My little brother got arrested today

He's 16. He's a Junior is Highschool.

I am the middle of 3 brothers. My older brother was never motivated in school and a complete asshole. I never liked him and still dont. But me and my little brother have always been close. We share the same sense of humor and if you put the two of us together at a party, all eyes are on the O'Connell brothers. He is just as smart as I am (smarter in non math areas (I'm like asian at math)) but he hates doing work and loves to just chill and play music. I had been giving him so much shit for his failing marks during his freshman year and he had finally been turning them around. He's made honor roll, grades good enough for college and his band has been going for a while. I knew that he was getting into weed (something I've done, still do, but since senior year of highschool I've smoked about 6 or 7 times and I'm in my 3rd semester) and I knew that he was about the same casual user as me.

But now I've found out that he got arrested for trying to buy what he thought were Vicadins (sp). They were, of course, asprin. I just got off the phone with him and told him that he was clearly heading down the road to throwing his life away. My parents tell me his grades are slipping again, and he's told them that he's not going to college.

Week after next is my spring break, I was going to go to a buddys beach house (which im not that excited about) for the week but now I'm considering just going home and dealing with him somehow.

What's my play?

bet, raise, push...

Seriously, you need to kick him in the ass before he screws his life up. Go home and try to talk some sense into him. You can't let him go down that path.

Sorry to hear about this. Good luck, man...wish my brother would have cared that much about me.

Gorilla,

I had a similar experience with my younger brother...at that age, they see parents as people who will never understand them. So, he will probably listen to you more than them.

16 is a tough age, and its easy to get lost...forget your friend's beach house, go get your brother and drive somewhere with him...have a vacation together and give him some good advice...from what you have written, I think he will listen.

I am sure it will all workout...

Jenny Jones boot camp anyone?
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Sorry to hear that, I say you go home and try to help him out. You can always party with your friends but having a chance to put him on the right track might not come around as often.

If he's so smart what is he doing PAYING for prescription drugs?? Scrip drugs are clearly something you trade for, not something you buy. He needs to go to college just to garner this valuable information it looks like to me.

Seriously tho - maybe take the squirt with ya to the beach house to show him how fun college actually is. I seriously cannot imagine not going to college if you have the chance to go.

I fucked around my first year of college and was paying my own way so I took a year off thinking I would have a blast. Instead, all my friends were still in school and I had to work. College rules.

My little bro got caught smoking weed in high school. It went on his record. A couple years later, my father pulled some serious strings via an elected official to get him an interview with the plumbers union. He was still an apprentice at the time I think. They denied him because the weed on his record and it made the elected official and my father look bad. Probably cut off that connection for good.

Why don't you call him up again and ask if he wants to hang out with you and talk? You don't want to force a lecture down his throat if he doesn't want to hear it.

The problem is, he knew you smoked and you knew he smoked and you were both OK with it. So, this is partially your fault. You gave him a poor example and then didn't intervene when he got into it. Sorry for the guilt trip but it's true.

Wow tough situation. Ultimately, you're reflecting your brother into your own self image, which is incorrect. You find similarilities, and thus assume more is similar than actually is. I think this is common. Your brother is practically an adult now. You can't control the direction he takes himself.

Just remember that you can't change him. You can only help him change himself, maybe. Perhaps he sees benefit to his behavior. Address this. Ask him from strictly a curiousity standpoint whether his friends or chicks view him as a bad ass, and he likes this. Often it can be as simple as doing whatever keeps the henhouse full if you know what I mean.

Tell him he can do both. He can be a bad ass cool SOB who gets laid a lot and hangs out with cool people, and he can also have his shit in order at the same time. I think when you're young you polarize these two in your mind. I know I did, because of mass perception. Smart responsible = Dork, and Irresponsible = Cool chickmagnet. Expell this misconception somehow. Good luck with all that. I hate to say it, but most of the time people just do what they want to do, because they are an individual. Trust me. There are a lot of highly intelligent but FUCKED UP people in my family. My cousin is one of the smartest and funniest people I've ever known, but he keeps going in and out of the big house.

I would recommend not giving him any advice/lecture for the moment. I am sure he is getting that from all angles...and doesn't need to hear it from you. I would recommend spending some time with him and listen to him when he wants to talk about it....if you listen first, he will take your advice a little more seriously. Hope it works out.

you hardly smoke any pot (7 times since senior year is nothing. i dont really think i smoke that much and i smoke like 2x a week.). vicodin (while ive never recreationally done anything more than shrooms) is not necessarily going to ruin his life, but it is a "step up" per se. id talk to him about the consequences of his actions but i wouldnt necessarily resign him to a failed life because of it.

dont hold any biases when you talk to him and make sure he goes to college. if you dont do college you better damn well be fucking talented at something else (doggz) or youre going to be a failure. gl with the situation.

ps. hes from the city of champions. that should help.

Not to make light of getting arrested, but the bright side of pills is that they never hurt Rush Limbaugh...well I guess thats debatable.

But anyway, for most people, drugs are a phase that they go thru, and one sobering moment will usually knock them out of that cycle. However, other people like me will just always smoke weed, because its safer and more fun than alcohol. Either way, getting up in his face about it right away isnt going to be productive. Be cool with him, let it sink in, then lecture him in a couple months if hes going out of control. Pot and Vics arent really that hardcore, i doubt hes gonna flush his life away with them at 16-17. But who knows, maybe im just an idiot.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by potdragn

Not to make light of getting arrested, but the bright side of pills is that they never hurt Rush Limbaugh...well I guess thats debatable.

But anyway, for most people, drugs are a phase that they go thru, and one sobering moment will usually knock them out of that cycle. However, other people like me will just always smoke weed, because its safer and more fun than alcohol. Either way, getting up in his face about it right away isnt going to be productive. Be cool with him, let it sink in, then lecture him in a couple months if hes going out of control. Pot and Vics arent really that hardcore, i doubt hes gonna flush his life away with them at 16-17. But who knows, maybe im just an idiot.

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Yeah, thanks for telling us drugs are bad, POT dragon

Give him a thumbs up because the V is fucking awesome ESP with alcohol. Then, procceed to spring break.

Its pot and V....if he starts talking Coke and Oxys....then be worried.

Did he recently lose $180k on Party Poker?

exactly lambchop.... :cool:

yah man... this shit isnt really that big of a deal. I guess its all relative, but vike isnt that bad.. Its just like you pop it, and drink 2 beers and youre FUCKED UP. However this isnt something that I do a lot, Ive actually done it once. Coke, speed, acid, that shit is bad. I think you just need to have a talk with him and explain the boudaries. Dont come at him as a parent, he wont respond well to that Im sure. Most things are really not that bad in moderation. Shrooms for example, they are a 'hard drug' as you halucinate and stay up for several hours, if not a whole day, however you can take them, have an expierence and then never take them again. They arent addictive, they arent super damaging, if youre responsible and do things in moderation youll be fine. But this is where you draw the line, certain things in any quantity are bad, and really have the potential to ruin someones life.

I just think its important that you make sense, why is vike so bad? Just because youve never done it doesnt make it all that bad. How is it that much different then alchohol or weed? You should probably do some research on this stuff so you can be knowledgable when you explain these tings to him.

its probably been said already, but the general "parent knows best" approach doesnt work. Being 17 i'm not far off his age and i still get the parent crap from time to time... If you want him to respond well you need to guide him not tell him. Allow him to see for himself that getting into drugs isnt a wise move. As soon as you change to a direct "YOU SHOULD NOT DO THIS" approach i think his natural reaction will be to fight it.

My parents have no clue how to influence my behaviour.. anything remotely serious they go into lecture mode.. and as soon as i sense that, i switch off, mumble a few yes mum yes dads, and be on my way having totally disregarded everything they said. Its not that i dont have an interest in what they think, but the way they put it across makes them seem as though they think they are 20 times better than me. ie. they show me little respect, and as long as they dont show me respect they wont get shit from me.

Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom (or near) before you can pick urself up again and sort things out.

I say empathise with him and give him the odd nag and kick up the arse, theres not much else you can do? maybe dont go overboard but just be there to offer good advice. good luck.

Cool you are willing to sacrifice pleasure and relaxation to save your brother future pain and suffering. Good man.
You know your relationships best. I can't imagine being able to influence anyone permanently, unless I was with them daily. Vic and pot are for excape and boredom, and if they don't have a goal, or something better to do, they'll find something to do. If they are willing to cross a line for entertainment, they'll likely cross it again until they get burned. I say all that to say, if you are going to invest in your brother, he'll probably need a goal (or two) and some fear.

Teach him to play poker, then he'll be a real chick magnet.

As we with all people, he is just searching for a purpose. Help him discover that and all will be well. From what you have written it seems that music is his passion, find out why. Specifically, what part of music drives him: Is it the act of manipulating instruments into music, is it the companionship of his fellow band mates, or is it the attention he gets when he performs. Once you understand him, everything will fall into place.

I wish you the best of luck, but also remember that you don't want to sacrifice too much for anybody, because continuous and unrewarded sacrifice only breeds resentment and that my friend is far worse then hate. Just a few words for your to ponder.


P.S I really shouldn't post this late a night....