hi im vaks, some of you may know me as wems. im usually in the irc room
OKAY so i decided to put my story back up... wtf ever... ill do it!
but im not getting rid of the tina fey pic... oh no... oh no
okay so I only meant to make a short post but somehow this lenghty thing came about...
obv TLDR at bottom (if i were u i wouldnt read this, it prob sucks)
umm so a lil about me, ive been playing poker for 3 years. Since i turned 18, im 21 now. Ive never been very successful at poker. Mainly because I tilt easily. And I feel im a complete degenerate.
example.
this was in the winter/spring of 2007
One night I decided to put 100$ into Ultimate Bet (i didnt really have 100$ but they still let the money go through)
So I was playing BlackJack online. Ive never really played blackjack before. and I had an odds sheet from wizardofodds out. So here I was, with 100$, started with 5$ bets... The next thing I know I have 800$ on the table on one blackjack hand. split split double BAM. Needless to say I turned 100$ into somewhere around 4.6k-5k something.
Ive never felt so much addrenaline in my life. I told all my dorm friends and dorm poker buddies about my success and that I had won like 4k in online blackjack. Ive never ran so hot in anything my whole life.
I tried to withdrawl somewhere like 1k-2k so i could put that into poker since I was elbusto in poker accounts.
However on ultimatebet you cannot withdrawal money 24-48 hours after you deposit, so I was shit out of luck. No worries though I was up so much there is no way I could lose everything...
boy was I wrong.
I had lost EVERY CENT by about 5am in the morning.
The worst part about it was that I had a big college algebra test the next day that I had to pass if I wanted to pass the class (I already failed this class once) I had no motivation to study, I tried studying for a few hours and just couldnt do it without any adderal. I have bad ADD so I have trouble focusing on school work with out adderall. I asked one of my good friends if I could borrow some and he turned me down. To this day I wonder how much different things would have been if I had just gotten some adderal. (im not trying to blame my friend here haha, I take full responsibility in everything) But I still think things could have been different.
I have never felt so much tilt/depression in my whole life.
The worst part was when some of my good friends came up to me the next day and asked about it... (I can usually admit my fuck ups and what not, but this was extremley hard to admit)
It took me 2-3weeks to get that awful feeling out of my stomach. and for the depression to rise a little bit.
and I failed college algebra... AGAIN... but not the last time....
Sometime later in the spring of 07 (right before school got out) I got arrested on my way back to school.. at 10am in the morning for having a bag of weed and a pipe on my car... shitty thing was i quit smoking pot (regularly) earlier that year and only smoked every now and then (very few times)
So my and my friend are put in some county jail in bum fuck mississippi. and we are sitting there for 2hours trying to get in touch with someone we know to no avail, when we realize we can call a bondsman... which we did and she came and got me first, and took em to a bank to get money out... Which i was -800$ so I was unable to get money out of it... im sure you can guess why im -800$ (also remember im a super poor college student, so 800 is A WHOLE FUCKING LOT to me) So my parents have to bail me out of this one and give me some money. wow im glad thats over and another load off my chest (ive been -$$ a lot of times, and everytime just feels horrible/state of depression.
Okay First year of college over GPA maybe a 1.0
Second year of college. I move into my frat house and what not, I build myself a badass room and working construction over the summer gave me some $$ to play poker with...
So i put like 500-600$ into FTP. And i grind away at 25nl, what not I suck at this grinding stuff... I just cant do it at this point... Anyways I play in this Satellite to one of the FTOPS events, its a 535$ buyin event. I think it was like 3$ to play and I win im like sweet 500$ now who can i sell this seat to? OH SHIT i cant sell these... so I play in the mtt and cash within the top 1k and make like ~800$ so I have like 1300-1400$ roll now. But I hate grinding, so I start playing more MTTs and some 50nl and 100nl (no br management skills.... im a degen) So I pretty much tilt ALL of that away. and my br is like 80$ or something I dno i prob redeposited 50$ at a time a few different times... etc anyways at this point ive been playing a shitload of the 27$ MTTs on FTP (i think these are main reason i got put on mega tilt) so my br is down low, and Im home for the weekend, and my mom is out of town, so im playing some poker at my house, and i come in like 11th place in one of the MTTs for ~600$, and im like okay so i have a roll but its not the 1500$ roll i had 2 months prior w/e... so i play in a few more mtts and the next day... obv one time one time... I coem in 2nd in the 27k gtd, for ~3k... I remember one time my mom was like quit playing that shit and help me out, and im like mom comeone im chip lead and 5 people are left etc im gtd 1k, she was like okay go ahead (felt good imo)
So now I have a 4k roll, my biggest mistake was telling my mom how I did though... "oh btw son you owe me this much $$$" FUCK...
so I have like a 3k roll, and it only takes me 2 months to tilt it ALL AWAY at 100nl... I even pay for a coach to help me find my leaks (after i had to drop down to 50nl cause i really didnt want to lose my roll) 2+2er named Orange something I cant remember what but he has like 20k posts and psots a lot in the uNL section of 2+2 but he plays like 1/2 or 2/4 (atleast when he coached me he did)...
So again I lose my entire roll... AGAIN...
but at this point I feel like I can actually beat the game... the only thing beating me is tilt... and it still does...
Also I failed out of school. I believe there are numerous reasons as to why, one being I hate it, another being i don't want to sit behind a desk for the rest of my life..........
I believe however that I have come a long way, and am almost able to overcome tilt (im like wow so this is what its like to not tilt... weeeiird) like I cant stand not being up 4+buyins after an hour of 25nl etc etc, and past 3 days ive put in more hands than I can usually do in half a month (mostly thanks to WCG|Rider he has motivated me hard core.)
So here I am with ~774$ in cake poker
and ~80$ in pokerstars.
im trying to make a turnaround, and I feel like I can do it... I just have to be motivated/tilt free
this is me undegening myself...
TLDR
Im a degen. Make 4-5k playing online blackjack one night and lose it only a few hours later.
win 600$ in mtt and 3k in mtt in 2 days for a 4kish roll and blow it within a month.
Blew every BR ive ever had..
Problems Tilting etc.
Undegening myself
and instead thought I would post a picture of...
http://l.yimg.com/img.tv.yahoo.com/t...1030103307.jpg
TINA FEY
