Printable View
So I go to my ex-brother-in-law's place (after working out :roll: ), and a group of us are sitting around the table for dinner. In the middle of the meal, I notice there's a couple of fruit flies flying around our heads and point them out to our host. He's gay, btw.
He says, "Damn. I hate those things. I wonder what's attracting fruit flies?"
I pause for a moment, then say, "Well, duh."
His partner spat his drink all over the table, he laughed so hard.
That's a bit of subtle edgy genius right there.Quote:
Originally Posted by Warpe
How did I miss this post? Good stuff. You forgot to add the part about all these hot chicks checking you out but then later just becoming friends.
your sister got divorced cause her husband was gay?
^^^It appears that way?^^^
But that is some funny shit right there no matter how you cut it.
or did you brother get divorced because it just wasn't working out?Quote:
Originally Posted by theDEEPdish
did you contract gaids from the vaporized saliva/soda mixture?
ha, lets turn this into a thread where we post our funniest moments of the day!
ill post one as soon as i turn funny in real life
The brother of my ex = ex-brother-in-lawQuote:
Originally Posted by thenonsequitur
Funny thing though...my uncle's wife left him for another woman, but that's another story. My uncle, the minister, btw.
Holy shit, thats crazy. Warpe's thread of awesomness anyone?...
Another story...
In a previous life I used to work in Churchill, Manitoba - "The Polar Bear Capital of the World". Polar bears den in the area in the summer and then congregate near the shore in the fall waiting for the ice to form on Hudson Bay so they can go seal hunting.
I worked shifts at the airport which is a mile or two from town, and we had a shift-change vehicle that brought the new shift in and took the old shift out.
At the end of one fall evening shift we were on our way back to town and passed a polar bear lumbering along the side of the road. No biggie - we saw them all the time. Then we notice that the bear was following a trail of human footprints in the snow. Sure enough, a couple of hundred yards further on, we see a guy who worked for one of the airlines walking in the same direction.
We pull up and roll down the window.
"Want a ride?"
"No, I'm okay. It's a nice night. But thanks anyway!"
"Look behind you."
He turns around and squints into the snow for minute. Then he got in. His face was absolutely white.
loooooooooolQuote:
Originally Posted by Warpe
man... fuck lukies thread, this thread needs to make it to a gazillion pages, cuz your stories kick ass.
WARPE'S THREAD OF AWESOMENESS
you ex brother is a fruit?
Polar bears dont eat humans
Um...no. Polar bears are the most likely species to kill humans for food, as they are at the top of the food chain in an environment where they have no natural predators and their diet is by neccessity 100% meat. They assume anything they encounter is potential prey.Quote:
Originally Posted by L4 Johnny
Inuit (Eskimo) hunters have many stories of being actively stalked by polar bears, and many more of hunters who have been killed. When I was in Churchill, one person was killed in the middle of town.
you beat me to it warpe. I guess only a canadian would know that. How about responding to his other question. Since you haven't answered that yet. LOL
congrats for getting the punchline :roll:Quote:
Originally Posted by L4 Johnny
I played my semi-regular game with the boys from work last night. The cards hit me pretty good early, I triple up, then lose it all after I misplay one hand badly and buddy boats up on the river on another. So I go to rebuy and get handed the standard $10 stack we all start with. Big money, this game.
"Give me another one, please."
"What for?"
I point to the bigger stacks at the table.
"I need to have those guys covered."
"Geez, you're getting serious. C'mon man, this is just a friendly game."
"Then hand me another one of them stacks, reeeeal friendly like," I say, in my best gunslinger voice.
I got my chips. I got most of theirs, too. GG me.
Well played, sir.
This is a beautiful use of the english langauge.Quote:
Originally Posted by Warpe
I laughed so hard. :P
Quote:
Originally Posted by L4 Johnny
***WARNING!!! GRAPHIC IMAGES!!!***
Spoiler:
***DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!!!***
oh my god.
Holy shit
Can I put a *disgusting* tag in the subject??
The leg/foot pic is by far the worst.
Those pictures were awesome.
I think this one was my favorite:
http://img478.imageshack.us/img478/4...ndamagemk4.jpg
lol, gotcha!
******
amirite?Quote:
Originally Posted by courtiebee
god dammit warpe!!!
that ankle looks ripe for some rotisserie action.
Shh, I'm trying to avoid more strikes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lukie
Damnit, I was eating. Guess I'll finish my meal later.
haha, I was too at the time. I can honestly say that it didn't affect me in the least. The only thing that I find I generally having a hard time watching are nasty sports injuries-- basically whenever a leg, arm, back, etc., twists or breaks in a way it was obviously not meant to, I always have to look away in discust. A foot with a massive chunk bitten out didn't seem to bother me, though.Quote:
Originally Posted by thenonsequitur
Um...actually, that particular file was named "GunDamage" when I received it. Story goes that this guy was able to grab his hunting rifle which was in the tent with him and shoot the bear, but he must've put a shot through his own ankle during the struggle.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lukie
That's one tough friggin' camper. Guy looks like he's an Inuit.
honestly... porn grosses me out when Im eating. I dont remember how I found this out, I think I might have just finished downloading something with some hot chick in it, opened it but then felt disgusting.
I was wondering about that. Didn't make sense for his achilles to be intact if the wound was caused by a bite.Quote:
Originally Posted by Warpe
That's because you're a homosexual. (insert lukie seriously)Quote:
Originally Posted by boostNslide
Ill have to see if i can find a picture of a soccer player called David Busst breaking his leg a few years back.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lukie
Honestly, its the most horrific thing you'll see in regards to sports injuries. Theirs no blood, its just what actually happens to his leg as it breaks thats zomghorrible.
And warpe, you are one sick motherfucker, but those pics are cool. I looked on with grusome awe or some shit like that :P
[quote="Miffed22001"]i remember that one. His entire leg was severed and was contained in his sock, schmeichel took one look and vomited profusely behind the goal.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lukie
Did anyone in england see that nature programme with the polar bear and the penguins et al? Unbelievable footage. My favourite part was the polar bear swimming across the Antarctic to find food when the ice had melted, then trying to attack that pack of giant walruses as a last ditch attempt to live. I felt sad for the old thing.
First section of this thread was funnier than sh*t.
Second half made me wonder if "Double Chocolate Dream Cookies" are going to be just as tasty the second time around.
wrong end of the planetQuote:
Originally Posted by pantherhound
yummy. :?Quote:
Originally Posted by thenonsequitur
I had my first ever hot air balloon ride yesterday. There were 5 balloons all told, and we were in the last one to go up. There was a slight north wind so we took off from the north side of the city and flew to the south. Our flight path took us right by our football stadium where the Grey Cup, the CFL championship game, was on. Our path also took us directly over the airport, and we got to watch as the Snowbirds, Canada's military aerobatic team, taxiied out and took off in formation to do a flyby of the stadium.
Absolutely awesome experience. Also, you wouldn't believe the number of dogs that bark at you when you fly over them in a hot air balloon.
what...the fuck?!?!
Nice one Warpe. Quality Canadian BUMP.
should we start a bigred and warpe's thread od randomness, it would easily be better than any other thread of the same name
Go Lions!Quote:
Originally Posted by Warpe
Yeah, so we buy a freezer from my gf's aunt a couple of years back, put it in a truck and take it from her aunt's apartment to our house. We grunt it though our back door, flick on the downstairs lights and take it into the basement. We plug it in and it seems to be running fine but as the days go by we realize it's not freezing things properly. For some reason it seems to be freezing and then thawing out. We ruin a couple of hundred bucks worth of food this way but we're not going to complain to the aunt so we just decide to unplug it and use it for a potato bin or something.
Time goes by (like a year and a half), we don't get another freezer, that is until a couple of weeks ago when we see an old one at a yard sale. People selling it say it's working fine, they had just thawed it out and we shouldn't have any problems. So we pay our monies, get it to our backdoor, flick on the basement lights, grunt it downstairs and put it next to the freezer that doesn't work. Plug it in, seems to be working fine, leave it for a few hours and see that it's getting nice and cold. Great! I go upstairs, turn off the basement lights and decide to check on it again in the morning.
Morning comes, I check on the freezer and it's running but it's warm. WTF?
I'm scratching my head, thinking we just bought another dud freezer...then I start tracing the exposed wiring for the electrical outlet...the one that, it turns out, is wired to the same junction box as the basement lights controlled by the switch at the top of the stairs.
Anyone want a used freezer? We have two. They both work great.
I saw that coming only because I had a somewhat same experience (albeit WAY less interesting) with my bedroom alarm clock.
Nice bump btw.
How big? Do you think 2 runaways will fit into it? Will you pay for shipping?Quote:
Originally Posted by Warpe
This article made me think of this thread
http://www.physorg.com/news163266028.html
This all seems impossible based on the coca-cola commercials. You may be confusing those huge, white claymation monsters for polar bears. Now they are some crotchety mofos.Quote:
Originally Posted by Warpe
what the fuck
can i put those in spoilers pls?
Lol at the people who couldn't figure out ex brother in law
Go ahead and put that shit in spoilers Pascal, I'm kind of glad the "leg one" sort of expired on the internet and no longer present to discust (sic, Lukie) us.
Also lol, fruit flies are there because it's a gay couple's house.
Any chance we can get a warpe funny happenings / life experiences update?
I have a good one:Quote:
Originally Posted by Penneywize
Warpe died. The End
Epilogue: He still haunts the Don't Bump Old Threads thread sometimes.
What I want to know is where the fuck is ake?
i'm anxiously awaiting the return of PO$$E$$EDQuote:
Originally Posted by spoonitnow
ake! holy shit... it's really crazy how you "know" someone for years online, then they just vanish... How about the other crazy viking... what was his name? Ping? Pingvinni? Something like that..