The GIANT newbie circle of death?
Hey guys, sup?
Many of you know me since before. Many don't. I wanted to get this down on print of some sort, because I think that could benefit me as well as others.
4 years ago, I started playing poker. I started with a $500 bankroll and 2 years later I had a $30,000 bankroll, playing $400 and $600 NL at Party and Pokerstars. I coinsider myself fairly smart and have a good ability to learn things, so I thought I had found just my goldmine in poker. Naturally, I was doing really great on the economical side, since I lived in a small student room without a lot of expenses. Then BOOM (it was really a slow, creeping BOOM) things started to go wrong.
I moved since things study-wise changed a bit. I was going to take a semester off and wait for the autumn, when I would start a three-year program to become an engineer. Since I was raking in the cash, I figured I'd just play pokah for a while. However, I didn't win so much anymore. I didn't really lose, but since the rent had to be paid and I had to eat food, the bankroll started to dwindle. $600NL was not for me anyway, I thought, so I'd just grind $400NL, right? Well, turns out I started to run bad. (I thought, at least. I did for sure, but probably not as bad as I would like to believe). $8000 froze and have now disappeared thanks to PokesPoker and Futurebet. (Those 8k would be a great bankroll now, obv). Soon, without noticing, I had no bankroll. No money. The summer was hard and poor, and the program I was supposed to start cancelled totally. I took a job september-december. January, I hopped on another, one-semester course to wait for THIS autumn, where I now have got into a 5-year program, starting in a month. I did not get a job this summer either, though I tried.
Pokerwise, I found myself with a $500 dollar bankroll left a few weeks ago. Thought I would play some MTTs since I've hit the wall with cash games, and it went well for a while. When the while was over, my plan was to get a grip and grind 25NL, I mean, that should not be a problem, right? But like the last 10 times I've tried to play cash (yes, no extaggeration) I've started out fairly well and then sunk like a rock.
I have $200 dollars left and I am too stubborn to end my poker career. I can't for the love of God and Raptor Jesus figure out what I am doing wrong. I get sick of the stakes, the play, I try to play diciplined but I miserably fail to win even at 25NL. The only option now is to play 10NL and grind grind grind, but since I must be doing something fundamentally wrong, I don't know what to do.
Maybe I've forgotten how to play "low" stakes, even after thinking everyone not able to play low stakes after playing higher was stupid. Maybe I am on a slow, not noticable tilt. Maybe the games got harder (they did). Maybe I'm just not good and was lucky when starting out. I know I should post hands etc, but I also think the problem goes deeper. If i decide to unleash my m4d skillz on 10NL, there will be hands. I promise. I'm lazy and that is a big part of the problem. Everyone got better than me!
I don't need the money, thank God. I'll manage without poker for sure. At the same time, those $200 is all bankroll I will have for a while, so I'm not going to just tilt it off.
Poker is driving me insanse, but I know it's now impossible and I know 90% would have tilted off the bankroll a year ago. I will not give up, I still have the $200 :roll:
Thanks for reading those of you that did, and stuff. I'll be back. Just wanted to get it off my chest and start to listen to myself because I probably know I just suck and need to study more.
Cheers.
