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Randomness thread, part two.

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  1. #11251
    cosmo sex tip #666 “ when he's least expecting it, carve a pentagram in his chest and begin summoning satan
    I will destroy you with sunshine and kittens.
  2. #11252
    bikes's Avatar
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  3. #11253
    I WAS JUST WATCHING THAT

    and loling everywhere
    Free your mind and your ass will follow.
  4. #11254
    bwa ha ha ha ha

    that kid's lightsaber is all floppy

    WOBBLY SAUSAGE!
    Last edited by Luco; 09-10-2013 at 07:52 AM.
    Congratulations, you've won your dick's weight in sweets! Decode the message in the above post to find out how to claim your tic-tac
  5. #11255
    a500lbgorilla's Avatar
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    LOL
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  6. #11256
    Fact: I have had 5 jobs since I joined FTR, none of which was being a male prostitute.
  7. #11257
    Jack Sawyer's Avatar
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    Fellow countryman hits 55hr in japan, they gve him a fucking bouquet
    My dream... is to fly... over the rainbow... so high...


    Cogito ergo sum

    VHS is like a book? and a book is like a stack of kindles.
    Hey, I'm in a movie!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYdwe3ArFWA
  8. #11258
    mother fuckers that don't do what they said they'd do piss me of.

    had brake pads changed late july/early august - we paid for the "best" ones - because we were told they would not squeak, and that's why they had to use those. 3 days later they start squeaking. called place - said we needed this fixed cause we were informed they wouldn't squeak, dude said it'd be fine to go ahead to b-day trip and bring in the car when we had time, they'd fix it free of charge. afterwards it was making a light groaning noise when braking. but, it was very faint and we were told it'd be fine. a week and a half ago the fucking thing starts squeaking again. called the mother fuckers and told them, "this will be the third time we will be there to have the same thing fixed."

    so, friday after going to see my therapist we're taking the car up to these mother fuckers, and then going to go see my niece for her b-day.

    I'm beyond pissed. I'm so angry I'm at the point of smiling. We're leaving Monday 5am-ish to head to the beach. I'm going to try real hard to not be overly cuntish. To me, if you have someone pay for something because it won't do a thing, and it starts doing the thing, you should fucking pay them for putting up with your bullshit.


    In other news - I'm fixing my hair today so it'll be faded back to blonde vs faded lavender/pink/teal. At the beginning of October I'm doing a photoshoot, and I'mma be a broken porcelain doll.

    Also - kidney stones are fucking evil. pms is fucking stupid and has no purpose. marghphhahahamp. oh, and i keep getting fucking crazy hungry - the kind of hungry that it hurts, there's no warning, and even after what is a lot of food for me i'm still hungry. wtf.
    Last edited by Chelle; 09-11-2013 at 03:37 PM.
    I will destroy you with sunshine and kittens.
  9. #11259
    rong's Avatar
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    Breaking Fucking Bad!
    I'm the king of bongo, baby I'm the king of bongo bong.
  10. #11260
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    i really need to watch this show i got netflix and everything for it but i still havent watched it
  11. #11261
    Quote Originally Posted by bikes View Post
    i really need to watch this show i got netflix and everything for it but i still havent watched it
    what are you even doing with your life?

    Last ep had my damn face in flames by the end.

    good luck with your car chelle :/
    Free your mind and your ass will follow.
  12. #11262
    Quote Originally Posted by aubreymcfate View Post
    good luck with your car chelle :/
    thing is - is not even my car, is boyfrans. i'm still pissed over it, though.
    I will destroy you with sunshine and kittens.
  13. #11263
    rong's Avatar
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    If I get laid in the morning I've realised it makes a huge difference to my day. I can deal with anything. I'm not moody going to work, I don't feel grumpy, my whole outlook is positive, my aggression level drops and I'm a generally happy person.
    I'm the king of bongo, baby I'm the king of bongo bong.
  14. #11264
    Nice brag post rong.
  15. #11265
    rong's Avatar
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    Lol

    You should still be in the honeymoon period and getting some far more frequently than anyone else.
    I'm the king of bongo, baby I'm the king of bongo bong.
  16. #11266
    Quote Originally Posted by rong View Post
    If I get laid in the morning I've realised it makes a huge difference to my day. I can deal with anything. I'm not moody going to work, I don't feel grumpy, my whole outlook is positive, my aggression level drops and I'm a generally happy person.
    Lol, if I get laid in the morning it makes me feel one year older
    Congratulations, you've won your dick's weight in sweets! Decode the message in the above post to find out how to claim your tic-tac
  17. #11267
    for the past 40 minutes i've been trying to work up the courage to say a simple hello to someone and i just can't fucking do it

    one time i had sex right after waking up in the morning and i lost my vision/hearing temporarily because i got so lightheaded. he was pretty proud of himself, but i think i'm just lame.
    Free your mind and your ass will follow.
  18. #11268
    bikes's Avatar
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    calling it now.

    inb4 chipeaterman
  19. #11269
    i get a giddy smile on my face when i think about chippy...
    Free your mind and your ass will follow.
  20. #11270
    bikes's Avatar
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    terror. they say that terror lies in the deep.
  21. #11271
    a500lbgorilla's Avatar
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    Prince never said "Hello"

    <a href=http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png target=_blank>http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png</a>
  22. #11272


  23. #11273


    I CAN'T STOP i might start a mini gif-series

    what should i call it

    (above gif is pretty accurate representation of what it's like to get to know me. "she seems normal... oh wait.")

    oh yeah im about to drive to baltimore, woo
    Free your mind and your ass will follow.
  24. #11274
    ur a girl?
  25. #11275
    I NEED TO PEE
  26. #11276
    a500lbgorilla's Avatar
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    AIM FOR OZ
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  27. #11277
    I grew up told Stephen King was a no-talent shocky horror writer. In my teens I read Green Mile. It was kind of amazing. I called King one of the best writers to ever live. His prose flows and his characters are as real as real is. Fast forward over a decade: I haven't read much anything since. I try out several different novels: Vonnegut, Salvatore, GRRM, Jacques, Dumas. Still don't hold a candle to Motherfucking Stephen King. "Shocky horror" genre fiction is a facade. Dude is legit. I read one page and I feel what's going on
  28. #11278
    rong's Avatar
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    Writing, some people seem to think it should be art where as other people just want to convey something.
    I'm the king of bongo, baby I'm the king of bongo bong.
  29. #11279
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  30. #11280
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    http://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthough..._overdose_the/

    this subreddit is literally the best subreddit.
  31. #11281
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    Quote Originally Posted by aubreymcfate View Post


    I CAN'T STOP i might start a mini gif-series

    what should i call it

    (above gif is pretty accurate representation of what it's like to get to know me. "she seems normal... oh wait.")

    oh yeah im about to drive to baltimore, woo

    How do you do it? I wanna make one.
    I'm the king of bongo, baby I'm the king of bongo bong.
  32. #11282
  33. #11283
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    Quote Originally Posted by aubreymcfate View Post
    for the past 40 minutes i've been trying to work up the courage to say a simple hello to someone and i just can't fucking do it
    I know you will finally get the courage to say hello to chippy



    Quote Originally Posted by aubreymcfate View Post
    one time i had sex right after waking up in the morning and i lost my vision/hearing temporarily because i got so lightheaded. he was pretty proud of himself, but i think i'm just lame.
    I've experienced something similar. No! I didn't get fucked by a dude! One time I was having sex with a beautiful hot woman with perfect ass and tits who looked like Alyssa Milano's twin sister, she shouted: Fuck me hard chippy! You're the best chippy! Suddenly, I lost my vision/hearing temporarily because of the morning sunlight over my head that came through the bedroom's window. I woke up. I was dreaming!
    Last edited by ChipEaterMan; 09-14-2013 at 01:31 PM.
  34. #11284
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    Quote Originally Posted by aubreymcfate View Post
    i get a giddy smile on my face when i think about chippy...
    That's nice of you to say! chippy gets a giddy smile on his face too, when he thinks about aubrey...
    Last edited by ChipEaterMan; 09-14-2013 at 10:53 AM.
  35. #11285
    rong's Avatar
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    Ty savvy. I may do a naked one just for you.
    I'm the king of bongo, baby I'm the king of bongo bong.
  36. #11286
    nooooo savy, y u reveal my esoteric gif making secrets ;_;
    Free your mind and your ass will follow.
  37. #11287
    Considering all I had to do was to look at the url of the picture and google gifyo to see what it was. Think of this as hacking to help you protect yourself in the future.
  38. #11288
    Quote Originally Posted by aubreymcfate View Post
    one time i had sex right after waking up in the morning and i lost my vision/hearing temporarily because i got so lightheaded. he was pretty proud of himself, but i think i'm just lame.
    It is now my new life mission to fuck a girl blind+mute! I'm not much for morning sex though, morning bj is more my thing, I'm lazy idk.
  39. #11289
    a500lbgorilla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rong View Post
    How do you do it? I wanna make one.
    http://gifyo.com/
    <a href=http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png target=_blank>http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png</a>
  40. #11290
    a500lbgorilla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rong View Post
    Ty savvy. I may do a naked one just for you.
    <a href=http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png target=_blank>http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png</a>
  41. #11291
    Quote Originally Posted by ImSavy View Post
    Considering all I had to do was to look at the url of the picture and google gifyo to see what it was. Think of this as hacking to help you protect yourself in the future.
    lol thanks for the explanation; I would have never conceived such a thing was possible.
    Free your mind and your ass will follow.
  42. #11292
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    Pink suits you aubrey!

    Last edited by ChipEaterMan; 09-14-2013 at 09:38 AM.
  43. #11293
    LOL awesome
    Free your mind and your ass will follow.
  44. #11294
    Quote Originally Posted by bikes View Post
    calling it now.

    inb4 chipeaterman
    easiest inb4 NA
  45. #11295
    bikes's Avatar
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    welcome to the cringe thread
  46. #11296
    Aubrey in yellow is 10x cuter/hotter than Aubrey with hair down gif. I want to know a logical explanation for why this is the case!
  47. #11297
    Quote Originally Posted by bikes View Post
    welcome to the cringe thread
    .
  48. #11298
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    Quote Originally Posted by jackvance View Post
    Aubrey in yellow is 10x cuter/hotter than Aubrey with hair down gif. I want to know a logical explanation for why this is the case!
    There's a metaphysical explanation for that, it's called the chippy giddy smile effect on women. When women maintain a conscious giddy mental connection with chippy, their presence will naturally radiate a certain beauty and undisturbed, inner tranquility. Such females glow, look gorgeous and seem irresistible to those who value goodness. They have an attractor field of loveliness which, likewise, tends to bring out the beauty in other people.

    Quote Originally Posted by aubreymcfate View Post
    i get a giddy smile on my face when i think about chippy...

    Last edited by ChipEaterMan; 09-14-2013 at 09:29 PM.
  49. #11299
    a500lbgorilla's Avatar
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    This thread is now the H.M.S Randomness. I am her captain. Put some asymmetric thrust behind this beauty and turn her from "let's fuck" to "get fucked" to "fuck yeah!"

    Look at this shit right here

    <a href=http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png target=_blank>http://i.imgur.com/kWiMIMW.png</a>
  50. #11300
    bikes's Avatar
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    so fucking cringe.
  51. #11301
    i like to leave a trail of cringe wherever i go.

    Free your mind and your ass will follow.
  52. #11302
    bikes's Avatar
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    nobody expects the spanish inquisition
  53. #11303
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    I always expect the spanish inquisition. That way they'll never get you.
    The strengh of a hero is defined by the weakness of his villains.
  54. #11304
    Quote Originally Posted by aubreymcfate View Post
    i like to leave a trail of cringe wherever i go.
    Should comment on photos like that "It's not a bad photo at all, you're just not that nice to look at". The trick is to try and make it sound as non-nasty as possible.
  55. #11305
    Quote Originally Posted by bikes View Post
    nobody expects the spanish inquisition
    nobody puts a baby bird in the corner.
  56. #11306
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    Quote Originally Posted by oskar View Post
    I always expect the spanish inquisition. That way they'll never get you.
    Good lookin' out, bro.

    Why do people say "you" when they really mean "me"?
  57. #11307
    Because the objective of language is communication, not to be (logically in the mathematical sense) correct. Now there's a dry answer for you!
  58. #11308
    a500lbgorilla's Avatar
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    Language is the best.
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  59. #11309
    MadMojoMonkey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jackvance View Post
    Because the objective of language is communication, not to be (logically in the mathematical sense) correct. Now there's a dry answer for you!
    I understand. I wasn't correcting anyone.

    I'm really curious to the motivation behind the practice, though. I hear it all the time.

    I do it myself sometimes, unintentionally. Then I correct myself, unnecessarily. I'm a dork.

    I always wonder if it's a subconscious manipulation to draw the listener in to my perspective.

    Big dork.
  60. #11310
    It simply has a different meaning to use 'you' or 'me' there.

    That way they'll never get me = you're only talking about protecting yourself.

    That way they'll never get you = you frame it as an us vs them thing, implying that a whole group of people is in danger of being 'gotten' (including the listener).

    God that was boring to type out
  61. #11311
    boyfran's brakes are finally fixed. they replaced the pads again, this time with ceramic ones. we spent 2 hours clean the inside and outside, and i didn't think, so I have a pretty bad sunburn on my back. but the car is clean as fuck, and it makes me happy. i really dig cleaning, sometimes.

    everything besides things that will be used tonight are all packed in one suitcase for the beach. my roots are bleached, and i faded the rest of my hair, and toned my roots so they won't look godawful. gave myself a french manicure. today has been productive. 5am we shall be on the road, and should be at our destination by at least 11am, probably sooner.

    p.s. my therapist cried happy tears friday. she said i really needed to write down some of the things, because they're worded so beautifully.
    I will destroy you with sunshine and kittens.
  62. #11312
    Pretty goddamn sure I use language to be correct
  63. #11313
    bikes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wufwugy View Post
    Pretty goddamn sure I use language to be correct


    this is how i imagine you irl
  64. #11314
    Well, yeah, morons

    Now, Francis Bacon. That's where it's at

    All Aristotle ever did was look at plants and say "Hey look, plants!"

    All Socrates ever did was ask "Yeah but how do you know they're plants?"

    All Plato ever did was say "These plants suck. They're not perfect. Not like the perfect plant in my head."

    Then Aristotle and Socrates looked at Plato funny while he ate his own boogers
  65. #11315
    Quote Originally Posted by wufwugy View Post
    Pretty goddamn sure I use language to be correct
    Immediately and strongly contradicted in your following post:

    Quote Originally Posted by wufwugy View Post
    All Aristotle ever did was look at plants and say "Hey look, plants!"

    All Socrates ever did was ask "Yeah but how do you know they're plants?"

    All Plato ever did was say "These plants suck. They're not perfect. Not like the perfect plant in my head."

    Then Aristotle and Socrates looked at Plato funny while he ate his own buggers
    None of that is even remotely correct. Yay language.
  66. #11316
    Plato, Aristotle, Socrates, Jackvance. Morons
  67. #11317
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    Quote Originally Posted by oskar View Post
    I always expect the spanish inquisition. That way they'll never get you.
    Quote Originally Posted by MadMojoMonkey View Post
    Good lookin' out, bro.

    Why do people say "you" when they really mean "me"?
    Quote Originally Posted by bikes View Post


    this is how i imagine you irl


    Last edited by ChipEaterMan; 09-15-2013 at 08:21 PM.
  68. #11318
    Do you guys put salt on your watermelon?
  69. #11319
    Quote Originally Posted by abelardx View Post
    Do you guys put salt on your watermelon?
    I've thought about that before in a masochistic effort to nauseate myself.
    Free your mind and your ass will follow.
  70. #11320
    Quote Originally Posted by wufwugy View Post
    I grew up told Stephen King was a no-talent shocky horror writer. In my teens I read Green Mile. It was kind of amazing. I called King one of the best writers to ever live. His prose flows and his characters are as real as real is. Fast forward over a decade: I haven't read much anything since. I try out several different novels: Vonnegut, Salvatore, GRRM, Jacques, Dumas. Still don't hold a candle to Motherfucking Stephen King. "Shocky horror" genre fiction is a facade. Dude is legit. I read one page and I feel what's going on
    Try Orwell and Edward Abbey. I don't get into novels much, but Down and Out In Paris and London and Monkey Wrench Gang are amazing books. You should give em a try.

    Quote Originally Posted by kiwiMark View Post
    I NEED TO PEE
    I think the word you were looking for is "ejaculate"

    Quote Originally Posted by bikes View Post
    welcome to the cringe thread
    This.

    Quote Originally Posted by aubreymcfate View Post
    I've thought about that before in a masochistic effort to nauseate myself.
    Yeah, it's confirmed, you are bad at food.
  71. #11321
    Quote Originally Posted by aubreymcfate View Post
    I've thought about that before in a masochistic effort to nauseate myself.
    You should try it. It's really good. Somebody today told me it's weird but it's really delicious. We grew up doing it. I thought everybody did.
  72. #11322
    Quote Originally Posted by boost View Post
    Yeah, it's confirmed, you are bad at food.
    lol I am actually the least picky eater around... I'm pretty much known for being great with food irl. My father is an incredible chef (not to mention really passionate about it) so I grew up eating a wide variety of food. I hate overly picky eaters, or people that refuse to try anything new just because they can't get over their preconceptions.

    Honestly if salt and watermelon is ~a thing~ I'll try it, but it just seems counterintuitive to me. It's really just certain combinations that make me scrunch my nose, but I'm open to anything.
    Free your mind and your ass will follow.
  73. #11323
    I'd like to hear what your dad says about it. I was really wondering if it's a Southern thing, more widespread, or just my weird family.
  74. #11324
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    Quote Originally Posted by aubreymcfate View Post
    lol I am actually the least picky eater around... I'm pretty much known for being great with food irl. My father is an incredible chef (not to mention really passionate about it) so I grew up eating a wide variety of food. I hate overly picky eaters, or people that refuse to try anything new just because they can't get over their preconceptions.

    Honestly if salt and watermelon is ~a thing~ I'll try it, but it just seems counterintuitive to me. It's really just certain combinations that make me scrunch my nose, but I'm open to anything.

    salt brings out the watermelon flavor and makes it more intense. p legit.
  75. #11325
    italians also put black pepper on strawberries. i think there's lots of contrasting flavour combos that people are too pussy to try out. hot/sweet is one of my faves i have to say, which is why i dig thai food. i had a gummi-chili recently - gummi candy in the shape of a chili, sweet like gummibears at first, BURNING FIRE with a 10 second delay. it was awesome.

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