“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.” - Tao Te Jing
Preceding blog: Ahead Of The Rake
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“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.” - Tao Te Jing
Preceding blog: Ahead Of The Rake
It struck me. Tomorrow night I'm playing in the same home game I sat down in two years ago that put me on the path to studying poker. The spontaneity of my desire, and deliberateness of my choices since that day have given way to an overwhelming journey of self-discovery. It's also June; a time which I seem to experience my greatest metamorphoses. In light of all this I'm retiring my old blog, Ahead Of The Rake which loosely chronicled my journey through the micros and learning what playing professional poker entails.
This blog/operation is its continuance but will differ in that it will express my current assimilation, attitude and challenges. The support, encouragement and attention that I've received from the FTR community has been positive and uplifting - and sharing in others trials, tribulations and successes (if only from a distance) has been insightful and inspiring. It's for these reasons that I wish to continue to share my journey here - to the intrigue or indifference of all.
1kNL by next summer?
GL.
Home game was fun. We played through a huge thunder storm which set a nice mood. The streets flooded as well so we stuck around for a second game. I took 2nd in both. Came down to my QJs vs A6o and AA vs K3o on 533.
Funnest hand of the night:
Blinds are 20/40, everyone has roughly 1.5k chips
I'm dealt 89o in SB
CO open limps as does everyone else behind (6 handed). I complete.
Flop 8J8
CO is a little drunk, immediately goes all-in, bends his cards a little and kinda slams 'em down on the table flashing an 8 to me unknowingly.
Folds around to me.
I think for a bit and say commandingly, "Show me one". He reaches for his cards, searching for the one he wants and flips over a 9.
I otherwise would have folded.
What gave me the most pleasure from this hand though was laughing inwardly (rather condescendingly) at the fact the table stood up and roared and laughed with amazement and CO leaned across the table to high-five me. This is the very same group I lost my first $40 to 2 years ago and made a choice; either learn what it takes to win or don't play for money ever again. I'm up ~$1.5k against this particular player pool to date.
Redbull Air Race Windsor/Detroit 2010
http://img42.imageshack.us/img42/438/june6039.jpg
http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/3001/june6090.jpg
http://img33.imageshack.us/img33/6197/june6030.jpg
cheers.
My energy is lowwww today so I don't think I'll play. I suspect it's all the redbull I drank yesterday.. ugh.
June - Week 1
http://img714.imageshack.us/img714/9...week1stats.jpg
http://img638.imageshack.us/img638/5...week1graph.jpg
No-Limit Hold'em, $1.00 BB (6 handed) - Hold'em Manager Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com
UTG ($139.25)
MP ($113.91)
CO ($128.29)
Button ($100)
SB ($96.13)
Hero (BB) ($100)
Preflop: Hero is BB with A:club:, 6:club:
2 folds, CO bets $3.50, 2 folds, Hero raises $10, CO calls $7.50
Flop: ($22.50) 5:heart:, Q:diamond:, 10:club: (2 players)
Hero bets $13.50, CO calls $13.50
Turn: ($49.50) 7:club: (2 players)
Hero bets $33.60, CO calls $33.60
River: ($116.70) 3:diamond: (2 players)
Hero bets $41.90 (All-In), 1 fold
Total pot: $116.70
No-Limit Hold'em, $1.00 BB (5 handed) - Hold'em Manager Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com
UTG ($86.31)
MP ($100)
Button ($35.35)
Hero (SB) ($98.50)
BB ($94.25)
Preflop: Hero is SB with A:club:, 10:club:
UTG calls $1, 1 fold, Button calls $1, Hero bets $4.50, 1 fold, UTG calls $4, Button calls $4
Flop: ($16) 3:spade:, 6:club:, 9:spade: (3 players)
Hero bets $9, UTG calls $9, 1 fold
Turn: ($34) 9:club: (2 players)
Hero checks, UTG bets $18, Hero raises $84.50 (All-In), 1 fold
Total pot: $70
No-Limit Hold'em, $1.00 BB (5 handed) - Hold'em Manager Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com
Hero (UTG) ($97)
MP ($115.23)
Button ($98.50)
SB ($27.90)
BB ($99)
Preflop: Hero is UTG with 10:club:, 10:spade:
2 folds, SB (poster) checks, 1 fold, Hero bets $3, SB (poster) calls $3
Flop: ($8.50) J:heart:, 6:spade:, 5:heart: (2 players)
SB bets $4.25, Hero calls $4.25
Turn: ($17) 6:diamond: (2 players)
SB bets $8.50, Hero calls $8.50
River: ($34) 7:club: (2 players)
SB bets $11.15 (All-In), Hero calls $11.15
SB mucks
Total pot: $56.30
June - Week 2
I've had nooo time for poker this week, and the few sessions I did play were constantly interrupted, which particularly sucks because each time I sat down I did so with the intention of building a loose image early. I never once had the chance to sit long enough to allow it to pay off.
http://img689.imageshack.us/img689/3...week2stats.jpg
http://img19.imageshack.us/img19/926...week2graph.jpg
blah hand..
No-Limit Hold'em, $1.00 BB (5 handed) - Hold'em Manager Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com
SB ($100.50)
BB ($119.50)
UTG ($260.40)
MP ($122.80)
Hero (Button) ($215.35)
Preflop: Hero is Button with Q:diamond:, J:diamond:
2 folds, Hero bets $3, SB raises $9.50, 1 fold, Hero calls $7
Flop: ($21) 3:diamond:, 10:spade:, 6:heart: (2 players)
SB bets $12, Hero calls $12
Turn: ($45) 9:diamond: (2 players)
SB bets $30, Hero raises $193.35 (All-In), SB calls $48.50 (All-In)
River: ($202) 3:club: (2 players, 2 all-in)
Total pot: $202
Results:
Hero had Q:diamond:, J:diamond: (one pair, threes).
SB had 7:club:, A:club: (one pair, threes).
Outcome: SB won $199
This summer just looks like it's going to be crazy busy so I don't expect to play half as much as I'd like. Quality over quantity imo.
June - Week 3
Managed to sneak in 1k hands of HU play, down 4 bi's. This next week I'm setting out on a pilgrimage of sorts on my motorcycle to visit friends from out of town.
"The years teach us that which the days did not know".
June - Week 4
http://img806.imageshack.us/img806/7...week4graph.jpg
http://img715.imageshack.us/img715/7...week4stats.jpg
I've been having a very social summer and I can't imagine I'll be getting the kind of volume in that I should until September. But I'm not complaining - I'm quite content.
July - Week 1
Played almost exclusively HU this week. Again, not spending a lot of time playing. For one, I've been occupied. Secondly, though I feel my understanding of the game is deeper than ever, I haven't been making the correct adjustments toward my opponents. I've had to snap myself out of that 'I'm playing so much better than this guy but he keeps owning me' delusion. If I was really playing better, which includes deciphering the optimal approach to the match (which is dynamic), then I probably wouldn't be bleeding buyins.
To some degree I think the concept of 'LAG' was conjured up to counter the tediousness of playing poker. Maybe NLHE itself was designed in part for that same reason. Point is, it may feed the hunger for action, but it doesn't always offer the greatest expectation.
http://img36.imageshack.us/img36/120...eek1graphs.jpg
http://img138.imageshack.us/img138/6...week1stats.jpg
July - Week 2 & 3
http://img525.imageshack.us/img525/6...week3stats.jpg
http://img829.imageshack.us/img829/1...week3graph.jpg
Had an absolutely amazing time this past week hanging out in Montreal with friends, attending movie premieres, eating at fancy restaurants and sneaking in to Imax. Followed that up with a few days in the woods at a gorgeous cottage North of Ottawa. Hide 'n Seek in the dark and midnight skinny dipping ftw. Capped things off with a night at the Royal York in Toronto. Now it's a week of solid grinding before heading back to Quebec to catch up with family.
I have a slightly different approach and attitude as I get back to the grind, mostly having to do with scheduling. We'll see my subtle adjustments are enough to yield some more encouraging results moving forward.
If I could give any advice it would be to try and specialize in one thing at a time. In your case, it would be to only play (for example) 10nl 6max. Dominate one level, play lots of hands, get the volume in. Once you crush one game - move onto the next.
I say this because I notice you're playing everything between 10nl - 100nl - RUSH poker?
p.s. fr is way easier than 6max
Thx Drew.. advice is appreciated. I did play some Rush poker on a couple occasions but just for fun (usually at night when I'm too tired to actually play but am in the mood). I meant to filter those stats out. As for climbing up the stakes as you suggest, I did it in '09. After taking a shot at 200nl I grinded $200 to nearly 4k, stake by stake implementing strict BR management. Since then I've camped out mostly at 100nl and have experienced several swings that peak at around 1k in either direction but am essentially break-even.
I have started occasionally mixing in a few FR tables now and again. In fact some of the stats displayed above are FR but HEM doesn't specify with the particular euro site I play on.
July - Week 4
My plans changed at the last minute and I ended spending a week up North, but not before putting in a couple long sessions. Being someone secluded in the woods gives you plenty of time to meditate, which I did plenty of.
I realized, if I'm honest with myself, that my feelings about poker (as well as countless other things) is torn. Also, that if I haven't defined myself as a winning poker player yet it's due to a degree of self-sabotage. I believe fear of success plays a role, as most things I found "success" in before poker have left me disenchanted and heartbroken. As long as I keep passing the buck back and forth I don't have to commit to anything - i.e. I don't have to quit or make a long term commitment. I'm also somewhat enslaved by my ego in the sense that I still can't escape the thought that what I do defines me, and how well I do it gives me worth. And I can think of few things where that could be more self defeating and potentially destructive than poker.
And while I'm finding this honesty surfacing, I'll admit to thinking that poker aught to be easier than it is. This is partially due to the impression I've gotten from filtering several hours of instructional video, blog posts and commercially targeted success stories, etc., but also stems from the fact that I am generally lazy. I've kept from making the difficult observations about myself and especially about my skill and play. Despite having had great coaching, which should have accelerated my progress, I continue to err in fundamental ways for which there simply is little excuse at this point.
One thing I'm sure of, and this certainty may be the worse of my flaws, to quit right now would be the greatest fail. So I'm going to buckle down, bring myself back to the moment, get back to basics, move down in stakes (again), and have another go. But rather than give myself a deadline, as I'm often tempted to do, I'm going to trust in my ability to recognize when I've reached the point where enough is enough. And it's not now.. so I grind.
http://a.imageshack.us/img266/5131/julweek4stats.jpg
http://a.imageshack.us/img44/5076/julyweek4graph.jpg
I'm ready to say a few words about my poker adventure, which until recently left me in such an emotional state that I was unable, or unwilling, to express it.
A quick summary since last update:
- had a sickly bad run playing some 50nl HU which took a huge chunk out of my roll
- attempted to refuel my roll by grinding SnG's. It's not clear whether I just suck or ran really, really bad but I dropped 30+ bi's and abandoned that as quickly as I adopted it.
- Did some soul searching
Presently, I'm revisiting 25nl and methodically grinding my way up from there. I know this place. It's the point of the ascending spiral and I've reached what might appear to be the same point in a circle.. except where I stand is elevated from the point I recognize below me. And the major difference, the one that has allowed me to realize that I haven't simply stood still all this time - impossible to do so anyhow imo - is that I recognize that poker is in fact a game. A game to be played, as is all of life. i.e. It's not to be taken seriously. This game is simply another expression, one of infinite expressions, of the here and now. It exists when I look at it and what I see is me. The detachment that many advocate to play exceptional poker is largely accomplished by the awareness that you can't separate yourself from it at all. When you engage it, you become it. The construct, the rules, the opponents, the dynamics and flow, the swings.. all of it, is you. And when you truly surrender, only then can you navigate it with ease; confidence and such being a consequence of your acceptance, profit a byproduct, success a matter of choice... but clearly all meaningless except for the pure enjoyment of experiencing it.
i suck @ poker
i don't want to suck @ poker
i haven't truly done what is necessary to remedy it, @ 1st due to lack of awareness, then out of denial, then out of laziness, then out of self pity, then from being overwhelmed...
i'm out of excuses and am through looking for any
poker matters 2 me and i make room for it
i choose to devote time and energy to it
my definition of success is dynamic but it no longer includes anything short of being the most evolved poker player that i know how to be.
if this is going to work i think i have to learn to play every hand of poker likes it's my last, without paying heed to the result.
i think what i'm trying to say is i have to be more present when i play; that i too often lack focus.
definitly true, unless ure a huge winner in the games u play, not focusing 100% while playing is a huge leak I'd say.Quote:
Originally Posted by al yell
gl man, u can do thisss
After spending an hour debugging a random computer glitch this morning all I'm in the mood for is a long, steady, low variance grind. Six 6max for, hopefully, at least 6 hours. :twisted:
The sign up bonus I'm currently grinding out is nearing the 60% mark. With consistency I should clear it in a couple weeks, at which point I have a redeposit bonus lined up. These bonuses will be a huge boost to my roll, presuming I don't do anything stupid or the doomswitch of all switches gets turned on.
That being said I've been grinding more than I'm used to and I'm starting to feel the burnout. I will be required to turn things down a notch and think more in terms of the 'long run', because wanting things to happen quickly has definitely been lurking in the back of my mind.
Fortunately games are still good:
No-Limit Hold'em, $0.50 BB (6 handed)
SB ($27.44)
BB ($42.27)
UTG ($72.48)
MP ($52.50)
CO ($50)
Hero (Button) ($58.38)
Preflop: Hero is Button with Khttp://www.flopturnriver.com/pokerfo...lies/heart.gif, Qhttp://www.flopturnriver.com/pokerfo...ilies/club.gif
2 folds, CO bets $2, Hero calls $2, 2 folds
Flop: ($4.75) Jhttp://www.flopturnriver.com/pokerfo...lies/heart.gif, 10http://www.flopturnriver.com/pokerfo...lies/spade.gif, 5http://www.flopturnriver.com/pokerfo...ilies/club.gif (2 players)
CO bets $3.56, Hero calls $3.56
Turn: ($11.87) Ahttp://www.flopturnriver.com/pokerfo...lies/heart.gif (2 players)
CO checks, Hero checks
River: ($11.87) 4http://www.flopturnriver.com/pokerfo...lies/spade.gif (2 players)
CO bets $9, Hero raises $23.93, CO raises $35.44 (All-In), Hero calls $20.51
Total pot: $100.75
Results:
Hero had Khttp://www.flopturnriver.com/pokerfo...lies/heart.gif, Qhttp://www.flopturnriver.com/pokerfo...ilies/club.gif (straight, Ace high).
CO had Ahttp://www.flopturnriver.com/pokerfo...ilies/club.gif, Jhttp://www.flopturnriver.com/pokerfo...es/diamond.gif (two pair, Aces and Jacks).
Outcome: Hero won $97.75
Bet the turn there! He either has fuckall that he's not putting money in anyways, or has pair + draw type stuff that calls turn so you're building a pot for the river.
granted I didn't really have a reason for slow-playing... for clarity, under what conditions would we want to check the Turn, if any?
when :
he won't call with worse
he will bet/check/bet here as a bluff (never imo?)
when we don't want to get bluffraised ..etc...
In this case we have a go on all three
My impression from reading your posts here is that you've got a good head on your shoulders to have success with the pokerz.
Perseverance!
thanks guys.
Today's session got off to rocky start, dropping 3.5 bi's in the first 40 minutes of play. Took another hour and half to b/e at which point I quit to cultivate some life EV. I feel tremendous pressure to play because of the bonuses I'm grinding but I really can't wait to getting back to playing shorter, focused sessions with fewer tables.
late night heater, 5 tabling 50nl 6max
:shipit:
http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/9366/heatert.jpg
- Bonus #1 of 2 is @ 76%
- #2 isn't active until #1 is clear, and expires on Jan 4th.
- If I can clear #1 before end of month it should give me just enough time to comfortably clear #2 playing 50nl in December.
- After shipping bonus #1 it will be time to start sitting at discernibly good 100nl tables
On another note, I watched 'One of A Kind: The Rise and Fall of Stu Ungar' last night. Inspiring and sad.
Don't know if it's day or night; feeling incredibly burnt out. This yo-yo pattern of sleep is taking its toll. The amount of poker I've played since mid-October makes up 1/3 of all the poker I've played this year (140k hands). Incidentally I am a -2.6bb/100 loser over that sample. More or less b/e over all stakes except 100nl where, over 30k hands, I lost quite a bit.
I feel the need to point this out here in light of a conversation I had yesterday with a friend who reminded me that no progress can be made until I understand, and accept, who I am.
That being said over the last 50k hands at 50nl I'm a 2.6bb/100 winner and that jumps up to 4 if you take out the portion of that sample that was played on Stars (roughly 5k hands - the rest is on a fishy Euro site). So I do feel I've made some significant improvement - even if only in game selection for the most part.
Now it's back to grinding that goddamn bonus: presently @ 85%.
gogogogooo
I'm ahead of schedule and will be clearing bonus #1 today. Unfortunately I've hit a nearly 10bi downswing which puts me at just about b/e from the point I started grinding out this bonus.
I met with a friend over the summer that manages a million dollar company, is an active investor, and is one of the most intelligent people I'll ever meet. When discussing poker - the swings in particular - he simply told me that I mustn't take it seriously. I'll do my best not to.
Trying to plug some leaks in 10-25bb pots. I'm not exercising the fundamentals!!!
- actively pick up reads/take notes
- what is their range?
- what better hands will fold?
- what worse hands will call?
- what am i repping?
- what's my equity?
- think of future streets
- look at stack sizes
maintain your committment to playing and improving and no doubt the monies will continue to flow in your direction
what i'd like to know is if/what it takes for players like you and I can make it to the level of a griffo/geni/alexos. obv not an easy simple answer to that question
anyways we just gotta keep evaluating what we are doing and hope success follows.
Funny, just had a lengthy discussion about that with Ravageur. I believe in most cases it comes down to a choice. Anyone can be shown the door, not everyone walks through it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Vi-Zer0Skill
Well that was a kick in the teeth. I rarely play tournaments. I chose to play one today. $5bi, $1000 guaranteed. 1st $490. 60 ppl left, blinds 600/1200 (+100), I'm top 10 with 50k chips. Server crashes. Tourney canceled.
Nov = disappointment
http://img13.imageshack.us/img13/2554/nov2010graph.jpg
that is one ugly/sickening graph. good volume at least?
Volume was driven by a $800 bonus. I'm nothing short of relieved that it's over. My game is not up to speed to be profitably mass-tabling (which was necessary to stay on schedule to clear the bonus).
Geez dude, that's gross. There comes a time when encouragement seems pretty redundant and useless. Let's just hope something happens to turn this around.
This surely isn't of any great concern to anyone but I felt I should mention.. Poker's taken a back seat. Actually, it's on the roadside with its thumb out. Great travel companion; lots of interesting things to say. I'm taking it all with me.. wherever that happens to be. It just won't be at a poker table in any foreseeable future.
Thanks everyone, for everything. I'll certainly be lurking/posting occasionally.
Best.
reading your posts I can say with certainty that at the very least you can beat 50nl, however I can also understand taking a break because of the stress that comes with poker when you are running bad over consecutive months. I distinctly remember in July of last year driving home from a casino and I had sworn off playing poker to try and make money (returning to recreational player status) because May+June+1st half of July I was playing bad and losing consistently.
I'll be happy to sweat you whenever the urge to play returns :)
Back from the motherfucking dead. It's been 2 years that I've posted on this blog, and having rediscovered it I thought it might be fun to post an update. Any subscribers/lurkers?
I'm still blogging. If you're interested you'll find it here. Shortly after I stopped playing - and I mean completely stopped - I ended up going back to school. I enrolled at my local university to pursue a degree in business. As of this writing I'm half way done. Suffice it to say that I'm enjoying it for the most part. But I wonder to what extent my enjoyment stems from the fact that it is affording me a socially acceptable way to waste my time.
I carry my poker lessons everywhere. The parallels between the game and so many other disciplines are uncanny. I miss poker for its culture mostly. I have no plans to grind it out. I'll allocate some disposable income for recreational play when it materializes. Until then I get immense pleasure from continually destroying in the occasional home game.
The relationships and memories that formed around my time as a poker player are invaluable. I often catch myself smirking to myself when I overhear others sharing poker stories among themselves. Oh the stories...
See you 'round, and as always, gl.