if, if's and buts...

my grandfather used to say some really funny things. sayings, if you will. stuff from generations ago. i'm sure you've heard some, too...lets have 'em!!

- if, ifs and buts were candies and nuts, we could throw a party.
- if birds had radios up their asses, there'd be music in the air.
- if frogs had wings, they wouldn't bump their butts when they jumped.

- if cockroaches carried uzi's, ducks wouldn't fuck with them.
- if everyone liked everything, everyone would be after your grandmother.

i got a million of them, but i want to hear any you heard when you were younger.

I never heard any amusing phrases growing up. All I heard were the "finish your dinner because there are children starving in India" type moral lessons.

One sticks out in particular. I was complaining because my parents would not buy me a pair of Nikes that I wanted.... so my father said "I used to feel sorry for myself because I did not have new shoes; until I saw a man without any legs." Naturally I said "So what", "if he has no legs, he does not need any shoes." Big mistake there. Got grounded for two months and my parents "volunteered" me to help at a homeless shelter on the weekends during that time.

It's not from my childhood, but it fits in, i think..

If my aunt had a package,
she'd be my uncle.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Chopper

- if, ifs and buts were candies and nuts, we could throw a party.

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My grandpa's version: if, ifs and buts were candies and nuts, it'd be Christmas all year 'round.

my dad has a million of them that I have heard a million times, mostly when hes making fun of me

-smooth move exlax
-you're so bright I'll call you son

damn I can't remember anymore right now

ain't ain't a word

there's no such thing as a 'yabut' used whenever someone would say "ya, but....." around my grandpa

It's all fun and games, until someone loses an eye.
Then it's a party.

"That's what horses eat."

^^ what my dad would cut you off with it you started a sentence with "Hey"

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Galapogos

"That's what horses eat."

^^ what my dad would cut you off with it you started a sentence with "Hey"

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not to get off-topic, but along these lines...

my stepfather would blatantly say, "NO," if someone ever said, "do me a favor..." he would say, "thats no favor. youre just to chicken shit to ask me to do something directly. now, look me in the eye, dont be a weasel, and tell me what you want me to do for you."

i always thought it was a bit overboard, but i do kind of see the deeper meaning in that.

Wow, that guy must have been an asshole.

Piss in one hand and wish in the other. See which one fills up first.

I don't care if you have to hair lip every cow in TX. ( i don't know what that means. I don't think my dad does either)

If you don't ..... your ass is grass and I'm the lawn mower. (pretty sure it was from movie)

Then of course the old excuses are like assholes.

A bunch more. i'm trying to put it all behind me.

Growing up around my dad and his family was great for this sort of thing.

One day I turned my hat back while doing something because it was getting in the way and my dad was like "Turn your hat around like a white nigger."

i had a 6th grade teacher that said things like...

- i'm as serious as a heart attack.
- turn that work in immediately...if not, sooner.

es ke busca haya, es ke haya wanta


rough translation:

he who searches for finds, he who finds has to stand (tolerate it)

which of the languages you speak is that, Jack?

gotta be a "romance language," as buscar (to look) i can recognize. but, the pronoun (ke), i dont.

Dutch/Portuguese or one of the Curacaon dialects?

From my Papa:


If being nosy:
You mind your business, I'll mind mine
We'll both get along, won't that be fine

If asking what something was that was ovbiously none of your business
Chicken butt. Want a bite, for your appetite?

I'll have to think of some others...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Chopper

which of the languages you speak is that, Jack?

gotta be a "romance language," as buscar (to look) i can recognize. but, the pronoun (ke), i dont.

Dutch/Portuguese or one of the Curacaon dialects?

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Curacao dialect Papiamento, which literally translated means "talking", you are right on ;)

I have no idea why people insist on writing it though, very hard to follow when written, very easy to confuse the meaning of any given sentence when its written

Rabbit, get your ears in your own garden!

and, who can answer this one? self hi-five for you if you do...

Whats up?...Chicken Butt...(you fill in the rest)

As soon as my grandfather parked the car he would say, "ok everyone out of the pool"

ahhh,

two signs immediately pooped into my head......oops, i meant popped...lol

- we dont swim in your toilet. please dont pee in our pool"

- SWIMMING _OOL IN BACK
please notice our sign. please note there's no P in it. lets keep it that way.