Originally Posted by XTR1000
geez, I really fucked things up yesterday. Violating my new rule, I grinded just for the sake of grinding, unfocused/distracted and sloppy. Instead of browsing the web/jacking off/calling girls/getting drunk I decided to burn my hard earned moniez
AND IT FUCKING MAKES ME SICK!!!!!
Walking home from the gym this afternoon I thought about that poker shit and why last night went so wrong and why I can´t beat this fucking limit for more than 2.1BB/100 long term. There are a couple of reasons I destilled from all the thoughts I had. Beside that I´m a bad player it´s simply the lack of discipline and emotional stability. It´s the sessions I play to get my mind clear. Sometimes after a long day when the fucking world fucks me up I set up 14-tables and grind along, only to prevent my mind from thinking about stuff thats fucking annoying me/bothering me.
Yea, why not doing sports instead? Because I already spend 3 days a week at the gym for like 2 - 3 hrs and go out running for 1 - 1.5 hrs the days in between.
Fuck me, I need to stop this. The sloppy play syndrome is probably caused by playing overrolled quite often. I got so used to blowing $100, since I "blew" it a hundred times when I was ahead, that I somewhat lost the feeling for the moniez at the table. Dont get me wrong, I want to win as bad as everybody else (maybe too bad sometimes) and I fucking hate losing, but when I´m in bad mood I kinda think "fuck you, I´ll get it back u´re bad fuck u blah blah" and suddenly lose focus on all that long term thingy.
To fix this I´m gonna use the word "fuck" as often as possible tonight and will jump into 1/2NL now. Lets see if more money at risk will make me a more disciplined player. I´m still healthy rolled for 1/2 but IF I become scared money I´ll drop back, IF I continue to spew money all over the place, I´ll drop back down.