Randomness thread, part two.

[Poopadoop]

Some fascinating clips here. I'm not even sure you need to be an expert to tell the guilty from the innocent on these videos. I mean these guys are really good at articulating the differences, whereas I would just be more like "something seems off here, but can't put my finger on it." Guess that's why they make the big bucks.

[Poopadoop]

I can't wait for them to do Boris at his little partygate hearing. Maybe it'd just be too boring for them to say "He's lying," over and over again though.

[OngBonga]

Did you really just share an 8+ hour video and expect us to watch it?

[Poopadoop]

Did you really just share an 8+ hour video and expect us to watch it?

Do I "expect" you to watch it? No. It's a suggestion which I thought some people on here might enjoy. But you can watch part of it, the whole thing, or none. I promise I won't be offended either way.

[OngBonga]

I'm half way through. I've pissed myself and I'm hungry.

[Poopadoop]

I'm half way through. I've pissed myself and I'm hungry.

I expected you to do that. Whether you watched it or not.

[MadMojoMonkey]

C'mon, now. I'm sure Ong is potty trained.

Whether he knows his way around a kitchen is kinda in question, I suppose. Especially since British.

[OngBonga]

I'm perfectly capable of setting the oven, putting something in, and coming back half an hour later.

[Poopadoop]

The English national dish is chicken tikka masala. Fact.

Ong probably eats fish and chips five times a week though cause he's patriotic.

[MadMojoMonkey]

I hear the British actually live off tea, but feign eating food so as not to draw attention from the rest of us.

No wonder their own dishes are like ... beans on toast... and they'll tell you it's good.
So you inquire... what are the ingredients in said dish? And they reply... beans. and toast.
And you're like... is there pork in the beans?
and they're like... no.
And you're like... bit of onion?
and they're like... no.


And you're like... Tikka Masala sounds nice.

[OngBonga]

Fun fact - I'm not patriotic. I suppose I'm a nationalist. Just because most nationalists are patriotic, it's not a requirement. I'm a nationalist because I believe in the right of a nation to self determination. Defining a "nation" is problematic and in unions of nations such as the UK it gets even more awkward, but I don't believe in this right out of a sense of superiority or pride of all things English. I believe it because, as I'm sure we all agree, it absurd for the English to enforce British rule over Scotland against their will. How long they can get away with between referenda is another matter, but they happen every "generation" or whatever language they like to use.

I eat fish and chips probably once a week on average, usually from the oven rather than the chippy.

[OngBonga]

I hear the British actually live off tea...

Tea and toast.

[Poopadoop]

Tea and toast.

What do you put on your toast? 'Cause I don't think anywhere else in the world thinks beans is an appropriate topping, maybe if you're out camping or something.

When you come here Mojo, don't bother eating a sausage. They taste like sawdust. Indian and middle eastern food is done better here than in N. America though.

[MadMojoMonkey]

Unfortunately my friend and would-be tour guide for London on my visit it dealing with job troubles, and may not be able to show us around for a few days.

So I started looking at attractions in London and not even joking, multiple sites talk up the food and then mention a lot of international restaurants. Kinda hilarious.

[OngBonga]

What do you put on your toast? 'Cause I don't think anywhere else in the world thinks beans is an appropriate topping, maybe if you're out camping or something.

When you come here Mojo, don't bother eating a sausage. They taste like sawdust. Indian and middle eastern food is done better here than in N. America though.

Usually just butter, and I'll have toast alone or with eggs. Sometimes I have jam on toast for breakfast, or for lunch maybe cheese on toast, but beans can fuck right off. I hated them as a kid and hate them now. They taste of burps. Who wants to eat something that tastes of burps?

As for sausages, they are amazing if you buy good sausages. Buy from farm shops, not from supermarkets. If you must buy from a supermarket, buy their "finest" range rather than the cheap ones.

A sausage is as good as the meat that it's made from. It's it's made form good quality meat, you have the food of kings.

[OngBonga]

Unfortunately my friend and would-be tour guide for London on my visit it dealing with job troubles, and may not be able to show us around for a few days.

So I started looking at attractions in London and not even joking, multiple sites talk up the food and then mention a lot of international restaurants. Kinda hilarious.

London is pretty much the most ethnically diverse part of the country. You'll find just about every culture represented somewhere. So it's not really a huge surprise that international food is a big part of London culture and British culture in general. Every town has Turkish, Indian and Chinese food, most will have an Italian restaurant, Greek and Thai are popular, you might find a sushi bar, this is the result of having a bland national cuisine and high diversity.

[MadMojoMonkey]

Any suggestions on what to see while I'm there?
Any restaurant suggestions?

Any places to avoid 'cause they don't meet the hype?
Anything tourists do that I should avoid?

Really, any tips on a 3 day vacation in London?
We'll be in a Hilton nearish the Eye, if that helps.

[Poopadoop]

Any suggestions on what to see while I'm there?
Any restaurant suggestions?

Depends what you're into of course, but Richmond Park and Kew Gardens are both nice green places. Tower of London is pretty cool, and Covent Garden area for nighttime.

Mahdi in Hammersmith has excellent Persian food and is affordable. Cote's in Richmond is nice (French) but expensive. Probably any indian restaurant is a safe bet.

Any places to avoid 'cause they don't meet the hype?

Natural Science Museum is a good place to learn the British tradition of standing in line all day long. But it's great if/when you go inside. Definitely don't try it on a weekend.

Hyde Park never really impressed me, but I don't think it's meant to be a tourist destination anyways.

I've heard the London Eye is overpriced for what you get, but never tried it myself.

Anything tourists do that I should avoid?

Trying to make the beefeater guards flinch? Pretending to have a cockney accent? Dunno really. Just be polite and you'll get along fine.

Really, any tips on a 3 day vacation in London?
We'll be in a Hilton nearish the Eye, if that helps.

It's quite compact relative to N.A. cities. Good train service (when they're not on strike), and busses as well. Lots of things within walking distance if you're central. And it's reasonably easy to get to places on the fringe of London like Windsor Castle and Hampton Court Palace too, so don't be tempted to look on a map and think they're too far away to get to.

If you're going from there to Ong-shire, I would recommend a stop in Oxford and/or the Cotswolds. Stonehenge is also sort of on the way but it gets a big fat no from me because it's one of those places you can get the same amount of joy from just looking at a picture. However, there's a place nearby named Amesbury that has a similar vibe except the stones are spread in circles throughout the town rather than in a field in the middle of nowhere. I always thought that was a cool town. And Salisbury has a great cathedral if you're into ye olde churches and such.

[The Bean Counter]

Monkey, when are you visiting?

Anything in particular you like doing and any dietary requirements?

[MadMojoMonkey]

Thanks for all that, Poopy!

Heya, beans!
I'll be in London 5/18 to 5/21.
In Ongshire 5/21 to 5/23.
Then up to Barnoldswick to visit my online British grandmum, then off to Switzerland.

I'll have a rental car in the UK.

I like museums and sightseeing. Not opposed to spending a bit of money for a good time or good food.
Aquariums, Zoos, malls, whatever local entertainment all good.
I'm not opposed to walking about the city, but my partner will not be able to handle too much without constant breaks and stalling. Which is fine if it's a nice walk / good sights.

No notable dietary restrictions. Just minor pickiness on my part. My partner is more adventurous with food.

[MadMojoMonkey]

If anyone on FTR wants to arrange a meet up for a meal or drinks in London, I'm down with that.

[OngBonga]

Ongshire = Shropshire (or Herefordshire / Worcestershire), we can have an FTR meet here too if anyone is in the area at that time.

Mojo I'm sorry but I really don't know London that well, I try my best to avoid the place! Poop's post looks pretty helpful though.

National Science Museum is a must for a man of science.

Hyde Park is great if you want a nice walk in an huge urban park. There's also Battersea Park in central London. These are the kind of place I like to go in London because I like peace and quiet, and somewhere to smoke a spliff! Might not be what you're looking for though, especially if Allison isn't much of a walker. (I did get her name right didn't I?)

London Eye is just a tourist trap, if you want a nice view of the city it's probably worth it. That's about all it's good for. I haven't been on there either.

Trying to make the beefeater guards flinch?

Don't stand in their way, mock them or give them any disrespect. They will walk through you because they can, and they promote equality in that they will happily barge over a daft woman or even a child too if they're in their way. Lots of hilarious footage online of people getting barged over by the guards. They don't fuck about.

Definitely do not push into a queue. If you want to join a queue but there's someone awkwardly placed such that you can't tell if they're in the queue or not, a simple "are you in the queue?" is the most British thing you can say and will get huge bonus points. It's the perfect conversation starter, especially in an American accent.

If you're going from there to Ong-shire, I would recommend a stop in Oxford and/or the Cotswolds.

If you're coming down the M42 (it's a freeway) then Oxford and the Cotswolds is a small detour, definitely worth the time if you're travelling early.

You'll be visiting Ludlow Castle, West Midland Safari Park, and Clee Hill. That's what I've got planned for you!

[OngBonga]

btw I'll be arranging hotel soon. I believe I have a friends and family discount, I'll be talking with my manager about that soon. It's not necessary to pay in advance, however it will likely be cheaper if you do it online before arrival, and the sooner it's done the better because we operate on a demand basis, it's more expensive if there's fewer rooms available. I'll have full info soon and we'll get the reservation done as soon as practical.

[Poopadoop]

Thanks for the offers guys, but it's bad timing for me. I'll actually be at a conference in Ireland when all this is happening. Hope you have a great visit though Mojo, make sure to post some pics and tell us your impressions.

[MadMojoMonkey]

Do you mean The Science Museum (neither natural nor national)?
I don't see anything on google for National Science Museum, and a search for Natural Science Museum returns hits for a Museum of Natural History.

Hyde Park sounds nice.

No worries about messing with guards. I do know the rumors about US tourists in particular trying to mess with them. I never heard of people getting trampled by them, but makes sense. I usually hear people trying to be comedians and get one of them to crack a smile, but that's not really my schtick.

The thing about asking if someone is in queue is natural to me. The only hard part will be calling it a queue instead of a line. But if my Americanisms will be considered cute and a conversation starter, I wont worry about it.

I was looking into a visit to Stonehenge, but it's not thrilling me. If Allison is excited (yes, you remembered correctly, Ong), then I'll do it. Sounds like it's a moderately bad experience unless you get there at 9:30 when they open, with pre-purchased tickets. Apparently by 10:00 the place is flooded with tour busses and their loads, so if you want any sense of awe and mystery, you need to get there when there are as few people as possible.


Just keep me posted on the hotel, Ong. Cool that you have plans for us. I hope they include food and maybe some drinks in the evening. Neither Allison nor I are heavy drinkers, but having a few pints with a friend (or a few) is good times, IMO.

[Poopadoop]

I was thinking of the Natural History Museum, sorry. Science museum is across the street I think.

Everyone who has come to visit me over the years has wanted to go to Stonehenge, and without exception they've all been underwhelmed. I mean even if you go when it's not busy it's just kinda meh. I'd go to Avebury instead (I think I called it Amesbury before but that's actually where the stones come from. Or something. Don't ask me, I'm not British)

https://www.english-heritage.org.uk/...laces/avebury/

That said, I suppose it's a bit weird if people ask you if you went to Stonehenge and you say "nah, this poopy guy on the interwebs told me to go to see some smaller rocks instead." So yeah, whatever, Stonehenge is probably worth seeing once in your life.

Richmond Park or Kew Gardens >> Hyde Park imo, but obv. you're much closer to the latter if you're central. And yeah basically a park is a park so whatever there too.

[OngBonga]

"Do you mean The Science Museum (neither natural nor national)?"

Well I was thinking the the "Science Museum" which I probably tagged with "National" because either I'm stupid or the media use that term, not sure.

I wanted to correct poop's Amesbury to Avebury but wasn't certain he meant the latter. I've never been to Amesbury so I don't know what's there. Avebury is really special though. It's a village rather than a field, so there's more to do.

Stonehenge is probably worth a visit if you're going to Avebury because you might as well. You don't *need" to buy tickets, you can see the stones from the road. If all you want to do is tick it off then you could just drive past on the way to Avebury and stop in the car park for a look, save yourself the queueing and money.

Kew Gardens is probably right up your street. World class botanical gardens. Richmond Park is near Kew Gardens and is enormous. I've never been there though, it's less central than Hyde Park, quite a bit to the west of the city (Brentford).

btw, are you planning to go to any seaside resorts while you're here? I'm as central as it gets so that's not practical for your visit to me, but London isn't far from the sea. If that's something you want to do then head south-east towards Kent, perhaps the Isle of Sheppey. That'll be a day.

[Poopadoop]

I wanted to correct poop's Amesbury to Avebury but wasn't certain he meant the latter. I've never been to Amesbury so I don't know what's there. Avebury is really special though. It's a village rather than a field, so there's more to do.

Yeah I definitely was thinking of Avebury. Amesbury is close to Stonehenge and I've probably driven through it but afaik there's nothing special there. Just got the names mixed up.

btw, are you planning to go to any seaside resorts while you're here? I'm as central as it gets so that's not practical for your visit to me, but London isn't far from the sea. If that's something you want to do then head south-east towards Kent, perhaps the Isle of Sheppey. That'll be a day.

Never been there. Isn't Leeds Castle in Kent? I dug that.

For the coast I like the Seven Sisters.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_Sisters,_Sussex

[Poopadoop]

Kew Gardens is probably right up your street. World class botanical gardens. Richmond Park is near Kew Gardens and is enormous. I've never been there though, it's less central than Hyde Park, quite a bit to the west of the city (Brentford).

For outdoorsy stuff, I'd also recommend the Surrey Hills. It's in Poopshire, and not far from London down the A3.

https://surreyhills.org/visit/

[The Bean Counter]

I should be able to meet you for a bite to eat and drink after work on the Friday evening, Monkey, if that works for your timetable. I go into the office 1-2 days per week. I'll also add to your long list of recommendations:

The easiest way to tick off all the sights is an open top bus tour, if you don’t have much time to play with. Expensive for what it is.

Take a boat ride up the Thames on the “Clipper” to Greenwich, which is a vibrant area. Get some street food and a drink in a pub. Take a walk up to the observatory, which is the home to Greenwich Mean Time and has the prime meridian line.

Natural History Museum and the Science Museum are great and next door to each other. Also close is the V&A Museum, which I find dull. All located in Kensington, which is one of the most expensive areas to live in London.

You are close to a very small museum called The Clink. It’s an old prison and very interesting. Also in the area is the London Dungeon, which is a lot of fun. For medical history, The Old Operating Theatre museum is a bit different. Also the Hunterian museum.

Tower of London is walkable and you’ll get in some stories about people being tortured and having their head cut off. Bite to eat or drink at St Katherine’s Dock next door.

Have a walk around Westminster, just across the river from your hotel. If you’re interested in World War II history, the Cabinet War Rooms are interesting. This is where Churchill ran the British war operations from. Banqueting House is ok for a quick trip – it has an interesting Ruebens ceiling and it’s where King Charles has his head cut off.

Shows: plenty of world class shows on at the West End (basically the Covent Garden area). There might be some Shakespeare on at the Globe on the river.

Art: not my thing, but a number of galleries close to your hotel.

I wouldn’t bother with the London Eye. If you want a view, book a bite to eat of a drink at the top of one of the tall buildings e.g. The Shard, Heron Tower and the Gherkin. Duck and Waffle do a good brunch at the weekend, but corporate dinners midweek.

Sport: there’s a regular match at Lords cricket ground, the home of cricket. Most americans find cricket dull when I’ve taken them…

Fancy things to do: traditional afternoon tea at a 5-star hotel like the Ritz, Claridges, Dorchester or Corinthia. Expensive and need to dress smart. Dinner at Rules in Covent Garden, after cocktails upstairs. Cocktails in the Savoy.

Getting Around:
Tube will serve your needs. They are all cashless. Take a look at your options, but you can probably get a prepaid “Oyster” card. Uber also works very well.

Food:
London food is generally excellent these days and the beer (real ale) in the UK is the best in the world. Tripadvisor is your friend here for eating. Poop is right that Indian food is much better in the UK than the US (but well short on Mexican). I like a chain called Dishoom for Indian food. There’s one in Covent Garden and one in Kensington. Otherwise, you have all kinds of cuisine that can be found at a high standard. Most places in central London will be busy and vibrant.

Recommendation:
Book EVERYTHING in advance – restaurants and attraction tickets.