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So, I crush my BF in most games...

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  1. #1
    JKDS's Avatar
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    Default So, I crush my BF in most games...

    Have any of you had this problem before? (Replace BF with GF if that suits you better )

    In most board/card/video/etc games, my minimal poker background gives me way too much of an edge. So much so that I'd say I win at these games about 95% of the time. Mind you, I am not practicing, reading up online about them, or thinking about them in my sleep. I just seem to be better at making game decisions than he is, and that plus my "always play to win" mentality is causing him to think he's stupid by comparison. We've had little fights over it, and I cant seem to really tone it down at all. Intentionally making a worse decision makes me feel horrible, like any victory they get is ultimately robbed from them, so its extremely hard for me to not play at 100%.

    With so many people here who are also well adept at game theory, to far greater extents than I am, I got to ask...what do you do?

    Winning doesnt even matter in these games really; theres no money on the line. But I really cant help myself, I can't play to "just have fun"...I dont even understand what that means. Playing at my best IS having fun, so I just...idk.

    Someone on here has had to have had this issue with spouses, gf's, bf's, etc in the past. Have you gone easy on them? Just kept trying new games until you were bad at one? (I suck at trivial pursuit fwiw). Switched to more luck based games? Whats my play here?
    Last edited by JKDS; 06-30-2013 at 03:09 AM.
  2. #2
    start putting money on the line
  3. #3
    Wait, JKDS is a woman, or he caught the gay?
  4. #4
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    I caught a little bit of the bisex last January. BF of about 5 months, everything else but this is solid.
  5. #5
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    I never, ever, ever play games with my gf, either against her or with her on my team. The problem is we have very different personalities and intelligences. She is very emotionally intelligent, which makes her great to be around, an awesome girlfriend and very popular. She could not care less about winning and is more interested in everyone else having a good time and chatting. I want to win, expect to win, except my team members to win and expect them to make optimal decisions. When they don't I get angry and frustrated by their stupidity.

    So we don't play games any more.
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  6. #6
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    How do you just catch the bi sex? Are you one of those repressed folk who fight their homo feelings for years?

    I imagine the whole partner Shit at games thing would be much more difficult to except if they're a guy.
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  7. #7
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    Except?
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  8. #8
    Give him advice on how to get better, so the games get closer. If he doesn't want to get any better just stop playing games.
  9. #9
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    Basically, your boyfriend is a loser. Trade up.
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  10. #10
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    Me winning is just everything being normal in the world. If I ever lose at a game then something is seriously wrong and needs to be corrected ASAP.
  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by rong View Post
    I never, ever, ever play games with my gf, either against her or with her on my team. The problem is we have very different personalities and intelligences. She is very emotionally intelligent, which makes her great to be around, an awesome girlfriend and very popular. She could not care less about winning and is more interested in everyone else having a good time and chatting. I want to win, expect to win, except my team members to win and expect them to make optimal decisions. When they don't I get angry and frustrated by their stupidity.

    So we don't play games any more.
    Hrm, this isnt too far off with how we are. How does she react to you not wanting to play games with her?

    Quote Originally Posted by rong View Post
    How do you just catch the bi sex? Are you one of those repressed folk who fight their homo feelings for years?

    I imagine the whole partner Shit at games thing would be much more difficult to except if they're a guy.
    I wouldnt say repressed. More like oblivious. I havent been with anyone for awhile due to depression, and last August I'd say I finally felt better. By January, I realized that I wanted a relationship and then that gender just didnt matter to me. Theres a lot more here and I can make it rated R if you'd like.

    Quote Originally Posted by ImSavy View Post
    Give him advice on how to get better, so the games get closer. If he doesn't want to get any better just stop playing games.
    He thinks im condescending when I do this, and I dont know how to not sound that way.

    Like, to get an idea of how dumb I am...

    I was trying to teach him NLHE (HU). And, like most super fish, he had this habbit of folding instead of checking. I told him why it was bad, but he kept doing it. So I pick up 23o, called pre, and then when he folded out of turn again...I showed him that I had the absolute worst possible hand. In my mind, I was just illustrating the fundamental theorem of poker. But apparently my "shit eating grin" and the way that I did this was a super dick move.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lukie View Post
    Me winning is just everything being normal in the world. If I ever lose at a game then something is seriously wrong and needs to be corrected ASAP.
    Same. Do you play wel with others?
  12. #12
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    Im more than happy to also turn this into a "AMA about being with a guy", so long as I keep getting responses to my OP as well.
  13. #13
    If he has a problem losing, he should either try to get better or stop playing against you. Picking a fight over losing is childish, imo. If you want to avoid the issue, try picking video games where you can play coop instead of head-to-head.
  14. #14
    Lukie's Avatar
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    Same. Do you play wel with others?
    Yeah. I am not the dbag yelling at my teammates in a friendly game or encouraging anything that is socially awkward like that. But let's put it this way, if we were to play Monopoly, there is a good chance that I will try to trade for the orange set.
  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lukie View Post
    Me winning is just everything being normal in the world. If I ever lose at a game then something is seriously wrong and needs to be corrected ASAP.
    I don't care about losing games. But for certain 'lose-able' things, I'm right there with yah.

    edit: I'm still reeling from a bs argument on this forum.
    Last edited by a500lbgorilla; 06-30-2013 at 01:42 PM.
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  16. #16
    I am like that too (@lukie), but I've always had very competitive friends to play games with so it's never been an issue. Never been interested in playing competitively with a gf or someone who doesn't play to win/improve. It's mostly just teaching them how to play chess or poker or whatever if I would play. With my ex for example she'd always watch how I played poker with her cousins, who I taught the game and were crazy about it. Sort of a 'let the men play honey'. But it got very boring for me, but I still did it for the social aspect of being with her and making a good impression on her family and friends. Like someone said, I'd find something cooperative to do, that's something you can bond over but still you can play to the full extent.
  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by JKDS View Post
    Im more than happy to also turn this into a "AMA about being with a guy", so long as I keep getting responses to my OP as well.
    Do you touch his body with your body? And if so, do you also feel the judgement of the God of Abraham? Also, do you only feel satisfaction from winning, or do you feel satisfaction from more micro-successes? Is it important that you're more mobile within the confines of the game or that the result of the game is in your favor?

    Some of these questions extend to everyone who agrees with Lukie's deep-seeded/seated need to win the game.
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  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by JKDS View Post
    Hrm, this isnt too far off with how we are. How does she react to you not wanting to play games with her?
    I told her why, without holding back. I'm not really a holding back kinda person in relationships. Not in a dickish way, (well maybe a little, but not on purpose) but in a being honest way. As I said earlier, she is very much a better person than me in many ways and certainly at understanding other people and being sympathetic to their needs, so it wasn't that big a deal.

    If we have friends over and say end up playing team games like say pictionary or charades and she isn't really trying, then I get very frustrated. It's not because I have to win, but because the point of the game is to win, so if I'm not trying to win, there is no point in playing. If it's just a social thing, then lets just have a drink and a chat, that way we can chat about shit we're interested in rather than whether what you just drew looks like a cat or a planet with orbiting moons.

    As for playing games against her, I just win, always, every time at everything and that gets very boring. So I'm not interested in playing against her for the sake of competition. So I end up telling her how she is fucking up and how I can exploit that, and this will annoy her, so we just don't do it any more.

    But who needs games with their partners anyway? I don't think it is necessary for a happy relationship.
    I'm the king of bongo, baby I'm the king of bongo bong.
  19. #19
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    Re the homo coming out AMA shit:

    Is this whole thread really about coming out?
    Are you under pressure to come out from your partner?
    Is this a trial run outing before the big one in your real life?
    Will mama and papa understand?
    When you look back, do you now realise that yes, you have always had a better dress sense than your friends?
    Do guys give better head?
    Did you ever taste your own seaman back when you were single?
    Have you told your most recent girlfriend? Was she surprised?
    I'm the king of bongo, baby I'm the king of bongo bong.
  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by rong View Post
    It's not because I have to win, but because the point of the game is to win
    The point inside of the game might be to win, but the point of getting into the game is to have fun and fun by-products.

    Maybe I took too easily to that schoolyard bs about good clean fun over victory but games always strike me as opportunities to show off within the games themselves, and that doesn't always mean you need to win. Sometimes it does though. Like when you're a poor irishman in the 1930s and first prize pays 48 months salary.
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  21. #21
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    Blatantly not trying to win, or taking silly risks with your win, in an attempt to show off in some other way is really fucking annoying as it undermines your competitors victory and efforts.
    I'm the king of bongo, baby I'm the king of bongo bong.
  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by rong View Post
    Blatantly not trying to win in an attempt to show off in some other way is really fucking annoying.
    Sure. I'd like to believe I'm talking about being competitive but not caring about the result.
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  23. #23
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    Fast response before I had time to edit.
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  24. #24
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    My brain can't compute being competitive and not caring about the result except in really odd circumstances.
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  25. #25
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    Sorry :P

    edit I'm addicted to my edits
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  26. #26
    You say you're bisexual. How does your boyfriend feel about this? Is it weird to him that you still are attracted to women?

    Have you come out to your friends and family? It seems like it might be even harder to be bisexual than gay in this respect... I mean, you could more or less happily go about life having sex that you enjoy, without upsetting the status quo. Of course you'd be hiding a side of yourself, but coming out almost seems like an unnecessary risk.

    Is there a top and bottom in your relationship?

    Since you are still into girls, and a relationship with a girl is a future possibility, are you at all worried that your current relationship probably excludes you from a large swath of the female dating pool? Would you hide this relationship? Man.. bisexuality seems complicated...

    Are you trolling us?

    Oh, and about the games... your boyfriend sounds like he's being a little bitch. Expecting you to handicap yourself is unreasonable. Agreeing to be taught, but throwing a fit when you don't adhere to the lessons and you're called out on it is unreasonable. Does this sort of behavior pop up outside of games? Even if it doesn't, this seems like a bad sign for the future.
  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by rong View Post
    My brain can't compute being competitive and not caring about the result except in really odd circumstances.

    I like to think of it this way. There are challenges for which there is 1 and only 1 result that you must achieve. And there are challenges for which a whole rainbow of outcomes are possible(acceptable).

    And a game for me suggests that winning and losing isn't much of a distinction at all.
    Last edited by a500lbgorilla; 06-30-2013 at 03:37 PM. Reason: EDIT TIMER DAMN YOU
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  28. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by boost View Post
    Have you come out to your friends and family? It seems like it might be even harder to be bisexual than gay in this respect... I mean, you could more or less happily go about life having sex that you enjoy, without upsetting the status quo. Of course you'd be hiding a side of yourself, but coming out almost seems like an unnecessary risk.
    Very good question Boost.

    Since you are still into girls, and a relationship with a girl is a future possibility, are you at all worried that your current relationship probably excludes you from a large swath of the female dating pool? Would you hide this relationship? Man.. bisexuality seems complicated...
    Also good.
    .
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  29. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla View Post
    I like to think of it this way. There are challenges for which there is 1 and only 1 result that you must achieve. And there are challenges for which a whole rainbow of outcomes are possible.

    And a game for me suggests that winning and losing isn't much of a distinction at all.
    I'm gonna need some examples here.
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  30. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by boost View Post

    Oh, and about the games... your boyfriend sounds like he's being a little bitch. Expecting you to handicap yourself is unreasonable. Agreeing to be taught, but throwing a fit when you don't adhere to the lessons and you're called out on it is unreasonable. Does this sort of behavior pop up outside of games? Even if it doesn't, this seems like a bad sign for the future.
    Some people play because they enjoy the game. Once they realise you are exceptionally better than them all enjoyment is removed, but that doesn't mean they care about the game enough to study it. I don't see this as being a big issue unless games are super imprtant to you and your partner must share this.
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  31. #31
    I am pretty damn competitive, but I often don't care about winning or losing. Obviously winning is preferred, but I'm more interested in having an enjoyable game. For me, that means competitive, but good spirited opponents. In a friendly game, I do enjoy when people have fun and go for "style points" if it doesn't get out of hand and turn the game into a farce. But what irks me is when people don't even try. Either don't play, or give a solid effort. The worst is when it's obviously a defense mechanism because they've realized they are below average, and if they lose, everyone knows they weren't really trying.
  32. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by jackvance View Post
    I am like that too (@lukie), but I've always had very competitive friends to play games with so it's never been an issue. Never been interested in playing competitively with a gf or someone who doesn't play to win/improve. It's mostly just teaching them how to play chess or poker or whatever if I would play. With my ex for example she'd always watch how I played poker with her cousins, who I taught the game and were crazy about it. Sort of a 'let the men play honey'. But it got very boring for me, but I still did it for the social aspect of being with her and making a good impression on her family and friends. Like someone said, I'd find something cooperative to do, that's something you can bond over but still you can play to the full extent.
    I mean, I dont NEED to play games with him. I have a regular poker group that gets me my competition fix and I know where to go if i want to play against people better than me at games.

    It seems like the common theme with this is just to NOT play games with your other half.

    Quote Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla View Post
    Do you touch his body with your body? And if so, do you also feel the judgement of the God of Abraham? Also, do you only feel satisfaction from winning, or do you feel satisfaction from more micro-successes? Is it important that you're more mobile within the confines of the game or that the result of the game is in your favor?

    Some of these questions extend to everyone who agrees with Lukie's deep-seeded/seated need to win the game.
    I prefer being the little spoon, but am happy clinging to his muscles too. Lol God of Abraham.

    Hrmmmm satisfaction eh? I dont NEED to win. I am perfectly happy losing to someone better than me, so long as I played to the best of my ability. The fun with games, and this is coming from a poker and now a legal background, is finding cool strategies that exploit the rules themselves. I rarely cheat or do something I consider to be underhanded, but I will also try my best to "break" the game and find unbeatable strategies and test the boundaries of the game. The fun for me, is in coming up with a bunch of different strategies and then seeing if they work! The trollier the better!

    But this is only because its unclear that these strategies are less effective or completely ineffective when i start them. A game is quickly boring and unfun for me as soon as I think I know the optimal strategy. Monopoly is boring outside of the social aspect, for instance. If I play a new strategy game, and find that everything but one way of playing was very ineffective, then the game becomes monotonous and unstimulating.

    In much the same way, If i'm not playing to win. . .the game is also unstimulating.


    Quote Originally Posted by rong View Post
    I told her why, without holding back. I'm not really a holding back kinda person in relationships. Not in a dickish way, (well maybe a little, but not on purpose) but in a being honest way. As I said earlier, she is very much a better person than me in many ways and certainly at understanding other people and being sympathetic to their needs, so it wasn't that big a deal.

    If we have friends over and say end up playing team games like say pictionary or charades and she isn't really trying, then I get very frustrated. It's not because I have to win, but because the point of the game is to win, so if I'm not trying to win, there is no point in playing. If it's just a social thing, then lets just have a drink and a chat, that way we can chat about shit we're interested in rather than whether what you just drew looks like a cat or a planet with orbiting moons.

    As for playing games against her, I just win, always, every time at everything and that gets very boring. So I'm not interested in playing against her for the sake of competition. So I end up telling her how she is fucking up and how I can exploit that, and this will annoy her, so we just don't do it any more.

    But who needs games with their partners anyway? I don't think it is necessary for a happy relationship.
    Hrm, yeah I feel like whenever I've tried to explain how Im exploiting him he gets annoyed as well. Perhaps it is better to just not do it.

    Is it silly to try and 'tone it down?' Like, have you tried solutions other than just not playing? Perhaps I'm in denial when im thinking theres a solution that lets me still play games with him without him feeling like shit or me not having fun.

    Quote Originally Posted by rong View Post
    Re the homo coming out AMA shit:

    Is this whole thread really about coming out?
    Are you under pressure to come out from your partner?
    Is this a trial run outing before the big one in your real life?
    Will mama and papa understand?
    When you look back, do you now realise that yes, you have always had a better dress sense than your friends?
    Do guys give better head?
    Did you ever taste your own seaman back when you were single?
    Have you told your most recent girlfriend? Was she surprised?
    No, I've actually been hinting at it for no real reason since January. A lot of the blue text from that one ww game was 100% truthful

    Im not under any pressure, no. But...I want him to meet my friends/family/etc, and theres not really a way to hide it. "Hi, this is my uh...friend...," yeah no.

    To be completely fair, the only people i've told are those that reacted exactly as I thought they would. I was always very pro-gay rights, and very liberal in most aspects. . .and people that have strong christian anti-gay views or other senseless bigotry just never had a place in my life. I dont want to be an asshole to any religious followers here, so I'll just say that those that have a ton of 'blind faith' have always annoyed the shit out of me and a friendship with such people was always really out of the question.

    No, this isnt a trial run either. By now, i've told pretty much everyone.

    Heh, I was worried a bit about my dad. I've always been pretty close with my mom, and told her the second I was sure myself. It wasnt like a "eureka" moment, just over the course of a few months I gradually started thinking more and more about it and realized I liked guys too. Her response was essentially "ok, and?". I figured my dad would respond positively as well (he has a few good gay friends), but I was a bit nervous there. He still pays my food, so it almost seemed like the most EV move was to stay silent (considering the worst case scenario has me cut off). But still, our relationship is pretty good so I didnt see a bad kind of reaction as being too likely.

    Regarding dress sense...no lol. I care about my appearance a bit more than most guys i'd say...but I cant bring myself to learn anything about fashion etc. Its just so boring! (I dont have that gay lisp thing either btw, bigot! )

    I think guys give better head, yes. I mean, we can practice on ourselves...

    I have tasted my own semen before, yes.

    Im not in touch with my exgf. Its been a loooooong time and we fell out.


    Quote Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla View Post
    The point inside of the game might be to win, but the point of getting into the game is to have fun and fun by-products.

    Maybe I took too easily to that schoolyard bs about good clean fun over victory but games always strike me as opportunities to show off within the games themselves, and that doesn't always mean you need to win. Sometimes it does though. Like when you're a poor irishman in the 1930s and first prize pays 48 months salary.
    Yeah, I dont get any of this. He has this "play to have fun" mentality, but I just dont get it. I just dont see how playing to lose is fun, and I equate intentionally making a worse decision with playing to lose. I mean, if someone wins...and its been after I've won the last billion games...I dont want to be able to say "I let you win".
  33. #33
    i was lying in bed after i hosted a friendly (20-40 euro buyin) game at ours, and my fiancee played, and she was all like 'did i play ok did i play ok' i'm like ughhhh. she got real pissed off, so i was like ok ok let's do some exercises, if the pot is 1 and you bluff 1 and you lose every single time you get called, how often do you need to get your opponent to fold in order to make money, and she came up some crazy intuitive way of working it out and came up with the right answer and i was like O.O ok respect.
  34. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by rong View Post
    I'm gonna need some examples here.
    How far apart can the examples be?

    I'm thinking that we're playing NHL '83 on some such and both of us are new to the game. Our competition is both to the top final score, but also in discovering the nuances of this primitive game that allow us to reach that top final score more easily/consistently/delightfully. How can I abuse the design of the game to get the result I want? Once I find that abuse, what keeps you from playing monkey-see monkey-do? Eventually I'll need to find an abuse on the abuse which is delightful, but before I get there, there will be a period where the results of games might come down to who can smash the A-button more per second or some other such foolishness. This would be a game where I don't care if I win but I do care that I learn about the game-breaking glitches.

    Now let's say that some clever motherfucker down the road has crafted an interesting puzzle with a solution and given it to us. It could even be a physical board puzzle if you so choose. Now there is only one possible outcome. I will solve this puzzle. If you solve it first, I'd like to use your solution as my own, but the most important aspect of this 'game' to me is that I get the solution eventually.

    For a game, winning and losing seem like an aside unless you put prize money and trophies behind the result. For a real challenge, the result is what you're really after.

    edit ooh! Or let's say that we we're going to race in like a Tough Mudder competition. The result is that you must finish. I don't care if you finish first, but I do care that I finish. That would be a game where I care about the result.
    Last edited by a500lbgorilla; 06-30-2013 at 04:07 PM. Reason: ooh!
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  35. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by JKDS View Post
    Hrmmmm satisfaction eh? I dont NEED to win. I am perfectly happy losing to someone better than me, so long as I played to the best of my ability. The fun with games, and this is coming from a poker and now a legal background, is finding cool strategies that exploit the rules themselves. I rarely cheat or do something I consider to be underhanded, but I will also try my best to "break" the game and find unbeatable strategies and test the boundaries of the game. The fun for me, is in coming up with a bunch of different strategies and then seeing if they work! The trollier the better!
    We sound the same to me. I dunno what the difference in keyboard smashing is. I just don't care to lose games unless it's a game that I'm deeply invested in. In which case, it's not a game, motherfucker!
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    Quote Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla View Post
    How far apart can the examples be?

    I'm thinking that we're playing NHL '83 on some such and both of us are new to the game. Our competition is both to the top final score, but also in discovering the nuances of this primitive game that allow us to reach that top final score more easily/consistently/delightfully. How can I abuse the design of the game to get the result I want? Once I find that abuse, what keeps you from playing monkey-see monkey-do? Eventually I'll need to find an abuse on the abuse which is delightful, but before I get there, there will be a period where the results of games might come down to who can smash the A-button more per second or some other such foolishness. This would be a game where I don't care if I win but I do care that I learn about the game-breaking glitches.
    This only works when we are both shit at it. Once we are both good at the game, say, I dunno, FIFA or ProEv over here, we can have fun playing each other and both trying to win, or we can have some fun playing against each other and both just playing around and trying out new skills and shit. But if I am playing to win and you are just pissing around trying out new skills then my game is spoilt, because my win would be worthless.
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    Quote Originally Posted by rong View Post
    This only works when we are both shit at it. Once we are both good at the game, say, I dunno, FIFA or ProEv over here, we can have fun playing each other and both trying to win, or we can have some fun playing against each other and both just playing around and trying out new skills and shit. But if I am playing to win and you are just pissing around trying out new skills then my game is spoilt, because my win would be worthless.
    I guess. I'd like to believe I'd still be trying to win against you because fuck you, but even if I lose, it'll mean nothing to me. Because even if I win, it'll mean nothing to me. Fuck you still though. That's what really matters.

    edit I did just edit my before post too with an additional positive example
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    Basically, for a game to be good fun for all participants, they need to have similar skill levels and a similar attitude to the game.
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    Quote Originally Posted by rong View Post
    Blatantly not trying to win, or taking silly risks with your win, in an attempt to show off in some other way is really fucking annoying as it undermines your competitors victory and efforts.
    I completely agree.

    Quote Originally Posted by boost View Post
    You say you're bisexual. How does your boyfriend feel about this? Is it weird to him that you still are attracted to women?

    Have you come out to your friends and family? It seems like it might be even harder to be bisexual than gay in this respect... I mean, you could more or less happily go about life having sex that you enjoy, without upsetting the status quo. Of course you'd be hiding a side of yourself, but coming out almost seems like an unnecessary risk.

    Is there a top and bottom in your relationship?

    Since you are still into girls, and a relationship with a girl is a future possibility, are you at all worried that your current relationship probably excludes you from a large swath of the female dating pool? Would you hide this relationship? Man.. bisexuality seems complicated...

    Are you trolling us?

    Oh, and about the games... your boyfriend sounds like he's being a little bitch. Expecting you to handicap yourself is unreasonable. Agreeing to be taught, but throwing a fit when you don't adhere to the lessons and you're called out on it is unreasonable. Does this sort of behavior pop up outside of games? Even if it doesn't, this seems like a bad sign for the future.
    He thinks its incredibly weird that I still like women! In fact, lots of gay guys think that bisexuals are simply in denial. Most gays and straights I feel actually think its one or the other...but I just dont see that to be the case. Not to sound elitiest or anything, but I actually dont see gender at all, just that each has their advantages and disadvantages and i happen to like both. I like the feel of muscle, but I like the squish too. Women smell nicer, but man musk is amazing. I would say that I lean more towards guys though...but just barely...and the reason is to some of your other questions.

    Re coming out: Answered just now, but regarding the unnecessary risk part...yeah I can see that. If I broke up with my bf over something, then found a girl i liked, then made a new friend, im not sure when (if) I'd tell the friend I also was attracted to guys. Idk, its really hard to say. Once I choose to be a with a guy for awhile though, theres really no hiding it.

    Regarding just choosing to be with girls, I couldnt. There are a few things that define me, and one is an insatiable curiosity. This ties into how I get enjoyment from games as well, but just on this topic...I wouldnt be able to NOT experience it. In fact, in my current relationship with my bf, we've talked about satisfying my need for a girl as well. The result isnt a poly-amorous or open relationship, but hes willing to let me have a fix when I need it. I guess what I'm trying to say here, is that I found out one day that I wanted to see what it was like, and after I realized that there was no stopping it. I just need both now.

    Is there a top and bottom? Yes, Im the bottom. Im also the submissive. Ill leave that at that for now, but its very common for people who typically are very dominate and leader-like to want to give all that control up in the bedroom.

    If this relationship failed, would I tell a future gf about it? Yeah, probably. I honestly wouldnt want to be with someone that wasnt ok with that. I mean, I might hide it if I just wanted sex one night with some unknown, but ultimately I couldnt be with someone that would be annoyed by it. I mean, i can see some fear of "oh no, all gays have aids!," and the disease can stay hidden for months, but irrational people just dont do it for me. (PS i like nerdy girls the most, followed by asians and redheads)

    Am I trolling? Nah, I chose this thread to make it blatant though because it would give my concern a little more traffic.

    Regarding his behavior: I dont mean to imply that he expects me to handicap myself, that was just a possible alternative that might allow me to still play. It doesnt really happen elsewhere, mainly because gaming and game theory is one of the few realms I feel I'm significantly better/smarter at then the standard person. Not just that, but I feel I can be confident about them. Like, in most things, the more you know about something the less you find you actually know. But with games, we have a small universe with simple enough rules and mechanics that more knowledge actually does allow confidence in your decision making. I'd go so far as to say I'm actually a different person when playing. (I have been worried about our future too btw, but until i actually see this kind of thing elsewhere and we fail to work through it then Im gonna stick with it).

    Quote Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla View Post
    I like to think of it this way. There are challenges for which there is 1 and only 1 result that you must achieve. And there are challenges for which a whole rainbow of outcomes are possible(acceptable).

    And a game for me suggests that winning and losing isn't much of a distinction at all.
    Dont get it.

    Quote Originally Posted by rong View Post
    Some people play because they enjoy the game. Once they realise you are exceptionally better than them all enjoyment is removed, but that doesn't mean they care about the game enough to study it. I don't see this as being a big issue unless games are super imprtant to you and your partner must share this.
    It is and it isnt. I love playing games, and must do so, but I dont necessarily have to play with him. I have plenty of places to go for a challenge regarding board games.

    Quote Originally Posted by boost View Post
    I am pretty damn competitive, but I often don't care about winning or losing. Obviously winning is preferred, but I'm more interested in having an enjoyable game. For me, that means competitive, but good spirited opponents. In a friendly game, I do enjoy when people have fun and go for "style points" if it doesn't get out of hand and turn the game into a farce. But what irks me is when people don't even try. Either don't play, or give a solid effort. The worst is when it's obviously a defense mechanism because they've realized they are below average, and if they lose, everyone knows they weren't really trying.
    The "dont try thing", I understand. The rest I dont get at all. Like...say we were playing taboo. The funniest way to get the person to say the word is cool, but if an alternative way would have gotten a faster response AND they knew this...then that makes me go wtf.
  40. #40
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    J, my gf says your full homo and not bi, and that typically lots of gay guys say they're bi when they're coming out because it makes it easier. Her brother is gay so she has a better understanding than me I guess. So in all probability, your life will be easier as Boost's questions wont pose you a problem.

    I also mentioned the game thing to her, she got a bit pissed off, accused me of thinking she isn't my intellectual equal and challenged me to a game of scrabble, which I declined, and which she may beat me at, as she's pretty good at it. I then gave examples of table tennis, pool, volley ball, poker, any video game, pictionary, charades and some other games and had to quickly backtrack to the point of her not caring about winning rather than me being able to kick her ass to avoid an argument. Which just goes to show how much of my previous comments were complete bullshit, in spite of me thinking they were true at the time of writing. That said, she is very tired and it's rag week, which could explain her mood.
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    Quote Originally Posted by rong View Post
    Basically, for a game to be good fun for all participants, they need to have similar skill levels and a similar attitude to the game.
    Yeah, I agree. I think my position is a bit cynical. As in I don't care if I have fun if it means you have more fun.
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  42. #42
    Mostly the attitude, you can't expect everyone to be the same skill level amongst your acquaintances. The right attitude and the aptitude to get good at things they focus on, is what I would say. And a few outliers is ok too. The group that I have played board games with for many years now, 2 out of 4 are dead weight but the competition with this friend of mine who I have been good friends and competitive with since early high school makes it all worth it.
  43. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by JKDS View Post
    The "dont try thing", I understand. The rest I dont get at all. Like...say we were playing taboo. The funniest way to get the person to say the word is cool, but if an alternative way would have gotten a faster response AND they knew this...then that makes me go wtf.
    If it helps, I don't like Taboo at all.
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  44. #44
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    I fucking hate taboo, it's too easy and just kinda stupid.
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    This might sound stupid, but if I liked someone enough, and this covers good friends as well as partners, I may even not play optimally from time to time just to give them a win/make it close and keep them happy. I'd never tell and wouldn't do it frequently, but if I thought it may give them some happiness then why not.
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    Quote Originally Posted by rong View Post
    J, my gf says your full homo and not bi, and that typically lots of gay guys say they're bi when they're coming out because it makes it easier. Her brother is gay so she has a better understanding than me I guess. So in all probability, your life will be easier as Boost's questions wont pose you a problem.

    I also mentioned the game thing to her, she got a bit pissed off, accused me of thinking she isn't my intellectual equal and challenged me to a game of scrabble, which I declined, and which she may beat me at, as she's pretty good at it. I then gave examples of table tennis, pool, volley ball, poker, any video game, pictionary, charades and some other games and had to quickly backtrack to the point of her not caring about winning rather than me being able to kick her ass to avoid an argument. Which just goes to show how much of my previous comments were complete bullshit, in spite of me thinking they were true at the time of writing. That said, she is very tired and it's rag week, which could explain her mood.
    Told ya! People just dont think there can be a middle ground.

    But ugh, I hope I didnt cause a fight o.o Thats making me rethink if just avoiding games is actually the best solution.

    Quote Originally Posted by jackvance View Post
    Mostly the attitude, you can't expect everyone to be the same skill level amongst your acquaintances. The right attitude and the aptitude to get good at things they focus on, is what I would say. And a few outliers is ok too. The group that I have played board games with for many years now, 2 out of 4 are dead weight but the competition with this friend of mine who I have been good friends and competitive with since early high school makes it all worth it.
    Hrmmmmmmm ok
  47. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by rong View Post
    This might sound stupid, but if I liked someone enough, and this covers good friends as well as partners, I may even not play optimally from time to time just to give them a win/make it close and keep them happy. I'd never tell and wouldn't do it frequently, but if I thought it may give them some happiness then why not.
    I was having trouble trying to describe the inverse of this but gave up. What if you liked them and you knew that you were better enough that you wanted to toy with them without them noticing? Pull some move that could fail and you can recover from, but if it succeeds, it might seem like a genius stroke.
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  48. #48
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    Rilla, that makes you a bit of a git though.
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    Although, if you an guarantee they won't notice it's ok, but that's rare.
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  50. #50
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    I could never claim that I wasn't, at heart, an asshole. Which I assume you Nonyanks mean by git.
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  51. #51
    Quote Originally Posted by rong View Post
    J, my gf says your full homo and not bi, and that typically lots of gay guys say they're bi when they're coming out because it makes it easier. Her brother is gay so she has a better understanding than me I guess. So in all probability, your life will be easier as Boost's questions wont pose you a problem.
    lol fuck your girlfriend, and fuck you for so confidently assessing his sexuality based on your girlfriends anecdotal evidence. It could be that some gay people use bisexuality as a crutch into full blown gayness, it could be that an honest bisexual transition is typical, or both could be true. On top of that, it could be true that some people are just bisexual. I know women who are most certainly bisexual, and have been for a very long time.

    Speaking of the inequality in treatment of gay men vs gay women... It could be that with guys it's more common for them to be "straight" or "gay" because of societal pressures which don't give room for bisexuality among men. While if a woman munches some rug, people don't suddenly think of her as less of a woman, or something equal to feminine but entirely separate.
  52. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by boost View Post
    lol fuck your girlfriend, and fuck you for so confidently assessing his sexuality based on your girlfriends anecdotal evidence. It could be that some gay people use bisexuality as a crutch into full blown gayness, it could be that an honest bisexual transition is typical, or both could be true. On top of that, it could be true that some people are just bisexual. I know women who are most certainly bisexual, and have been for a very long time.
    and fuck you for thinking my girlfriend or I genuinely think we have a clue what the fuck he feels.
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  53. #53
    Rilla, I actually really like that angle. Sure, you're dicking them around, but you're also exploring aspects of the game you may have otherwise not attempted to venture into. If know anything about competitive starcraft, these high risk tactics become known as "cheese" when they become widespread. Having your build called "cheese" isn't a compliment, however pushing the boundaries helms to shine light on what is possible in the game and often times less extreme but similarly rooted strategies emerge as a result-- or sometimes the build turns out to not really be high risk at all, and then Blizzard has to release a patch!
  54. #54
    isn't cannon rushing a legit strat now?
  55. #55
    i know one friend of mine who would be so so so so pleased to hear it too
  56. #56
    Ha, I'm not really sure. I haven't played in quite some time... but I do know that it really depends on what ladder you're in. Like, there are a plethora of viable bronze level builds, yet by the time you get to diamond or whatever the top ladder is now, the vast majority of them would be worthless or would only ever be expected to be a successful jab, not ever a knockout.
  57. #57
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    Gay/bisexual men have it way harder than the equivalent woman does. The obvious example is that we see them get attacked every now and then on the news.

    Being open about it in public is the scarier thing for me. Im not tall, nor am I a brickhouse. I dont yet carry a gun (ive been strongly considering it since forever, but im too lazy). And while there are things like "Gay-berhoods" in my area, theres also still the occasional guy that got the shit beat out of him (or killed) because he was with a guy in public. Thats scary.

    Its actually started to open my eyes to what non-white people may feel on a day-to-day basis. Are african americans afraid to walk on the street because some racist fucks might attack them? How do they deal with hate groups that are clearly against them? Usually, these thoughts were boring to me...but I can relate more now.

    @Rilla: Thats very similar to what I try to do in games, but I never purposefully choose a strategy I think will lose. I may go out of my way to not learn its effectiveness from online discussions, but otherwise I'm always playing to win.
  58. #58
    Quote Originally Posted by JKDS View Post
    Being open about it in public is the scarier thing for me. Im not tall, nor am I a brickhouse. I dont yet carry a gun (ive been strongly considering it since forever, but im too lazy). And while there are things like "Gay-berhoods" in my area, theres also still the occasional guy that got the shit beat out of him (or killed) because he was with a guy in public. Thats scary.
    fuck man. move state or even better, country. fucking crap country you live in, that is.
  59. #59
    is there a game he's played a lot that you haven't really (maybe something from childhood or w/e), my half-assed way of dealing with a vaguely similar (although it really wasn't that I crush in all games but that we both got butthurt losing) was to find stuff where person A has the edge and person B has the edge, even if its just due to familiarity with the game and where it's sort of almost accepted who's gonna win beforehand and aim of the game is just making it a bit of a challenge for them or whatever. to be honest it's not a great solution.

    How much does he care about losing? If I'm in a situation where I'm expecting to lose then my ego doesn't mind so much, and I quite enjoy the challenge, really my only fear/concern in that area is that I'm boring the other person.

    Iunno how easy it would be to get the point across that even if you are better in all games than him that doesn't paint a complete picture of intellect or intelligence, as you said you're interested in game theory and the like and probably expend more practice/effort working on improving there (even if that just means more conscious thought on decisions while playing), which is maybe a skill like anything else rather than some kind of indicator of who's smarter.

    you already answered my one liking it in the pooper related question in another thread ty
  60. #60
    Quote Originally Posted by rong View Post
    Re the homo coming out AMA shit:

    Is this whole thread really about coming out?
    Are you under pressure to come out from your partner?
    Is this a trial run outing before the big one in your real life?
    Will mama and papa understand?
    When you look back, do you now realise that yes, you have always had a better dress sense than your friends?
    Do guys give better head?
    Did you ever taste your own seaman back when you were single?
    Have you told your most recent girlfriend? Was she surprised?
    if I had to bet on it I'd wager these questions are from yer wife
  61. #61
    Quote Originally Posted by a500lbgorilla View Post
    The point inside of the game might be to win, but the point of getting into the game is to have fun and fun by-products.
    I haven't read the rest of the thread as I'm a badman (and I'm pissed and tired).

    A month or so ago I started playing Squash and I was playing two people who were better than me, so they'd always quite comfortably beat me in games. One day me and my mate decided to go and the day before I'd been doing sprints. I hadn't realised how much this would affect me and basically I was slow and shit which made his time playing boring as he was demolishing me so he started playing worse on purpose and pretending he wasn't.

    I have very rarely got so pissed off in my life. It wasn't like us going had cost us money, it was free for members and him trying to lie about it made it worse, to the point where I said if you are going to fuck or think I'm fucking about we may as well stop and go home.


    If we are playing a game there are three things I have found we should do:

    1) Play with people who are better than ourselves
    2) Think about what we are doing
    3) Ask for help when we don't understand

    When I'm playing pool against someone and they ask me for help I will go out of my way to help them, if they think I'm being funny or horribly blunt after playing them for a while and explaining this then they haven't got the mentality for whatever it is we are playing and I'll stop playing with them.

    tl;dr my first post

    Ask them why they want to play whatever game it is you are playing.
    Last edited by Savy; 06-30-2013 at 07:57 PM.
  62. #62
    A game related blunder that is so common that always gets me is betting in a final round when you can only move down in positions by betting >0 on the round. This happens in varying trivia games where betting occurs, and specifically at a bar trivia that I go to with friends on occasion. People are just like "well, we can bet up to X points!" and cannot grasp why you are advocating a bet of zero.
  63. #63
    If he can't beat you ~45% of the time you play Sorry or Connect 4, cut your losses imo. Monopoly maybe 35% is OK.
  64. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by eugmac View Post
    isn't cannon rushing a legit strat now?
    Actually, yes.

    Well I haven't played brood war in years but I doubt much has changed since then. Historically PvZ was played 1 base vs 2 bases which for many years favored zerg in that matchup (2 bases vs 3 bases is roughly equal.) Eventually protoss players figured out various building/obstacle/structure combinations that were zergling proof, and thus allowed a quick expand while still being able to defend against a speedling run by. This always included an early forge (ideally nexus first to counter hatch first builds, and forge first to counter 9 pool), however, some maps had various mineral/obstacle structures that made cannon rushing a legit strategy. For example block off an area behind certain specific zerg natural expansions with a pylon and put a cannon back there and it was pretty much untouchable early in the game. Of course this accounted for a very small percent of actual games.

    edit: talking about the original of course. I still know that game better than SC2 even though I played the latter for a while as well
    Last edited by Lukie; 06-30-2013 at 10:11 PM.
  65. #65
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    Anyway, back on topic.

    Any advice out there for guys who want to have a threesome with their girlfriend? (and another female of course)
  66. #66
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    This is one of the best new commune threads I've seen in some time.

    The game thing is interesting because there is such a wide base. I would never play poker with a friend who doesn't know, and doesn't care because it would be boring, and they wouldn't play for enough $$ to mater (i.e. I walk away up $25, big woop). So yeah, diversify into something with more luck maybe? I started playing Settlers with my GF using 2 player rules adjustments. I won like the first 12 games and she was mad (probably more competitive than me), but learned and adjusted. Now if I lose it's because the strategy she chose paid off, so what is there to be mad about?

    Untouched in the discussion so far is team sports. Kind of like a luck based game the outcome is not completely under your control, you only have the knowledge that you maximized your positive effect on the game and minimized the negative. Winning/losing is second to this (in my mind).

    All that being said, games that are all luck (e.g. Sorry) are boring to me because it's basically a social filler.

    Side note, last time I visited my mom a family friend brought over some domino style game I had never heard of (for 10 and up!). To allow max people to play we teamed up, I was with my gf. We were analyzing the board and the rules and ran over the table. The family friends were like "we usually play for fun and don't think about it so much", we were like "whatchagonnado".

    P.S. Good luck with the love life JKDS. Sorry people are stupid (referring to the general public, not your bf)
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    Just thought of my favorite example. I used to love Euchre and think I was better than other people (pretty sure I ran hot for the first year after I really learned how to play). Now the game mostly annoys me. Basically you can only learn to stop playing bad, and if you play with other not bad players people still pretend they're winning because of skill.
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  68. #68
    Quote Originally Posted by boost View Post

    Speaking of the inequality in treatment of gay men vs gay women... It could be that with guys it's more common for them to be "straight" or "gay" because of societal pressures which don't give room for bisexuality among men. While if a woman munches some rug, people don't suddenly think of her as less of a woman, or something equal to feminine but entirely separate.
    This is totally true. In our society, masculinity is valued over femininity (generally speaking). Not that girls have never gotten shit for not being girly, but tomboyish girls are more accepted than feminine men, who are dismissed or ridiculed as "pansies" or "sissies." Just look at Arya from Game of Thrones. People love her. Not without good reason or anything, but it's a good example. And just generally speaking, girls can play around with their gender expression more and play up their masculinity (although truly butch women have their own unique host of problems). America loves lesbians. Flamboyant gay men are accepted because it makes sense to simple-minded folk: well he's queer so he must be girly, so fine I guess I'll live with it. And then the super-straight acting gay guys are generally regarded as a pleasant surprise. But then you have a bisexual guy, and it's almost like an affront to people's sensibilities. Like, how dare you think you can be in the boy's club and be all masculine but ALSO suck dick like a girl. Pick one or GTFO.

    Clearly I think about this stuff a lot. As a fellow bisexual (I have problems with that term but it will suffice for now) and person who has done her fair share of research on queer and gender theory, I have a wealth of opinions on this.
    Last edited by aubreymcfate; 06-30-2013 at 11:31 PM.
    Free your mind and your ass will follow.
  69. #69
    Also, I was on the opposite end of the gaming thing with my boyfriend. I'm an above average gamer without a doubt, and can absolutely hold my own in pretty much any game. FPS is an exception only because I haven't been playing them all my life, but I'm okay at those too.

    That being said, he's better than me, and it boils my blood when I don't think he's playing to the best of his ability. It's a pretty standard response, I think. I want to constantly better myself, constantly improve, and I'll be fucking damned if any of my wins have to do with him going easy on me.

    I just like to be the best. Always. And if I can't have that, I sure as fuck won't settle for being treated charitably in any sort of competition.
    Free your mind and your ass will follow.
  70. #70
    Sorry to hear that you caught the Bi, JKDS. How long before it turns into full blown Gay?
  71. #71
    Quote Originally Posted by aubreymcfate View Post
    This is totally true. In our society, masculinity is valued over femininity (generally speaking). Not that girls have never gotten shit for not being girly, but tomboyish girls are more accepted than feminine men, who are dismissed or ridiculed as "pansies" or "sissies." Just look at Arya from Game of Thrones. People love her. Not without good reason or anything, but it's a good example. And just generally speaking, girls can play around with their gender expression more and play up their masculinity (although truly butch women have their own unique host of problems). Plus, America loves lesbians. Flamboyant gay men are generally accepted because it makes sense to simple-minded folk: well he's queer so he must be girly, so fine I guess I'll live with it. And then the super-straight acting gay guys are generally regarded as a pleasant surprise. But then you have a bisexual guy, and it's almost like an affront to people's sensibilities. Like, how dare you think you can be in the boy's club and be all masculine but ALSO suck dick like a girl. Pick one or GTFO.

    Clearly I think about this stuff a lot. As a fellow bisexual (I actually hate that term but it will suffice for now) and person who has done her fair share of research on queer and gender theory, I have a wealth of opinions on this stuff.
    Sometimes I wish FTR had a "like" button, so I could like the shit out of this.

    I don't understand why people seem to think a male can't be bisexual as well. Both genders have their positives and their negatives. I mean, hell, I love the female body, and I love the male body. Even though I've never been in a relationship with a female, I wouldn't take it off the menu if boyfrand and I broke up. I've always had this weird feeling about being attracted to females even as a young teenager, and always denied it because of the area I was raised in. When I really accepted who I was, what I liked, what I thought was attractive, I started really finding myself.


    As far as playing any sort of game with a significant other - I don't play video games 'cause my older brother always beat the shit out of me in all the video games and never let me win, and I'd cry. Plus - they don't seem interesting to me. I'd rather paint, read, do some crafty shit, cook, internet, or play with hair/make-ups. I have to figure out how to do my hair/make-up all 50's pin-upish for this coming weekend cause I have a modelin'-typea-shoot. But, oh god, when I do get competitive, it's bad. I brag a loooot about my cooking skills, and being able to get a wad of paper in a trash can when he misses it 90% of the time. I like to show off the things I know I'm good at, or at least hope I'm good at.
    I will destroy you with sunshine and kittens.
  72. #72
    Quote Originally Posted by Chelle View Post
    Sometimes I wish FTR had a "like" button, so I could like the shit out of this.
    HOW MANY MORE REQUESTS TILL I GET MY REPS BACK
  73. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by aubreymcfate View Post
    That being said, he's better than me, and it boils my blood when I don't think he's playing to the best of his ability. It's a pretty standard response, I think. I want to constantly better myself, constantly improve, and I'll be fucking damned if any of my wins have to do with him going easy on me.

    I just like to be the best. Always. And if I can't have that, I sure as fuck won't settle for being treated charitably in any sort of competition.
    Sometimes being the far and away best player (I'm thinking video games here) gets boring. I think it's interesting to find sub-optimal ways to play that can still be victorious. Sometimes you get caught with your pants down, sometimes you end up in a hole and have to channel every ounce to make a come-back. One can always fall back on a beat down in the next game to re-establish dominance. I find these dynamics interesting, and if I'm the worse player I don't mind pulling out the occasional win if the first person is leaving a hole in their game.

    Quote Originally Posted by JL View Post
    Sorry to hear that you caught the Bi, JKDS. How long before it turns into full blown Gay?
    This is out of place, even on the internet. JKDS has already established that he is still interested in girls and aubreymcfate just makes a post about the social stigmas regarding a male liking both genders.

    Apologizes if you two have a previous dynamic I am unaware of. Even if this is true the joke is about 50 posts too late.
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  74. #74
    Sorry if it was out of place. I couldn't help myself.

    On a serious note, JKDS, I am curious how this started. What was your first bi-sexual experience? Did you do role-reversal with your previous girlfriend? Did you have a threesome with another guy and a girl?

    After that, how did you meet your first boyfriend?
  75. #75
    Quote Originally Posted by Chelle View Post
    Sometimes I wish FTR had a "like" button, so I could like the shit out of this.
    Thanks.

    I'm glad you got the chance to explore your sexuality despite your upbringing. I was lucky enough to grow up in a liberal suburb less an hour from NYC. My high school alone had a gay principal with a black tribal armband tattoo, a thriving gay-straight alliance through which I participated in an annual "Day of Silence" like the righteous little high schooler I was, and a drama/choir clique that was not ironically popular but significantly high in the social hierarchy. And I had constant, unsupervised Internet access. Despite what struggles I did have, not having access to information or general support on a community level was not one of them.

    I'm pretty sure being in tune with one's sexuality is essential to achieve happiness. Our society has fucked with people so hard in regards to what they should act like, dress like, and who they should want, and how they should want them, and what you're allowed to do what with what body, and the list goes on and on. No wonder so many people are depressed as fuck and don't know why.
    Last edited by aubreymcfate; 07-01-2013 at 12:25 AM.
    Free your mind and your ass will follow.

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