Trump is the WWE and Mueller is The Undertaker

[MadMojoMonkey]

I think we've found our new banana.

Don't forget to use excessive punctuation, bolding, large fonts, etc.

I think I got it out of my system.

[OngBonga]

Cookies are a type of biscuit. Biscuits are not a type of cookie. How long have you been here?

[OngBonga]

Permaban this time? Damn, that's harsh

Yep. He won't come back unless mojo gives the nod, which I don't anticipate happening. I don't doubt he'll create a new profile now and then to troll us, and to be honest I hope he does. I'll give him an hour or two.

[Poopadoop]

Can I suggest we all take turns being assholes just so no-one suffers from abuse-withdrawal?

Jack, your video link on your signature doesn't work either, you broken-link-posting nincompoop. Are you crazy?? ARRRGHGHGH!!

[OngBonga]

Do they really not have digestives in America? No wonder they don't appreciate tea like we do.

[OngBonga]

Can I suggest we all take turns being assholes just so no-one suffers from abuse-withdrawal?

Jack, your video link on your signature doesn't work either, you broken-link-posting nincompoop. Are you crazy?? ARRRGHGHGH!!

If you're going to do it, do it properly, dickhead.

[Poopadoop]

Cookies are a type of biscuit. Biscuits are not a type of cookie. How long have you been here?

I have definitely seen things normal persons (i.e., Canadians plus most United Americans) would call cookies being called biscuits here.

"Have a biscuit." they say. "What biscuit?" I say. Then they point to a plate of cookies. Fucking hell, learn the language you cunts.

[Poopadoop]

Do they really not have digestives in America? No wonder they don't appreciate tea like we do.

Yup. One of my American friends expressed great delight at being offered a 'healthy' digestive cookie (or 'biscuit' as you would say), as if it were some kind of exotic oddity.

[OngBonga]

To be fair, there's two different types of cookie...
Big, hot cookies, which are the best. They're not biscuits.
Then there's the small hard ones you get in packets, like Maryland. They are biscuits.

If you can dunk it in your tea, it's a biscuit. If you can't, it's something else.

[Poopadoop]

If you're going to do it, do it properly, dickhead.

Or we could all just be assholes at once, douchebag.

[OngBonga]

Yup. One of my American friends expressed great delight at being offered a 'healthy' digestive cookie (or 'biscuit' as you would say), as if it were some kind of exotic oddity.

They're just cheap and tasty here, not even the best biscuits. They're just default.

How does a nation like America not have a huge market for dunking biscuits?

[Poopadoop]

If you can dunk it in your tea, it's a biscuit. If you can't, it's something else.

tucker confused.jpg

Are you some kind of foreigner?

If it's a cookie it's full of sugar, mostly round (or irregular if homemade) in shape, and may be either hard or soft. If it's a biscuit, much less sugar, usually rectangular, and definitely hard.

[Poopadoop]

How does a nation like America not have a huge market for dunking biscuits?

They've chosen to maximize their waistlines by dunking donuts instead. Please don't tell me theyre also a form of biscuit.

[Poopadoop]

They're just cheap and tasty here, not even the best biscuits. They're just default.

Put chocolate on them and I think they're a top of the line cookie. I'm not sure about how they rank among biscuits.

[OngBonga]

The hardness is a dead giveaway. Biscuits are not soft, hence they are dunkable... they don't fall apart, unless you're eating fucking Rich Tea, which is so called because it enriches your tea with fucking biscuit mush. Cookies that come in packs, they're not really cookies, they're cookie themed biscuits.

[OngBonga]

They've chosen to maximize their waistlines by dunking donuts instead. Please don't tell me theyre also a form of biscuit.

Doughnuts are most certainly not biscuits. I thought they dunk their doughnuts in colourful liquid sugar?

[OngBonga]

Doughnut vs donut... that's probably the only one America got right. Fuck the u g h.

[MadMojoMonkey]

They're just cheap and tasty here, not even the best biscuits. They're just default.

How does a nation like America not have a huge market for dunking biscuits?

When I hear the word digestive, I do not think of edible food.
I struggle to think of a use of the word digestive I've ever heard in America by an American.

Cookies are sweet. Biscuits savory.
Either can be hard or soft. Biscuits are sometimes more bland than savory, but never sweet.
A scone is somewhere in-between, but since there's like 2 sticks of butter in every scone, we'll eat them sweet or savory.

[MadMojoMonkey]

Doughnuts are most certainly not biscuits. I thought they dunk their doughnuts in colourful liquid sugar?

No, we drizzle or outright pour liquid sugar (often colored) on the donuts, call it a glaze, then dunk them in coffee.
(I don't dunk donuts, though. Some do and some don't.)

[Poopadoop]

The hardness is a dead giveaway. Biscuits are not soft, hence they are dunkable... they don't fall apart, unless you're eating fucking Rich Tea, which is so called because it enriches your tea with fucking biscuit mush. Cookies that come in packs, they're not really cookies, they're cookie themed biscuits.

I think there's also some regional dialect involved here, because everyone in the SE just calls everything remotely cookie-like a biscuit, and everything else (like a brownie, for example) a 'cake'.

It's not a cake! A cake is big and round and you get one on your birthday, you fucking illiterates - is what I would say if I weren't so polite - but it's what I'm thinking inside.

[Poopadoop]

When I hear the word digestive, I do not think of edible food.

Haha that was pretty much my friend's reaction as well. He actually called them 'digestibles' as a joke.

[Poopadoop]

No, we drizzle or outright pour liquid sugar (often colored) on the donuts, call it a glaze, then dunk them in coffee.
(I don't dunk donuts, though. Some do and some don't.)

I do like the concept of ordering a donut and a side of glazing though, then dunking your donut in the glaze before each bite. It's just hard to imagine what kind of receptacle to use for the glaze? A cup seems too big and it'd be hard to navigate your donut around one of those little ketchup holder things, especially before the initial bite. The first bite would inevitably have next to zero glaze on it.

[MadMojoMonkey]

I'm not racist, it's nothing to do with you being a monkey and everything to do with you eating bananas.

How dare you bring up my banana allergy at a time like this, you detritus from the south end of a northbound elephant!

[Jack Sawyer]

Danish Cookies (the aluminum round box thing) are the best, closely followed by anything from Pepperidge Farms

[MadMojoMonkey]

one of those little ketchup holder things

That's a ramekin.
The slightly larger, but still tiny bowls are called "monkey bowls."

All those years of waiting tables finally pays off!

[Poopadoop]

Danish Cookies (the aluminum round box thing)

tucker confused.jpg

Are you also a foreigner?

Seriously, did not know Danish cookies were a thing. And "the aluminum round box" doesn't help me one bit.

closely followed by anything from Pepperidge Farms

I thought they made like breadrolls and shit.

[Poopadoop]

That's a ramekin.
The slightly larger, but still tiny bowls are called "monkey bowls."

All those years of waiting tables finally pays off!

Ok, so you go to your local donut shop drive though, grab a six pack of donuts and six small bowls of various glaze of your choice. Sounds good to me!

[MadMojoMonkey]

Danish Cookies (the aluminum round box thing) are the best, closely followed by anything from Pepperidge Farms

I do like those Danish shortbread cookies.
I like Pepperidge Farms, but my local grocer has a bakery that does better.

[MadMojoMonkey]

Seriously, did not know Danish cookies were a thing. And "the aluminum round box" doesn't help me one bit.

[Jack Sawyer]

tucker confused.jpg

Are you also a foreigner?

Seriously, did not know Danish cookies were a thing. And "the aluminum round box" doesn't help me one bit.

I think the most common brand is Royal Dansk, just thinking about these makes me go up like 5 kilos

I thought they made like breadrolls and shit.

I meant specifically their cookie divizion obviously

Mmmmm soft baked oatmeal raisin, tahoe, sausalito

[Poopadoop]

They've obviously been found to have mercury in them and banned here.

Have you seen these before Ong?

Also, a butter cookie is very close to crossing the line into biscuit territory imo.

[MadMojoMonkey]

Ok, so you go to your local donut shop drive though, grab a six pack of donuts and six small bowls of various glaze of your choice. Sounds good to me!

Bwaaahahahahahaha!

Get 'em by the dozen, you noob.
But yeah... give me a butter glaze dip with a dozen old-fashioned cake donuts and I'll be in a blood sugar coma faster than you can say, "Hypoglycemic attack"

[Poopadoop]

Mmmmm soft baked oatmeal raisin, tahoe, sausalito

homer drooling.jpg

[MadMojoMonkey]

Also, a butter cookie is very close to crossing the line into biscuit territory imo.

There's sugar crystals on top, so you don't get confused and try to serve them with soup or some nonsense.

[Jack Sawyer]

I do like those Danish shortbread cookies.
I like Pepperidge Farms, but my local grocer has a bakery that does better.

True af, nothing beats local, mass produced shit will always lag for some reason. Why is this?

We have something here called "mancaron" or "mankaron". Usually made with coconut. You taste one someday, it will feel like you have just been enlightened.

Mmmm takes me back to my childhood

[Poopadoop]

Bwaaahahahahahaha!

Get 'em by the dozen, you noob.
But yeah... give me a butter glaze dip with a dozen old-fashioned cake donuts and I'll be in a blood sugar coma faster than you can say, "Hypoglycemic attack"

I know better than to order 12 of anything tasty. I am about as good at self-control when it comes to sweets as banana was when it came to words.

Even buying six donuts, I'd struggle not to eat all six one after the other, spend the rest of the day feeling like shit, and wondering wtf I did that for, and then I'd prolly do it again a couple of weeks later.

I've literally banned myself from buying bulk ice cream for that very reason. I will do the occasional cookie binge on a small package though.

[Poopadoop]

There's sugar crystals on top, so you don't get confused and try to serve them with soup or some nonsense.

You agree crackers are what go with soup right, or bread? You're not actually dunking biscuits in soup are you?

[MadMojoMonkey]

True af, nothing beats local, mass produced shit will always lag for some reason. Why is this?

My guess is the added preservatives and other weird stuff they add to keep cookies soft.
I don't know for certain, though.

I have a bread-maker at home, and I use it about half the time I want bread. The other half the time I just buy from the store.
My bread tastes better, but the consistency isn't the same. It's denser on the bottom of the loaf and fluffier near the top. Also, it will definitely start to show visible molding within 5 days, whereas I can get over a week from a store-bought loaf.

We have something here called "mancaron" or "mankaron". Usually made with coconut. You taste one someday, it will feel like you have just been enlightened.

Mmmm takes me back to my childhood

Sounds like a Coconut Macaroon. They are amazing.

[Poopadoop]

True af, nothing beats local, mass produced shit will always lag for some reason. Why is this?

Freshness is my guess.

Try finding a tasty tomato in England, for example. No, forget it 'cause it's been off the vine for a week on a smelly boat from Spain. British strawberries though? Oh fuck yeah.

When I was a kid we had a vegetable garden in our back yard and everything that came out of there was fucking delicious and better than store-bought by a mile. And I didn't even like vegetables.

[MadMojoMonkey]

You agree crackers are what go with soup right, or bread? You're not actually dunking biscuits in soup are you?

Crackers go with chili.
Biscuits go with every meal, and are great to butter and dip in soup.

If a biscuit comes in the soup, then it's called a dumpling, dumpling.

[Jack Sawyer]

Mancaron basic recipe

Another recipe

As you can see, these wildly differ. The ones who make the nut one will never divulge their recipe. I found this to be a baker near the high school I went to

[MadMojoMonkey]

I know better than to order 12 of anything tasty. I am about as good at self-control when it comes to sweets as banana was when it came to words.

Even buying six donuts, I'd struggle not to eat all six one after the other, spend the rest of the day feeling like shit, and wondering wtf I did that for, and then I'd prolly do it again a couple of weeks later.

I've literally banned myself from buying bulk ice cream for that very reason. I will do the occasional cookie binge on a small package though.

Sounds like I'm not the only one who's got an over-zealous pancreas.

I have to do similar, but I have a bit more self control after almost putting myself into a coma when I ate 3 donuts on an empty stomach. Having a life-threatening experience gave me a real sense of power over those sweets that taste so, so good.

[Poopadoop]

My guess is the added preservatives and other weird stuff they add to keep cookies soft.

Morticians are using less perservatives on human corpses prepared for burial now than 50 years ago because our tissues have been collecting all the preservatives in the processed crap we eat.

Fact.

[Poopadoop]

I have a bit more self control after almost putting myself into a coma when I ate 3 donuts on an empty stomach. Having a life-threatening experience...

3 donuts almost killed you? Jeezus I hope you never get caught outside in a stiff breeze without your long underwear on.

Confirmed nerdlinger.

Not sure what my fatal dose of donuts is but I'm pretty sure I could choke down at least 10 before I even had to go to hospital. Maybe more, haven't really pushed the envelope on that one tbh.

[Jack Sawyer]

Sounds like I'm not the only one who's got an over-zealous pancreas.

I have to do similar, but I have a bit more self control after almost putting myself into a coma when I ate 3 donuts on an empty stomach. Having a life-threatening experience gave me a real sense of power over those sweets that taste so, so good.

Do you have some sort of prediabetes condition?

[OngBonga]

Danish "cookies" rock, but they're biscuits.

Honestly, that tin made me salivate. Pavlov's fucking biscuit tin.

[OngBonga]

Have you seen these before Ong?

I have a few of these empty tins for nails and bits and bobs.

[Poopadoop]

Crackers go with chili.
Biscuits go with every meal, and are great to butter and dip in soup.

If a biscuit comes in the soup, then it's called a dumpling, dumpling.

You guys are weird.

A dumpling is sort of a sloppy biscuity/cake crumbly thing with oozy sweet stuff inside, usually including fruit. It doesn't belong anywhere near a bowl of soup.

Salty crackers in soup, or bread in soup. No biscuits (or cookies, or cakes or dumplings, or pudding). Never ever.

A piece of bread in the soup when you get it is not called anything. That soup is called French soup and if you ask what the bread inside is called, the waiter takes it back and you get asked to leave to restaurant.


p.s. No coconut in anything. That shit is vile. And i'll eat kale if it's been mixed with something overpowering like lemon.

p.p.s Also tea is a waste of time and effort. You might as well drink a cup of hot water. Coffee or occasionally hot cocoa >>> tea.

[OngBonga]

The fuck poop? You're in England now, a dumpling is a piece of dough in stew.

[OngBonga]

Poop is right that bread goes in soup though. For dinner this evening, I had tomato soup, garlic bread and toast. Fucking champion.

[Jack Sawyer]

I know better than to order 12 of anything tasty. I am about as good at self-control when it comes to sweets as banana was when it came to words.

Even buying six donuts, I'd struggle not to eat all six one after the other, spend the rest of the day feeling like shit, and wondering wtf I did that for, and then I'd prolly do it again a couple of weeks later.

I've literally banned myself from buying bulk ice cream for that very reason. I will do the occasional cookie binge on a small package though.

Fuck Quaker, who makes a "healthy" granola thing which has about as much sugar per gram of product as an actual bag of sugar

And then I slowly realized pretty much all store bought granola is basically pure sugar

[MadMojoMonkey]

Do you have some sort of prediabetes condition?

More like the opposite of diabetes.

In diabetics, their pancreas doesn't produce enough insulin, so when their blood sugar spikes, they have to manually inject insulin to get themselves back to correct blood sugar levels.

I have the opposite. When my blood sugar spikes, my pancreas produces way too much insulin, over-corrects the problem into a wholly different version of the same problem.
My blood sugar can crash hard, and that's just as life-threatening as having blood sugar too high.

It's much easier to manage, and it's not technically a medical condition. I.e. I don't "have" hypoglycemia. I'm prone to hypoglycemic attacks.

[Jack Sawyer]

p.s. No coconut in anything. That shit is vile. And i'll eat kale if it's been mixed with something overpowering like lemon.

You are waiting to be enlightenend

[bane voice]THIS IS THE MOMENT OF YOUR LIBERATION[/bane voice]

[Jack Sawyer]

More like the opposite of diabetes.

In diabetics, their pancreas doesn't produce enough insulin, so when their blood sugar spikes, they have to manually inject insulin to get themselves back to correct blood sugar levels.

I have the opposite. When my blood sugar spikes, my pancreas produces way too much insulin, over-corrects the problem into a wholly different version of the same problem.
My blood sugar can crash hard, and that's just as life-threatening as having blood sugar too high.

It's much easier to manage, and it's not technically a medical condition. I.e. I don't "have" hypoglycemia. I'm prone to hypoglycemic attacks.

And with sugar being in everything these days, damn

[Poopadoop]

You are waiting to be enlightenend

[bane voice]THIS IS THE MOMENT OF YOUR LIBERATION[/bane voice]

Maybe if I mix coconut with kale, their respective awfulness will cancel each other out, and the result will be delicious.

Off to the grocery store!

Actually I'm probably going to end up buying a box of cookies/biscuits instead.

[Poopadoop]

Fuck Quaker, who makes a "healthy" granola thing which has about as much sugar per gram of product as an actual bag of sugar

Pro tip: Healthy food comes out of the ground, gets washed, and put on a shelf. Everything that gets chopped up, mixed, put through a test tube, then put inside of a package has all the nutrition taken out and something fattening/cancerous added to it that will probably change your DNA and make you unable to produce kids and should only be eaten as a last resort.

[MadMojoMonkey]

3 donuts almost killed you? Jeezus I hope you never get caught outside in a stiff breeze without your long underwear on.

Not the 3 donuts, but the "on an empty stomach" part.

Confirmed nerdlinger.

So the physics thread didn't give it away?

Not sure what my fatal dose of donuts is but I'm pretty sure I could choke down at least 10 before I even had to go to hospital. Maybe more, haven't really pushed the envelope on that one tbh.

Well, I'm not qualified to draw any conclusions, but the way you described being addicted to sweets is pretty common among people with my condition.
I recommend not getting tested for it, but just being sensible about sugar intake and not pushing it. Eating 10 donuts isn't healthy for anyone, anyway.

Not joking about the testing. It's really not worth it. They'll basically pour sugar into you until you feel like absolute shit and want to die, then make you jog on a treadmill until you puke, then figure out other ways to make you regret the entire decision to be tested. When it's all said and done, if you test positive, they'll tell you to eat sensibly and don't eat sugary foods on an empty stomach. Well, fuckin', thanks, doc! That's what you said before the testing when you weren't sure if I had this problem. ARRRGHGHGHGH!

[Poopadoop]

The fuck poop? You're in England now, a dumpling is a piece of dough in stew.

You mean like Yorkshire pudding? I've never heard of a Yorkshire dumpling.

This is what I think of as a dumpling.

dumpling.jpg

...although one could be forgiven for just referring to it as 'pastry'.

[Jack Sawyer]

Maybe if I mix coconut with kale, their respective awfulness will cancel each other out, and the result will be delicious.

Off to the grocery store!

Actually I'm probably going to end up buying a box of cookies/biscuits instead.

Try the royal dansks. They are the galactic basic of cookies.

Pro tip: Healthy food comes out of the ground, gets washed, and put on a shelf. Everything that gets chopped up, mixed, put through a test tube, then put inside of a package has all the nutrition taken out and something fattening/cancerous added to it that will probably change your DNA and make you unable to produce kids and should only be eaten as a last resort.

You are right, and I learned this the hard way. Marketing does stuff to people.

[Poopadoop]

They'll basically pour sugar into you until you feel like absolute shit and want to die, then make you jog on a treadmill until you puke, then figure out other ways to make you regret the entire decision to be tested. When it's all said and done, if you test positive, they'll tell you to eat sensibly and don't eat sugary foods on an empty stomach. Well, fuckin', thanks, doc! That's what you said before the testing when you weren't sure if I had this problem. ARRRGHGHGHGH!

They could have saved a lot of time and effort by just asking how much you liked physics.

I'm pretty sure I'd pass that test though since I can on occasion eat a dozen cookies on an empty stomach and be regretful but not comatose.

I'm actually pretty good overall with my eating habits. I even make my own juice at home. Normally I have about one or two servings of sweets a week, like a piece of cake or a chocolate bar. It's just occasionally that I overindulge my sweet tooth and then regret it for a day or so afterwards.

[OngBonga]

Yorkshire puddings aren't dough, they're basically batter.

Dough is water and flour, maybe salt. I haven't had dumplings since I was a kid, they're basically a cheap way to bulk up a liquid heavy meal, like stew.

That what you showed there, looks like a pasty, but it has icing on? A pasty has meat in, like a Cornish Pasty. I dunno what you call a fruit pasty with icing on. Fucking wrong, that's what it's called.

[OngBonga]

Yorkshire puddings are made of the same stuff as pancakes, at least the type we eat on Shrove Tuesday.

[Jack Sawyer]

You mean like Yorkshire pudding? I've never heard of a Yorkshire dumpling.

This is what I think of as a dumpling.

dumpling.jpg

...although one could be forgiven for just referring to it as 'pastry'.

We have those, filled with pretty much anything like beef, chicken, ham, cheese, etc, no glazing though on top though.

My favorite is tuna, raisins and some erwten (like green beans?) mix

[Poopadoop]

Try the royal dansks. They are the galactic basic of cookies.

If they come in a small package I will try them one day. Otherwise I must pretend they don't exist, for my own good.

[MadMojoMonkey]

And with sugar being in everything these days, damn

I know, right?

It's not so bad, though. I just have "normal" meals, heavy on veggies, bit of meat and some potatoes or pasta or bread to round it out.
Habits are easy to keep and at this point in my life, I have pretty good habits about what is enough "real" food compared to processed stuff with sugars added.
Much as I love desserts, I have to skip them when eating out. If I didn't prepare the meal, then I have to assume it already had too much sugar in it to have a dessert after.

[MadMojoMonkey]

They could have saved a lot of time and effort by just asking how much you liked physics.

You got me.

[Poopadoop]

We have those, filled with pretty much anything like beef, chicken, ham, cheese, etc, no glazing though on top though.

That's a different animal altogether, like a meat pie or Calzone or whatever. I'm sure Ong has the definitive name for them.

These are filled with an oozy fruity thing, like apple and cinnamon and liquid sugar for example.

My favorite is tuna, raisins and some erwten (like green beans?) mix

I love how you randomly insert Dutch words into your otherwise perfect English. I always have to stop and think - wait, what's that word? oh yea it's not English obv..

[OngBonga]

These are filled with an oozy fruity thing, like apple and cinnamon and liquid sugar for example.

Apple turnover

[OngBonga]

If you're having pastry with fruit, it has to be puff pastry.

[Poopadoop]

Poop is right that bread goes in soup though. For dinner this evening, I had tomato soup, garlic bread and toast. Fucking champion.

Garlic bread AND toast?

ARARARRRGHGGHGH!!!

I once cooked Italian food for an Italian and he was scandalized that I had pasta in both the starter and the main. "It'sa too much!"

[Poopadoop]

Apple turnover

That's right. I got that one wrong actually.

Dumpling I'm thinking of this:

Attachment 1080

Google was trolling me the first time ldo.


Edit: Now, I really want one of you knobgobblers to dump that in a soup, and post a photo of you eating the resulting sludge, just to prove I'm wrong.

[Jack Sawyer]

I love how you randomly insert Dutch words into your otherwise perfect English. I always have to stop and think - wait, what's that word? oh yea it's not English obv..

[MadMojoMonkey]

You mean like Yorkshire pudding? I've never heard of a Yorkshire dumpling.

This is what I think of as a dumpling.

dumpling.jpg

...although one could be forgiven for just referring to it as 'pastry'.

The moment it has icing on it is the moment I don't need to know what's inside to know it's not a dumpling.
I agree with ongie about dumplings being bread cooked by boiling in a soup or stew.

For what it's worth, just about every country I've come across has some form of spiced meat wrapped in bread. From Egg Rolls to Potstickers to all manner of savory finger-food pies from the middle east and Mediterranean countries. Even ravioli counts, IMO.

[Poopadoop]

That what you showed there, looks like a pasty, but it has icing on? A pasty has meat in, like a Cornish Pasty. I dunno what you call a fruit pasty with icing on. Fucking wrong, that's what it's called.

PastRy, not pasty.

Pasty is your face in January after three months of overcast, you English type.

[MadMojoMonkey]

Yorkshire puddings are made of the same stuff as pancakes, at least the type we eat on Shrove Tuesday.

No shit?!

It's looks so, so sketchy, though!

I always expected it to be some overly salty, savory compliment for meat.