Why poker screws with my head

I haven't written for a while, so I figured it was about time to get back into the mental part of the game, which for me has always been the hardest aspect of poker.

Writing about the mental aspects of poker is always hard because all of us wired differently. For me, the expectation of winning is the root of my poker mindfucks.

I understand that my QKs will only hit about 1 in 3 flops, but I expect it to hit EVERYTIME. And when it doesn't, I can't stop my brain from thinking that it never hits for me and always hits my opponents when I am playing.

I understand that my QQ will lose to AK almost half of the time when we get it all-in preflop. But I still expect it to win EVERYTIME. And when it doesn't, I can't stop my brain from thinking "I race so bad" or "I never win important races."

I understand that I should just play good poker and the results will take care of themselves. But I still expect to win EVERY tourney I play. And when I don't, I can't stop my brain from bemoaning my luck.

Some have told me that the cure to this is playing like a robot, without emotions. Sounds great in theory, but works like crap for me. I am just not wired that way. I am much more of a Phil Hellmuth than a Phil Ivey. Yes, I was that kid who hurled the monopoly board across the room when I lost. The reason I can't play without emotions is that for me to have no bad emotional responses would mean that I was OK with losing, or even worse that I EXPECTED TO LOSE. That's just never going to happen for me. I hope it never does - because if I expect to lose I don't see how I can play to my top potential. Maybe I'm cocky, maybe I'm bullheaded, maybe I'm an ass, but I expect to win every competition I enter so the robot cure won't do it for me.

For me then, there is no cure. I do make a concerted effort not to talk about bad beats (I still need to work on groaning in vent though). I try to just let losses go and move onto the next tourney. But I will never stop expecting to win EVERYTIME. Which means poker will continue to screw with my head.

I'd try to get clear on what exactly are your Intentions when you sit down and play poker. It seems like your focusing to much on goals. Goals are great, but often goals are out of our control to reach. There's a verse in the Bhagavad Gita that says "You are control of action alone, and never over its fruits. Let not the fruits of action be thy motive; neither let there be in thee any attachment to inaction." This seems to be the struggle you are going through. You want to be in control over the fruits of your actions. But you can't do that, you can only be in control of your action. Your results make you want to stop playing (attachment to inaction).

Also, this may sound silly, but as far as coming to peace with results go this is the best book you will find.

http://www.amazon.com/Extraordinary-...7939838&sr=1-1

accept that you are never going to be a robot. you're intensely emotional about the game... losing big races... bad beats... etc. they really piss you off. perhaps even ALOT more than others.

so be it. that's the way you're wired. be what you are.

i think you add extra intensity when you're emotional about how the game went and then you add the disappointment in yourself for getting emotional in the first place.

hellmuth, g. smith, hachem... these are all guys who get pretty pissed. you hear them make emotional comments all the time.

there's no ONE personality type you have to be in order to be a great solid player.

Controlling your emotions doesn't have to mean being complacent with your play.

One thing that you might try is to attach your emotions to whether you're playing well, not to whether you win a coinflip. Like if I make a huge call or a big bluff or a hero fold and I'm right, that honestly makes me much more excited than winning 2K in a tourney. And if I make a spewtarded play then I beat myself up mentally for a couple minutes and then get over it. It's not a good idea to get too emotionally invested in whether QQ holds up IMO.

I have found grinding the 55 45 mans has really helped, you go broke a lot more often, lose a huge pot as a dominating favorite more often, etc, and I have just started feeling the same way in big fields even with more on the line. The nice thing is even though I'm more 'robotic' when I lose I still enjoy the wins. When I just tried to be a robot the end result was not playing.

maintaining a balance of ambition/drive/results while remaining stoic and fatalistic can be tough. i reckon you need to start thinking a bit more zen!

Originally Posted by IowaSkinsFan

I'd try to get clear on what exactly are your Intentions when you sit down and play poker. It seems like your focusing to much on goals. Goals are great, but often goals are out of our control to reach. There's a verse in the Bhagavad Gita that says "You are control of action alone, and never over its fruits. Let not the fruits of action be thy motive; neither let there be in thee any attachment to inaction." This seems to be the struggle you are going through. You want to be in control over the fruits of your actions. But you can't do that, you can only be in control of your action. Your results make you want to stop playing (attachment to inaction).

my intention is to win every tourney I enter. I realize that I can't control the outcome and can only focus on my play, but I still get pissed when I lose.

The funny thing is, my results (whether losing or winning) don't make me want to stop playing, they make me want to play more.

Originally Posted by mcatdog

Controlling your emotions doesn't have to mean being complacent with your play.

One thing that you might try is to attach your emotions to whether you're playing well, not to whether you win a coinflip. Like if I make a huge call or a big bluff or a hero fold and I'm right, that honestly makes me much more excited than winning 2K in a tourney. And if I make a spewtarded play then I beat myself up mentally for a couple minutes and then get over it. It's not a good idea to get too emotionally invested in whether QQ holds up IMO.

Nope - doesn't work for me. I know we aren't supposed to be "results oriented" but I am. I care about the big pools of money at the end. I am definitely much happier sucking out and winning 5 figures than I am when I induce a bluff and lose.

I understand that it's a bad idea to get emotionally invested in whether QQ or AK holds up, but understanding that and actually feeling it are two separate things. I can't control feeling pissed.

I know some people say they can control their emotions but I think that's a crock. I can control what I do in response to my emotions, but I can't control my emotional responses.

For example, I almost never cry, and it is hard to piss me off outside of a competition. But I would never tell my wife that she is silly or childish because she cries at like every drama.

I guess I just think people are too quick to say "oh just don't let it bother you," or "just concentrate on your play" when it is a lot easier for some to do this than others.

Originally Posted by CorbinDallas

accept that you are never going to be a robot. you're intensely emotional about the game... losing big races... bad beats... etc. they really piss you off. perhaps even ALOT more than others.

so be it. that's the way you're wired. be what you are.

i think you add extra intensity when you're emotional about how the game went and then you add the disappointment in yourself for getting emotional in the first place.

hellmuth, g. smith, hachem... these are all guys who get pretty pissed. you hear them make emotional comments all the time.

there's no ONE personality type you have to be in order to be a great solid player.

I concur.

I dont think its a matter of being complacent, or not worrying, but more making a conscious effort to try to place importance on other things. Its a deliberate thing, not just a 'want to' thing.

So I push QQ get called by AK, lose. Think "Shit! Why cant I win a bloody coinflip for once!" but then take a breath and tell myself "well, at least I was the best part of that coinflip, and that was a +EV play that will win me money over time. A lot of times opp will call with a weaker pair or something dumb like AQ, AJ, etc, I should be happy to have played that well".

I dunno how to explain it, but it takes work, not just thinking its a good idea.