having to tell all your friends and family that youre gay.Quote:
Originally Posted by XTR1000
when I used to skateboard, we would call all the rollerbladers "fruit booters"
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having to tell all your friends and family that youre gay.Quote:
Originally Posted by XTR1000
when I used to skateboard, we would call all the rollerbladers "fruit booters"
I am sure that made you feel so much better about yourself. :roll:Quote:
Originally Posted by boost
I love the recession, and I especially love the credit crunch.
Everything has gotten so much cheaper (Deals everywhere on everything!), and it will teach people to live within their means, without owing anything to anybody.
MOM TO SON
Dear Son,
I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We
don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper
where most accidents happened within twenty miles of home, so we
moved. I won't be able to send you the address as the last
family that lived here took the numbers with them for their next
house so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four
shirts in it, pulled the chain and hadn't seen 'em since. It only
rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the
second time.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt Sue said would
be a little heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so
we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home. Said if we didn't make
the last payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.
About your father -- he has a lovely new job. He has over 500
men under him. He's cutting grass at the local cemetary.
About your sister -- she had a baby this morning. I haven't
found out whether it is a boy or girl, so I don't know if you are
an aunt or an uncle.
Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to
pull him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We
cremated him and he burned for four days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck.
One was driving, the other two boys was in the back. The driver
got out, he rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other
two drowned. They couldn't get the tailgate down.
Not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
Write more often.
Love,
Mom
P. S. I was going to send you some money, but the envelope was
already sealed.
I ran out of deodorant yesterday and I smell really bad right now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by swiggidy
whats worse? running out of deodorant, shampoo, baby powder or cologne?
who the fuck uses baby powder? do you have a "chafing problem" rilla?
deodorant ftw
I rarely wear deodorant.. I dont really get the point of it. Dont you guys take showers? If Im all sweaty in the kitchen, how does a little bit of scented gel under my armpits prevent me from stinking? In the summer I wear it more regularly, but srsly, in the winter?
My odor doesn't waif through my shirt when I wear deodorant. If anything I think it's less useful in the summer. If I don't wear a shirt then my whole body creates sweatish smell, so something under the arms does nothing.
i shower every 2 or 3 days(this is true)
deodorant ftw
i also slide old spice down yonder
i lhave no hair
i'm not a baby
i thought cologne was a booze, so i'm going to ignore this for now
I shower every day, sometimes twice a day if I work out. I put deodorant on every time after I shower. Sometimes I don't before I go to bed, but even before bed I use it, habit I guess. There's been a few times throughout the years where I've forgotten for some reason (been knocked out of my routine), and I can tell. I don't like B.O.
i loves me the powder.Quote:
Originally Posted by UG
enlighten me......where do you put it?Quote:
Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla
no deodorant? wat?
LOL cold climates FTW
Quote:
Originally Posted by boost
hahah we did the same shit
Right on them sweaty balls. No swamp ass for me, tyvmQuote:
Originally Posted by UG
i never wear deodorant, i'm allergic to that shit
Aluminum poisoning?Quote:
Originally Posted by UG
Have you ever accidentally put on anti-perspirant immediately before you take a shower? Things go horribly wrong.
cant be hidden your pheromones yo!
I always put on deodorant after I shower in the morning.
Except this morning where I slept in and had to run to class w/o a shower. I just put on 4 layers of clothes and deodorant and hoped the smell did not get out.
I feel gross if I don't take a shower when I get up.
rilla I feel like I got some ball bo after a long day baby powder knock that right out?
baby powder is preventative imo
this is a must in the summer imo.Quote:
Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla
thanks to daven i went climbing today, the first time since i was 12. i forgot how truly awesome that is. my palms are sore and 3/8 fingers are bleeding. as a lil bonus, climbing wimmenz are fucking hot and from some lines u have a great view over the gym and aerobic studio next to the wall.
I bought deodorant on my lunch break and forgot to put it on. I started to smell myself at 1p, so no way I could go without it. After application I smelled fresh and clean.
http://img513.imageshack.us/img513/8...a280pibzx7.jpg
FTW
comcast, the major cable provider in tuscon was haxored during the last 5 minutes of the superbowl. 30 seconds of hardcore porn was broadcast to viewers. This is so fucking awesome.
powerfully awesome
nm found it
RANDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
Doom-Switch
Pronunciation: 'düm-swich
Function: noun
1. The button or switch that an online gaming site toggles on or off, subsequently rigging the game for a particular player.
Note: This term was created by PokerRoom.com player "monkeyzero". TradeMark laws may apply to its usage.
ex. 1. "I was the favorite to win every hand I was in, but I ended up losing my bankroll because they got the Doom-Switch on me."
ex. 2. "I won two hands in a row. I think they turned my Doom-Switch off."
theoretical physics (+astronomy, cosmology and astrology) is the single most interesting thing in the universe imo.
matter vs anti-matter asymmetry, dark matter fifth dimension, time travel, the theory of everything (including requisite equation complete with undiscovered variable), elusive particles, ever-expanding universe (kind of makes sense but is scary), repeated mass extinctions like clockwork here on earth, 1 supernova going off every single passing second, wow
I think I may have found my calling. I wonder if I could make money to live with it though.
Every once in a while I read something about one of these things, then I start googling, links start branching out, and all of a sudden I spend the whole night reading about it. Very interesting stuff indeed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack Sawyer
baby powder keeps the balls dry and softQuote:
Originally Posted by UG
awesome addon for firefox: Interclue
Brings up a pop up window of links content when you hover the mouse over link
awesomer addon for firefox: stumble porn
Only 10 more days of the Tebow/Swiggidy marriage. Makes me sad to see it end.
take a screenshot and it will last foreverQuote:
Originally Posted by GatorJH
flomo the homo
just kidding
Theoretically I could start drinking in 4 days so wouldn't remember the last week anyway. Hmmmm....Quote:
Originally Posted by GatorJH
I forgot to take bacon out of the freezer so only eggs for dinner :-(
I buy bacon in bulk when it's on sale, so have 6 lbs in the freezer :-)
i fucking hate taxes
OMG, I fucking love taxes. I'm getting so much back.Quote:
Originally Posted by givememyleg
only 6lbs? so you buy bulk bacon every 3 days?Quote:
Originally Posted by swiggidy
I've been drinking way too much Diet Dr. Pepper lately. I buy these 18 ounce plastic cups so I don't have to constantly do dishes and buy the 2 liter bottles.
Anyways, today I started an experiment, I bought 9 oz. cups instead of the 18 ouncers. Anyone think this will help me drink less?
yah, i think its likely it helps
ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS
Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the bu tton.
Nothing!
I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) but thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it stupid,' reasoning tha t a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . .
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE CRAP!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative?
IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my gonads and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! 'If you think education is difficult, try being stupid.
i tried this approachQuote:
Originally Posted by bigspenda73
results = i drink right out of the bottle now
i think this will help, considering you're already lazy enough to only use disposable cups so you dont have to do dishes. now you're going to have to get up and walk to the kitchen twice as much, which clearly is against the code of laziness, hence causing you to drink less.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigspenda73
spacegravy on 2p2 is on an epic prop bet / session
has to make 40k$ in 30 days playing $60 sngs only
so far in 36 hours hes played about 900 sngs
NINE FUCKING HUNDRED
in one session
hes losing obv
also NINE FUCKIGN HUNDRED
A guy I work with went to Sam's club yesterday and I had him buy me popcorn, so now I have 52 bags which should last me about 2 months. :-)
Woot
http://img16.imageshack.us/img16/779...21685lgzd1.jpg
(but I still miss the Millennium Butter)
"The residue is a complex number which describes the behavior of line integrals of a meromorphic function around a singularity."
name the movie I was watching to have to go find this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-av7F1JBmj4
10 points for the correct answer, and if you don't know at least you can be sure you don't suck at life like me.
now that is a timeless classic spenda
edit: here is one to go with that one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zz-G25XMXr4
I'm watching daybreak right now, pretty awesome
Madden 10 is looking great
http://insideblog.easports.com/archi...irst-look.aspx
http://insideblog.easports.com/archi...adden-nfl.aspx
And they even seem to care, or at least appear to, about what the gamer's want, and ask for input.
http://www.operationsports.com/newspost.php?id=293276
I'm impressed EA, you may just do enough to save your rep in my eyes.
Its the first american football game I'm actually looking forward to since NFL2K5.
EA has been making great games outside of the sports realm as of late. Hard to hate them now.
Best fail story ever
1) Guy goes to Brothel
2) Wife catches guy at Brothel
3) Because she works there...
is that actually true?
and i was gonna buy madden 09 but maybe ill wait for 10. fucking EA, why do they have to come out with a new sports game EVERY year.
http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/...riage-fail.jpgQuote:
Originally Posted by will641
Fucking went to subway today. Appearantly the turkey breast footlong is not a 5 dolla footlong which it has always been since the days they first came out with the stupid promo, nor is my discount card good at that particular subway though its worked there the last 3 times. Its good everywhere else in the county.
Not being a life nit or anything but its the god damn principle of the thing if i pays monies for a discount card it should damn well work.
I almost tilted on this the other day, too. It's like everybody looooves the turkey sammich, so let's not make that one a good deal.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bbickes
Go get the $5 Turkey at Quizno's instead. dayuuum.
My wifes workplace likes to use first initial+last name for email addresses. She has a coworker named Bob Allin. Last name is pronounced the same as Allen, but super cool anyway.
ballin@dajob.com
i have added flomo to my vocabulary.
Subway is lame. You're paying for bread and shitty veggies.
I don't really like taking a shower after someone else. It's super humid and everything is wet. Just kind of a weird feeling.
I don't understand. It's fast food, what are you expecting?Quote:
Originally Posted by swiggidy
Touche.
I guess my beef is that people act like it's all healthy, but really it's only more healthy than McDonalds's or Wendy's.
whole wheat 6inch ain't bad for you imo
Awesome. I actually planned on looking at previews for the game tonight and boom. NFL2k5 was the shit. The NCAA games are still sweet, not sure about Madden.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack Sawyer
Anyways, bbickes, that's weird because on a friend's facebook status he was saying how he was so pumped that ALL subs at subway are $5 for a footlong.
did anyone read my big long post to start this page?
"you fuckning flomo" is how i use it mosst :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by will641
fyi, there are people with the last name flomo
meant toQuote:
Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla
too many words...
cliff notes please
I did and then shared it with roommate. We had a good laugh.Quote:
Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla
A-Rod: :facepalm:
cliff notes will ruin it. It is well worth the read. I saw it a couple of years ago and STILL laugh my ass off when I read it.Quote:
Originally Posted by UG
All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to go shopping for the wife. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathrooms. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 1 through 5 for your convenience:
1.Occupied.
2.Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one.
3.Poo on seat.
4.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat.
5.No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet.
Clearly, it had to be Stall #2. I trudged back, entered, dropped trou and sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful Shitter. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot. I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. Shitter was blathering to Mrs. Shitter about the shitty day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier.
Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder with one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall.
The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit the resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently.
Once my ass cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent: (1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench. It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence.
"Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??"
Now there was no stopping me. I pushed for all I was worth. I could swear that in the resulting cacophony of rips, squirts, splashes, poots, and blasts, I was actually lifted slightly off the pot. The amount of stuff in me was incredible. It sprayed against the bowl with tremendous force. Later, in surveying the damage, I'd see that liquid poop had actually managed to ricochet out of the bowl and run down the side on to the floor. But for now, all I could do was hang on for the ride.
Next door I could hear him fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up... in my mouth... not... make it... tell the kids... love them... oh God..." followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching.
Alas, it is evidently difficult to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by string of swear words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet. There was a lull in my production, and the restroom became deathly quiet. I could envision him standing there, wondering what to do. A final anal announcement came trumpeting from my behind, small chunks plopping noisily into the water. That must have been the last straw. I heard a flush, a fumbling with the lock, and then the stall door was thrown open. I heard him running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth.
As I left, I glanced into the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know. I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in the shitter. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom.
^^ OMG. I'm CRYING from laughing so hard, how have I never heard that one before...
:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:
a trillion stars for Gator!!!
OMG my stomach hurts from laughing so hard
I am still on a Fuck EA bandwagon NHL 09 is a sick sick game... on 360 and PS3 on PC I guess they ported the PS2 version instead.... FUCK YOU EA YOU COCK SUCKERS
Also very interesting, one of my best friends who I have known since I was like 5, confirmed that he was indeed gay. And I am the only person who knows. So now I told you guys because I suck at keeping secrets. I am happy for him ya know, has to be good to admit it to someone and I am glad he isn't the kind of person to keep it bottled up forever and kill themselves.
Also this has given me the balls to tell a good friend of mine, like one of my best friends that I have feelings for her because shit I might as well take a chance once in awhile or else I am just to pathetic.
taking vitamins makes me very horny
You're doing it wrong?Quote:
Originally Posted by flomo
so those vitamin Es and omega-3s are not suppositoriesQuote:
Originally Posted by kb coolman
I am going to share my happiness with you guys.
So I talked to her and told her I had feelings for her and she told me then I better ask her out on a date.
So I guess that is good. Right?
In other news I haven't played poker in like 10 days.
But I have been busy with school etc. and it is hard to play after a bad day and that carried on for a few days.
In other other news Lukie be proud of me I lost ~15lbs in January, I went form being able to do maybe 5 pushups to pretty easily being able to do 20 a few times a day. Doing some free weights and other stuff as well.
Really need to start jogging a few times a week,
The cool thing is I have noticed changes, arms getting cuts on them and not just one big blobular shape. Gut shrinking.
I mean I looked better and I feel better about myself and that is really all the motivation I need to keep going.
First few weeks are harder but when changes start to happen it is awesome.
:clap:Quote:
Originally Posted by ProZachNation
OMFG yes. Get to it son!Quote:
Originally Posted by ProZachNation
This was the right choice. Friendships with girls are different than friendships with guys. Either take a shot and fail and let that ruin the friendship. Or don't take a shot and let her new relationship with a guy ruin the friendship (until she's single again).Quote:
Originally Posted by ProZachNation
Also, this page will be remembered as the page when Prozach tried with all his might to transform this monster of a thread into his blog.
Yeah, guy relationships are strictly platonic!Quote:
Originally Posted by Galapogos
I bought 3 cans of tuna yesterday but I cannot bring myself to eat them. The past 48 my hours my diet has consisted of:
hard boiled eggs
wheat toast
oatmeal with brown sugar
seasoned chicken breasts
YAYLIFE
At which point you asked her out on a date right? RIGHT?? That's like the best setup evar..Quote:
Originally Posted by ProZachNation
I had a girl tell me to hit on her once but she went home with two of my buddies on previous occasions so I didn't. I got this thing about not touching "buddy used" goods. Anyone else agree?
o hell yah. I had a friend who for some reason always seemed to hook up with "buddy used" goods and it always bothered me.
That shit is not cool man. And by friend do you mean UG, and by used goods do you mean me?Quote:
Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla
The only issue is she goes to school 2 hours away :(
I told her I would pick her up the Friday I was home for spring break
I guess we will see what comes, and that is life, and I guess it is more important to live life then just move through it.
/livejournal
In other news yeah hitting on used goods is no good.
I worked for EA a while back testing some of their great games. There was a whiteboard in the testing lab with the following guidelines on it for the gamestesters:Quote:
Originally Posted by bigred
1. IS IT A BUG?
2. IS IT REALLY A BUG?
3. CAN WE PUT IT IN THE MANUAL?
I also remember a bug I reported for one of their games that basically said 'The 5 level minigame is too easy. The user can complete the 1st 3 levels of it without touching the pad at all because the AI attempting to kill the user walk around in circles headbutting each other until the timer runs out'. Came back as designed with the following comment:
Well, at least it might make the kids feel good about themselves!
you know me too wellQuote:
Originally Posted by bigred
haha I livejournaled page 21 as well