Official "that guy" comment thread

We all have 'em. What have you heard at the poker table?

XXKXX: u guys anr ur stupid bets
XXKXX: play the pot odds
XXKXX: there perfect


-'rilla

I posted this somewhere else but ill put it up here anyway

<Miffed> do the pot odds you noob. U cant call half your stack on 4 outs!!!
<randomnoob> shut up fat boy!!
<miffed> you know why im so fat? coz every time i shag ur mam she gives me a bag of crisps!
Now get back here and play with those winnings you git
<dealer> randomnoob has left the table. He has a gun and is going to kill his mom

:wink:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Miffed22001

<Miffed> do the pot odds you noob. U cant call half your stack on 4 outs!!!

---

Why would you ever say this

Bit of history.
Me and this guy didnt get along.
I kept calling his raises with crap and then betting at him hard when he missed which he didnt like.
but he got his own back (making me uttely mad and tilted) when i hit quads, yes quads on the turn, went all in and he called with a one outer straight flush draw which he hit. 1 out on the river .
Thats why when he called this one for half his stack again i said what i did. It was a different night and i always sit next to him becasue in the long run he gives me his cash, just those two freaked me out a touch as i was on a bad run of cards.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by TylerK

Why would you ever say this

---

Agreed. I don't mind the ridiculous comments about losing, but when people start offering poker lessons by berating bad players... it makes me want to kick THEM off the table.

If no one made bad calls all day, who the hell is gonna pay you off?

The right way:

Dealer: Player wins all your money with some random-ass draw.
Me: nh, thought I had ya.
Him: Thanks

hey take it easy
first and last time

Wasn't necessarily talkin about you. You just reminded me of all the times i hear the 25NL pro's educating the fish.

No hate, trust me. Sorry to single ya out :)

Thanks.
I learnt my lesson anyway.
I do as suggested now by congratulating them mightly on their great play.

<ME> Why play short stacked, why dont you reload!?
<LIVEBOON> why waste more money?

In a recent limit tournament after an ace high flush beat a king high flush

OddsAgainstU: you owe me big for that gay flush
ZGOODY: why?
OddsAgainstU: you had the only card that could beat me
OddsAgainstU: lame
ZGOODY: yep,u played it lame
OddsAgainstU: so did you..
ZGOODY: how?
ZGOODY: i won big!!!
DJO3: OOOH!!!
OddsAgainstU: i'll get ya
ZGOODY: u had no cards to beat me then
ZGOODY: ha ha
ZGOODY: right

then actually the table became all happy again and made poker a fun, social game!
Dealer: Game #2333817301: CaliPlayer20 ties for pot (850) with a straight, Ten to Ace
Dealer: Game #2333817301: bencathers ties for pot (850) with a straight, Ten to Ace
CaliPlayer20: I didn't need the ten lol
bencathers: well that was fun
bencathers: yeah well i did
CaliPlayer20: LOL
bencathers: not everyone is as special!
Tammette: ben u got rather chatty and r cracking me up
Tammette: u r my new best friend at this table
bencathers: i actually started paying attention
Tammette: u want to be my best friend to cali?
Tammette: lol
CaliPlayer20: Yea :-D
Tammette: okay u r on my list

more from this illustrious table:
Dealer: Game #2333888287: Makalaster wins pot (1850) with a pair of Fours
ZGOODY: wow
ZGOODY: lucky
ZGOODY: n1
Makalaster: you had best hand for 200 i had best hand for 600
Makalaster: ty
Tammette: aren't all hands lucky
Makalaster: im sure luckyyyyyyyyyy
ZGOODY: nope
Dancy: ON
ZGOODY: yes u were
Tammette: sure - it depends on where u r sitting

I didn't save it but yesterday in a 3/6 LHE game at PokerRoom, some guy sits in and after about an orbit says something like, "Has it been like this for a while with all the preflop raises?? Statistics say the raiser only wins 40% of the time."

Oh thanks I'll cut that right out. :roll:

bencathers: check raise!
bencathers: snaap
Dealer: bencathers has a straight, Deuce to Six
Dealer: JistTheFist has two pair, Tens and Threes
JistTheFist: wow
Dealer: Game #2347061503: bencathers wins pot (960) with a straight, Deuce to Six
JistTheFist: what a joke
bencathers: sweet flop
bencathers: thanks for capping
JistTheFist: ****ing idiot.... 2 6 and you call a raise
Dealer: My0Third0Eye, it's your turn. You have 15 seconds to act
bencathers: yeah
My0Third0Eye: of course
bencathers: i hate defending my small blind
My0Third0Eye: that was a bb
bencathers: you know what?
bencathers: im going to fold my small blind every time you raise me
bencathers: bb
bencathers: sorry
Dealer: fletch714 has two pair, Kings and Nines
Dealer: darkstar2503 has a pair of Aces
Dealer: Game #2347070684: fletch714 wins pot (645) with two pair, Kings and Nines
JistTheFist: this site is such a joke
Clepto: why the whole site?
JistTheFist: suckouts like that happen non-stop
JistTheFist: on every table
JistTheFist: every hand
jflo2: cause these hands arent random
darkstar2503: it'll be ok, it all evens out
darkstar2503: they are too random, come on, if you believe that you shouldn't be playing on a site you think isn't random
Dealer: hny2do, it's your turn. You have 15 seconds to act
JistTheFist: I know the hands aren't random....so why don't they make any were the better hand wins?
Dealer: hny2do has a pair of Fives
Dealer: fletch714 has a straight, Deuce to Six
Dealer: Game #2347081885: fletch714 wins pot (555) with a straight, Deuce to Six
darkstar2503: they win plenty

more from my new best friend:

Dealer: JistTheFist has a pair of Kings
JistTheFist: wow
Dealer: Game #2347153766: jflo2 wins pot (625) with a flush, King high
JistTheFist: I absolutely love this site
Clepto: here we go
JistTheFist: I really do
JistTheFist: I love it
bencathers: so your reasoning is
jflo2: ty for checking turn
bencathers: no matter what, AK should always beat 33?
JistTheFist: ty for being an idiot
Dealer: bencathers has a pair of Fives
Dealer: Game #2347159516: bencathers wins pot (100) with a pair of Fives
JistTheFist: no.... my reasoning is that 2-outers don't hit that often
jflo2: learn how to bet ur hand
bencathers: i had 4 two outers hit on me today
My0Third0Eye: 5 4 offsuit looks pretty idiotic
bencathers: happens

Him: kekeke you nub!
Me: I wouldn't walk across the street to piss on you if you were on fire.
Him: ALL YOUR CHIPS ARE BELONG TO ME

At my 0.05/0.10 tables after an uber-fish just got busted(not by me)

Me:Damn you, whyd you have to go and bust the uber-fish for the rest of us....lol
Buster:lol
Some other guy:Lol...your sitting at a 0.05/0.10 table calling someone a fish?...and I bet this is your regular stakes.
Me:So then what are you doing playing 0.05/0.10 if its so pathetic...
Some other guy:Because I dont get paid til Friday......I lost my money at 2/4

..........................................brother

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by BobbySalami

At my 0.05/0.10 tables after an uber-fish just got busted(not by me)

Me:Damn you, whyd you have to go and bust the uber-fish for the rest of us....lol
Buster:lol
Some other guy:Lol...your sitting at a 0.05/0.10 table calling someone a fish?...and I bet this is your regular stakes.
Me:So then what are you doing playing 0.05/0.10 if its so pathetic...
Some other guy:Because I dont get paid til Friday......I lost my money at 2/4

..........................................brother

---

:lol:

I've posted this before. I'm sure it's burried deep somewhere on this site. But it's worth repeating.

<Them> (after losing the hand) You bet with that hand?
<Them>You didn't even have a good kicker.
<Me> What's a kicker?

That guy: "This site is like crack, once you take a hit you can't stop"
That guy: "Deposit every day"

That guy: "I used to play right, but I lost so much money to people like me. So I decided to play like the people I lost my money to."

Triptanes shows [ 7c, Ac ] two pairs, aces and nines.
Gene_Walz shows [ Ks, Kc ] two pairs, kings and nines.
Triptanes wins 7140 chips from the main pot with two pairs, aces and nines.
Player Gene_Walz finished in 32 place
Gene_Walz has left the table.
Gene_Walz: d0uchebags always prosper
Triptanes: ok bye
Triptanes: shhh im counting your chips
Gene_Walz: bye cum guzzler

ROFLCOPTER...all of the aBove!

Please...more!

http://www.flopturnriver.com/phpBB2/...pic.php?t=4499

Phineas57: wake, u seem like a reasonable guy, do you think this site is rigged??
wakeusn: i often wonder
Babbizon: party poker is
wakeusn: there is a site called "absolute power"
wakeusn: sorry, "absolute poker"
wakeusn: i have done some research...a lot of these sites dont use all the cards in the deck for every hand

lownutz: theres having the best hand and theres having the hand bodog lets win
lownutz: i always have the nuts before bodog messes with me

-'rilla

after i just won a coinflip late in a tourney AJ vs his 88 AI preflop:

fish: nice suckout
me: ??
fish: nice 6-outer

<supernoob>how could you go all in on one pair?
<miffed> er perhaps becoz i was ahead
<random>you called it you fking dope with nothing!
<supernoob>but i only needed a heart or a 5 to win
<random> no you needed to fold think about what you were doing then go and get a life. Where did you learn poker, with your moma?
<supernoob>yeah.
<miffed>roflmfao.

At a .1/.25 NL table, table captain is talking about all the fun he has playing 5/10 NL live.

-'rilla

xxxx: When I RAISE, DONT CALL WITH T7s, YOU DAMN FISH

so our 6 max table folded to ALL of his bets/raises, while the game remained crazy loose, it was hilarious.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by journey075

after i just won a coinflip late in a tourney AJ vs his 88 AI preflop:

fish: nice suckout
me: ??
fish: nice 6-outer

---

!!!

:goldstar:

punkj246: pot limits don't count in no limit
punkj246: or pot odds
BobbySalami: lmao
Dealer: draftdad, it's your turn. You have 15 seconds to act
BobbySalami: geuss Ill add you to my buddy list then
punkj246: ok, i like taking money from people

Dealer: Hand cancelled
Beer40oz: hay
Beer40oz: wat is going on
Beer40oz: i am drunk
Beer40oz: i cant handel
Beer40oz: what the hell
Beer40oz: are you going to play
Beer40oz: i love the mupetes

HAHA presumably you just sat right back down when he said that eh dwarf.

I have 67.. board is 589 with 2 hearts. i get AI with it against a flush draw.
turn is Q, river 2.. no heart.

xxxx: (not in the pot) Oh man what a suckout...
yyyy: ARGHH.. what the hell you idiot, you call with 7 high and river a staight on me. fk you.

me: yeh hard luck, you'll win next time, dont worry.

Later.. I flop nut flush, and it checks to the river.. where i overbet to look like a bluff

yyyy: haha the fish is bluffing
(yyyy raises to $30 and is AI)

me: mmm.. i still have outs.. difficult call, but i cant pass up this chance to suckout again.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by BIGandRICH

I have 67.. board is 589 with 2 hearts. i get AI with it against a flush draw.
turn is Q, river 2.. no heart.

xxxx: (not in the pot) Oh man what a suckout...
yyyy: ARGHH.. what the hell you idiot, you call with 7 high and river a staight on me. fk you.

me: yeh hard luck, you'll win next time, dont worry.

Later.. I flop nut flush, and it checks to the river.. where i overbet to look like a bluff

yyyy: haha the fish is bluffing
(yyyy raises to $30 and is AI)

me: mmm.. i still have outs.. difficult call, but i cant pass up this chance to suckout again.

---

Miffed> yeah lets see you call this raise mate, 10bbs this time.
Mrdishy> Stop talking sputnik you freak. I'll kill you with anything.
Miffed>rofl. Ok :D

haha.. i just had another one tonight... "dont bluff, its unfair"

i didnt say anything.. anyone have a good response for that?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by BIGandRICH

haha.. i just had another one tonight... "dont bluff, its unfair"

i didnt say anything.. anyone have a good response for that?

---

I believe the only possible answer to that statement is: "So?"

Quote:

---

haha.. i just had another one tonight... "dont bluff, its unfair"

---

I beleive the response should be; "Is it fair that I am a better poker player than you?"

Here is a funny bit from the $10 R&A a couple night ago. I took out most of the hands just so you could see the converation


JETSAM3 said, "THANK YOU POKERSTARSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS"
DavSimon said, "See Jet if you talk too much trash the software will seek its revenge and you will lose every flip"
scgolfer [observer] said, "could someone get him the waaaaamblance big crybaby"
JETSAM3 said, "**** OFF"
RATE615 [observer] said, "u want some s\cheese with that whine?"
JETSAM3 said, "WHOS TALKING TRASH IM JUST TELLING TRUTH ABOUT THIS WEBSITE I HATE THIS MUL A ****IN PLACE"
scgolfer [observer] said, "ever heard of stopping playing fishboy?"
JETSAM3 said, "I HAD THE BEST AGAIN WHEN I RAISED YOU STUPID IDIOT MUL"
sed76 [observer] said, "JETSAM you are soooo right POKERSTARS BLOWS ***"
sed76 [observer] said, "i quit playing here because of the crappy cards and suckouts"
scgolfer [observer] said, "bye bye"
scgolfer [observer] said, "\fishboy"
Seat 1: RollTide1992 showed [Td Qd] and won (10202) with a full house, Queens full of Threes
Seat 2: flop it now folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 3: JETSAM3 showed [7d 7h] and lost with two pair, Queens and Sevens
DavSimon said, "see software getting vengeance"
JETSAM3 [observer] said, "THANK YOU HOST AT POKERSTARS"
JETSAM3 [observer] said, "I LIKE TO HABVE MY HAMNDS AROUND YOUR THROAT"
DavSimon said, "I'm kinky....but not that kinky"
JETSAM3 [observer] said, "EMAIL THEM WITH THAT YOU STUPID SO"
RollTide1992 said, "i'm going broke...don't worry"
JETSAM3 [observer] said, "JUST KEEP PLAYING HERE AND POKERSTARS AND THE HOST WILL HAVE ALL YOUR MONEY"
RollTide1992 said, "lol"
JETSAM3 [observer] said, "YEAH YOU AND EVERY BODY ELSE THAT PLAYS HERE"
sed76 [observer] said, "you have to bribe support if you want to win these tourneys..."
RATE615 [observer] said, "cause it RIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGED"
RATE615 [observer] said, "fo sho"
sed76 [observer] said, "email them at [email protected]"
RATE615 [observer] said, "The Host will get it ALLLLLLLLLLL"
RATE615 [observer] said, "wtf is the Host?"


*********** # 185 **************
PokerStars Game #2455830025: Tournament #11805434, Hold'em No Limit - Level X (400/800) - 2005/08/30 - 00:55:04 (ET)
Table '11805434 100' Seat #2 is the button
Seat 1: RollTide1992 (24236 in chips)
Seat 2: flop it now (47866 in chips)
Seat 3: agrilus (12330 in chips)
Seat 4: RICKDRUST (34692 in chips)
Seat 5: spdono (37726 in chips)
Seat 6: UnKnownWon (27850 in chips)
Seat 7: Chronic23 (40086 in chips)
Seat 8: bigtimeitpro (16272 in chips)
Seat 9: DavSimon (14286 in chips)
RollTide1992: posts the ante 50
flop it now: posts the ante 50
agrilus: posts the ante 50
RICKDRUST: posts the ante 50
spdono: posts the ante 50
UnKnownWon: posts the ante 50
Chronic23: posts the ante 50
bigtimeitpro: posts the ante 50
DavSimon: posts the ante 50
agrilus: posts small blind 400
RICKDRUST: posts big blind 800
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to DavSimon [Qc Kh]
spdono: folds
UnKnownWon: folds
Chronic23: calls 800
bigtimeitpro: folds
DavSimon: raises 13436 to 14236 and is all-in
RollTide1992: folds
flop it now: calls 14236
agrilus: folds
RICKDRUST: folds
Chronic23: folds
*** FLOP *** [5d Kc Kd]
*** TURN *** [5d Kc Kd] [6c]
*** RIVER *** [5d Kc Kd 6c] [Js]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
DavSimon: shows [Qc Kh] (three of a kind, Kings)
flop it now: shows [9c 9h] (two pair, Kings and Nines)
DavSimon collected 30922 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 30922 | Rake 0
Board [5d Kc Kd 6c Js]
Seat 1: RollTide1992 folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 2: flop it now (button) showed [9c 9h] and lost with two pair, Kings and Nines
Seat 3: agrilus (small blind) folded before Flop
Seat 4: RICKDRUST (big blind) folded before Flop
Seat 5: spdono folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 6: UnKnownWon folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 7: Chronic23 folded before Flop
Seat 8: bigtimeitpro folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 9: DavSimon showed [Qc Kh] and won (30922) with three of a kind, Kings


RollTide1992 said, "sets flopping everywhere"
woody350ep [observer] said, "go dave go"
DavSimon said, "See I bribed "THE HOST""
woody350ep [observer] said, "haha"
woody350ep [observer] said, "yeah"
RATE615 [observer] said, "nice"
RATE615 [observer] said, "I heard the host is Barry Greenstein"
sed76 [observer] said, "no way it is Ryan Seacrest"
sed76 [observer] said, "how else could cra.p this gay happen?"
RATE615 [observer] said, "Its Hillary Duff obv"
RollTide1992 said, "nh"
RATE615 [observer] said, "yo Dav"
DavSimon said, "yes"
RATE615 [observer] said, "now u can doulbe up unknown"
DavSimon said, "I will do my best....since I promised and all"
DavSimon said, "Ooops…well he’s gone THE HOST finally got tired of his mouth"


{edited by gabe to make the thread easier to read}

Cookie028: a tip for u guys dont go a raise on aa u get stuffed
poppyj: lol
Dinghy (me): i don't believe that
Dinghy: AA always wins
poppyj: oh no it dosnt
Cookie028: no it doesnt i have been stuffed on the last game with aa against 2 kings and 2 kings came on the flop
Dinghy: always..............can't be beaten
poppyj: utter rubbish
Dinghy: pmsl
poppyj: your becoming a pain scipio
Cookie028: thanks poppy u know wot i am on about
poppyj: yes I do
Dinghy: lol
Dinghy: it hurts
poppyj: someone take him on
poppyj: yes
poppyj: nice on Cookie
poppyj: one
Cookie028: cheers poppy
poppyj: not got a good enough hand
Cookie028: wasnt throwing k 10 suited away
Dinghy: hell no
poppyj: damn
Cookie028: should of called him i would of won with a jack flush but only had a 2 with it
poppyj: shame
Cookie028: next time though
poppyj: pain in the butt when people go all in every hand
Cookie028: some one always gets caught out though
Cookie028: go get them poppy
poppyj: damn “he had q8o”
Cookie028: ul
Cookie028: should of stayed poppy i had a 3 of hearts
poppyj: ul
poppyj: but glad u didnt
Cookie028: cant call for one more card
poppyj: sometimes it works sometimes not
Cookie028: i know u cud kick your self afterwards coz u know it would of come
poppyj: yes drive u mad
Cookie028: its wot u call sick bag
poppyj: lol
Cookie028: where in the uk do u live poppy
poppyj: vn pokeresse
poppyj: Nottingham
poppyj: where is home
Cookie028: hull
poppyj: I have a friend lives that way
Cookie028: where abouts
poppyj: North Cave
Cookie028: about 5miles away i am in hessle
Cookie028: near the humber bridge
poppyj: yes
poppyj: I go up there to see her sometimes
Cookie028: how old are u if u dont mind me asking
poppyj: old
poppyj: lol
Cookie028: go on then lets us in the secret
Cookie028: sh1t folded j 10
poppyj: 54
Cookie028: i'm 36
Cookie028: do u just play on the net or at clubs aswell
poppyj: just on the net
Cookie028: its fun playing live at casinos
Cookie028: go poppy get the chips
poppyj: spend a lot of money that way though
poppyj: got em
poppyj: lol
Cookie028: u just have to be careful how much u spend
poppyj: trouble is I think what the heck at the time and then afterwards realise how much I have spent
Dinghy: does spent = lost
poppyj: we are going on a boat trip with a casino on board so thT SHOULD BE FUN
poppyj: yes lost
Cookie028: when do u go
poppyj: not sure of the date October sometime

Had to share this one with you's -

kokos : why u call with this ?
MannerBoy : u was betting weak and i had gutshot...
kokos : yea right .. chasing 1 out ?
MannerBoy : no , gutshot 4 outs
kokos : 1 out
MannerBoy : 4 outs
kokos : 1 OUT

I fold A6o from mid-position and at the river i would have make a full house , so i wait until the hand played and then i say :

MannerBoy : heh , i fold A6
bkoulieris : U FOLD AN ACE ???

IRunPS: you make fun of me and you call 18000 with 2 overs and no draw
IRunPS: so shut the **** up or ill ****ing gut you

some conversation i witnessed tonight

"you call a 5BB raise with 92?"
"yeh, its rigged, you win with those kind of hands, where as AK QQ are big loses"

"thats bullshit that your 92 can out draw my ak like that, your so lucky, you are such a bad player"

me (thinking): "says the guy who smooth calls 1/5 pot bets all the way with TPTK while theres flush and straight draws on the board"

me, (actually saying) : "you both played it like shit, get over it sand start throwing money at me"

they tell me to mind my own business and that i'm stupid and will probably pay them soon.

did i destack one of them a few hands later?? i think i did.

jonfella: u must be dislexic
jonfella: bcuz ur reads are backwards
dwarfman: you must be dyslexic, you can't spell dyslexic
jonfella: u must have no friends
jonfella: bcuz u read the dictionary for fun
dwarfman: i enjoy reading the dictionary
dwarfman: don't diss

you can criticize the man, but this is a good line:

jonfella: u must be dislexic
jonfella: bcuz ur reads are backwards

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by gabe

you can criticize the man, but this is a good line:

jonfella: u must be dislexic
jonfella: bcuz ur reads are backwards

---

chardrian: u must be a palindrome
chardrian: cuz everyone reads you the same way backwards and forwards

Heffay45: more hands seen, more chance to make a big one

This one was after the villian slow played his AA and allowed me to draw my straight:

XX: Idiot! You played with that?!
Me: You let me play
XX: At least if you grew tits I could blame your stupidity on something. Go fuck your ass!

nice of him to give me $$ at least :)

Saw this at the the stars 2000NL.. the guys buying in for the minimum, losing it and buying again..
He's min raising preflop, min betting the flop and generally playing like a complete fish

He just raised AI with A/10 on board Q 10 8 2 6, and after a big think the other guy called with JJ.

GSlater1981: omg
GSlater1981:OOOOOOMG
GSlater1981:HOW IN THE HELL DID U CALL
GSlater1981:I GOTTA QUIT PLAYING
GSlater1981:PPL MAKE BAD CALLS ALL DAY LONG
GSlater1981:I SURE DONT CALL THERE
GSlater1981:FOR $500
arulx: I'm not as good as you
arulx: You're just unlucky
GSlater1981: NO UR JUST A SORRY POKER PLAYER

(a bit later)

Grandiose: im thinking you are a donkey
Grandiose: with no money
GSlater1981: your absolutely correct
GSlater1981: lost 2800 30/60 tonight

ty24z: you get a grand by smart money management, when people make XXXXty calls and suckout on you like they have been
me, its time to call it a day. Poker is streaky. I'm not going to sit here and lose to suckout after suckout.

I just felt like digging up this thread again. (It's fucked up, the guy with the wiiide post please FYP. ;))

Dealer: khunter goes all in $1125.00
Dealer: sandstorm goes all in $595.00
Dealer: khunter shows High Card, Jack
Dealer: sandstorm shows a Flush (ace high, on a non-paired board)

khunter: good call

"I'd rather have JT suited than pocket aces any day."

Swifty02: what a great hand to play 8 10 offsuit...fish
ClassicSteve: had to post BB to get back in the game.... pay attention
Dealer: Game #2987756983: Swifty02 wins pot ($1.70)
Swifty02: your still a fish
ClassicSteve: i know

I have JJ with a short stacked limper

Dealer: JeremyLW calls 30
Dealer: Braunyrez folds
Dealer: MCMATTO folds
Dealer: $maker folds
Dealer: andavar folds
Muxxxy: i lack post flop skills
Dealer: Muxxxy, it's your turn. You have 15 seconds to act
Dealer: Muxxxy raises 520 to 550
Dealer: Sykedupp folds
Dealer: JeremyLW folds
Dealer: Game #2988669119: Muxxxy wins pot (90)

Dealer: Game #: Aamigo wins main pot (1950) with a full house, Fives full of Sevens
dwarfman: nh
ICCPPP: THXS
dwarfman: not you.
ICCPPP: THXS

:?:

I had a good one the other day. Don't have the HH right now, but the post-hand conversation is burned into my memory banks. This was a 6 max table - button min-raised, I called from the SB with A6 suited, BB called as well. Flop was something like 568 rainbow. I bet 1/2 pot, both other players called. The turn was a 2. Checked, BB checked, button now bet 2/3 pot and I called; BB folded. River paired the five for a board of 25568. I checked again, button bet 1/2 pot and I called. He showed KQ and MHIG. Afterward:

him: lol at u
me: why is that?
him: i'm sure u must be a winning player in the long run
me: I do alright, don't stay up nights worrying about me
him: what, ur up 200-300 dollars?
me: something like that
him: lol

Our 'that guy' at the last table I played was a little different. There was very little chat at the table other than an occasional 'nh'. The following quotes are all he said, letter per letter without error. Each was completely out of the blue, no one had spoken recently and each several minutes apart:

KDL2229: stuckying

KDL2229: is r evemand its b/c ingellits my turn

KDL2229: b/anyng up

Another just in:

KDL2229: as do n tryshotsege youe nk younger sisters is ok

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Pyroxene

Our 'that guy' at the last table I played was a little different. There was very little chat at the table other than an occasional 'nh'. The following quotes are all he said, letter per letter without error. Each was completely out of the blue, no one had spoken recently and each several minutes apart:

KDL2229: stuckying

KDL2229: is r evemand its b/c ingellits my turn

KDL2229: b/anyng up

---

Thats what it looks like when I talk to somone on AIM and play poker, the poker jumps up and random shit gets typed in

During the second Razz level of a HORSE tournament.

talya1: DO PAIRS COUNT
dfbuzzbeater: no
talya1: REALLY??

This is after talya1 misread his/her cards for a humongous pot in Omaha Hi/Lo against a wheel that scooped, and complained about having a "bigger straight."

KrazyKansan: you will get 6000 fpp
xxJimmyMacxx: im gonna unregister and get books
KrazyKansan: books dont mean chit got to b lucky
rooster1981: that's cool
kakewalk: books only help with live poker
xxJimmyMacxx: errr
xxJimmyMacxx: ok
KrazyKansan: .yup thats right this internet is just throw the chips in the pot and see who is the luckiest
__________________________

I really hope he wasn't serious......

PokerStars Game #3558627280: Tournament #17658779, Hold'em No Limit - Level V (75/150) - 2006/01/07 - 04:22:35 (ET)
Table '17658779 2' Seat #2 is the button
Seat 1: MikesMaraude (2590 in chips)
Seat 2: Sorry, what? (1660 in chips)
Seat 3: verona054 (620 in chips)
Seat 4: badandy519 (4872 in chips)
Seat 5: kyle-globe11 (9287 in chips) is sitting out
Seat 6: gunshow17 (1295 in chips)
Seat 7: never alone (4713 in chips)
Seat 9: Cutlass 95 (1963 in chips)
verona054: posts small blind 75
badandy519: posts big blind 150
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to badandy519 [3c Qd]
kyle-globe11: folds
gunshow17: folds
never alone: folds
Cutlass 95: folds
MikesMaraude: calls 150
Sorry, what?: folds
verona054: calls 75
badandy519: checks
*** FLOP *** [8h 6d 6s]
verona054: checks
badandy519: checks
MikesMaraude: bets 150
verona054: raises 320 to 470 and is all-in
badandy519: folds
MikesMaraude: calls 320
*** TURN *** [8h 6d 6s] [Kc]
*** RIVER *** [8h 6d 6s Kc] [Kh]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
verona054: shows [Kd Jh] (a full house, Kings full of Sixes)
MikesMaraude: shows [Ah 8d] (two pair, Kings and Eights)
verona054 collected 1390 from pot

MikesMaraude: damn
MikesMaraude: vnh
verona054: thanks
verona054: i normally wouldnt do that but the kings come out for me after the flop
MikesMaraude: they did that time
verona054: they do quite often
verona054: kings and eights

WarEagle89: I call 70% of all flops
WarEagle89: I dont play by the book

Quote:

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XX: At least if you grew tits I could blame your stupidity on something. Go fuck your ass!

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:shock:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by courtiebee

Quote:

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XX: At least if you grew tits I could blame your stupidity on something. Go fuck your ass!

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:shock:

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Agreed. Out of line. Bailiff, whack his pee pee!

And will someone delete whatever big pic is screwing up the width of this thread pls?

done

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MannerBoy

kokos : why u call with this ?
MannerBoy : u was betting weak and i had gutshot...
kokos : yea right .. chasing 1 out ?
MannerBoy : no , gutshot 4 outs
kokos : 1 out
MannerBoy : 4 outs
kokos : 1 OUT

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haha, GREEKS!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by gabe

done

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gabe, you're the best.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by gabe

done

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you SO rule.

http://www.flopturnriver.com/phpBB2/...efe38ecd24.jpgyoure the best.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by gabe

http://www.flopturnriver.com/phpBB2/...efe38ecd24.jpgyoure the best.

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rofl...I sense a new thread coming..."Use courtiebee's butt in a sentence"

I love when they put you on a hand they say they had beat and still fold

ford_dog: i dont thnk you had the ace
ford_dog: i had ace 2
WildBob182: what did i have then
ford_dog: maybe a queen, you were big blind...i dont think you had anything
WildBob182: then why didn't you call
ford_dog: scurred!! lol
ford_dog: no balls

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Warpe

rofl...I sense a new thread coming..."Use courtiebee's butt in a sentence"

---

So that was your idea! :evil: :!:



Relax, Warpe. I'm just kidding. I was only curious.

Dealer: Game #3621134747: bencathers wins pot ($159) with a straight, Six to Ten
indio: wow..you are a huge sucker
bencathers: gambool!
indio: hitler had the right idea about euthenizing idiots

DanHelmuth: q 10? man i have to start playin higher buy ins......
JLYON983: dude this is the hail; mary game
DanHelmuth: looks like it for u doesn't it
JLYON983: it will be for you
DanHelmuth: ok, that doesn't even make sense
JLYON983: it will make sense in while
JLYON983: start callin
DanHelmuth: hey man u may suck, but i like your style

SierraHotel: this site is amazing
dwarfman: Online poker is not rigged.
SierraHotel: not rigged...just bad programing

Cromie: gay
Cromie: kicker is so dumb
Cromie: same dam hand

During a 6,5 SNG on Stars

That Guy:"lets be honest - to many bad beats here - its rigged"

That Guy:"short stack will win 60 % to make him play longer to favorite bad playes and make more rake in cashgames"

Me: "i guess you have proof of this"

That Guy: "yes statestic over a year"

Me: "how many hands?"

That Guy: "6000 hands"

The retard Olympics...

Dealer: JmoneyRules wins pot (810)
JmoneyRules: i had 10 high
JmoneyRules: lj bhljkl ki
JmoneyRules: p
JmoneyRules: n
JmoneyRules: nip
JmoneyRules: op
JmoneyRules: ip
JmoneyRules: p
JmoneyRules: p
JmoneyRules: p
JmoneyRules: ip

:lol:

I know I posted this once before...but still my favorite

Fish - raises
Opponent - goes all in
Fish - "I have to call....I have position" and then calls with K10o
Opponent flips over KK and fish hits the 10-10 on the flop to take it...

Ok this actually happened yesterday in a $3RA satellite, close to the bubble, 3rd hour.

Me in BB with A7o
UTG (Fish #1) limps, folds to me, I check
flop is 773 rainbow, I check/call his huge flop bet
turn is a Q, he pots it again, i go all in, he instacalls
he flips QQ, river is a meaningless A, I bust with boat over boat

.....now the fun starts

Fish #2 - Wow lucky
Me - Very lucky
Fish #1 - How the hell was that lucky?
Fish #3 - A7 never should have been in the hand anyway.
Fish #1 - right, and i had you dominated on the turn, quit whining
Me - WTF? It wasnt raised and I was in the BB you idiot!
Fish #1 - And now you're in the observer chat so shutup fish

I don't remember the last time i laughed so hard after busting out of a tournament.

Quote:

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Fish #1 - And now you're in the observer chat so shutup fish

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lol. gotta love <3

Quote:

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Fish #1 - And now you're in the observer chat so shutup fish

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BWNED

Dude, Mine wins. Mine fucking wins:

I'm playing at the local apartment complex tournament. Basically a 20 person sit'n'go. Blinds are 1/2, we start with 20 chips. Wee!

Theres a guy there, Shawn, who claims to be the be-all-end-all of poker. Says he's made thousands online. He says he'll be all-time dealer just to make things faster at our table.

Ok whatever dude.

He starts dealing in the WRONG DIRECTION. For about 6 or 7 orbits the blinds are being posted on the RIGHT of the dealer.

The decks were brand new, so I grabbed the little rule card out of the deck, and sat on it. Someone walked by and said, "hey don't you deal the other way?" he says, "No, of course not. I play this shit lots, I've made thousands. Youre an idiot go away."

At which point I pull out the rule card. Cough loudly to clear my throat and read: "NUMBER THREE: PLAY BEGINS BY THE PLAYER ON THE IMMEDIATE LEFT OF THE DEALER POSTING A SMALL BLIND. THE PLAYER TO THE IMMEDIATE LEFT OF HIM, POST AN AMOUNT DOUBLE THAT, CALLED THE BIG BLIND. PLAY PROCEEDS IN A LEFT TO RIGHT FASHION"

He goes, "err, yeah I guess you're right. I musta been mixed up."

Haha. Tool. He's 100% THAT guy.

This happened after the player he is talking about went on a hot streak and showed QQ 3 times in 10 minutes.....


RuKiddingMe1 said, "cHEAT SOME MORE"
summer breez said, "?"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "IT'S A JOKE( YOU HAVE QQ EVERY OTHER HAND)"
xBULLETTSx said, "careful ruKID..he may be cheating...lmao.."
RuKiddingMe1 said, "TELL ME ABOUT IT"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "HE'S WHAT WE CALL A ''BOT''"
xBULLETTSx said, "ok bud"
xBULLETTSx said, "do u think on line poker is rigged"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "EVERY TABLE HAS 1"
xBULLETTSx said, "lmaooo"
xBULLETTSx said, "why do u play then?"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "CUZZ 1 DAY I WILL BE A ''BOT'
xBULLETTSx said, "summer...u getting this?"
summer breez said, "i am not a bot"
xBULLETTSx said, "bots cant talk...omg...he is broken..."
RuKiddingMe1 said, "SEE HE EVEN SOUNDS LIKE 1"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "'' I AM NOT A BOT''"
summer breez said, "i am a 26 year old woman sitting at her computer..........my name is summer not bot"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "SWEET ''WHATCHA WEARING''??"
RuKiddingMe1 said, "ONLINE POKER DATING!! IS THE BEST"
xBULLETTSx said, "moron....."

RamDude: gg
StlnYoMny [observer]: f*ck off
StlnYoMny [observer]: nh
StlnYoMny [observer]: gg
dwarfman: The definition of mood swings.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by dwarfman

RamDude: gg
StlnYoMny [observer]: f*ck off
StlnYoMny [observer]: nh
StlnYoMny [observer]: gg
dwarfman: The definition of mood swings.

---

Got BiPolar?

Ok, follow this hand....then listen to this guy's chat afterwards, i normally wouldn't get involved but this was too good to pass up.

PokerStars Game #4055571349: Hold'em No Limit ($1/$2) - 2006/02/21 - 22:17:22 (ET)
Table 'Iocaste IV' Seat #4 is the button
Seat 1: Pryderi ($191 in chips)
Seat 2: JPizzel5 ($179 in chips)
Seat 3: lambchopdc ($595.20 in chips)
Seat 4: scotthof19 ($223.65 in chips)
Seat 5: MsCL3O ($132.30 in chips)
Seat 6: tangale ($83.85 in chips)
MsCL3O: posts small blind $1
tangale: posts big blind $2
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to lambchopdc [Kd Ts]
Pryderi: folds
JPizzel5: calls $2
MsCL3O said, "nice river"
lambchopdc: raises $6 to $8
scotthof19: folds
MsCL3O: calls $7
tangale: calls $6
JPizzel5: calls $6
*** FLOP *** [Td 9d 6s]
MsCL3O: checks
tangale: checks
JPizzel5: checks
lambchopdc: bets $18
MsCL3O: calls $18
tangale: folds
JPizzel5: calls $18
*** TURN *** [Td 9d 6s] [Ah]
MsCL3O: checks
JPizzel5: checks
lambchopdc: bets $24
MsCL3O: calls $24
JPizzel5: calls $24
*** RIVER *** [Td 9d 6s Ah] [5c]
MsCL3O: checks
JPizzel5: bets $44
lambchopdc: folds
MsCL3O: calls $44
*** SHOW DOWN ***
JPizzel5: shows [6d 5d] (two pair, Sixes and Fives)
MsCL3O: shows [Ad Ks] (a pair of Aces)
MsCL3O said, "my god"
JPizzel5 collected $243 from pot
MsCL3O said, "what are you calling with"
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $246 | Rake $3
Board [Td 9d 6s Ah 5c]
Seat 1: Pryderi folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 2: JPizzel5 showed [6d 5d] and won ($243) with two pair, Sixes and Fives
Seat 3: lambchopdc folded on the River
Seat 4: scotthof19 (button) folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 5: MsCL3O (small blind) showed [Ad Ks] and lost with a pair of Aces
Seat 6: tangale (big blind) folded on the Flop


MsCL3O: what are you calling with
MsCL3O: a 6?
JPizzel5: read the board next time idiot
MsCL3O: U HAD A 56
MsCL3O: IDIOT
MsCL3O: RPE RIVER
MsCL3O: PRE*
lambchopdc: u had AK
Dealer: Game #4055598215: lambchopdc wins pot ($5)
lambchopdc: on a T high flop
MsCL3O: ON THE TURN
lambchopdc: what are u talking?
MsCL3O: IDIOT
MsCL3O: I HAD AN A
JPizzel5: yeah what he said
lambchopdc: dude...u called the flop bet with A high
lambchopdc: i had u both on the flop but i understand pizzel
lambchopdc: well played
MsCL3O: ok and u called wit ha a pair of sixes
MsCL3O: GOOD JOB
MsCL3O: 24 dollar raises?
lambchopdc: he had a flush draw
MsCL3O: fishing with huge raises
JPizzel5: 4 diamonds too
MsCL3O: only online
lambchopdc: dude.....u were fishing for 6 outs on the flop
MsCL3O: i wasnt fishing
MsCL3O: i had an ace
Dealer: Game #4055606317: tangale wins pot ($23.80)
MsCL3O: with a king kicker
JPizzel5: ok ace is good?
MsCL3O: i wasnt fishing for anything
lambchopdc: and i had a pair on the flop
lambchopdc: so u were fishing
MsCL3O: it was a rainbow flop
JPizzel5: it was not rainbow
MsCL3O: yea it was
JPizzel5: 2 diamonds
MsCL3O: w/e .. joker stars

Quote:

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Originally Posted by donkeyfish

MsCL3O: i had an ace
MsCL3O: with a king kicker

---

Maybe the greatest lines ever spoken on a poker table.

MsCL3O: w/e .. joker stars


Aheaheha <3

Theres two way action at the table. Guy in first position is betting out with top pair and runner runner K high club draw. Fish on button has nothing but ace high runner runner club draw. So turn is club and river is a club. Guy in first is still betting out. On the river The guy with nuts only calls.

"Why didn't you raise?"
"What's the point if he's not going to call"

I added it to my signature.. Flipped over 77 ..

MaisterDrew: i know i sound like helmuth
MaisterDrew: but this is ridiculous
Haggett11: haha
MaisterDrew: pocket aces are only a 4:1 favorite
MaisterDrew: that's not something u should risk all ur chips on

TomDibiase said, "r u male or female?"
DONNYDO : Fold
chardrian said, "yes"
TomDibiase said, "cause if you're a dude dont call me you're pet if u dont mind"
chardrian said, "dont worry"
chardrian said, "I'm a shemale"
TomDibiase said, "lol"
chardrian said, "I give good sucky sucky"
chardrian said, "long time"
chardrian said, "u'd love me"

TomDibiase said, "hey Chard"
chardrian said, "even shemales have rights"
TomDibiase said, "been playin and winning and cashing out on Dise for a year"
DONNYDO said, "I am saying anyone who wants to cheat will"
chardrian said, "congrats"
TomDibiase said, "and me and my bro are good friends with NSXT2"
TomDibiase said, "who is the ambassador of this site"
chardrian said, "great"
TomDibiase said, "so little piss ants like you dont scare me"
curt4201 said, "congrats on your shemales"
chardrian said, "always good to have connections"
DONNYDO said, "I am defending you"
chardrian said, "ty"
TomDibiase said, "its not a connection"
chardrian said, "oh"
TomDibiase said, "i am talkin bad only to chard"
chardrian said, "so you are not that close than?"
TomDibiase said, "i feel you Donny"
TomDibiase said, "i agree with 100 percent"
chardrian said, "I will feel any of you"
chardrian said, "me sucky sucky long time"
DONNYDO said, "ok"

This one just randomly happened at a random point in a SnG - there was nothing interesting happening at the time with no recent interesting hands - everybody randomly spurted out with question marks. Even a completely random observer jumped in who hadn't spoken before.

shrewdabom86: ?
Mr.DBass: ?
dwarfman: ?
Anglais: ?
lazybumm1010 [observer]: ?


And then I sucked out a 4 outer to knock someone out so they quit poker.

dwarfman: nh.
dwarfman: Sorry, gg.
Dealer: dwarfman has a straight, Four to Eight
Dealer: dhwharton has high card Ace
dhwharton: gg
Dealer: Game #: dwarfman wins pot (1335) with a straight, Four to Eight
Dealer: dhwharton finished the tournament in 5th place
dhwharton [observer]: i quit poker
dwarfman: Ok cya.

hahahahahahahaha

rcsnake: hey arburg im getting bored why dont u raise so u can double me up
Aburg: i don't have as many chips as you so I can't double you up
Aburg: dumbass

Ok, the HH at B2B don't show the text box, so I gotta go on memory.

I sat down at a NL50 and starting winning to weak/tighties with some aggression.

That Guy: Anyone there?
That Guy: Hello?
EasyT: ?
EasyT: y
That Guy: Hello.
<I bet the pot on the turn and he folds>
That Guy: Gay
That Guy: You're gay.
<I think he had a hand and wanted to taunt me into a call...>
That Guy: Youre mam is gay.
EasyT: What's up with the insults?
That Guy: Your mam.
EasyT: Cork... Is that Irish?
EasyT: Would explain your ill demeanor.
That Guy: I'm American.
EasyT: Well, I guess that would explain your childish demeanor.
That Guy: Your mam is a childish demeanor.
EasyT: Ok, ok. That one made me laugh.
That Guy: You have a terrible sense of humour.

standard, not surprising, he was a 70% VP$IP att 100NL

schmuck: lucky mf
donk: it's not luck man.. u shouldn't give me a free card on the turn
donk: i had a open ended and backdoor flush draw from the flop
schmuck: didn't think anyone would call preflop raise with 25 off
schmuck: most don't
donk: it was suited

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Triptanes

S00ted > life

---

On the bubble of a Freeze out on stars:

El Savaje: you guys realize if we all fold every hand, then well all make to the final table.
lambchopdc: LOL, dude u get blinded out
STLzwick82: nice idea though
Airlifter: tables get broken up
El Savaje: we would pick up blinds when others fold...we would all have to literally fold every hand
El Savaje: tables break because of eliminations
lambchopdc: dude....stop talking
STLzwick82: lol
Dealer: El Savaje, it's your turn. You have 15 seconds to act
Dealer: Player El Savaje has requested TIME
lambchopdc: is there a reason u keep hitting the time button every hand?
STLzwick82: it's good luck for him
STLzwick82: lol
Dealer: El Savaje, it's your turn. You have 15 seconds to act
Dealer: Player El Savaje has requested TIME
Dealer: The break will start when the current hand finishes
lambchopdc: he's not even using his table bank lol
Dealer: El Savaje, it's your turn. You have 3 seconds to act
lambchopdc: he's just clicking the button and folding
STLzwick82: hehe
Dealer: Tournament is now played Hand-for-Hand
El Savaje: thanks to those grinding tactics i make the money like 70 % time and steadilly win....ugly but gets the job done