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    Sir: It kind of sickens me that I am often...

    Sir:

    It kind of sickens me that I am often called "a poor man's Joe Stapleton."
    I have to have more money in the bank than you, don't I?

    Norman Chad
  2. Well, I slept my way to the top, but I can't...

    Well, I slept my way to the top, but I can't recommend this in general -- bad hours, and you're always playing out of position.

    That's a wrap, folks!
    This has been a lot of fun, but it's time for...
  3. I write (or create off the top of my head) at...

    I write (or create off the top of my head) at least 95 percent of my stuff.

    In the early years of the broadcasts, I used to wing it more. As I've gotten older (and my mind has grown wearier), I...
  4. For some reason, I don't have a Texas hold 'em...

    For some reason, I don't have a Texas hold 'em "muscle." Hold em's a lot about reading people; heck, I have trouble reading a menu.
    I just have a better feel of "where I'm at" in stud and Omaha,...
  5. My dream job would be to chase runaway mercury...

    My dream job would be to chase runaway mercury from broken thermometers at a well-paying hospital.
  6. 1. When I'm home in Los Angeles, I play poker at...

    1. When I'm home in Los Angeles, I play poker at Hollywood Park or the Bicycle Casino probably twice a week.

    2. When the government calls, I always let it go to voice mail. If it happens to be the...
  7. The Mayans did not take into consideration...

    The Mayans did not take into consideration 'reverse pot odds.'
  8. I believe my second marriage was the result of a...

    I believe my second marriage was the result of a losing prop bet (for her).
  9. I'm in Los Angeles, Las Vegas and Washington,...

    I'm in Los Angeles, Las Vegas and Washington, D.C. most of the year.
    My favorite places to go are San Francisco, Paris, New York City and any bowling alley offering a buck-a-game promotion.
  10. 1. You won't let me save Hellmuth, so I won't. ...

    1. You won't let me save Hellmuth, so I won't.

    2. Outside of talking about people playing terrible poker, I like to play terrible poker and bowl 142 games.

    3. After all the vacations and fun...
  11. 1. It's $1.25, not $1.75. 2. I have to save...

    1. It's $1.25, not $1.75.

    2. I have to save all my $1.25s to play the $1,500 stud/8 WSOP event in one week.
  12. When I graduated college, I tried to make my...

    When I graduated college, I tried to make my living doing just that.

    As it turns out, there is a fine line between "stand-up comedy" and "stand-up tragedy."
  13. YOU try winning a stud tournament, pal.

    YOU try winning a stud tournament, pal.
  14. I do not play in the Norman Chad Poker League....

    I do not play in the Norman Chad Poker League. Apparently, it's just a group of guys who love me that much -- but not SO much that they've ever sent me money.

    I've been writing my whole life,...
  15. I have never played in the Main Event and have no...

    I have never played in the Main Event and have no plans to do so.

    I have played in three WSOP events this year (with no cashes), and will play in one more -- the $1,500 stud/8 on June 21.
    In my...
  16. Lon and I had never met before working together...

    Lon and I had never met before working together at the 2003 WSOP. We're more thsan just friends, but I can't discuss that here.

    Lon was hired by ESPN as part of a government experiment to place...
  17. I wish we had more of them; there's no reason in...

    I wish we had more of them; there's no reason in the world that half of all poker players can't be women and half of the best can't be women.

    Anyway, as always, I only wish the best of things to...
  18. I've always joked about kicking back 10 percent...

    I've always joked about kicking back 10 percent of my salary to Phil Hellmuth, because his unique, unspeakable table comportment makes it so easy to make light of him.

    It's always easier doing any...
  19. If I tried to succeed as a poker pro, I'd be...

    If I tried to succeed as a poker pro, I'd be standing outside of 7-Eleven with a half-empty Slurpee cup inside of six weeks.

    I am an above-average recreational poker player; I could not make a...
  20. Re: Showboating. I'm just a big proponent of...

    Re: Showboating.
    I'm just a big proponent of winning with grace and losing with grace.
    As Hevad Khan would now agree with me, shouting out BULLDOZZZZZER and waving a chair over your head is not...
  21. I believe the Earth is flat.

    I believe the Earth is flat.
  22. If you mixed Seinfeld, the WSOP and CNN into a...

    If you mixed Seinfeld, the WSOP and CNN into a blender, you'd get George Costanza playing Wolf Blitzer $25-a-point Open Face Chinese while co-anchoring the new CNN nightly news.
  23. I once paid for my first wife's second year of...

    I once paid for my first wife's second year of law school with poker winnings; she left me shortly thereafter.
    I once paid for my second wife's new car (VW Jetta, I believe) with poker winnings; she...
  24. I don't have a "poker face," I have a "face for...

    I don't have a "poker face," I have a "face for radio."

    My biggest problem at mostb poker tournsments -- besides finishing in the money -- is getting people to have a better time. It's often a...
  25. Yes, I am currently married, a third and final...

    Yes, I am currently married, a third and final time. I believe this one is "Till death do us part," even if that means one of us kills the other.

    I do pay readers of my newspaper column $1.25 (in...
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