Your Wish is Granted

[ttanaka]

So how this works is you make a wish, and the next person tries to twist that wish, warping what you recieve. And then he/she posts his/her own wish to be twisted.

ie:
Poster A: I wish my wife was hotter.

Poster B: Granted. Every time you touch her, you burn yourself. Sucker!
Poster B: I wish...and on it goes.

So, I'll start this uber-lame thread with...

I wish I had something better to do than start this thread.

[ProZachNation]

You start running around with scissors instead of making a thread and your eye gets gouged out.

I wish I could finish my WRT 150 papers

[Lukie]

Granted. You're the only lameass motherfucker that did them. You are now the class valedictorian and teacher's pet. Everyone proceeds to make fun of you relentlessly.

[ttanaka]

I wish Lukie could follow directions by granting a wish, AND then asking for a wish.

[Pelion]

Lukie wishes he was married to ttanaka

wish granted. ahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaa


I wish I didnt have a cold =(

[Warpe]

Granted. It's been exchanged for leprosy.
I wish I wasn't so darn handsome.

[gabe]

Granted, you now have your eyelids sewed shut and your nose is on your forehead.

I wish I didn't have any non poker related work to do

[nutsinho]

Granted. Your assignment to be completed by friday is 50k hands of .01/.02 limit stud hi/lo.

I wish my girlfriend would have sex with me.

[hydroseeds]

Granted. She straps on a dildo, and performs anal sex on you.

I wish fast food was healthy.

[Lukie]

Granted. She straps on a dildo, and performs anal sex on you.

I wish fast food was healthy.

Granted. All of a sudden, fast food tastes like complete dog shit, and as a result, the economy of the United States, and by consequence, the entire world, goes down the drain. World anarchy and war soon break out, resulting in the loss of billions of lives. Look what you did hydro.

I wish I was dating this girl named Courtney.

[Warpe]

Granted. You die horribly experimenting with autoerotic asphyxiation, and courtiebee commits suicide 'cause she can't bear the guilt.

I wish I was a soap opera scriptwriter.

[a500lbgorilla]

Granted, you now write the first all gay soap opera. Gays and Ugly Lesbians from around the world hound you endlessly.

I wish the poster after me good health.

[ttanaka]

Granted. Smoking and drinking are found to reduce the odds of getting cancer and I live a long and prosperous life.

Back to the real world, I wish I had a clone for future organ transfers.

[shysti]

Granted, only your clone is now self aware, and hunts you down in the middle of the night to take your life, sleeps with your wife/girlfriend, and he hits the lottery to have a better life for himself his newly aquired woman...

I wish I was God

[gabe]

Granted, but now you fine yourself without a penis and can no longer fornicate.

I WISH someone would set up this dual monitor thing for me.

[Renton]

Granted, a mafia hit has been ordered on your two monitors. They will be coerced into a seemingly benign joyride on Tony Soprano's new boat at which point they will be interrogated, shot three times center mass, and dropped into the ocean with a heavy anchor.

I wish my wonderful 10ptbb/100 run at Party 100nl will never end.

[sandstorm]

Granted, but mantaining that also meant you had to quit poker.

I wish I didn't have to go to my sucky job today.

[ProZachNation]

Granted, you dont go to your job because you get the bird flu

I wish I had a time machine so I could go back in time and not wait till the last minute on everything.

[Irisheyes]

Granted, you went back to a time before you were born, and now you don't exist.

I wish I didn't have to go to a lecture in 10mins.

[metaxy6]

= ) Too late.
Dang Irisheyes. I had Zach writing his papers for all eternity too.

I grant your wish. You're personally excused by your professor when you're abducted by shysters that he is into for a hefty sum. They picked you at random from his class list for an 'organ donation' when they decided it was time to start collecting.

I wish that I had selective video memory – that is, that I could record the exact details of any moment or sequence and play it back anytime w/ perfect fidelity.

[sandstorm]

Granted, too bad you have an obsession with thinking of the first time you saw lemonparty.org

I wish everyone in the world gave me $10 each.

[midas06]

Granted: your video memory breaks and gets stuck on that video of the dildo-penis posted sometime last week.

I wish I could flag the rest of the school year

[ProZachNation]

Well since you guys answered the same one Ill grant two wishes.

Sandstorm: Granted, everyone in the world sends you $10, but the envelopes they send the bills in contain anthrax

Midas: Granted, you "flag" the rest of the school year, then the next then the next and you end up homeless.

[midas06]

wheres your wish?

[a500lbgorilla]

Granted, prozachs wish for a better world appears before you and upon granting it, you yourself dissappear.

I wish for my fucking roommate to leave the room like once this year.

[gabe]

GRANTED
he leaves, marries your mom and you are even invited to the wedding

i wish i liked tequila less

[Renton]

Granted, now you hate tequila so much that you only purchase Patron silver which costs over twice as much as the tequila you used to always drink, causing you to have to grind more at Party 600nl to accommodate. This causes a vicious chain reaction of playing high stakes poker while piss drunk from tequila until you donk off your entire bankroll and start a thread in Poker etcetera called "Gabe's Whoring Adventure." Except its not bonus whoring.

I wish George Carlin would never die.

[grnydrowave2]

B10

Granted, George Carlin is now immortal and has ascended to a position of inscrutible power. You and everyone else in the world spend the rest your lives in indentured servitude.

I wish I wasn't so slow.

[ProZachNation]

Granted, but now your lady friend is horribly disapointed.

I wish this horrible ungodly gas would go away :'(

[DavSimon]

Granted: but now the microbes in your intestines have died leaving festering masses of undigested meat causing a bowl obstruction that ruptures......sepsis and almost certain death follows

I wish I had a convertible 350Z

[Irisheyes]

Granted, next time you step off the sidewalk you'll get one at high speed.

I wish I had a proper car, not a crappy 350Z.

[DogOnMySide]

Granted: but now the microbes in your intestines have died leaving festering masses of undigested meat causing a bowl obstruction that ruptures......sepsis and almost certain death follows

I wish I had a convertible 350Z

Granted. But then people point out that the coupe version is far superior in every way, including but not limited to styling, practicality, boot space and torsional rigidity. You begin to doubt every small choice you have ever made, eventually dying cold and alone in your apartment aged 53 because you couldn't decide whether you wanted Tangy Cheese or Cool Original Doritos.


I wish I was a little bit taller - I wish I was a baller - I wish I had a girl who looked good and I would call her.

[gabe]

Granted, you are now mistaken for one hit wonder Skee-Lo. You put out another album under your new guise, get nominated for a Grammy, only for your true identity to be revealed on television to an audience of millions. you are so embarassed, you killyourself.

I wish karl marx was president.

[Warpe]

Granted. Unfortunately, he's still dead.

I wish George W. Bush was smart.

[DavSimon]

Granted: unfortunately he is so smart he devises a plan to take over the whole world and renames all the countries after cities in Texas.

I wish I could win a WSOP bracelet this year

[dev]

Granted, you won it in a raffle by the Ganesh statue in AC.

I wish I could stop getting drunk at bar tourneys.

[Pelion]

granted. Your alcohol tolerence skyrockets. You win a major tournament for $100000 but you spend it all on alcohol trying to get drunk.

I wish I could see the earth from space (and not die in a related way)

[boost]

granted, but now everyone gets pissed at you because you are the only coherant one and you take all thier money. You are never to be invited back again.

I wish it was 5 weeks into the future so that my girlfreind was out of school and back here

[boost]

granted. Your alcohol tolerence skyrockets. You win a major tournament for $100000 but you spend it all on alcohol trying to get drunk.

I wish I could see the earth from space (and not die in a related way)

granted, after several leaps in technology including a renewable (read: endless) air supply system are made, inexpensive space travel is made available to the general public. For a small extra charge you can even go for space walks, you do so but a freak accident happens in which you become untethered and float off into eternal nothingness.

I wish I had spider mans powers, but the movie ones, hell if Im gonna bother inventing webshooters.

[DogOnMySide]

I wish I had spider mans powers, but the movie ones, hell if Im gonna bother inventing webshooters.

Granted. However, with great power comes great responibility. You prove to be totally irresponsible.

Also, Venom kicks your arse into next tuesday.

I wish someone would buy my flat so I can move house.

[a500lbgorilla]

Granted, the people who buy your house turn out to be super models that laugh about the "personal" pictures you forgot to take with you. Every model in the world thinks your johnson is kinda meh.

I wish this wish would be granted as intended.

[DogOnMySide]

I wish this wish would be granted as intended.

Granted.

Unfortunately this paradox creates a rift in the space-time continuum, sucking all of creation into a hellish alternate dimension populated by carnivorous lizard beings with murder in their hearts and hunger in their bellies.

I wish you hadn't just made that wish.

[dev]

Granted... now we're back to our worthless, pathetic, human existances.

I wish rilla would walk into a very funny and derogatory joke with his next wish.

[a500lbgorilla]

Granted... now we're back to our worthless, pathetic, human existances.

I wish rilla would walk into a very funny and derogatory joke with his next wish.

Granted,

I wish my penis weren't so small that I am unable to satisfy women.

[Pelion]

Granted. You are now able....but they just dont want you to.

I wish I could teach this girl I know to be able to see magic eye pictures..... really ive been trying for years now.

[dev]

Granted, now she has no more use for you.

I wish I would get off the computer, take a shower, and actually go to the casino like I was going to about three hours ago.

[dev]

Heh, I guess no one wants to tell me I lose my whole BR at the casino.

I'm off to the 'woods guys!

[theDEEPdish]

your wish is granted you win the bad beat bonus at the casino get hooked on coke and die

I wish my genitile herpies would go away

[Muxy]

as your genital herpies go away you start to grow genital warts LOL SYKEDUPP

I wish to be cute

[dev]

granted, you now look like your avatar, and after you're done playing with yourself for a month or so, all of the old FTRers are at your door lookin for some lovin

I wish I more sites supported linux (oh, and pokertracker, too).

[hydroseeds]

Granted. Unfortunately, this opens the door to millions of Linux-using sharks who never played online before, but can now do so. They bust your bankroll, and ruin your poker career.

I wish that the next poster doesn't grant this wish.

[gabe]

granted, now a bunch of bots are written are linux and destroy online poker.

i wish my internet never went down.

[Warpe]

Granted. But then you become part of the open sores community.

I wish for world peace and an end to hunger.

[dev]

Granted.
The whole world now works under a socialist system where there are no lawyers, politicians, bankers, stock brokers, insurance and credit card companies, etc. Everyone is now upper-middle class. Poker dies out for lack of gamb00lers.

I wish poker came back.

[Pelion]

Granted.
But then the whole world becomes a socialist system again, where there are no lawyers, politicians, bankers, stock brokers, insurance and credit card companies, etc. Everyone is now upper-middle class. Poker dies out for lack of gamb00lers.

I wish I hadnt said that...

[shysti]

Granted.
But then the whole world becomes a socialist system again, where there are no lawyers, politicians, bankers, stock brokers, insurance and credit card companies, etc. Everyone is now upper-middle class. Poker dies out for lack of gamb00lers.

I wish I hadnt said that...

Granted, but now you can't talk at all and your mouth is sewn shut.


I wish I was the best house DJ in the world!!!

[dev]

Granted, then the evil record companies steal the musical part of your brain, and all of that music becomes comercial poppy crap.

I wish I had a decent sleep schedule, so that I could get things done. (my god I'm so good at making excuses, they should pay me for them)

[shysti]

Granted, then the evil record companies steal the musical part of your brain, and all of that music becomes comercial poppy crap.

I wish I had a decent sleep schedule, so that I could get things done. (my god I'm so good at making excuses, they should pay me for them)

Granted, but then you sleep too long only to wake up to find out that mankind has been exterminated, and the only person left is some fat ugly disgusted woman who wants to pro create with you. GG

I wish my next wish wouldn't get twisted!

[dev]

Granted. You're avatar is twisted enough.

I wish you good health.

[boost]

granted, I live a long happy life of chain smoking and binge drinking, and the occasional month of nothing but sex with high class hookers, yet I never develop any health problems beyond a short lived stuffed nose. I laugh as you wither away sick with disease.

I wish I had a magical lamp with a genie inside, but this genie unlike so man others would have no clauses in the terms of service agreement that stop me from wishing for more wishes. Oh and he has to be a niec genie taht doesnt twist my wishes like all of you assholes.

[a500lbgorilla]

Granted, but the genie speaks in an ancient and long lost dialect. Unable to grant you wishes, the genie dissappears forever.

I wish for all the riches in my wallet.

[boost]

genies speak every langauge, except hebrew, cuz thats the tongue of the devil.

[a500lbgorilla]

genies speak every langauge, except hebrew, cuz thats the tongue of the devil.

And yet, yours didn't.

[Rabid Dog]

Granted, but the genie speaks in an ancient and long lost dialect. Unable to grant you wishes, the genie dissappears forever.

I wish for all the riches in my wallet.

Granted, open your wallet to hear the loudest richest sounding echo you ever heard.

I wish for unlimited wishes.

[ProZachNation]

Granted to bad you can only wish to have sex with Martha Stewart.


I wish I could fly.

[Rabid Dog]

Granted only your a bug and you fly into windshields.

I wish Martha Stewart looked like Brooke Burke

[dev]

Granted, we now all have a porn movie involving a rabid dog and brooke burke...

I wish I was a dog.

[Greedo017]

granted, now you're a dog except you're still not flexible and can't lick your own nuts making your existance pointless and cruel.

I wish I was a werewolf in the werewolf game sometime before I die.

[grnydrowave2]

granted, now you're a dog except you're still not flexible and can't lick your own nuts making your existance pointless and cruel.

I wish I was a werewolf in the werewolf game sometime before I die.

Granted. At the ripe old age of 87 you are finally selected to be a werewolf, but you are too senile to play the game properly. The shock of defeat gives you a heart attack and stroke simultaneously, but you somehow surive.. only to die a week later from an overdose of viagra.

I wish greedo would stop lying about not being a wolf.

[gabe]

Granted, greedo finallys admits hes a wolf but the villagers are too stupid to kill him. what a bunch of idiots!

i wish my fucking course advisor would email me back

[Staresy]

Granted! He has just mailed to say that he is banging the chick who sits behind you and therefore she is getting an A. Unfortunately, to balance it out, you have to have an F.

I wish I would have sent this person at work the full-on, sarcastic as fuck e-mail I originally wrote, rather than the toned down version I actually did.

[Warpe]

Granted. After a long talk with the HR department, you're now being frog-marched to the exit by security holding a box full of your possessions.

I wish I was a lion tamer.

[a500lbgorilla]

Granted. After a long talk with the HR department, you're now being frog-marched to the exit by security holding a box full of your possessions.

I wish I was a lion tamer.

Granted, though you should have wished you were a good lion tamer. I sent flowers to your funeral.

I wish I was a good lion tamer.

[Warpe]

Granted. Unfortunately, there's no such thing as a good lion.

I wish I could eavesdrop on what people were saying at my own funeral.

[Rabid Dog]

Granted,
John: So is everything taken care of?
Greg: Yep, he should wake up right after they place him in the ground and finish piling the dirt on top.
John: Great, that will teach him for using my girl friend in his FTR avator.

I wish I had more money than Bill Gates and no limitations on how I could spend it.