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Originally Posted by aubreymcfate
Having a crazy week (my brother got married last Friday and Greek family stuff has been ensuing ever since) but I'm def gonna check that out when things settle, sounds super interesting.
Speaking of game, I got hit on by this pimply faced young kid at Washington Square Park the other week, and I honestly felt so fucking bad for him. He approached me because I was sitting alone at a table (with headphones on and clearly doing something on my phone) and basically opened the convo by telling me he approaches girls that are alone. After I established that I had a boyfriend, he gave me his number so that I could find him a girl from one of my cute friends because he's "looking for [his] soulmate." Really inane conversation ensued and I humored the situation more than I should have because I'm too sensitive, and at the very least admired the balls he had to come up to me.
He was young (like could very well have just graduated high school), so I'm sure that accounts for a lot of the cluelessness.
On a broader note: I'm not well-versed in this alpha stuff or whatever, but the one thing I can say that I think jives with that whole school of thought is that desperation in guys is palpable and very repellent, while independence is really attractive. Sexual power play and dynamics are all fun and good, but it's hard to respect someone who abandons personal integrity out of neediness. Men and women who seek people that can be easily subjugated are the neediest of all.
As our self-appointed resident game representative, I want to throw out a handful of things in bullet-point form here.
- Him coming up to you in the first place in that situation is bad form. He's going to have a really low rate of success there because it's pretty obvious that you don't want to be approached. One of the first things newbies learn is how to identify girls who actually want to be approached at that point in time.
- Him telling you that he approaches girls who are alone makes no sense. It's kind of creepy when it's put like that, and it doesn't do anything to establish that he's confident or good with women (two things that build attraction). Compare to something like, "Hey I don't usually approach girls who are alone looking like they're in the middle of not wanting to be bothered, but you have some excellent resting bitch face."
- Lots of girls say they have a boyfriend when they really don't, and lots of girls who do have boyfriends are really bored with them or in shitty relationships, so you can't really expect that to mean much to the average guy.
- Telling a chick you're looking for your soulmate is a great way to make her vagina dryer than the Sahara fucking desert, unless it's in a sarcastic or smartass remark.
- Him being boring (as described by the inane conversation that followed) is probably going to be his second-biggest hurdle towards getting laid by random hot pieces of ass...
- ...With the largest hurdle being how desperate he acts. Both the desperation and being boring as all hell are two of the top things that game seeks to correct. It's basically the study of applied charisma in this sense.
What probably happened to the kid is that he's decided to get his balls up and approach girls, but he's only approaching the easiest targets possible (eg: girls sitting by themselves) because he has absolutely no clue how to handle any kind of group dynamic, and he's scared shitless accordingly. Good for him for facing the fear of rejection, but that's not enough.
Sexual power play and dynamics are all fun and good, but it's hard to respect someone who abandons personal integrity out of neediness. Men and women who seek people that can be easily subjugated are the neediest of all.
On these points specifically, game seeks to build the ability to attract higher and higher quality mates by improving the quality of yourself. It's really the opposite of seeking out people who can be easily subjugated. Even for pure-PUA style game that's optimized for picking up bar rats and frat party sluts, it's still about improving the ability to communicate and approach in a way that maximizes your own value to increase the chances of success.
To give another example on the other end of the spectrum, relationship game is really the same thing as far as improving yourself in ways that will positively affect the sexual dynamic of the situation. One of the main problems with "mainstream" relationship advice, particularly for men but also for women, is that it's about seemingly improving yourself without considering or addressing the sexual dynamic. A good example is the concept of "choreplay" or having the man do more and more traditionally-feminine housework. It sounds good on paper, but it's also tied to much higher divorce rates, less sex and much lower levels of relationship satisfaction for both parties.
When this kid came up to you, he was probably trying to improve himself based on the idea that approaching girls is better than not approaching girls. That's another one of those things that sounds good on paper. In practice, he would be much better off having 10 solid approaches than 200 that went like they went with you. He doesn't know how to improve himself in the context of a sexual dynamic. If he keeps approaching and keeps getting rejected 100 times out of 100, then he's likely going to build up a lot of resentment and hate for women.
I know I'm rambling on right now because I'm procrastinating on something else I should be doing, but the issue of how quality and quantity with approaching women is addressed with respect to learning game is probably something that you'll find interesting. In the beginning, a guy might learn a few basic ideas and then be instructed to go make 50 approaches. He'll usually be asked to keep a quick journal or notes on how each approach went, what happened, etc. A big part of this is to get over a lot of the anxiety and fear of rejection that comes with approaching.
For this kid who came up to talk to you, he knows what he wants: He's looking for a girl to build a relationship with. For guys who are relationship-minded, game helps you to do two things. First, it helps you to "make it count" when you do find a girl who you're interested in. Second, it helps you to keep the relationship going smoothly years down the line.
Uggh I need to go do some work.
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