Relationship/Money Question

[aubreymcfate]

We don't know that she's twisted around not having cash to show off -- that's your assumption. We do know that she's twisted about not wanting to start a family with someone who seems 100% complacent with living on very low income for his entire life.

[a500lbgorilla]

Lately my newsfeed has been filled with my peers getting married, buying houses, having babies, and other various accolades.

I can't help but feel jealous by this; it seems like everyone but me is making significant gains in their lives and relationships. Three weeks ago, after seeing a girl I knew from high school buy her 3rd property with her husband, it felt like my relationship with Will was juvenile and had no future.

Don't feel like I'm leaping too far.

We do know that she's twisted about not wanting to start a family with someone who seems 100% complacent with living on very low income for his entire life.

Right, so she wasn't right for him and he wasn't right for her. Shit happens.

[aubreymcfate]

[I]


Right, so she wasn't right for him and he wasn't right for her. Shit happens.

See: signature.



Talking about weighty emotional shit that lasted over the span of months in a single Reddit post is just going to lead to a million misinterpretations. No one knows wtf they're talking about, lol, we're all assuming. "Shit happens" is the best we can do with this one.

[OngBonga]

How the fuck do you get so much milage out of this subject matter?

Two twats break up. The end.

[aubreymcfate]

We're bored and feel like antagonizing each other?

[wufwugy]

What we do know is that he's laid back and she was getting twisted around about not having cash to show off with. He doesn't need her in his life and this was an effective method to sort her out.

but it's not an effective method because that wasn't her problem. her views on money are piggyback. she didn't break up with him because he didn't have money, but because it wasn't reasonable for her to believe that she could have a healthy, long term relationship with him. from her view, the whole thing could come crashing down at any time and he's somebody who has no ability to overcome the inevitable financial challenges that always come. like she said, he appeared juvenile. the things that men are supposed to understand about the world, he did not portray an understanding of them. that's why she broke up with him. there's such great irony here in that he is portraying my symptoms of non-masculine behavior.

[wufwugy]

as much as i dislike saying misogyny (because it's misused a lot), some of the positions in this thread are textbook misogyny. the guy is viewed as acting masculine and the response is "hooray". the chick is viewed as acting feminine and the response is "boooo". when the guy portrays what is clearly misdirection and pitiful logic, the response is "who what where i don't see nuthin". when the girl portrays super standard reasoning the response is "such a whiny bitch".

[spoonitnow]

even if everything boris and spoon say is accurate, it is irrelevant. this chick could be every negative thing you could think about a person, but it does not change the fact that the problem presented in the text is caused by his misrepresentation.

Your assumption that there was a problem anywhere in the original scenario is the only problem here.

[wufwugy]

Your assumption that there was a problem anywhere in the original scenario is the only problem here.

for a guy who says he understands masculinity and women so well, you're dropping the ball all over the place.

[spoonitnow]

for a guy who says he understands masculinity and women so well, you're dropping the ball all over the place.

There was no problem. She wanted a provider, and he didn't want to be it. EZ game

[wufwugy]

There was no problem. She wanted a provider, and he didn't want to be it. EZ game

did you read something different? that's not at all what's going on here.

[NightGizmo]

Wuf, your entire argument rests on the premise that he had an obligation to tell her about his money. Since you haven't proven that premise, the rest of your argument is void.

[wufwugy]

Wuf, your entire argument rests on the premise that he had an obligation to tell her about his money. Since you haven't proven that premise, the rest of your argument is void.

I'm not basing it on that. He's allowed to not tell her about his money.

But what he's not allowed to have is the moral high ground when his ex posts about how she learned that he misrepresented facts, his motivations, and his character to somebody he treated as a partner. When she wanted something more, he HAD that something more yet chose to let her believe he didn't. What he deserves is everybody else saying "well the guy is clearly a douchebag but at least he's entitled to being a douchebag". Sure, maybe he didn't like her enough to fix the situation created by his misrepresentation. In that case he's an even bigger douchebag who engages partnerships with people he is intent on abandoning when it suits him.

What upsets me is how this juvenile is being championed within a gender context (not by you). If this story is an example of a guy representing what being a man is about and representing the flaws of women, we're fucking doomed. No wonder the state of masculinity in our culture is in such a bad way. If this is what's offered up as a gender dynamic, we're demonstrating exactly how emasculated we've already become.

[spoonitnow]

In that case she's an even bigger douchebag who engages partnerships with people she is intent on abandoning when it suits her.

He didn't do the abandoning.

[wufwugy]

He didn't do the abandoning.

i cant say what kind of bizarro world you're living in. by your logic, the abandoner is the person who literally left, not the person who created the problem with misdirection and manipulation and then when the problem came to a head, he chose to continue his manipulation and go full sayonara.

this stuff is fine for hookups. people like their fantasies. but when it's a partnership, stop acting like you're fucking 14.

[wufwugy]

I should add something, because I think I see why some are saying he didn't do anything wrong.

It is totally reasonable for him to be the way he is with his money and it's totally reasonable for him to want to be with somebody who accepts that. But that's not what this is about. The breakup wasn't caused by him being the way he is with his money. It was caused by the strategy he used to deal with it.

You might want to say that it was caused by her wanting more from him, but that isn't a reasonable assessment. What she wanted is the most standard thing in the world. Thinking she's unreasonable for that is like thinking a guy is unreasonable for wanting a chick with a nice ass.

This isn't about how he handles his money or even about what he wants for his own life. This is about how he handles his relationships and how he treats other people. If the cause of the problem hadn't been his mistreatment of another person, I'd probably think he's a pretty smart person.

[chardrian]

I rarely, if ever, get pms

[spoonitnow]

I guess getting attacked repeatedly for no reason is what happens when you start good threads. I'll be sure not to interrupt the capitalism/minimum wage/gun regulation cycle anymore.

[boost]

I have to say, I think wuf is pretty on point here. Sure the risk of gold digging is real, and she did exhibit some signs of being a materialistic consumer whore, but if she had been given full knowledge she would have had the benefit of not feeling like she was possibly being anchored to a financially unstable person, and could have evaluated his preferred (and potentially their future shared) lifestyle on its own merits.

I personally wouldn't want to be in a committed relationship with someone who is fiscally irresponsible and unprepared for the inevitable. Not because I need to depend on them, but because we should be able to depend on each other. If the relationship is lopsided in this way, when the inevitable shit hits the fan one of the partners is always stuck with the burden of bailing the couple out. This leads to resentment and anxiety for the fiscally responsible partner caused by having to bear the financial burden of unknown future events.

Further, people seem to be treating this as if it's an all or nothing decision when it comes to revealing your personal financials. As you grow more comfortable and if your significant other needs some reassurance, you can just tell them that you like living below your means and that you're not sweating the arrival of the next check in the mail. You don't need to show them your bank statements or keep them completely in the dark.

[1ponigga1]

IMHO you should have tried to ask more questions from him. Something of childhood or something. For if you really wanted to get to know him you have to ask questions. Personally, I am somewhat reserved to people whom do not know me but seem to open up as people become closer to me. And yes it does seem as though you are not a gold digger obviously so. But just concerned about your future. I am sure he had no worries at all of his, so if you really reaally likede this dude maybe you should have just rode it out till you could have seen exactly what the future held for the 2 of you

[rpm]

dearest wufwugy, may i humbly suggest some outside time?

[!Luck]

<<Instead he said nothing, and now he refuses to talk to me. It makes absolutely no sense.>>

LOL. you went cray cray and he said goodbye. seems legit.

[rpm]

bitch is retarded. bloke either played his hand poorly if he wanted her, or well if he wanted to repel fools like her