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the internet is a fascinating limitless source of knowledge.
If Scotch tape touches my anus while I'm sleeping, odds are that's going to wake me up and that's as annoying as having worms. We can't win.
My girlfriend might get the wrong idea if I ask her to touch my anus while I'm sleeping.
Hahaha oh wowQuote:
Originally Posted by boost
I was a stander but I have reached a compromise, a half-crouch I call 'The ski-jumper'. I've found there is better wipe yield to be achieved by this.
Why does this thread keep getting bumbed sigh.
But seriously this \/V\/
There can't be that many Paris Hilton sized bums here that don't need to stand a little to gain access!Quote:
Originally Posted by pantherhound
i thought this was implied by "standing". are there people here that actually stand straight up?Quote:
Originally Posted by pantherhound
i'm a stander (ski-jumper) btw
Had surgery on my right elbow a week or so ago where a splint and ace bandage was used to hold it in place.
You ever been forced to use the other hand to wipe? Very difficult
I stand all the way up. I've probably already commented in this thread because I find this unusually fascinating. I seriously had no idea whatsoever that people sat when they wiped until one time when I was 10-or-so my brother's friend walked in on me while I was wiping (I had the door resting on the latch, but not properly closed), and he was like "OMG why is the door open and why do you stand up when you wipe?!"Quote:
Originally Posted by bode
It blew my mind on two levels because 1) I had no idea that you were supposed to push the door all the way closed and that having it rest on the latch didn't count as a closed door and 2) for a LONG time I was like, "wtf, people sit down while they wipe?"
Since I take an insane amount of shits in public restrooms these days, I sit down when I wipe a lot now (damned auto-flush toilets!), but there are a lot of times where I do this awkward stand-up-but-duck-your-head-low-enough-so-that-you-can't-see-over-the-top-of-the-stall thing, and it's like woah on the socially awkward penguin richtor scale.
Where's the option for have done both? U ever crap in open stalls with other men? Boot camp starts to get weird there.
I stand all the way up, or at least I did until a few days ago. Now I crouch, after taking one step away from the toilet. Surely this is regarded as sitting? I'm in a sitting position still. Sitting then wiping is just more trouble than it's worth, your ass is blocking the seat and there really is no reason to do it. If you move to the side to wipe you might as well crouch.Quote:
Originally Posted by surviva316
Jesus fucking Christ, standers, lose weight or buy a goddamn elongated toilet instead of some pussy round one. Have we made no progress on this in 3 years?
You know how those guys that always rail against gays usually turn out to be the biggest closet cases?
Sounds to me like BennyLaRue is a water-closet case.Quote:
Originally Posted by BennyLaRue
Don't hate the way you wipe, Benny. Abraham Lincoln was a stander.
I stand, aren't fat and have a goddman elongated toilet. What is so wrong with standing I axe you? We good standers aren't launching vitriolic attacks against the sitting community, are good law abiding, tax paying citizens so I axe you again: what is so wrong with standing?Quote:
Originally Posted by BennyLaRue
You smell like poop. Right now.Quote:
Originally Posted by d0zer
I'm not the one putting my hand into a toilet bowl, putting it in danger of touching the disgusting lid.Quote:
Originally Posted by BennyLaRue
lets elaborate on this a little. What makes the people that smell like poop, smell like poop? A couple of times a week, one guy i work with smells like he wiped his ass with his bare hand and just went on with his day. I always thought it may only be fat people that had this problem, but i encounter 3 people regularly that smell this way: one fat, one very thin, and one very athletic.Quote:
Originally Posted by BennyLaRue
Sit and lean a bit forward to wipe. Standing is lol.
came here to rip on standers but you did it much more eloquently than i could have. QFFT.Quote:
Originally Posted by BennyLaRue
Sitting splits the cheeks a bit better, unless you're John Mccain I don't see how reaching when sitting could be an issue
used to be a stander, read this thread, sized up my options, now a sitter
Has anyone converted to a full blown stander though? No. Case ca-losed.
I converted from standing as a achild to a sitter when I was a teenager. I also converted from balling up tp to folding repeatedly (credit to BuFu). Get way more wipes per square of tp. Saving pennies ftw!
I've tried standing again and it makes me feel like I'm six.
This thread changed my life
By saving you 15% on car insurance?Quote:
Originally Posted by Pascal
this here is a man of wisdom. take heedQuote:
Originally Posted by dranger7070
Possibly the first time I've ever been called that.
OK, so after being a stander my whole life and reading this thread and dismissing sitters, not understanding how the technique works, I tried again, and had the 'Eureka' moment that must have hit all stander/sitter converts worldwide.
You tilt to the side and balance on your left asscheek, with a hand against the wall for support, making for a clean and thorough wipe without mess, and your hand is nowhere near the bowl. Sounds like it puts unbearable strain on the ass, but it's really easy! Standing up to the position in which I once wiped, I could hardly believe it was all so simple.
I think this is it for me, I can't see me going back now. Sitters, I owe you all a humble apology.
WHO PUT YOU UP TO THIS
Love the new avatarQuote:
Originally Posted by dranger7070
Aah, the rubber band is on the other claw...
I do both and both are fine. Maybe the only reason I continue to stand when I wip 90%+ of the time is because the first thing I wanna do when I'm done is see how big it was. Do sitters never get to admire until after they've filled the bowl with TP?Quote:
Originally Posted by pantherhound
Does that mean you take pride in making a big turd?Quote:
Originally Posted by surviva316
You don't?! If I felt it wss particularly large I 100% look first. Once in high school we had the auto flushers and a dropped a good 9 inche, wrapped tp around sensor and left it for nrxt person to admire. I take great pride in large poos.
I don't make shit. I make art.
This was a while back, and I was drunk. So whatever.
NSFW I suppose (it's a picture of shit)
http://i.imgur.com/sOG1s.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/f0QAT.jpg
No I don't routinely take pictures of shits and mspaint them. Although, if we go by how amusing this one was, I might be missing out.
Well, I guess it was only a matter of time until people actually started posting pictures of poo in this thread.
Just to warn any other lemmings, his mspaints are about 1% mspaint and 99% original poo photo. I was expecting something a little more dressed up. I have only myself to blame.
It looks like your asshole was bloody from the prison rale.
Shame it took this long huh?Quote:
Originally Posted by Galapogos
Don't like my mspaint? I thought it was spot on!
It was shit.Quote:
Originally Posted by Stacks
Sad Trombone Sound Effect - FAIL Sound - Fail Horns - YouTube
FTFYQuote:
Originally Posted by Galapogos
:heart: stacks
I have a natural curiosity about it. I don't know how much "pride" I take in big ones, but whenever I'm on a toilet with automatic sensors, it feels strange to betray my natural tendency to see what my poo looks like.Quote:
Originally Posted by jackvance
Maybe it's a legitimate curiosity rooted in the evolutionary advantage of regularly checking on your fecal matter to make sure everything's in order; maybe I'm just some sicky whose fascination with my own human waste would draw the ire of the psychological community. Who knows.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
And that is why I tell people they have to learn to squat past parallel in the gym. It's not only good for you, but natural for the rest of the world.
JFC STACKS
Man, post of the fucking year, can't believe he actually posted pictures of his own poop. I clicked, midway through eating a subway sandwich (as to why I was doing that while reading this thread, I have no answer) assuming that it obviously had to be a troll, or as he implied some type of MS paint of what his poop looked like.
Appetite gone, but more importantly I laughed so fucking hard I nearly choked myself on a banana pepper.
Anyone heard from salsa lately?
If Subway, then you should have your own poop photo op in about 7 minutes. Can't guarantee it will be solid, tho.Quote:
Originally Posted by Penneywize
Saw a stander yesterday. It creeped me out a bit, and made me think of this thread.lol.
This thread inspired me to try sitting. As I leaned over to make room for my hand, my dangling penis uncomfortably bounced off the rim. Not giving up I reached under to wipe and my hand touched the toilet seat.
Conclusion: sitters have small and/or dirty penises.
Sparklingly clean buttholes, thoughQuote:
Originally Posted by d0zer
that crown belongs to bidet users and porn starsQuote:
Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla
Is this a good question to ask on a first date?
I have never seen someone shit in my life. Please tell me how you casually came about this.Quote:
Originally Posted by mrhappy333
Happens to me too on occasion. When you know some other people are in the house but you think they're in some other room when you go to the toilet.
I had a feeling I was in the minority. Damn thing always flushes when I stand up at work to wipe!
your pain. I feels it. though my work one has a tiny button near the sensor on the wall I can ninja kick.Quote:
Originally Posted by CBAT
Public toilet!
public toilets.Quote:
Originally Posted by Galapogos
have you ever seen the standing/hovering only toilets in some countries?
Just two feet positioners either side of a hole, (not completely uncivilised, they do have flushing mechanisms).
Creates the other dilemma of which way should you face?
Standing? WTF?
We call them french toilets. They're awkward as hell.Quote:
Originally Posted by chemist
They are super common in Thailand. It seemed moreso in BKK than up north. I never shat in one. I would've-- just never had to. I would like to think I'd have faced the wall, as opposed to the door, just to throw the universe a bit off kilter.
They're also common in turkey and morocco, although everyone is modernizing these days. I used one once when I had to visit a client south of Paris, a construction facility with old infrastructure.
Tried standing for 30 days (but not by choice)
100yr. old prison > sent to seg. for chasing the guards into the bubble. Seg. was full so I was sent to the dungeon (old seg. that had been closed for many yrs.).
All they had there was a hole in the floor that flushed LOUDLY every 15mins. (kept you awake all day & night)
Had to squat & dump which resulted in 'standing' for the wipe action.
you're a convert not, right?
i'm having surgery on my right wrist tomorrow morning which will force me to wipe with my left hand for the next week or 2. This should be interesting.
I had to squat on a train from Chiang mai to Bangkok. My train was at 9pm, at 8pm I figured I could go eat or get a foot massage. I chose the foot massage but I was really hungry as I was on my way to the station afterwards so stopped at a street vendor and ordered something. It seems this was a mistake. I woke at 4am with pains in my stomach and needing a shit. I was determined to hold out until approx 9am when I would arrive at,my hotel. By 7.30 I couldn't wait any longer. I made it to the toilet which was a hole leading straight to the tracks. There's a handle either side to hold on to and a window to the side which is just a 40cm by 30 cm hole in the wall approx head height with a metal bar across it. I squat and go but I'm pretty unwell so I'm shitting water for a good 5 minutes. About 2 minutes in the train pulls up at a station, its a suburb about half hour outside of Bangkok. It's quite busy with lots of Thais and a few tourists. I'm just looking out the window at them, shitting and farting loudly. I even make eye contact with a few people. The tourists looked like they could feel my pain or alternatively that could have been a look of disgust. Fun times.
I had less issues with wiping than I did with blowing my nose when I had a cold both times I had surgery on my shoulder.Quote:
Originally Posted by bode
lolzQuote:
Originally Posted by rong
rong, pretty funny anecdote.
Haha those social awkward situations :) This could totally be made into a Seinfeld episode.
I've been AFK for years. Glad to see this thread still tops the forum =)
zwift lives eh
Just to be clear, we're all pretending like post #363 didn't happen?
:whistle:
hmmm... I don't think that's what I was after.
Confirmed. I mean it wasn't my intention, but after several tries still just does not compute so moving on with discussing poobumQuote:
Originally Posted by surviva316