Do my schoolwork and get money on Stars!

Spring semester started today and my Philosophy professor wants us to write a paragraph to turn in by next class on Friday. So I don't want an average blah blah kinda thing and I am uncreative and have no imagination when it comes to things like this. What I am going for here is a David Thorne 7 leg spider/Not invited to my party kinda thing, or the famous Oedipus Rex research paper. When he reads this I want him to think "WHAT...THE...FUCK!" Doesn't have to be long just a few sentences or so.

If you need inspiration: www.funnyexamanswers.com

Focus of the paragraph: My academic Background and thoughts on what philosophy is. (Note I am not giving you any background on my academia just roll with whatever comes out)

We'll say....whoever submits the best gets $10 on Stars

Make it clean enough to turn in
(or atleast clean enough so I wont get dropped)
So submit all entries in here and you have 24 hrs. starting now at 5:15 ET 01/07 GOOOOO!!

OMG $10!!!!!

My thoughts on Philosophy is that it is a class where the prof gets paid a hell of a lot of money to ask questions that a three year old asks for free every day, amirite?

Make sure to include the "amirite".

Also, incorporate "Tao of Douche" in there somewhere.

My hourly rate for school assignments is $150. $200 if its in a non-English language.

Book 10 hrs get 1 free!

I googled it and the going rate for plagiarized paragraphs are ~$0.75 a sentence. Im giving roughly 25% more. Yall are just greedy

My acedemic background is that I graduated high school I think that philosophy is a bunch of old men sitting around a fire singing kumbaya and trying to figure out why the stars are shiny and asking eachother "why" all the time instead of following the true path of the zen ninja imagine how awesome the world would have been if we hadn't had hitler because instead of philosiphers we had ninjas he wouldn't have lived 10 minutes in the non philosopher world I also think that jesus would have been a better ninja than a philosopher you think he'd have let anyone stab him in the side? no! he would have used his flash dissappearing powder and cut judas' head off!

wall of text without punctuation intended.

Ragnar4(billings) ship it

Philosophy is awesome. It has the highest percentage of hot chicks in a major that doesn't immediately imply my gayness (I'm not talking gay as is "stupid", more gay "I like to have sex with other men"). I don't even have to pay attention in class, I can just sit in the back and stare at all the titty and leg in the classroom. They're so occupied by the teachers "blah blah blah" to notice me eye-fucking them. The best part is how easy the hook up is. I just smoke a J before I meet one after class and it's like everything I say is intelligent and amazing, even if none of it makes sense. Then after the bottle of wine is gone back to my place for some giggity-giggity.

I <3 philosopy.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by swiggidy

Philosophy is awesome. It has the highest percentage of hot chicks in a major that doesn't immediately imply my gayness (I'm not talking gay as is "stupid", more gay "I like to have sex with other men"). I don't even have to pay attention in class, I can just sit in the back and stare at all the titty and leg in the classroom. They're so occupied by the teachers "blah blah blah" to notice me eye-fucking them. The best part is how easy the hook up is. I just smoke a J before I meet one after class and it's like everything I say is intelligent and amazing, even if none of it makes sense. Then after the bottle of wine is gone back to my place for some giggity-giggity.

I <3 philosopy.

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fyp

too much swiggidy-giddiy on the mind obv

My experiences with philosophy have led me to conclude that life is but a poker game. There are two kinds of people: fish and sharks. But in this game of poker, the sharks own the casino and own your soul. The notions of God and Country are made to keep the fish believing that they will win eventually. "None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

dude philosophy is toally like i'm fucking drunk yeah so like send me my money alreayd bitchm thanks, hahaha, yes, philsi;tp

Philosophy to me is derived completely from my lord and savior Jesus Christ. I believe that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father and mother a virgin can make me live forever if I only symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that I accept him as my master, so that he can remove an evil force from my soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

(Yeah I totally plagiarized that.)

well the correct response involves the claim: 'I do not understand philosophy'

so yea since your professor knows that none of his students have any clue what they're doing yet all think they do, you'll seem a wee bit wiser to him if you simply admit it.

Hint: Swigg didnt answer my question but I want to incorporate it....Wufwugy's answer actually answers the question in a manner that allows me to use Swiggidy's. So kind of mix the 2 and that's along the lines of what I'm looking for.

rigged.

I went to your silly website, and mine is most like those found on said silly website.

where's my mubnee? I will cut you.

So I get $5? And my answer completely sufficed all your requirements.

I was the first to take you seriously. Can I get $0.60?

I will settle for $0.55, yo.

An unbiased judge picked the winner. And it was chosen that bigred's was the best....but it was an unnaceptable,drunk rant, that will probably get me sent to AA if I turned it in ...so swiggidy's (with revision to fit the criteria) is being turned in to the professor tomorrow morning. If you really want the money, post your Stars sn. If not, Ragnar gets it by default, since he was the only other contestent with an answer in correct format.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BennyLaRue

I was the first to take you seriously. Can I get $0.60?

I will settle for $0.55, yo.

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$0.54

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Squeaky_Midget1

An unbiased judge picked the winner. And it was chosen that bigred's was the best....but it was an unnaceptable,drunk rant, that will probably get me sent to AA if I turned it in ...so swiggidy's (with revision to fit the criteria) is being turned in to the professor tomorrow morning. If you really want the money, post your Stars sn. If not, Ragnar gets it by default, since he was the only other contestent with an answer in correct format.

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I read this and thought, hmmmm what post? Scrolled up and said, ohhhhhh, I was drunk. Good stuff.