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Funny tiltly table chat

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  1. #1

    Default Funny tiltly table chat

    So I started a text file to save some funny table chats, then realized I could just make a post here and continually add to it. It's amazing how mad some people get.


    MATTZOMB Wins 8,560 from Pot 1 with : Three of a Kind Kings
    blufferBillytheKid> lol
    blufferBillytheKid> LATER
    MATTZOMB> gg
    blufferBillytheKid> whatever
    blufferBillytheKid> Hope this sites home office burns down
    blufferBillytheKid> with people in it
    shortstackkilla06> lol
    blufferBillytheKid> On bring your kids to work day

    cardmaster65: GOD THE LAME MOTHER F UCKERS THAT PLAY
    AT THIS SITE F UCKIN UNREAL

    Eazye1111> I'll rape your mom with a knife

    nyanha> LOVE S HIT ON ALL U
    Some days it feels like I've been standing forever, waiting for the bank teller to return so I can cash in all these Sklansky Bucks.
  2. #2
    nickojenn> better luck next week ur poor **** sloth inbread
    nickojenn> is ur wellfare check weekly or monthly?
    Some days it feels like I've been standing forever, waiting for the bank teller to return so I can cash in all these Sklansky Bucks.
  3. #3
    ChezJ's Avatar
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    lol keep em comin!!
  4. #4
    hahaha, wellfare check ftw!
  5. #5
    Wow...I definitely have a few chats that I could contribute here...
  6. #6
    023aliallin023: pfffffffffff 2 times in a row last on the river
    023aliallin023: if i lose agian on the river you mother is a ho
    MJC77: my mother?
    023aliallin023: if you may me lose on the river then your mother is a ho yeah
    023aliallin023: got a problem
    MJC77: yeah yo mofo
    023 guy bluffs other dude and shows…
    MJC77: j 9 - nice play dutchie
    023aliallin023: man your mother is a dutchie
    I 3bet and cbet vs 023 and he folds B v bu
    023aliallin023: frustatet %&% the motherfocker
    Never got berated for 3betting, then cbetting before ?? weird.
    MJC77: pussy
    MJC77: focker!!!!!!!!!!
    023aliallin023: man if where here i would turn your neck 180 degrees then look ho is a pussy
    MJC77: sorry mafia man
    023aliallin023: yeah yeah feel safe there dont ya
    MJC77: no scared like a stray cat
    ..
    *** FLOP *** [2c Jd 9h]
    023aliallin023 bets 450
    Roamus calls 450
    *** TURN *** [2c Jd 9h] [3s]
    023aliallin023 bets 500
    Roamus raises to 1,080, and is all in
    023aliallin023 calls 305, and is all in
    Roamus shows [9d 9s]
    023aliallin023 shows [4s Ac]
    Uncalled bet of 275 returned to Roamus
    *** RIVER *** [2c Jd 9h 3s] [5s]
    Roamus shows three of a kind, Nines
    023aliallin023 shows a straight, Five high
    023aliallin023 wins the pot (2,860) with a straight, Five high
    *** SUMMARY ***
    Total pot 2,860 | Rake 0
    Board: [2c Jd 9h 3s 5s]
    Seat 2: 023aliallin023 (small blind) showed [4s Ac] and won (2,860) with a straight, Five high
    Seat 5: Roamus showed [9d 9s] and lost with three of a kind, Nines





    MJC77: ali t o s s e r ali t o s s e r
    023aliallin023: desefred that
    023aliallin023: !!!!!!!!!!!!!11
    023aliallin023: whooohooo
    MJC77: no you did not
    023aliallin023: if you did look to the other tables i played then you would know i deserfed that
    023aliallin023: i lost 10 focking times on the river because of my madness i winn 1 time big deal
    MJC77: you are a &&@$
    023aliallin023: heey be nice to your mom
    MJC77: dirtbox style
    023aliallin023: yeah you dock my girl i fock your mom
    023aliallin023 has 15 seconds left to act
    023aliallin023 calls 60
    MJC77: fine
    .. cant find log but them MJ says otherguy is gay . . .

    023aliallin023: yeah i fock you in your #$!


    023 is a "winning" fish
  7. #7
    Not tilty, but I lol'd

    MED1UM> whats this game called?
    PantieCollecter> suck out
    Sugarb4355> collect panties
    PantieCollecter> i have your sisters
    PantieCollecter> stained
    Sugarb4355> drunk
    PantieCollecter> so was she
    Some days it feels like I've been standing forever, waiting for the bank teller to return so I can cash in all these Sklansky Bucks.
  8. #8
    bms1972> bulgarian ball bag biter
    Some days it feels like I've been standing forever, waiting for the bank teller to return so I can cash in all these Sklansky Bucks.
  9. #9
    fulksy's Avatar
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    lol this just reminded me of rounders.

    Full Tilt No-Limit Hold'em, 12 Tournament, 25/50 Blinds (5 handed) - Full Tilt Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com

    Button (t1230)
    SB (t2289)
    Hero (BB) (t1170)
    UTG (t2871)
    MP (t1440)

    Hero's M: 15.60

    Preflop: Hero is BB with 7, 3
    UTG bets t150, MP calls t150, 3 folds

    Flop: (t375) 8, Q, 10 (2 players)
    UTG bets t200, MP calls t200

    Turn: (t775) 10 (2 players)
    UTG bets t300, MP calls t300

    River: (t1375) 3 (2 players)
    UTG bets t300, MP raises to t790 (All-In), UTG calls t490

    Total pot: t2955

    Results:
    UTG had Q, K (two pair, Queens and tens).
    MP had 8, 8 (full house, eights over tens).
    Outcome: MP won t2955


    cignaledimare: coll coll coll !!!!!
    cignaledimare: fakkin donk
    cignaledimare: fakkin trapik, stupid guy
    01audiA4: like that play?
    cignaledimare: fakkin stupid
    01audiA4: hehe u liked it
  10. #10
    Great thread for entertainment!
    "You start the game with a full pot o’ luck and an empty pot o’ experience...
    The object is to fill the pot of experience before you empty the pot of luck."

    Quote Originally Posted by XxStacksxX View Post
    Do you have testicles? If so, learn to bet like it
  11. #11
    JFC turn the damn chatbox off. Makes life much easier.

    Funny shit tho
  12. #12
    This one is long, but it highlights 2 things:

    1- We had a douchebag at the table who was burning the SnG clock the whole time.
    2- There was 1 player who couldn't stop talking about it.

    LOL

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    xiphd has requested TIME
    xiphd folds

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    xiphd has requested TIME
    xiphd folds

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    xiphd has requested TIME
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out
    art1909 folds

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    art1909: xiphd get up!!!!!!!!!
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    art1909: idiot
    art1909: Lithuana!!!!!!
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    art1909: IDIOT
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd checks

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    art1909: it is not laughing already
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd checks

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    art1909: &%!!ING!!!!!!!!!!
    art1909: \MORON
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd checks

    art1909: xiphd
    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    art1909: IDIOT
    art1909: GET UP YOUR MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!!
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out
    xiphd has returned

    art1909: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    art1909: xiphd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    art1909: IDIOT
    art1909: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out
    art1909 folds
    xiphd has returned

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    art1909: what is hapenning?
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out
    art1909: with him?
    xiphd has returned

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out
    xiphd has returned

    art1909: is anybody hear me?!!!!
    PokerMatt2011: yep
    art1909: what yep?
    art1909: what is it?
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out
    art1909 folds
    art1909: with him?
    xiphd has returned
    PokerMatt2011: he's not paying attention or his connection sucks, probably the former
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out
    xiphd has returned

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    art1909: what are you doing??
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd checks
    *** FLOP *** [Js Ts 8d]
    art1909: call?????
    vsa_cool bets 120
    xiphd folds

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out
    xiphd has returned

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    art1909: IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd checks

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out
    xiphd has returned

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out
    xiphd has returned

    xiphd has 15 seconds left to act
    xiphd has timed out
    xiphd folds
    xiphd is sitting out
  13. #13
    was at a table the other day where a guy that got coolered on started bitching about how tight the table was. It made me lol enough that I shared some stats, there was 5+ players with vip's greater than 40.

    it went something like this..
    me: yeh i'm seeing VIPs of 54, 45, 72, 43 and 64.
    villain: whats a VIP
    me: it means this table is full of loosy goosies.
    villain: whatever, I don't want a showdown with any of them.

    we then see 2 guys stack off preflop, one had rags, other had Axo

    me: care to rethink?
  14. #14
    Don't tell people that you know anything about poker or that you use a hud. Just stop typing in chat altogether and pay attention to the games. Why help the fish?
  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by jyms View Post
    Don't tell people that you know anything about poker or that you use a hud. Just stop typing in chat altogether and pay attention to the games. Why help the fish?
    We're all guilty of tapping the aquarium at times Definitely -EV in the longrun though to educate the fish.

    I usually just keep it to "nh" and when they take it as sincere and reply "thanks!" I feel a bit better over the bad beat lol.
    Some days it feels like I've been standing forever, waiting for the bank teller to return so I can cash in all these Sklansky Bucks.
  16. #16
    DrRapePHD: you should hang yourself in a poor erotic asphyxiation attempt to pictures of dan negrino
    Some days it feels like I've been standing forever, waiting for the bank teller to return so I can cash in all these Sklansky Bucks.
  17. #17
    supa's Avatar
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    Yeah, we've had discussions about not giving up the knowledge of the secret society a few times in the bc. We all had to find our way here on our own (mostly) and giving hints for things to google just makes it easier for them.

    I do like to look up people on ptr when they're talking smack at the tables and tell them how much $$$ they've lost during their career. "LOL, YOU LOST $3k PLAYING 4NL ON CAKE?!!!!"
    “Right thoughts produce right actions and right actions produce work which will be a material reflection for others to see of the serenity at the center of it all”

    Put hero on a goddamn range part II- The 6max years

    Quote Originally Posted by d0zer View Post
    start using your brain more and vagina less

    Quote Originally Posted by kingnat View Post
    Members who's signature is a humorous quote about his/herself made by someone who is considered a notable member of the FTR community to give themselves a sense of belonging.
  18. #18
    rpm's Avatar
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    awesome thread. some of those are hilarious
  19. #19
    Earlier this guy snap called my bet on the turn with AQ high. River was an ace and I check-called with my 2nd pair.

    Went aggro on his ass and beat him out of some big pots with turn barrels. Once I had a set, once AK top pair top kicker, one air.

    (this hand where the chat starts I had a set, JJ on an AQJ7 double suited board and made a big bet)

    MATTZOMB: fold ur draw
    PlayF0rGlory: I see u like to make big bluff against me again and again
    MATTZOMB: wish u woulda shoved bro
    PlayF0rGlory: huge cbets with some low pairs
    PlayF0rGlory: JQ
    MATTZOMB: feel free to all in
    PlayF0rGlory: I'm too busy now..folding a lot of good hands automaticlly
    MATTZOMB: must have a customer at your glory hole?

    (some fish tilts him some more)

    PlayF0rGlory: OMG..
    PlayF0rGlory: 7 XXXXr what a joke lmao
    PlayF0rGlory: stupid fish blow my brain

    (hand below he hits his ace on the river and loses 80% of his stack to some slowplayed 2 pair)

    MATTZOMB: ace on the river giveth and ace on the river taketh away
    PlayF0rGlory: there all players morons
    PlayF0rGlory: FU matt
    MATTZOMB: lol
    PlayF0rGlory: I'm in XXXX lost 400k chips because of u
    MATTZOMB: wasnt me
    MATTZOMB: my cat typed bad things on my keyboard
    PlayF0rGlory: now u my worst enemy
    MATTZOMB: he is an evil cat
    PlayF0rGlory: byt..stfu..I know u bluff all time against me
    MATTZOMB: at least one of the times I had a monster
    PlayF0rGlory: ur skillis is low and predictible
    Some days it feels like I've been standing forever, waiting for the bank teller to return so I can cash in all these Sklansky Bucks.
  20. #20
    DoubleJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KoRnholio View Post
    ur skillis is low and predictible
    there's the T-Shirt, right there
    don't want no tutti-frutti, no lollipop
  21. #21
    too many people do not know how to control themselves, and watering the dirt all
  22. #22
    rpm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KoRnholio View Post
    blufferBillytheKid> whatever
    blufferBillytheKid> Hope this sites home office burns down
    blufferBillytheKid> with people in it
    shortstackkilla06> lol
    blufferBillytheKid> On bring your kids to work day
    this is still one of the funniest things i've ever read
  23. #23
    bulgarian ball bag biter
    Is my favourite so far.

    We need some new material though, tell your friends to post in this thread
    Some days it feels like I've been standing forever, waiting for the bank teller to return so I can cash in all these Sklansky Bucks.
  24. #24
    MATTZOMB: my cat typed bad things on my keyboard
    My personal favourite.


    Villain shoves river, has me covered. I have aces up. Tanks. Call.
    Villain shows queen high.

    Ong - how very greek of you.
    Greek - you need to calm down
    Ong - seriously, I considered folding but then saw where you from and call
    Bulgarian - hahahaha
    Greek - whats funny bulgaria?
    Bulgarian - I do the same with spain
    Greek - both die
    Ong - yeah I need to calm down

    Greek tilts and busts

    Ong - gg
    Greek - ****
    Quote Originally Posted by wufwugy View Post
    ongies gonna ong
  25. #25
    Why would you make fun of someone for giving you chips?
  26. #26
    it's not about the chips, it's about him being born in a worse place. focus.
  27. #27
    No more Greek players, everyone working 6 day weeks
  28. #28
    rpm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kiwiMark View Post
    it's not about the chips, it's about him being born in a worse place. focus.
    greek food > any social, political, economic, or cultural factors. or quality of life indicators
  29. #29
    Gyros is confirmed best takeaway food ever
  30. #30
    Quote Originally Posted by Pascal View Post
    Why would you make fun of someone for giving you chips?
    I tilt people.
    Quote Originally Posted by wufwugy View Post
    ongies gonna ong
  31. #31
    You mean döner?
  32. #32
    supa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pascal View Post
    Gyros is confirmed best takeaway food ever
    It may be a geographical thing but tacos way > than gyros.
    “Right thoughts produce right actions and right actions produce work which will be a material reflection for others to see of the serenity at the center of it all”

    Put hero on a goddamn range part II- The 6max years

    Quote Originally Posted by d0zer View Post
    start using your brain more and vagina less

    Quote Originally Posted by kingnat View Post
    Members who's signature is a humorous quote about his/herself made by someone who is considered a notable member of the FTR community to give themselves a sense of belonging.
  33. #33
    Exchange started off with a different Serbian player bluffing (and showing of course) colm2010 out of a pot. *D0ntPu$h* is also Serbian. colm2010 (Ireland) made some comment about Serbian players being terrible and it escalates, I just caught the end:

    *D0ntPu$h*: you know i can report that idiotic statements of yours
    colm2010: and to kosovo?
    colm2010: report what ?????????
    colm2010: lol
    *D0ntPu$h*: we never had a war against montenegro ******o
    colm2010: why u getting all defensive/
    colm2010: u slaged my country?
    *D0ntPu$h*: hit some books dummy
    colm2010: u cant take a slagging back?
    colm2010: wu wu wu go back here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
    *D0ntPu$h*: no, shut your mouth will be good for a start
    colm2010: u said u report me, for what????????????
    colm2010: loooooooooooooooooooool
    *D0ntPu$h*: take some pills bro
    *D0ntPu$h*: you are upset
    scokyl: think you went too far colm
    wodeny: dontpush I will report him too
    colm2010: i think u cry because ur country gets smaller every time uwake up
    *D0ntPu$h*: ok wodeny
    colm2010: lololol report for what hahahahaahah?
    wodeny: he is very offensive
    colm2010: r u guys simple?
    *D0ntPu$h*: nationalist
    colm2010: how was i offensive?
    colm2010: + im a girl = she
    *D0ntPu$h*: stupid and ugly goirl
    colm2010: oh so offensive
    Some days it feels like I've been standing forever, waiting for the bank teller to return so I can cash in all these Sklansky Bucks.
  34. #34
    Quote Originally Posted by kiwiMark View Post
    You mean döner?


    This is not gyros. There is a very important difference.
  35. #35
    Quote Originally Posted by supa View Post
    It may be a geographical thing but tacos way > than gyros.
    gyros in serbia is incred like €1.50 for a huge portion perfectly cooked
  36. #36
    Last night (from memory):

    I iso limpfish, I cbet flop with some junk, fish calls, turn checks through, fish open jams river for about 10x pot:

    "Really?"
    "Ima waste your time just for that"
    ..... 30 seconds later
    "No"
    "I've made my mind up"
    "I have king high"
    "Ima fold"

    Hero folds
  37. #37
    5nl zoom 6max... hero is bb... sb is Belarussian... 4 folds... sb calls... hero checks... flop is shit... sb tanks... requests time... bets 3x pot...

    ong - bravo
    ong - eat my time bank
    fish - ok
    10 seconds later...
    ong - nice bet
    fish - whatever
    ong - seriously
    fish - you fold
    ong - yeah I have 8 high
    fish - so fold
    ong - I want to trash talk
    fish - whatever
    ong - Belarus is part of Russia, right?
    fish - NO
    ong - you're Russian
    ong - and you know it
    fish - **** u

    hero folds
    Quote Originally Posted by wufwugy View Post
    ongies gonna ong
  38. #38
    you guys suck at sportsmanship
  39. #39
    I dunno, I thought my trash talk was rubbish until I said Belarus was part of Russia. To get NO in capital letters, I felt like my job was done.
    Quote Originally Posted by wufwugy View Post
    ongies gonna ong
  40. #40
    what a shame chat is limited to text, otherwise you could have dropped them an mp3 copy of 'back in the ussr'
    maybe a youtube link would work http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yn3YqoRDTQo
  41. #41
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    Never saw this thread before. I'll be sure to copy/paste a few in the future.
  42. #42
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    << Result for Hand 1630143311 >>
    DOTDORDOT wins Hi side pot(69c) with (Flush, ace high).
    DOTDORDOT wins Hi main pot($5.44) with (Flush, ace high).
    OVERLOAD wins Lo main pot($5.43) with (8,7,6,2,A).
    QMRIIS2: NICE HAND FAGGOT
    QMRIIS2: STUPID ASS FAGGOT ASS FAGGOT
    QMRIIS2: HOPE YOU DIE OF HERPES FAGGOT
    QMRIIS2: OR AIDS
    QMRIIS2: FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT
    DOTDORDOT: oh my what a mouth naughty naughty
    QMRIIS2: You like bad boys baby?

    DOTDORDOT: i happen to be a 72 year old female
    QMRIIS2: holy sh--t that's old
    QMRIIS2: congratulations on living so long

    DOTDORDOT: ty I had a heart attack & died 17 yrs ago
    QMRIIS2: wut
    QMRIIS2: but you're playing poker now
    DOTDORDOT: sure did
    QMRIIS2: you died
    QMRIIS2: and now you walk among us
    QMRIIS2: spooky
    UINSANEFOOL: how long were u gone
    DOTDORDOT: the man upstairs wasn't ready 4 me yet & sent me back
    JOHNBRUBAKER: Nice
    QMRIIS2: sh--t scares me and I'm fearless
    DOTDORDOT: minutes

    DOTDORDOT: haven't smoked since
    UINSANEFOOL: did u c gods shoes
    DOTDORDOT: no
    QMRIIS2: smoking is so stupid
    UINSANEFOOL: al bundy did lol
    DOTDORDOT: cut back on my salt too

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