These kinds of differences are how wars start.
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These kinds of differences are how wars start.
There's a children's book in this. How do we wrap up the neat moral lesson at the end though?Quote:
Originally Posted by BennyLaRue
This would have been so much cooler for the lilliputians to fight over.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bigred
I THINK THE CATS SUPPOSED TO BE THAT BIG HAIRY THING FROM STAR WARS AND I AGREE I AM RELUCTANT TO SIT AND WIPE STANDING SEEMS MUCH BETTER WHEN YOU SIT I WOULD SAY YOU
HAVE TO GET YOUR HAND INSIDE THE TOILET TO WIPE NO THANKS ILL STAND
I tried wiping and standing today. I felt so dirty afterwards that I took a shower with bleach.
you're doing it wrongQuote:
Originally Posted by Ragnar4
Super Awesome Bump!
Christians vs. Standers?
QFTQuote:
Originally Posted by givememyleg
This is the funniest fucking thing I've ever read. It answers lots of questions you've always been afraid to ask.
FWIW Sit, fold, reach round.
Does anyone who folds ever do a second fold after a wipe and then use the same piece for a second wipe?
Bump this ish to get the toilet poll wars going.
I do this all the time.Quote:
Originally Posted by DanAronG
QFTQuote:
Originally Posted by givememyleg
This thread is now a new poll. Do you fold the toilet paper and wipe, or scrunch it up and wipe?
Edit: FML
http://i131.photobucket.com/albums/p...s-confused.jpgQuote:
Originally Posted by BooG690
Wait, I don't understand. Sitters remain seated on the toilet while wiping? I need an explanation...
Agreed. Seems like risky business to me.Quote:
Originally Posted by BooG690
But surely when you guys stand isn't there some, like, inadvertent clenching which could lead to some serious need for a bleachin'?
I mix up my play nowadays. Around back, down through the front, and the occasional stand. Its really situational.
No no. You squat a bit for more room to operate.Quote:
Originally Posted by kiwiMark
Well am I a sitter or a stander? I lean. Left leg stays on bowl, right leg is elevated, fold, wipe, check, [refold, rewipe], release. Repeat.Quote:
Originally Posted by BooG690
We sound kinda gayQuote:
Originally Posted by BooG690
Sometimes sacrifices have to be made for this kind of scientific inquiry.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigred
People don't really do this do they?Quote:
Originally Posted by kiwiMark
Depends...if you're low on toilet paper, you gotta do what you gotta do.Quote:
Originally Posted by OP
And its very much dependent on the quantity & texture of the remains on the tissue.Quote:
Originally Posted by BooG690
all you do is bend forward and reach around man!
i actually tried standing after reading this thread before and wow was that a weird experience.
So you're on the toilet while doing this? WHAT THE FUCK?Quote:
Originally Posted by givememyleg
And what's with this leaning to one side and reaching under? That's gross...
The above was my conclusion after a dry run. Can now confirm I am a sitter, I don't even lift one leg, I simply lean forward, both thighs remain in contact with toilet bowl at all times.Quote:
Well am I a sitter or a stander? I lean. Left leg stays on bowl, right leg is elevated, fold, wipe, check, [refold, rewipe], release. Repeat.
refold is stuper standard. Theres plenty of cleaning power left in that paper, cant be wasteful.
notice that the guy in warpes comic is standing
old thread is old
This thread just hit Reddit. Sit or Stand while wiping? : AskReddit
rofl. golden thread right here.
Also, wtf @ number of standers in the world.
Sit/F/RB as P4s said. no other way to do the business
Apparently everything about the way I wipe my ass is gross to you lol. (as it should be)Quote:
Originally Posted by BooG690
Every time I see this thread title, my very first thought is "WTF, standing". That's even before a little internal LOL (or is that a LI - Laugh Inside).
possibly veering off the greatness that is this thread but -
in some European countries you can't flush the used loo roll (or shit paper as I like to call it) down the loo, but instead put it in a bin next to the toilet.
This is mostly in hot countries like Greece, Spain etc. So the shitty paper then heats up. And the whole country smells of shit.
In Turkey they don't even use loo roll. Instead there is little tap (faucet) on the rim of toilet that squirts water up your dirty hole and you clean with your hand. Thats why you eat with your left, wipe with your right or vice versa. Wrong.
I have been to greece and turkey on several occasions and I can't confirm any of that. In some places in the south they have those weired toilets that have no seat. You just squat down on them. But you can flush paper down it... obviously. If an adult size turd can pass through it, so can TP, even if you crumble half the roll.
In countries where it's common to wash your ass, you obviously don't do it with your bare hand. And when you think of it, if anything it's more hygienic than a dry wipe.
if you get shit anywhere else on your body you wouldn't be content with just wiping it a couple of times with a dry paper towel.
Why you gotta make me think about children pooping :(Quote:
Originally Posted by oskar
Now I'm thinking of children pooping! WTF dude!
did some research 4 u gaiz:
YouTube - How to use a bidet/douchette.
:)
This made me LOL.Quote:
Originally Posted by oskar
It's so true though lol. I'm not gonna lie, if I ever have a really messy shit, I've been known to wipe a couple times, then wet down the TP the next couple wipes then dry off with dry TP again lol. I've never heard of anyone else doing this though. :(
Baby wipes. You'll never go back to TP again.
Lol - heard some guy on the radio. He was at mates house and went for a dump. Noticed they had wet wipes so thought he'd enjoy a "posh" wipe. Turned out they were Flash Wipes......
and seriously about bits of Europe - I was in Crete last year and no loo roll was to be flushed down the toilet. Prob not in the major cities, but anywhere a bit rural and that smell of shizzle ain't the olive trees.
Def sit. I tried standing this morning due to this thread and it was awkward...couldn't get the right leverage
In Cyprus I've come aqccross the no flushing bog roll rule, but I just figured wtf I'm not gonna have to unclog it.
From the reddi thread......
Quote:
Okay, there seems to be quite a bit of detail for sitters here, I'll go into detail for the standers like myself.
When done expelling fecal matter I gather toilet paper while still seated (as for another question I am a folder not a "wader") I then stand. Nearly at full attention. As I leave the bowl I have my left hand on my left buttcheek which is spreading the cheeks to keep shit from being squished between the two. I then wipe with my right hand. The first wipe is usually quite a hearty one. It gets the most of the residue. I then release my left cheek to fold the toilet paper and repeat. 2-4 wipes later I am clean. I also use "wet ones/baby wipes/etc" for assurance after the normal wiping and to feel extra clean.
Is this what you standing freaks do?
On a side note, the reddit thred contains surprisingly similar content to ours.
Ew. I don't stand at full attention. I squat a bit to get some cheek spreading action.
semi-related note:
YouTube - Tim and Eric: I Sit Down When I Pee - Adult Swim (Official)
C'mon. You weren't that far from thinking about it anyway.Quote:
Originally Posted by kiwiMark
***true story*** <-shit means it is OFFICAL momofuku
my lifestyle has changed and i have gained 25 pounds in the last 2 years. last week while doing my usual lean to the left sitting wipe i cracked the wooden toilet seat. standing maybe in my future, back to being 3 years old.
for those that like children pooping, they cann only stand while wiping unless they have a fat american ass.
Wooden toilet seat? Is this 1776?
On closer analysis (anal-ysis) I've actually determined that I'm a combo sitter-stander, sitting for the initial mud removal and standing for the final clean-up. 100% TP scruncher though.
fold or the inevitable disaster is inevitable.
i find the high number of stand-wipers highly disturbing. stand-wiping isn't something i even knew existed on this earth. i don't even think i did that when i was 3. a real eye-opener.
Ha, I thought of this thread today. I was taking a dump, ran outta toilet paper and had to walk to the cabinet. Thought to myself "who would stand up and try and wipe their ass? LOL".
but the question is, after retrieving the toilet paper, did you then sit back down to wipe? If so, why?
Wooden toilet seat. Ha. O flomo.
^^
Once you've tried it you never go back.
My grandmother used to have one that was covered with fur due to horrible architecture which dedmanded you leave the house and then re-enter through another door to access the toilet which had no heating.
You'd think it would be messy, but it wasn't.
It wont get messy same as putting TP on the seat won't do anything for hygiene. Your ass hole doesn't sit on the seat, just your fat ass. The hole is usually somewhere over the middle of the opening.
Now if you don't lift the seat to stand and pee then we may have another issue.
I don't even want to know what you're talking about. It's just very old school on this side of the pond.Quote:
Originally Posted by oskar
uh, no. While your asshole does not come in direct contact with the seat, the seat itself can get very dirty. There is always the danger of a splash, and in the case of the squirts, the splash is especially gross. Depending on the color of the fur, you might never see the poo droplets.Quote:
Originally Posted by jyms
oh god furry toilet seats. anything furry/carpet/shitpisssponge anywhere near the toilet makes me feel very unwell.
apropos i spent xmas at gf's gramma's place (this is in germany) where they have a carpeted bathroom also with the furry toilet covering (only the lid, not on the seat at least) where the carpet probably hasn't been replaced in decades.
:puke:
yeah I don't get people that put the weird like sheep skin mats directly in front of their toilet. Sure it's probably warmer if you're standing there taking a piss but also no matter how clean it is I always think I'm standing on a piss infested rug
I'm a stander. I like to look at what I have acheived, I like to see if it floats or sinks, and sometimes I have an extra wipe even when I'm clean, because it feels nice. Don't pretend you've never done it, don't pretend you haven't had a good wipe and thought "ooh that was nice", it's ok, it doesn't make you gay, it just makes you weird.
Do you people wipe from the ballsack backwards or start from the back and wipe towards the ballsack? Also, do you moisten the paper when it's a messy one?
One more question... does anyone refuse to have a shit while at home, so they can take a ten minute break at work and get paid for having a shit? Guilty as charged.
while it is nice to get paid to take a shit, its much better to shower immediately afterwards. shits at work are only for days when i have thai food for lunch.Quote:
Originally Posted by OngBonga
Shower after a shit, you must have a steady girlfriend.
I always have at least two dumps at work. I'm not regular, but the morning deuce just before 9am is an enjoyable fixture when it's on.
except when there was curry the night before!
I make it a point to shit at work. I have 3 bathrooms at my house, yet with 2 kids and a wife I can never get left alone long enough to have a good shit. At least at the office I have my own private bathroom where I'm never bothered and I can take as long as I want.
I remember in junior high some kid went around asking, "Do you look before you wipe?" like it was the funniest thing in the world. As a stander at the time it made absolutely no sense because I would think how the hell could you not look?Quote:
Originally Posted by OngBonga
But now that I'm a sitter I have no clue what my shits look like because that would take more effort.
I was just having my morning deuce at work, and there are only two cubicles. Some douche comes charging into the one next to me. Seriously, wtf. There are three floors and six cubicles to choose from at 8:50 on a Monday morning. Toilet etiquette much?
It's not like there was any hesitation either, he could see the one next to it was occupied as soon as he walked in, just the sound of restroom door opening and stampede for the cubicle in one uninterrupted motion.
I worked in a hostel here making beds and cleaning the toilets for like six weeks. Fun fact: The toilet closest to the door in the guy's bathrooms is always the most disgusting. The toilet closest to the door in the girl's bathrooms is nearly always unused.
I have a mat in front of the toilet, it gets changed twice a week. I don't see the problem with this.
I consciously try to avoid shitting at work - at a ratio of roughly 1 cubicle per 18 employees it's just not worth it. Plus the toilet paper feels too cheap and flimsy.
This thread is very shitty
Asswipe.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigred
This thread is nothing but toilet humor.
Also standing is still superior.
I tried sitting while wiping and you know what? You guys who sit while you wipe are fucking weird.
Honestly, im a stander out of fear. What if i touch the water??? EWWW
on these fucking european showcase toilets where the toilet is backwards so the water is at the front and your poo sits on a raised dry bit at the back, I have to courtesy flush every time for fear of touching the pile with my hand when I wipe.
http://lh5.ggpht.com/_VV9WwWFcUE4/SV...0/IMG_1416.JPG
How high is the water in your toilet? I'd have to try to touch the water in any toilet I've ever used.
On another note, I found this through StumbleUpon today, with lots of interesting poop facts. According to his survey, nobody stands while wiping.
This proves that 40% of FTR are full of shit.
Scoop on Poop
I'm just surprised we got 150 people to answer a poll on this site that didn't involve freerolls
Standers are fat, have fat parents that taught the horrible practice of standing or are part of the 1% and have people who clean up the resultant shit spray.
Standing wrecks lives. I'm going to start a campaign against the ridiculousness that is standing. People will wear brown ribbons that I sell for $3 per.
When shit spray is gonna happen, i wipe sitting down obviously. Thats like, <1% of poops though. If sitters spray shit every time they poop then they poop wrong and need to see a doctor.
sitters are risking touching the seat with their hands and/or getting their hands bit by toilet snakes! ewwwwwww
I'm just assuming that standers must shit bad if they can't do things the right way.Quote:
Originally Posted by JKDS
The water isn't high at all, there's a shelf that is way higher than the water. I'm talking about risking touching the steaming fresh pile sitting on the shelf (see pic, in pic there's a little bit of water on the shelf in the middle, but that's just a pool left from the last time someone flushed.). It just sits there so you can discuss it with the kids before pressing the flush button which pushes it into the hole with water, often enough leaving a smear on the shelf that you have to clean up.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hawk
Aaaand checking FTR in bed while waking up turns out to be a mistake again. See now your reply was @ JKDS.
Submersion is key to odor control. If the poo just sits on a shelf in the air, it is going to funk up the whole damn house. You need the water to create a smell barrier. This is poo 101. What is wrong with the Eurolanders?Quote:
Originally Posted by kiwiMark
My toilet does not have a shelf. Who the fuck invented a toilet with a shelf? Why would you buy one?
ya "classic" style german toilets have the shelf showcase thing happening with 0 odour control, weird. thankfully my toilet is the other way around. this backwards shelf thing is only useful if say you smuggled gold by eating it and need to examine your shit for gold nuggets.
drug mules thoQuote:
Originally Posted by eugmac
Sounds like you need to sit on the toilet backwards. Daniel Tosh - Reverse Toilet - Video Clip | Comedy Centrals Jokes.comQuote:
Originally Posted by kiwiMark
What activity/interest do you have to put in to get a scoop on poop website to come up?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hawk
This made me laugh.Quote:
Originally Posted by mrhappy333
I don't know what specific interest this would be categorized in, but I do tend to thumbs up a lot of these types of pages that are full of oddball facts.
Apart from the obvious utility for gold and drug smuggling, I will also mention another advantage that since there's no water to speak of to splash your poo into, there is no backsplash mini-bidet effect either, which does happen to be one of my pet peeves. In a splashy toilet I always line the water with a thin layer of toilet paper in an effort (usually in vain) to reduce the splashback.
Good splashback gives me a sense of pride, I can't wait to see the size of that fucker.
depends on the vector of entry. very long well formed logs going in head-first splash little, like a good olympic diver, whereas the little pebble shits you get when you're not getting enough fibre tend to be more akin to little kids doing cannonballs.
Pointy ones with good aeorodynamics make little splashback, big round ones that hurt on their way out are like a fat bastard belly flopping into a swimming pool. They're the ones that get me. I'm usually euphoric after passing such a beauty, like surviving a car crash. They usually arise after I've been at a festival on a four day diet of beer, meat, bread and psychadelics.
The pebbly ones aren't so bad, the splash they create are like an anal bog water kiss.
oh...Quote:
There are some parasites, such as pinworms, who depend on people eating their own poop to keep the population up. Pinworms are small nematodes that live in the colon. The females emerge from the anus at night to lay their eggs. Their activity makes the anal area itch. The person scratches the itch (often doing so in his sleep), procuring a small amount of fecal matter and eggs under his fingernails, and then puts his fingers in his mouth. Once the eggs are consumed, the person is infected with a new generation of pinworms.
I have read that almost everyone has pinworms. Luckily, pinworms don't do much harm. You only notice them if you have a lot of pinworms! If you want to find out if you do indeed have them, get someone to gently touch around your anal area with Scotch tape while you are sleeping. The worms will stick to the tape and you'll be able to see them.