U go this far to play online poker? I do, every goddamn day!

Here is my standard startup routine for playing online poker. It is by far the most ridiculous process I go through, period. I thought you all might enjoy seeing this, does anyone else have this shit beat? I may make a quicktime movie of this if I get time. OK, I doubt it, herre goes...

Start Up:

1. Power up Powerbook
2. Log into Powerbook local user account desktop
4. Launch Virtual PC 7 (running Win2k @ 1024x768 resolution)
5. Wait for VPC7 desktop to load

Windows Environment:

6. Double Click to Open Ultimate History (PokerTracker helper app for Ultimate Bet)
7. Press 'play' on Ultimate History
8. Minimize Ultimate History
9. Double Click to Open blank Notepad for random session/table notes

Poker Software Environment:

10. Double Click to Open Ultimate Bet
11. Log into Ultimate Bet
12. Head to Real Money Tables area
13. Table 1 selection process (scan for open seats, check out flop stats, etc)
14. Double click table name to Open table 1
15. Click on table seat selection
16. Decide buyin amount (ALWAYS max, but I still have to select the Max buyin radio button and click OK every single time for some damn reason)
17. Click OK to All In protection remaining warning window
18. Move miniview table to justify left and top desktop corner
19. Click AutoPost blinds button (you're welcome)
20. Click Hand History button to launch HH window
21. Resize Hand History window to be 2" wide by menu bar height tall so it stays out of my fucking way
22. Move resized Hand History window bar to match up w/ respective table window bar

And because I play 3x tables whenever possible:

23. Head back to Real Money Tables area
24. Table 2 selection process (scan for open seats, check out flop stats, etc)
25. double click table name to Open table 2
26. Decide buyin amount
27. Click OK to All In protection remaining warning windo
28. Move miniview table to justify left and top, just under table 1
29. Click AutoPost blinds
30. Click Hand History button
31. Resize Hand History window to be 2"wide by menu bar height tall so it stays out of my fucking way
32. Move resized Hand History window bar to match up w/ respective table window bar
33. Head back to Real Money Tables area
34. Table 3 selection process (scan for open seats, check out flop stats, etc)
35. double click table name to Open table 3
36. Decide buyin amount
37. Click OK to All In protection remaining warning windo
38. Move miniview table to justify left and top, just under table 2
39. Click AutoPost blinds
40. Click Hand History button
41. Resize Hand History window to be 2"wide by menu bar height tall so it stays out of my fucking way
42. Move resized Hand History window bar to match up w/ respective table window bar

After the above steps, I am finally ready to play poker... and to hibernate for the GODDAMNED WINTER!!! Are you fucking kidding me? If you made it this far into the post, you have what it takes to play on my machine. I would not ever, ever do anything that remotely resembled this process for anything other than poker. It's like I'm spending 20-30 minutes on foreplay here just to get some real action, and that's never cool. Ever. I can't wait to get a damn tablet PC exclusively for poker. I know I'll get some shots about using a Mac, but I will dutifully ignore those posts while you're fighting virus and spyware infections on that hot PC of yours.

One benefit of this ridiculous behavior, however, is that I am now a powerbook trackpad Jedi fucking master. No one can match my skillz there. Now if only I could spend the time on poker instead I would have enough BR to buy DELL CORPORATION and maybe steal a laptop or two for home use.

I hope you have enjoyed reading this as much as it's angered me to write it.