Limericks.........

This board needs something to lighten the mood. So, how about some limericks. I'll get us started...........

There was a young man from Devizes
Who's balls were of differing sizes
The left one was small
Almost no ball at all
And the right one was large and won prizes

ha i like yours

There was a young curate whose brain
Was deranged from the use of cocaine;
He lured a small child
To a copse dark and wild
Where he beat it to death with his cane.

My name is Cats, but call me Russ
HAHA I've made a real fuzz
"What happen! Main screen turn on!"
LOLOLOL I set you up the bomb
All your base are belong to us

Once upon a Time in Aberdeen
There was a bloke who was rarely seen
See, this guy
He was very shy
Because he was REALLY UGLY

A guy from Virginia, USA
Has a little friend made of clay
To tell him he's a balla
And that he has a lot of dollah
'Cause noone else would say

I have already written three
Think they are embarrasing me
Maybe they don't rhyme
Sorry for waisting your time
But I'm from Sweden, you see

There once was a Swede called sandstorm
Who had trouble with the limerick form
He wrote too many lines every time
Because he didn't know four was the norm

The Swede is still here and alive
Into deep limerick waters he'll dive
He just saw what the others wrote
Made something up and wanted to gloat
He simply counted the lines as five

Quote:

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Originally Posted by http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limericks

A limerick is a five-line, often humorous and ribald poem with a strict meter, popularized by Edward Lear and Ogden Nash. The rhyme scheme is usually "A-A-B-B-A", with a rather rigid meter. The first, second, and fifth lines are three metrical feet; the third and fourth two metrical feet. The foot used is usually the amphibrach, a stressed syllable between two unstressed ones. However it can be considered an anapestic foot, two short syllables and then a long, the reverse of dactyl rhythm. However, many substitutions are common.

The first line traditionally introduces a person and a location, and usually ends with the name of the location, though sometimes with that of the person. A true limerick is supposed to have a kind of twist to it. This may lie in the final line, or it may lie in the way the rhymes are often intentionally tortured, or in both. Though not a strict requirement, the best limericks are usually those that additionally show some form of internal rhyme, often alliteration, sometimes assonance or another form of rhyme.

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:lol:

The Swede got the meter wrong
He writes too short, or maybe too long
Show him how to do it
Or he'll be in deep shit
But maybe they'll make a good song

eg:

There once was a man from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
Tufts of grass
Grew out of his ass
And his dick was all covered in weeds

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sandstorm

A guy from Virginia, USA
Has a little friend made of clay
To tell him he's a balla
And that he has a lot of dollah
'Cause noone else would say

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owned

To get you guys back on track...........

A cavalier lad from Kildare
Was "having" a girl on the stair
But the bannister broke
So he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in mid air

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sandstorm

The Swede is still here and alive
Into deep limerick waters he'll dive
He just saw what the others wrote
Made something up and wanted to gloat
He simply counted the lines as five

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This one is actually really cool.
I like the finish.

There was a young lady named Jill
Who tried dynamite for a thrill
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vqc

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sandstorm

The Swede is still here and alive
Into deep limerick waters he'll dive
He just saw what the others wrote
Made something up and wanted to gloat
He simply counted the lines as five

---

This one is actually really cool.
I like the finish.

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but not Swedes?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Warpe

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vqc

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sandstorm

The Swede is still here and alive
Into deep limerick waters he'll dive
He just saw what the others wrote
Made something up and wanted to gloat
He simply counted the lines as five

---

This one is actually really cool.
I like the finish.

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but not Swedes?

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ROFL

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Warpe

There once was a Swede called sandstorm
Who had trouble with the limerick form
He wrote too many lines
[each and] every time
Because he didn't know four was the norm

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:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

thought it was funny even if it is supposed to be five lines

Made one for a friends family reunion invites a while ago...
They decided not to use it for some reason.

A man named Tobin from Ire
said potatoes gave him intestinal fire.
He said with a shout
as he blasted one out:
"If farts were gold, I'd retire!!"

who is going to do the classic "man from Nantucket" one

oh ok

there once was a man from Nantucket
Who was eating chicken from a bucket
He played some poker
and when dealt a joker
said 'this deck is shit' and did muck it

There once was a frog named Ol' Ribbit
Who ate so many files he could dig it
He said to a fly
"I can't tell a lie
This administration is rig-ged"

There was a young man from Peru,
who fell asleep in his canoe,
while dreaming of Venus,
he played with his penis
and woke up covered in goo.

since im an architect....

An architect fellow named Yoric
Could, when feeling euphoric,
Display for selection
Three kinds of erection --
Corinthian, ionic, and doric.

Said Swiggidy one day to the guacho
Good sex is one thing I know
While women are fine
And sheep are divine
Llamas are numero uno!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Warpe

Said Swiggidy one day to the guacho
Good sex is one thing I know
While women are fine
And sheep are divine
Llamas are numero uno!

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:clap:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bode-ist

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Warpe

Said Swiggidy one day to the guacho
Good sex is one thing I know
While women are fine
And sheep are divine
Llamas are numero uno!

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:clap:

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I can't claim credit...I just modified one I found to fit FTR

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bode-ist

who is going to do the classic "man from Nantucket" one

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I knew you'd want x-rated Bode-ist. How about this.......

Two rampant young bucks from Rangor
Both buggered and fucked the same whore
But the partition split
And jism and shit
Leaked out in a mess on the floor

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kevster

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bode-ist

who is going to do the classic "man from Nantucket" one

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I knew you'd want x-rated Bode-ist. How about this.......

Two rampant young bucks from Rangor
Both buggered and fucked the same whore
But the partition split
And jism and shit
Leaked out in a mess on the floor

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rofl. thats just disgusting.

Two innocent ladies from Grimsby
Enquired, for what use can our quims be?
The hole in the middle
Is so we can piddle
But for what can the holes near the rims be?

A piece of shit named frist
has made me extremely pissed
no more poker? hes a joker!
of spite, his wife, I wanna choke'r
'nuff said you get the gyst

an asian reigns from his forum throne
in widescreen his world is shown
he wears a blue helmet
I once asked if hed sell it
he said 'no it shall remain upon my dome'