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Okay guys here's the deal. I need period jokes, jokes about women and/or sexist jokes as a part of a birthday present for this chick I'm seeing. They have to be short.
I got a box of tampons (the kind she uses), and I opened up the bottom of the box. I'm writing jokes on all of the tampon wrappers, and then I'm going to seal the box back up.
Trip report will come if I get some good jokes from this thread.
Why cant you fool an aborted baby? Because it wasnt born yesterday!
What do all abused women have in common? They dont fucking listen.
How do you piss off a female archaeologist?
Hand her a used tampon and ask her what period it's from.
What did one tampon say to the other?
Nothing, they were both stuck up cunts.
This thread is moving in a positive direction.
How do you know when your sister is on her period?
Your father's dick tastes like blood.
Why do women get periods?
Because they deserve them.
why didn't i have a thoughtful bf like thisQuote:
Originally Posted by spoonitnow
It's not like it's the only thing I'm getting her. I'll probably bone her too.
best part of this present is that moment where she thinks it's just an ordinary box of tampons as part of her gift.
Man it's a good thing I got that pack of 50 used condoms at Goodwill as a backup gift
Mr. Garrison: "Well, I'm sorry, Wendy. But I just don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
What's the useless bit of skin around the vagoo?
The woman
What did the lesbian vampire say to her girlfriend when she left?
See ya next month.
what does a vampire use as a teabag?
a used tampon
and thus kills the whole twilight series.Quote:
Originally Posted by chardrian
Why do they call it "PMS?" Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
seriously, i would have loved to get this gift. it's only a million times better than stereotypical shit like flowers and chocolates and fucking teddy bears.Quote:
Originally Posted by spoonitnow
Actually I like flowers. But I hate teddy bears.
you hate teddy bears? SERIOUSLY WTF?!?!?!?!
Even Mr. Nomnoms? :'(
http://i.imgur.com/TGHaI.jpg
tell me more about the free mozzarella sticksQuote:
Originally Posted by JKDS
Yes because every guy I've dated or been friends with has given me one and at one point I had a ridiculous number that I just had to throw away. It's a stupid useless uncreative gift. I told my husband that if he ever gives me a stuffed animal as a gift, it's grounds for divorce.Quote:
Originally Posted by bikes
SERIOUSLY WTFQuote:
Originally Posted by donkbee
http://www.flopturnriver.com/pokerfo...ine=1355379762
This thread opened by minting gold and has since been witness to a train wreck.
GET ON THE TRACKS, FUCK-KNUCKLES!
what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
nothing, she already been told twice.
Who the fuck buys a girlfriend a teddy bear? I buy teddies for my 3-y/o niece. Last gf I had, for birthday I bought her a vibrator and lots of wine, made her a CD, and made some pasta shit. She was a happy gf. I was happy bf too, I got me dick sucked.
Suppose you want a joke...
What do you do if the dishwasher breaks down? Slap her.
You have to do all of that to get your dick sucked?
All I do is snap my fingers and point at my dick.
She wasn't the most willing of my exes, but making her squeal with a vibrator certainly helped my cause.
http://s2.wallls.com/preview/5/drago...ears-27860.jpgQuote:
Originally Posted by donkbee
WHO ELSE WILL FIGHT OFF THE TERRIFYING NIGHTMARE MONSTERS?!?!?!?!one1!!!onee
That pic is amazing.
Everytime I see it, I like it just the same.
Bump.
She just had her 25th birthday with me a couple of weeks ago. Here's a Snapchat she took of a present I got her:
http://i.imgur.com/oSMpY8u.jpg
Wow, that looks amazing! I'm totally getting that for my sister.
This thread made me realize that I know way more holocaust jokes than I know jokes about women. Like way more. I know what you're thinking: why not make them jokes about jewish women? Doesn't really turn out that well!
also Courtie... wtf. gtfo.
might as well continue with the theme.
a woman took a calculus exam. she passed.
She's testing it out now. I'll continue with a TR later.Quote:
Originally Posted by oskar
Q: Why can't you chain a woman to the stove?
A: Because then she couldn't do the laundry
I don't see why you couldn't have the washing machine and tumble dryer next to the stove.
I think the correct answer is that it's immoral, and if you treat your woman like that, she won't give good head. You have to pretend to respect your bitch if you want good head.
The bold is largely incorrect except at the extreme end. The ratio of respect to a woman and the frequency and quality of head you get from her is a bell curve where the mean straddles not respecting her nearly as much as people generally think they should.Quote:
Originally Posted by OngBonga
women need the desire to prove themselves.
well, men, too.
To be fair, I've never made notes on the quality of head I've been getting relative to the respect I have been showing her. I was just trying to make a sexist joke. I'm kinda glad that I fail at that. I fail at sexism. Superb.
pics of pro 3D craft pen creations or GTFO