hard).

Guns are a bad move anyway. Too much noise. You need a long range weapon like a crossbow and a close range weapon like a shovel or an axe.

The most important thing for survival is learning how to filter water, find food, and find a safe place to sleep at night.
10-08-2012, 10:05 AM
bigred

Also, 2010 Bigred is fucking hilarious. You still have that sweater, Bikes?
10-08-2012, 10:06 AM
bigred

Honestly, if you want to learn a lot about zombie Survival, check out the Day-z computer game mod. Supposed to be super realistic and awesome!
10-08-2012, 10:06 AM
bigred

Omg, Boog, make it a test! Make them play the game. If they die, FAIL!
10-08-2012, 10:13 AM
Luco

Watch Shaun of the Dead for some good tips as Willbur said two years ago.

Bigred also nails it without being too specific - food, water, shelter. Gotta board up the windows, lock the doors, keep the noise to a minimum and above all (this is important), if one of the children you teach gets bitten, the other kids must kill him/her as quickly and brutally as possible.

When you write that last bit on the board, underline it twice.
10-08-2012, 10:16 AM
Stacks

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigred

Also, 2010 Bigred is fucking hilarious. You still have that sweater, Bikes?

2010 BR was much better than this watered down 2012 version we have to put up with now, that's for sure.
10-08-2012, 10:16 AM
Stacks

God damnit Carl. Stay in the fucking house!
10-08-2012, 10:35 AM
bigred

If you base your teaching on The Walking Dead, then inform your class that every female will act emotional and irrational at the worst times and get you all into a shit load of trouble.
10-08-2012, 11:08 AM
rong

During a zombie apocalypse, women are nothing more than status symbols.
10-08-2012, 11:09 AM
BooG690

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lucothefish

and above all (this is important), if one of the children you teach gets bitten, the other kids must kill him/her as quickly and brutally as possible.

When you write that last bit on the board, underline it twice.

I explained this bit. I told them that they had to avoid becoming emotionally attached to others in case somebody gets bitten. I told them we'd have to kill the one who was bitten. I understand the haste but why the brutality?
10-08-2012, 12:22 PM
supa

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigred

If you base your teaching on real life, then inform your class that every female will act emotional and irrational at the worst times and get you all into a shit load of trouble.

Fixed.
10-08-2012, 03:38 PM
bigspenda73

ice pack, I'm dead
10-08-2012, 05:20 PM
kingnat

Grabs 5 y.o. and apparently gives zombie something to eat, while i search for something with which to bash brains.
10-09-2012, 06:36 AM
eugmac

I have a rock, it's pretty big but is small enough to handle one-handed. Melee definitely feels risky, though, but what choice do I have?
10-09-2012, 08:15 AM
Luco

Quote:

Originally Posted by BooG690

I explained this bit. I told them that they had to avoid becoming emotionally attached to others in case somebody gets bitten. I told them we'd have to kill the one who was bitten. I understand the haste but why the brutality?

Be ruthless or be dead. The time for 'I LOVE PUSSY' pencil cases is gone, that's not the zombie world we live in anymore...
10-09-2012, 09:51 AM
bigred

Quote:

Originally Posted by BooG690

I explained this bit. I told them that they had to avoid becoming emotionally attached to others in case somebody gets bitten. I told them we'd have to kill the one who was bitten. I understand the haste but why the brutality?

How on earth have the parents not stormed your school and deported you yet?
10-11-2012, 03:42 PM
Pascal

Shaun of the Dead is amazing, watch it! Not for zombie research just cos its so good

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